The Three Banditos - Chapter 2 (Trade)
WHAT BLASPHEMY IS THIS?! A TWISTED WONDERLAND STORY...THAT ISN'T KINK-FOCUSED?! THE DEVIL YOU SAY!!!
Well...yes. XD This is the second chapter of a very, VERY fun trade piece for @hooter-n-company. While there are references to various kinks throughout both halves - including vore, stuffing, belching, and so on - the focus isn't on them.
This is a story wherein three Twisted Wonderland OCs - my lads James Killian and Elias Inque (based on Captain Hook and the Phantom Blot, respectively) and Hoots' character Taoka Latronis (based on Tamatoa) - have a little competition with each other. Also featured in the story are appearances from various canon characters from TW, and the POV shifts back and forth from third person to second person. I've done stories that shift perspective before, but never quite this much, at least to my recollection. It was an interesting experiment.
It was wonderful fun having these three OCs meet up. Part one can be found here, if you wish to go back and read it. Fret not, for within a matter of hours a link for part two will be made on that upload, so you won't have to fight through archive traffic. XD Hope you all enjoy!
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Later that day, in Alchemy class, there was good news and bad news for James Killian. The good news was that it did not take him long to find where the card had been hidden. He’d noticed it on a shelf, filled with various chemicals and elixirs used for potion-making. The card was half-hidden behind a jar filled with a dull yellow powder.
Now, had he been able to go to that shelf for any reason, James would have found it easy to get the Ace of Diamonds. But as it turned out, the assignment for that day required absolutely none of the ingredients found upon that particular shelf. In fact, all of the ingredients required came from the opposite of the alchemy laboratory. Divus Crewel was very, VERY strict, in general, but ESPECIALLY when it came to ensuring the lab was in order: after all, messing about with things one didn’t need was not only thoroughly pointless, in his mind, but more importantly, it was potentially dangerous. An Alchemy lab in a school of black magic is not the place where you’ll find the safest materials.
James had tried to sneakily find a way to reach the shelf and swipe the card, but no method he could find would allow him to slip past the Professor unnoticed. So, as he poured completely different things into his cauldron with his lab partner - a random Ignihyde student he wound up teamed-up with that day - Killian was helpless to do little more than sulk, as the gears in his head frantically spun without traction.
“By all the cabbage-headed coxcombs of Kalamazoo,” he muttered to himself. “I can’t STAND this pattycake-playing, thumb-twiddling nonsense for much longer…!”
“Oi!” his lab partner hissed. “Focus up! We’ve only got fifteen minutes left in class!”
“I am well-aware,” huffed James, and sighed heavily as he turned the spoon in the cauldron with a pout.
The labcoat-garbed sea rogue’s petulant expression only grew more sour as he heard a cackle from a nearby station. Elias Inque and his own lab partner (a Savanaclaw student) were working on their own assignment. The dog boi took great delight, it seemed, in watching James suffer as he struggled to think of a way to get at their mutually-intended prize.
“Having trouble with the potions, pirate?” he purred, more like a cat than a dog.
“I don’t see YOU with a card in your pocket yet,” James hissed back. “Ye corner-crawling, land-lubbin’ lump of a dog-paddling pansy.”
“Patience, patience,” soothed Eli, pausing to add something to his cauldron at his partner’s insistence. “There. Now…watch the master work…”
James’ eyes widened as Elias - keeping his eyes on his work and his partner the whole time - mumbled something under his breath. As he did so, his tail - sticking out through a slat in his own labcoat - suddenly turned black, transforming into a length of shimmering, glimmering ink. Then, it stretched out like a cuttlefish’s tentacle, elongating and curling its way down and across the floor towards the shelf where the card was…
…But it only got halfway there before - WHACK! - something smacked against the semi-solid, gooey appendage.
Eli yiped comically and jumped, clutching his backside as, in an instant, his tail recoiled and reformed. He blushed bright red as he glanced back…and let out a slightly nervous laugh as Divus Crewel flicked a few stray flecks of enchanted ink off of his whip-like pointer stick, glaring icily at the self-proclaimed Phantom.
“Uh…um…good hit, Professor.”
Crewel narrowed his eyes sternly.
“See me after class, puppy,” was all he said, and swirled his fur coat around him as he turned on his heel to march to another station.
Elias whimpered, ducking his head and tucking his tail between his legs with a look of true fear. James, who had watched everything, sniggered nastily. Then, both of them jumped and yelped - as did nearly everybody else in the lab, in fact - when out of nowhere… ZAM! …There was a blinding flash of golden light, which lit up the whole lab. Everyone flinched and shrouded their eyes. Many blinked back tears that were jerked from their ducts at the sudden, bursting glare. James and Elias blinked - the latter removing his shades and rubbing his eyes, confused as to how even his sunglasses hadn’t done much to block the shining flash - as the light finally faded and their bleary vision began to clear. Once it finally had…Elias Inque’s eyes widened. He waved to James to get his attention, and pointed at the shelf that had been a target for them both. James turned…and was stunned to see the card had disappeared from its place. Over the sound of Divus Crewel barking at the students, demanding to know what had just happened, certain someone had put something in their potion they should not have…a shrill whistle caught the pair’s ears. The two turned… …And each sneered vengefully. Taoka Latronis stood a few stations away. His partner was still clearing their eyes. The crab in disguise offered them each a complacent smile as he revealed the Ace of Diamonds tucked between two of his fingers, and then slipped it into his pocket. “Drat,” Elias groaned. “Foiled again.”
