I still remember when this came out, I was on an island while covid was going on. I got super excited watching this. To think rectangular vehicles could be entertaining to watch.
Not sure what specifically makes me wonder about it tonight. Maybe it's just because I am dealing with my negative thoughts so much again. Battling my demons each day
I just look at this and think, this brings me joy. To think that these busses slowly dragged me into getting more invested and interested in them. Atleast I think it helped me greatly to deal with daily life and my art. It gave me some purpose when it comes to my life goals.
There were so many factors at play around this time period two years ago. I felt lost, not knowing what to do. Quite frankly I still feel a bit lost but I gained a goal. Something to look forward to. Because I already achieved one of my long term goals, I have a job at a place I always wanted to be. Now I need another goal so that I can look forward to something and enjoy the moment more.
I feel scared as I usual do, to be honest I either worry about? Being unable to achieve the goal duo to my mental state maybe? But it's mostly because I worry alot of being replaced. It's something common thrown around current workplace environments in general. I worry about being replaceable in everything. It's duo to my childhood.
I just want to have some purpose in life. Daydreaming about silly things, wanting to show child me that I can do the things she always wanted to do. Things she worried about not being able to achieve. I daydream about silly stories about imaginary characters because it makes my day feel better. And I want to put something out in the world for people to enjoy. So that their days could feel nicer, since becoming an adult made me understand alot of the struggles people have. And I just wanna be here to put a smile on people's faces. It's just hard when my own mental health struggles at times. But through the pain I try to put my emotions on a canvas. And this helped me alot recently. Art feels like my therapy.
Sometimes I notice I am really passionate about the things I find interesting, where I talk looooong texts such as this one explaining my thoughts.
I just really find busses interesting, they helped me go through the toughest times and put a smile on me when I needed one. I can't imagine how I'd go on about my daily life without wondering what to draw next with them. My art felt like it had no real goal before this.
I made this today
First time I have these planetary labs pictured in one image as a summary. I get the feeling I am getting closer to what child me wanted to do.
(context this image is part of my bus story "Offworld" I'm trying to develop and turn into smth animated)
I just hope that busworld will be fun, I am a bit afraid to showcase my stuff to people but there is only one way to go.
Because I often feel drained whenever I go through youtube or other social media platforms because I know I won't find the type of bus content I want. If I want change I gotta do it. And I have to smth on youtube soon, Instagram's algorithm makes it so hard to reach a new audience. How do I want to showcase my work to people if Instagram feeds them the same stuff over and over again and makes people fed up with the app?
I gotta do etsy at some point aswell. I still have to look through the legal aspects but I think there should be some way.
(the amount of Volkswagen beetles sold as prints is chaotic, it's always this vehicle, school bus, routemaster or some random old bus)
I'm about to drop asleep, I had so many more thoughts about busses. Just feels weird at times thinking "Wait am I drawing this rectangular vehicle as a cat right now?.... *continues drawing*"
Also I really wish I could visit a bus manufacturer and just look at concept vehicles and art, please just once-