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“Yer a limp-fingered, brine-swilling, quasi-crustaceous excuse of a man!” “And you REALLY know how to come up with some HILARIOUS insults, tiger. Mind writin’ some of ‘em down? Maybe I can work ‘em into a song sometime!” grinned Latronis in response to Killian’s caterwauling. “Guys, guys, relax!” Ruggie yawned, as he once again lounged upon the loveseat. “It’s only half time…” All this was said before Ruggie placed a cherry on the tip of his tongue and swallowed it up whole. He sighed, tracing the path it made as it rolled down his throat and into his belly. He gave his tummy a tap with two fingers before letting out a short, deep burp. He then grinned and winked in your direction. You blushed bright red and squirmed in your seat. “Teasing showoff,” you mumbled, then quickly cleared your throat. You had served up some fruit salad for each of your guests that evening. Thankfully, Elias and Taoka were too busy glaring at each other to even consider teasing you, and James was more the sort to be teased himself than anything else. Ruggie was the only one in any kind of mood to fluster you. Small blessings, you supposed. “AHEM! So. That’s two cards and two trials down, two more to go. For the next one,” you informed the group, “I’ve decided to bring someone else into the fold…kind of.” “Kind of?” Eli repeated, finally turning away from Taoka to arch an eyebrow in your direction. He adjusted his shades and his tie. “What do you mean by that?” “Well, therein lies the test,” you explained. “I’ve asked another party to take care of the Ace of Hearts. They’re to deliver it to me, here, by sundown tomorrow. However, I haven’t told them the real reason why I need them to take care of the card: they only know that I’ll need them to return it to me by then, and not to let anybody else take it from them.” “Which is exactly what we’ve gotta do, right?” Taoka guessed. “Correct,” you nodded. “Just like with the previous task, all three of you will report here in the evening, presumably after the test is finished. The usual rules apply, meaning you can’t hurt this person or anything they value, you cannot tell them why you need the card if you confront them, and you cannot ask anybody who isn’t involved for help.” “We all gathered those points, I suspect,” Elias pointed out. “But who on Earth did you get to agree to this? There aren’t very many people on this campus I’d personally trust with my own property, under any circumstances, and very few I can think of who would do something like this under the given set of issues. I’m presuming you offered them a reward?” “No reward, actually, just trust,” you replied. “Well, that rules out Ace and Deuce, just for a start,” James murmured thoughtfully. “Is it Kalim?” Taoka asked. “I mean, that kid’s got more honesty in his chest than is probably healthy in a human being…or any other livin’ creature, for that matter.” “I’d personally wager that the same fact rules him out, too,” Elias pointed out. “Kalim is far too trusting, and while he’s no slouch in physical fitness, he’s more of a lover than a fighter. Any one of us could easily beguile him into giving up the card or snatch it out from under his nose without much issue. I’d suggest our discerning judge would be a little too smart to utilize him.” “Thank you, Eli,” you smiled with a grateful nod. “And no, it’s not any of them.” “Perhaps one of the other housewardens then?” Elias thought to ask…and then looked distinctly anxious. “You wouldn’t lend it to Malleus, would you?” “I want you all to compete, not risk getting roasted alive,” you blandly retorted.
“You’re getting warm though!” Ruggie sang out, in-between bites of cantaloupe from his fruit salad bowl, wiggling his booted feet happily as he swished his tail. He was clearly enjoying watching the trio try to figure it out. “Is it someone from Diasomnia?” James guessed. “Ding-Ding-Ding! Give the Little Codfish a prize!” Ruggie giggled. James blushed at the nickname, and mumbled “churlish pozzy-wallah” under his breath. “So,” Taoka summed up, clapping and rubbing his hands together. “Some guy at Diasomnia…someone the Prefect trusts a lot - who isn’t Malleus, thank Chernabog - and isn’t likely to just give us what they’re holding or let their guard down easily. Also, apparently they’re doing all this without asking for something in return, so they ain’t as selfish as some others.” Elias Inque’s green eyes widened. A Diasomnia student himself, he immediately fitted the puzzle pieces in his head together. A pondering “Hmmmmm” left him as he sat back, steepling his fingers in grave concentration. “I can think of only one person in my dorm that fits that entire description,” he said, seriously. James and Taoka looked at each other, then at you and Ruggie and your matching smirks, and then at Elias Inque. “Who?” they asked together.
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Silver yawned, and stretched drowsily. He smiled - a patient, calm, ever-sleepy smile - as he glanced about the halls of Diasomnia’s castle dormitories, and then began to march his way through the passages. It was time to start another day of classes.
As he walked, he patted a pocket of his dorm uniform. He nodded to himself, a stern look in his aurora-hued eyes.
“Good,” he murmured. “It’s still there. I just have to hold onto it till sundown. I’m not sure what this ‘special project’ the Prefect was talking about needs a playing card for…but if they really need it to be kept safe till they’re ready, I’ll do my very best.”
Nodding to himself again, Silver straightened his posture as he strode in the direction of the mirror portal that would lead him out of Diasomnia and to the main campus. As he was walking, he heard a sudden commotion, and the sound of someone cursing under their breath. A perplexed sort of scowl came to Silver’s face, and he hurried to see what was the matter.
His aurora eyes widened when he saw a fellow Diasomnia student kneeling on the ground, apparently trying to clean up some sort of mess. He recognized who it was instantly: there was only one student in their dorm with doglike ears and a tail. “Elias?” he called out, hastened down the hall. “Are you alright?” “Oh! Oh, Silver, good morning!” Eli called back with a wave, and a slightly embarrassed chortle. “Ha Ha…yes, I’m fine, just…a bit clumsy, that’s all…” “That’s not like you,” Silver observed as he approached, and tilted his head as he looked down. “What’s the matter? Drop something?” “Yes,” sighed Eli, and stood up making a grand, sweeping gesture with his hands. All around him on the floor was a litter of playing cards. “I was invited to join Reno for a game over breakfast, you see, before we both need to get to class. I volunteered to bring my own deck, but…well…” He showed the box that had held the cards to Silver. It looked rather old and worn out, and had clearly torn along its sides. “I’m sorry,” Silver said, a hint of sadness in his eyes. “I know that’s got to be frustrating…and I’d hate for you to be late for your game…” A smile came to his face, and he knelt down. “Here,” he said, and began to lift the cards from the floor. “I’ll help you pick these up, for a start.” “Thank you, my friend,” Elias said graciously, hiding his smirk as the pair hastened to pluck the cards that had fallen and reshuffle them together. Elias carefully picked up the Ace of Hearts from his deck first, and tucked it sneakily into his own uniform pocket when he thought Silver wasn’t looking. Then, he made a show of fussing and fretting as the two quickly gathered up the other 51 cards in the deck and sorted them together. He soon spotted the Ace of Hearts in Silver’s pocket with his keen eyes. He quickly tried to snatch it out with a deft swipe of his fingers…but before he could, Silver stood, and Eli had to withdraw lest his attempt be spotted. “There you go!” Silver said, sweetly, holding out half the deck. “That should be all of them.” “Oh! Oh, uh, thank you!” Eli stammered as he put the two half-decks together. “Not at all,” Silver said, smiling a little more. “What are dorm-mates for? Now, I have to get to my own class, Eli. Please be more careful!” “I’ll try, and I’ll find another box soon,” Eli added. Silver nodded, and then turned to leave. As he did, Elias waited a bit…then called out. “One moment!” Silver turned around, looking confused. “Is something wrong?” he asked, innocently. Eli was making a show of scanning the deck in his hand. “I, uh…think you might have accidentally taken one of my cards. The Ace of Hearts?” he said.
Silver blinked at him. Twice. “You put it in your pocket,” he reminded Inque. “I saw you.” Elias cursed violently in his own mind. In real life, he laughed with embarrassment and fetched the card from his own coat pocket. “Ah-ha! Yes, yes, so I did! Er…thank you again!” “Anytime,” smiled Silver, serenely, seemingly none the wiser, and went on his way. Behind him, Elias pouted as he pocketed the deck of cards. “Ruined a good box for nothing,” he grumbled, and pouted as he stalked back towards his room. “Curses!” A couple of hours went by. They were uneventful. For Silver, the day was passing like any other so far. A few times he checked his pocket to make sure the playing card was still there and decently intact, but otherwise, things proceeded as usual. Of course, “usual” for Silver also meant one particular curse. About halfway through his day, as he was on his way to lunch, he suddenly felt the oncoming stirrings of a sudden spell of tiredness. He yawned and scrubbed at his eyes as he walked through the grounds. Part of the way to the cafeteria, he paused…and sat down on a bench beneath an apple tree, near the wishing well. “Just a short nap,” he mumbled to himself, yawning again as he reclined upon the bench and got ready to sleep. “I’m sure…I’ll still have time…to…” Before he could say “eat,” he was already snoring, eyes closed as he peacefully rested in the shade. The breeze whistled through his hair, but still he did not stir. This was the moment another competitor had been waiting for. Taoka Latronis grinned wider than any Cheshire Cat as he poked his head out of the nearby colonnade, and then began to sneak towards Silver. He’d been watching the bodyguard most of the day, waiting for the right moment to strike. As far as he was concerned, the best time to pinch the playing card would be while Silver was having one of his sleeping spells. At first, it seemed he was correct. Cautiously, steadily, Taoka bent down…and dove his gloved hand into one of Silver’s pockets. To his delight, he picked the one that had the playing card on the first try! Carefully, he slid the card out of the pocket, and turned away, ready to depart as if nothing happened… …Unaware that a single gray eye had instantly snapped open behind him. Taoka had only taken three steps…when he froze up, suddenly, as Silver shot up from his resting spot, and drew the collapsible combat-rod he carried with him from its scabbard. The same steel rod suddenly whipped out and drew itself hard against his chest, and one of his arms was captured into the crook of Silver’s other limb, to make sure he wouldn’t escape. Taoka hissed through his teeth, startled and a little scared. He instinctively raised both hands (not hard when one arm was already drawn upwards) in surrender. His own violet eyes slid to peer into Silver’s. The resident human of Diasmonia was glaring at him with a frosty, strict look in his metallic irises. “Please give that back,” he asked, politely but firmly. “I…wha…buh…how did you…?!”
“My training with my father has taught me a great deal,” Silver said. “Though I may sleep extremely soundly, I can still feel it when one tries to pick my pocket. If I am to defend Malleus with all my heart, I need to be alert as much as possible.” Taoka gulped. “I’ll ask once more: please, give that back.” Silver’s tone was neither angry nor annoyed. He sounded matter of fact, calm, and even sort of beseeching. “I don’t want to fight you, but I will, if I need to. Return the card, and then we can go back to being friends. Alright?” Taoka would have snorted at the almost infantile naivete he felt in those words…but he really didn’t want to risk getting beaten within an inch of his life, when his shell wasn’t even on him…and besides, he’d already lost the trial. In a test of thievery, it was naturally indicated he couldn’t get caught, and he had been…and if he tried to take it by force, that would only make things worse, as he wasn’t allowed to even try and hurt Silver. “Alright, fine,” he sighed in defeat. Silver lowered the rod and released his arm. Taoka then turned and obligingly handed the Ace back to him. “Why would you want to take this anyway?” Silver asked, puzzled. “Eh, it was just meant to be a bit of fun,” Taoka lied, with a limp sort of smile. “Didn’t think it would mean that much to ya.” “I see,” Silver nodded, accepting this excuse immediately. “Well, normally, I wouldn’t mind, but I promised the Prefect of Ramshackle Dorm I’d bring this back to them by sundown. I have to keep my promise; I hope you understand.” “I understand you’re a goody two shoes,” mumbled Taoka to himself. “What was that? I didn’t quite hear you,” Silver checked, sincerely. “Oh, uh…nothin’. Yeah. I get it, sunshine. Uh…have a good day, and, um…sorry for that.” “You’re forgiven,” smiled Silver, then gave Taoka a patient look. “Although, I should remind you…my name is Silver. I know it sounds a little similar to Sunshine, but I’d appreciate it if you could remember it next time.” “I’ll try,” Taoka said, through gritted teeth, as one of his temples throbbed. Silver did not notice the way the crab fumed as he smiled, bid a polite and sweetheart farewell, and then went off on his way to class again. He also didn’t catch the moment Taoka began to throw a tantrum, stomping his feet angrily behind him before kicking a wall…which he immediately regretted as the hard stones smarted his toes, and he found himself comedically bouncing around on one foot.
Another couple hours went by, Silver had no issues whatsoever. Once again, classes went by as usual, neither Taoka nor Eli tried to snatch the card from his pocket again in any sly way…he almost forgot he had the card on him. Then, as Silver was on his way to the last class of his day, he heard footsteps hurriedly coming down the hall. “Silver! Silver, hold on!” He turned around fast, and was surprised to see James Killian rushing down the hall to meet him, clearly in a state of apparent distress. “What’s the matter?” Silver asked, as James stopped before him, panting deeply, hands on his knees. “Are you alright, James?” “I’m fine, I’m just glad I’ve caught up with you,” James sighed with relief, and smiled thinly at Silver. “I was asked to deliver a message to you earlier, but I haven’t been able to find you! I’m so happy to finally get hold of you.” “What message?” Silver asked, cocking his head to the left. “Is it from Lilia? Or Malleus?” “Neither,” James said with a shake of his head, and then straightened up. “It’s actually from the Prefect. They asked me to take that playing card of theirs off your hands.” Silver’s eyes widened…then narrowed. “Did they really?” “Yes!” James smiled. “You see, I happen to be working with them on the project that card is for. I’m not allowed to say what it’s about, I’m afraid, but-” “Why didn’t the Prefect just come get it themselves?” Silver interrupted. “Why send you?” “Because Grim is having an appalling sneezing fit at Ramshackle,” James droned. “They and the ghosts are trying to make sure his infernal ‘achoo-ing’ won’t burn down the mansion.” Silver nodded slowly, processing that: it sounded plausible. He knew Grim had been sick lately. “Well…if what you say is true, I can give you the card, but-” “You’re worried I would lie to a friend?” James checked, giving the best impression of puppy dog eyes he could manage. Silver smiled gently and apologetically. “It’s not that, exactly, just…I DID promise the Prefect that I’d be the one to bring it to them. I’d feel a lot better if I could be CERTAIN it would reach them without my help.” James hummed thoughtfully, putting a finger to his chin as he closed his eyes. “Yes,” he murmured. “I do understand your dilemna…if only there was a way you could check…” His eyes shot open and he grinned. “Check! THAT’S IT!” he cheered, snapping his fingers, and then bowed to Silver. “Here I shall give ye me solemn word, Silver: I believe you were told you had to get the card to the Prefect by sundown, unharmed, yes?”
“Yes,” Silver conceded, looking suspicious. “But how did you-?” “The Prefect told me,” James dismissed. “I’ll make you a deal: why don’t you stop by Ramshackle this evening, after you finish your last class. I will be there, with the Prefect, and if they do not have the very same card with them, undamaged…well. Then you may report me as you see fit. And if I am caught in such a precarious state, I will neither protest nor fight against any consequences I have to go through. It’s simple, isn’t it? Either I’m there, with them and the card, or I’m not.” Silver thought about this proposition. To be honest, while some might say it was much too easy…it seemed fair enough. If James broke his promise, he’d know immediately. And if he knew who had taken something another schoolmate needed, then James could immediately be investigated against. “I would advise you to decide quickly,” James urged, indicating a nearby clock. “I know you only have a little time till class begins.” Silver hummed as he mulled over the offer…then nodded. “Alright,” he agreed, and held up a finger. “BUT. Remember this: the Prefect is not only my friend, but the friend of Malleus. If you ARE lying, if you DO take this card and do something with it without their permission, I WILL come after you, and so will the rest of Diasomnia. Breaking the trust of a friend is something none of us will ever permit. I don’t say this to threaten you, simply to warn you of the consequences.” “Most deeply understood,” intoned James, with a respectful bow of his head. “I give you my word: this card will find its way into the hands of the Prefect, thoroughly unsullied, by sundown if not sooner. And I will obligingly wait at Ramshackle Dorm for you to check in to make sure our bargain is kept.” “Good,” smiled Silver, and removed the card from his pocket before giving it to James. “There you go. Be careful with it.” “I shall indeed,” James promised, and inspected the Ace of Hearts briefly before placing it in his own coat pocket. He bowed again. “Good day, Silver. See you this evening.” Silver bid James farewell, and the two parted ways. As they walked off in different directions, James cackled to himself and twirled his cane, a spritely spring in his step.
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“Like taking candy from a baby!” James Killian crowed. “Really, that was too easy!”
Silver gaped, looking rather bewildered at the gathering before him. Ruggie was laughing like a madman in one corner of the room, while James was standing on a couch, holding the Ace of Hearts he’d been given high over his head. Elias and Taoka were each shouting at him as they jumped up and down to try and snatch it away.
All the while, you were in your favorite chair, pinching your brow, praying for the Gods to give you strength.
“YOU CHEATED!” Taoka screamed. “YOU ABSOLUTELY CHEATED!”
“Cheated? I?!” James gasped, placing a hand to his chest. “You dare to impugn me honor, sir?!”
“The rules stated you couldn’t ask for help!” Elias growled. “You BROKE them!”
“Did I?” James crooned, oh-so-innocently, then looked over at you. “Prefect!”
You opened one eye and peeked between your fingers. “Yes?” you groaned, half-muffled by your own hand. “As I recall, the EXACT wording of the rules was we could not ask others who weren’t involved for help…” “Right,” you confirmed, droningly. “...And we also could not tell others who didn’t know about the contest’s details…well…the details! Am I right again?” “You are.” “Well,” grinned James, waving the card playfully. “I never once told Silver what this little card was for, exactly. Simply told him what he ALREADY knew: that it was for a special project. I also told him I was involved in that project: this was not a lie, and it gave no indication what the project was. As he held the card KNOWINGLY in his possession, and was totally and completely AWARE of the fact he had to hand it in for this ‘project,’ he was already quite involved! Indeed, as I recall, the Prefect flat-out stated that they had ‘involved another party!’ Be not all of this correct?” “Every word,” you begrudgingly agreed. “So there!” James laughed with a grand gesture, pointing at you with his cane as he smiled mockingly down at Elias and Taoka. “I have broken no rules at all, I have brought the card here, it is undamaged, it was given to me under what were not the most honest pretenses, which I would classify as stealing…and to top it all off…” He looked towards Silver. “...You’ll see that I have kept my word. The sundown is arriving, and this card…” James hopped down from his seat and bowed theatrically as he handed the Ace of Hearts to you. “...Is safely and securely in the Prefect’s oh-so-lovely hands. Let it never be said James Killian would break a promise!” You mouthed the words “thank you” as you took the card from him with a wry smile. Taoka and Eli looked over at Ruggie desperately, clearly hoping he’d intervene. The hyena was still giggling fit to burst, covering up his laugh with one fist as his other hand clutched his belly. “I think he’s got you both dead to rights,” he snickered. “Great way to find a loophole, James! Shishishishi!” “Several loopholes, thank you,” James smirked with a slight sniff, fluffing up his jacket lapels as he held his head high and proud. “They are among my specialties.” Silver had watched all of this with a completely flummoxed expression. Finally, his eyes turned almost pleadingly onto your own face. “I’m…a bit lost,” he finally said, realizing he had a chance to talk. “Have I been fooled? Did…did I let you down?” Noting the deep worry and sadness in his voice at those last words, you shook your head, stood up, and crossed the room to place a hand on Silver’s shoulder.
“Not at all,” you promised him, solemnly, and smiled up at him. “Kind of the opposite, actually. I got what I needed, and the project I told you about is still going well. Thank you for your help, Silver. I promise, I’ll tell you everything soon, and you’ll understand better then.” Silver still looked VERY befuddled, but he seemed to accept your answer. He smiled tenderly, and bowed his head respectfully. “Well…if you say so, then I’ll take my leave,” he said. “I’m still not exactly sure what all this was about, or what just happened, but…if you say I helped, then you are welcome for it.” “Thank you again,” you nodded back. “Now go on and get back to your dorm; Elias will be there soon, too. And please try not to fall asleep on the way there, okay? I don’t want Sebek roaring down my front door trying to figure out where you’ve gone.” Silver yawned heavily, but said he’d try not to. Then, he departed. Sighing heavily, you turned back to the room, clapping your hands together to get everyone’s attention. Eli and Taoka were pouting where they sat like spoiled brats. James, meanwhile, looked like a proud teacher’s pet. Ruggie was still biting his lip, shoulders shaking with barely-repressed laughter. “Well!” you finally said, in your best “announcer” voice. “With that out of the way, all three of you are tied! There’s only one test left to go, and one card left to gather: the Ace of Spades. Whoever picks that up will be the champion.” “What’s the final problem?” Elias asked. “It better be worth all this,” grunted Taoka. “You’ll find that out tomorrow,” Ruggie interjected, and smirked as he jabbed a thumb towards his chest. “A certain someone - who will remain anonymous, but happens to be incredibly smart, good-looking, and has a name that rhymes with ‘Muggy’ - has to get the last challenge ready first.” “That will be dealt with by morning,” you agreed. “Tomorrow, show up here at ten in the morning to get your instructions. Then we’ll see who wins the whole thing.” “Might as well throw in the towel, gentlemen!” grinned James as he swaggered out of the room. “I warned you from the start…!” “Oh, don’t start with us!” snapped Elias. “Who won the first challenge to begin with?! This game WILL go to the Phantom Blot, mark my words!” “Ha! I think you’ll both be left eatin’ dust after I dazzle ya with what I’ve got!” Taoka taunted. “Tomorrow’s MY day, wait and see!” The three were still snapping at each other like jackals as they finally left the manor. You sighed and sank back into your chair again. Ruggie gave you a smirk as he lay on his belly upon the loveseat. His tail wagged, his legs kicked above him, and he rested his chin on his arms in the armest. “Well? Not going so well, is it?” he teased. “That depends on perspective,” you said, coolly. “Yeah, and my perspective is it ain’t!” Ruggie jeered. “Shishishishi! I mean, they’re all tied up, and clearly they aren’t getting along at all! All you’re gonna do by the end of this is earn MORE arguments, now!” “Not necessarily,” you smiled. “I have a feeling this final challenge will really turn the tables. You sure you’re up to the challenge of getting it set up?” “Psh. Getting set up is gonna be easy-peasy,” Ruggie shrugged. “They’re the ones doin’ the REAL hard work, not me. I better be gettin’ that special reward, still, though!”
“You will,” you vowed. “Tomorrow, after you set things up, you’ll get what I promised you…” “My stomach is already excited,” Ruggie said, mouth watering even now. “...And we’ll see if my plan works at all,” you added, then murmured to yourself, “Or if they end up killing each other…at this point, anything is possible…”
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The following morning, at ten ‘o clok sharp, the three thieves arrived at Ramshackle Dorm. Elias rang the doorbell. James knocked with his cane. Taoka peered through the glass. When they realized no one was coming to answer the door - not yourself, not Ruggie Bucchi, not even the ill Grim or any of the happy haunts - they checked the knob. Finding that door was surprisingly unlocked, all three carefully crept into the old, eerie house, and headed towards the lounge. The lounge, too, they found empty. No food. No drinks. And certainly no sign of their judge or co-conspirator. “Okay…now this is gettin’ kinda creepy,” mumbled Taoka. “They DID say ten o’ clock, didn’t they?” Elias wondered. “They did,” confirmed James…then pointed with his cane as he noticed something. “I believe the solution to our present predicament may rest there.” Laying upon the chair where you usually sat was a plain white envelope. It was sealed with red wax. The three bandits looked at each other, then approached the seat. Taoka picked up the envelope and cautiously undid it. He pulled out the folded piece of paper within…then grimaced, agitated, as Elias snatched it up and read the message aloud… “The final task,” the letter read, “Will be solved in the room of the most difficult yet careless person to steal from in the entire school. Better try to get ahead. You are to meet me and Ruggie at a rendezvous point, which I will list at the bottom of this message. The first to bring me the Ace of Spades wins. Your time starts now.” “The most difficult yet careless person to steal from?” murmured James. “Now, who on Earth could that be?” “I can think of several people who’d be hard to steal from, but they ain’t that careless,” Taoka said. “The same goes in reverse, actually: I can think of lots of careless idiots, but they’d be pretty easy to rob.” “You don’t think they mean Silver again?” James suggested. “No, I doubt it,” Eli said, shaking his head. “The Prefect has too good a head on their shoulders to try the same person twice in a-” He paused. His eyes widened. “Oh,” he whispered. “I don’t like the sound of that,” gulped Taoka. “Do you think you know who it is?” James inquired. “Yes,” Elias nodded, and looked at each of them as he lowered the message and pointed to the typed words upon it. “‘Better get ahead.’ I think it’s a pun.” “But we’re not stealing someone’s head! Just a playing card!” frowned Taoka. “That’s not the gag,” sighed Elias, exhaustedly. “Think about it: who is ‘a head’ at this school that is both careless and yet hard to rob? Somebody who is in charge, but isn’t very responsible, and yet would be really difficult to steal from?” It took a few moments for Killian and Latronis to recognize what Inque was hinting at. When they did, each groaned… “Oh, they’ve gotta be kidding,” snorted Taoka. “Odds, bobs, hammer and tongs, that’s asking too much!” James complained. “Not if I’m reading this letter correctly,” Elias said. “If I’m right, my fellow thieves…then our final target is the Headmage himself: Dire Crowley.” “You don’t have to say every other line like a cliffhanger, y’know,” Taoka muttered, crossing his arms huffily.
The half-dog merely growled with irritation.
“Perhaps you’ll be less quick to criticize me when I use my power to slip into his desk unnoticed,” he slithered.
“How ya gonna do that?” snorted Taoka. “The Headmage doesn’t hold Special Lessons today, which means he’s gonna be in that office most of the day sorting out paperwork. Plus, you don’t know where in or on the desk they’ve stowed the card!” “Oh, indeed?” huffed Elias. “Well, I don’t suppose YOU’VE got any ‘bright’ ideas, flashy-pants? Distracting him with YOUR Unique Magic will be way too obvious, and you don’t know where the card is, either!” Taoka opened his mouth to snap something back…when suddenly James broke into the conversation. “BRIMSTONE AND GALL! SILENCE, YE FOOLS!” he roared…but not with anger. His face was split into a wide, scheming smile. “You’ll break me concentration. I see the way to do it!” “And why should we let you plan things out and get ahead of us?” sneered Taoka. “I’m not planning things out for myself!” protested James…then paused and thought for a second. “Well…alright, maybe I’m doing it A LITTLE for myself, but…the truth is, I can’t think of a way I could get to it on my own, either. But then, maybe I don’t have to! Maybe none of us have to!” Taoka and Eli looked at each other, then back at James, their noses crinkled slightly. “I don’t understand what you’re getting it,” the self-proclaimed Phantom Blot said slowly. “You know we can’t ask others for help.” “Not entirely true,” James said, lifting one finger in emphasis and waggling it about as he winked, a sneaky gleam in his chocolate-hued eyes. “I’ll remind you again, as I reminded you after the previous test: the rules specifically dictated we couldn’t ask others who weren’t involved for help. But I’d say all three of us, without a single shred of stretching the truth, certainly count as involved. Wouldn’t you agree?” “Whoa, whoa, time out!” Taoka interjected, gesturing with his hands. “Are you suggesting that we…work together?” James nodded, still grinning. “And how would that benefit any of us?” Elias demanded to know, crossing his arms and arching one eyebrow. “Yeah, unless you wanna tussle over the card after we get it,” Taoka snorted. James shrugged. “I thought we might cross that bridge after we reached it,” he replied. Taoka and Elias still looked skeptical. “Look,” James said, placing his hands together and taking a patience-seeking breath before he went on: “Each of us wants to prove the same thing. Each of us wants to get the same thing. But I think each of us feels there’s no easy way to manage this without at least one other person’s help. And as there’s nobody else we can rely on…the best thing to do is to rely on each other. Just this once. I’d much rather pool our respective assets than scramble about and have none of us succeed at all. So…” He held out one hand. “...Shake hands?” The crab and the dog looked down at James’ hand, then back up at him, with bored looks. Each had heard of James’ Unique Magic. They weren’t shaking his tattooed hand. “Oh. Apologies,” chuckled James with embarrassment, and promptly switched hands. “Old habits. Anyway…a truce?” This time, there was (somewhat) less hesitation. First, Elias shook Killian’s hand, then Taoka, and then the two shook hands with each other to make up the difference. “Truce,” agreed Eli with a nod. “We’ll work together to sort out this final problem.” “I don’t suppose you’ve got any ideas of how to do this, do ya, fishsticks?” Taoka guessed. “As a matter of fact,” smirked James, “I just might…”
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Headmaster Crowley of Night Raven College sighed past dark-painted lips, his eyes narrowed in irritation behind his crow-like mask. Two fingers pinched his brow in the space between his top hat and the mask, as his other hand busily scratched away with an old-fashioned quill pen across pieces of paper. “Bills, bills, and - what a shock - more bills,” he grumbled to himself, rustling through it all with another heavy sigh. “And they wonder why I worry so much about funding for this place…oh! Would you look at that? An extra fee! Why in the name of Chernabog do we need to pay an extra fee FOR THE WINDOWS?! I swear to-!” A sudden knock at the door caused Crowley to jump and yelp almost comically as he was disturbed from his thoughts. He cursed beneath his breath as he dropped a couple of papers in the process. As he picked them up hastily, he heard a voice call out from beyond the door… “Headmage! Are you busy? May I come in?” “Yes, yes, by all means! Just one moment!” Crowley called back, eager for something, ANYTHING to distract him from the unfathomable horrors of paperwork and taxes. He sorted the papers back into place, straightened himself up, and adopted his best “proper and businesslike dean” pose before clearing his throat. “Ahem…there now. Please, come in!” The door opened. Crowley recognized the student who approached immediately from their gold-topped cane and purple bandana. “Mr. Killian!” he greeted. “How may I be of assistance?” “Oh, it’s nothing of great issue, Headmage, I assure you,” James replied, with a bow as obsequious as his vocal tone, and approached the desk. “I simply wanted to ask if you’d looked over my recent proposition.” Crowley blinked three times fast. His face was an absolute blank. There was absolutely nothing going on behind those masked eyes. James bit back a bit of his own personal aggravation and patiently reminded the head of the college: “I sent in an official proposition for a new club here at the school. The sailing club, you may recall?” “Oh! Of course!” exclaimed Dire Crowley, snapping his fingers as he was reminded at last. “My apologies, Mr. Killian: the rigors of my job have made it difficult for me to focus on extracurricular matters lately.” “More than understandable, Headmage,” James said, smoothly, and asked to be seated. Once he was given permission, he sat down before the desk. He glanced over the top of it quickly; he saw no sign of the Ace of Spades.
It was either inside or under the desk then. He casually, but firmly, tapped his cane on the floor… “Not quite so hard,” the Headmage warned. “The carpet has just been cleaned.” “Sorry!” James chirped, and lifted his cane up to rest in his lap. “Now, do you have any idea when you may get a chance to look over my proposition, sir?” Crowley paused, then folded his hands before him as he shifted in his seat. “To tell you the truth, Mr. Killian, most clubs at this school run by their own rules. Which is to say, while your proposition for an official club is appreciated…you by no means require MY certificate of approval to get it running. What you really need is a good idea of what this club will be about, and then to find if there are any students interested. My approval is only required if the facilities need help from a person in authority.” James nodded. Silently, he knew this. He’d actually given up on Crowley getting around to his proposition at all, and was ready to simply begin with whatever and whoever he could find: if the Gargoyle Club, for instance, could involve all of one single person, then he hardly needed more people than Smitty and himself. However, none of this was the real reason he was there. So, he kept talking to the Headmage - “I know, sir, but I feel an official statement would be useful…” - as he waited for the rest of the scheme to go into action… Meanwhile, up on the roof, at the top of the tower where Crowley’s office stood, six strong, crustaceous, sharp-tipped legs gripped tightly to the steep slope. Taoka Latronis shuddered and groaned till his shell rattled, as he waited impatiently in his true form as a crab-taur. His antennae twitched as his pincers helped to grip the roof and ensure he wouldn’t fall. He whined and trembled as the wind whistled through the gaps in his armor. “Oooooooogh…don’t look down…don’t look down…Gods, I’m gonna be sick,” he groaned, turning a bit green in the proverbial gills as he felt waves of something like vertigo rolling through him. “I’m not supposed to be this high up, how did I let them talk me into this…?!” He was distracted from his fear when he heard the signal: keen senses picked up the sound of James’ cane thumping on the floor of the office within. That was Taoka’s cue. He took a deep breath, muttering to himself - “Whew…okay, okay, you got this, yooouuu got this…” - and began to steadily, cautiously, carefully creep across the roof on his decapod legs, moving closer and closer to the edge and to the windows below. When he had gotten far enough, Taoka very, VERY carefully - for both the sake of stealth and his own precarious safety - reached down to place one hand near the window pane. Crowley, inside, was still too busy chatting with James to notice anything, and had not heard the sound of the tip-tapping claws atop his roof. This was the moment both Killian and Latronis had counted on. James’ eyes briefly caught a glimpse of Taoka’s hand reaching down, and counted silently in his head… Three…two…one… ZAM!
Dire Crowley - in the middle of a spiel about costs - suddenly cried out as there was a vibrant flash of yellow light that sparked through the room and blinded him. It seemed as bright as the Sun, if not brighter! He shielded his eyes, as his vision became blurry. James had timed things perfectly. He had shut his eyes quickly and tightly in the split-second before the flash went off. For added protection, he’d covered them with his bandana. As soon as he felt the glow dissipate, he uncovered and opened them up again, and then quickly got up from his chair. “Headmage!” he exclaimed. “Are you alright? What’s the matter?” “You…you didn’t see?” Crowley gasped, trying to scrub at his eyes through his mask. “See what?” James asked, feigning thorough innocence. “The light!” Crowledy sputtered. “It…it nearly blinded me!” James looked concerned and let out a thoughtful hum. “I think perhaps you’ve been overworking, sir,” he said, and approached Crowley. “Perhaps we should see about getting you to the infirmary, if your eyes are in such bad shape.” Crowley began to stutter and stammer about how that wasn’t necessary, but it was too late. James was quickly ushering him out of his own office and towards the nursing area of the castle. As he did so, Taoka very steadily began clamber down the side of the tower, scaling the walls as he descended in his appropriately crablike way. While both Killian and Latronis retreated, the last member of the party made his move. Out of a nearby air vent - just as had been the case with the very first challenge - a slithering rope of ink came swirling out and made its way towards the Headmage’s desk. The owner soon found the card: it was taped to the bottom of Crowley’s desk. The inky appendage snatched it up - this time without leaving a calling card of his own in place - and dragged it back through the slats, leaving the room empty. The final challenge had been completed.
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“UUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRUUUUP!” “Excuse you.” “Heh…oh, c’mon, you know you love that - URP! - sound.” You blushed, unable to deny this, as you nibbled a sandwich mousily in the restaurant in Port Town where you had arranged to rendezvous with the rest of those involved in the great contest. It was the same fine establishment Jack Howl and others had managed to rescue at the first Port Fest NRC joined in. Ruggie knew it well. This did nothing to curb his enthusiasm as he stuffed his face with an assortment of doughnuts you had purchased, licking off specks of honey glaze and powdered sugar from his lips before his jagged teeth tore into another baked delight as he scarfed them down like a famine was coming on. Another empty box stood near him…and a third, yet-to-be-opened box rested at his other side. “I’ve gotta give you credit, Prefect!” he sputtered through a full mouth, spitting out speckles of food between chews…then swallowed down his mouthful and licked his teeth clean before continuing: “When you settle a debt, you REALLY know how to do it!” “When I remember how to stop blushing for five seconds, I’ll say you’re welcome,” you muttered, half to Ruggie and half to yourself, as you watched him wolf down his food. Ruggie snickered in response as he shoved an entire chocolate eclair into his mouth. His eyes rolled and he moaned as he savored the sweet, creamy goodness that flowed over his tastebuds and filled his cheeks. He swallowed it loudly, then grimaced and thumped his chest before letting out a hiccuping burp. “HIC-URLCH! Oof…that one didn’t go down so smooth,” he mumbled, and sipped on a bit of soda he’d ordered himself to help wash the masticated goodness down. You had to hold back the urge to squeak, saying nothing. You were almost grateful when you heard the ting-a-ling of the entrance bell, and then rapid footsteps approaching the table. You knew who it had to be before they even got there. A glimmer of satisfaction flickered inside of you as you saw Ruggie freeze with a look of absolute amazement, the last doughnut of the second box halfway to his mouth. “WE GOT IT! WE GOT IT!” a chorus of three voices cheered, as they raced over to you. “Hey, hey, keep your voices down!” you giggled, as the trio of thieves approached you, each with beaming, excited faces. They looked like a triumphant bunch of schoolkids after a baseball match. You held out one hand, and Elias bowed theatrically before flipping the Ace of Spades out of his sleeve and handing it to you. You briefly inspected it, then offered it to Ruggie; Bucchi took a second to wipe his fingers clean and then plucked it from your own fingertips. “Yep,” he nodded in confirmation, when he sensed the marking spell he’d placed on the item. “This is the one! Great job, Elias!” “Oh, I can’t take complete credit, as much as I wish I could,” Eli confessed, and gestured to where Taoka and James stood on either side of him, each with their chests puffed out in a show of pride. “I was the one who snatched up the card…but I couldn’t have done it if these two hadn’t provided the distraction.” “Isn’t that how things worked with Azul?” Ruggie pointed out. “Not exactly, my good fellow!” James corrected. “With Azul, there was no cooperation at all. But then I remembered how well that HAD gone for our Phantom friend…” “...And how well my light had worked in the lab,” Taoka put in. “...And we figured we could all work together to use the same method to get the final prize,” Elias finished. Ruggie stared…then, he started to laugh so hard he nearly fell out of his chair. “OH!” he gasped out between cackles. “OH - HA HA HA HA HA - I GET IT! I FINALLY GET IT! OH, THAT WAS THE PLAN ALL ALONG! HA HA HA! OH, THAT’S INCREDIBLE, THEY ACTUALLY FELL FOR IT! HA HA HEE HEE HEE HEE HA!”
All three thieves were rather taken aback by his sudden show of mirth as he wiped tears from his eyes and clutched his stuffed belly. They saw you looking up at them, clearly holding back giggles of your own, and frowned. “What’s so funny?” all three asked at once. You couldn’t hold back the giggles anymore, but you still managed to answer. “Don’t you see?” you told them. “None of you won! And none of you lost. You all got the last card together, so none of you can take the final prize as your own! And with each of you having one card to their name apiece…” “IT’S A TIE!” Ruggie cackled. “NONE OF YOU ARE BETTER THAN THE OTHERS!” All three of them - the scavenging crab, the scarlet pirate, and the phantom thief - looked so distraught at this news, it only made things funnier. You finally managed to calm down your own peals of laughter before standing and looking seriously at them. “Don’t you three see?” you urged. “You ALL are great at what you do. You all know how to use your own skills to your advantage, and all of you have a lot of practice at finding ways to get the job done. Whether it’s in thievery or theatre, singing or stealing, boating or burglary…all three of you are among the best! What’s the point in fighting over it to begin with? You can do so much more and get along so much better by simply realizing you are EQUALS.” The trio squirmed where they stood, your words clearly affecting them. They almost seemed shamefaced as they glanced at one another. “You know,” Taoka finally spoke up. “They’ve got a point. I mean…I’ve had a lot of experience picking pockets, and my light makes for a great distraction…but I don’t have a silver tongue like the Little Codfish does.” “That’s very true,” James smirked, then paused before adding, “Having said that, both of you have signature spells that give you a decided advantage. Without my ability to persuade and find loopholes, I’m at a decided loss.” “And for as much as I can play things up and use my ink to slip into tight spaces, I’m helpless if I’m caught and don’t have a good alibi,” Elias admitted with a shrug, and chuckled. “Heh…I guess you guys really are great thieves. More than a match for the Phantom Blot.” “And you are each worthy opponents,” James agreed, and bowed. “It has been an honor to compete against you, gentlemen.” “Yeah,” Taoka nodded, with a warmer sort of smile than usual, a look bordering on affection in his eyes. “You guys ain’t half bad. I’ll admit it.” You smiled triumphantly as the three shared amiable, friendly smiles, and looked over at Ruggie as if to say, See? Told you so. Ruggie just rolled his eyes and sipped more of his fizzy orange soda. “In fact,” Taoka went on, “I think the three of us could be onto something with this!”
Confused, you turned back towards the trio. Their smiles had gone from warm and friendly to snakish and sly. “Uh…wh-what do you mean by that?” you stammered. “Well, isn’t it obvious?” Taoka chuckled. “If the three of us are able to match each other’s strengths and weaknesses…” “Ohhhhh…then think of all the things we could steal working together, instead of apart!” grinned James, rubbing his hands together with glee. “Ha! I was just considering the same thing!” Elias barked out, and adjusted his glasses with a sinister grin. “Why…we’d be next to unstoppable!” “Not a single security officer could ever snag us!” James cheered. “Why, it’s BRILLIANT!” “Ohhh, all the shiny things we could take from Pomefiore!” Taoka cackled. “Not to mention from any museum we visited, or any bank we had to stop by, or any food stall we wished!” “Right!” Elias said, and held out his hand. “Let’s make a pact, comrades! From this point on, instead of rivals, we shall be partners in crime! ALL SHALL BOW BEFORE TEAM BLOT!” “We’ll work on the name, babe,” droned Taoka, but he held out his hand anyway. “Still…yeah! Partners in crime!” “Here here!” crowed James in agreement, as he put his hand in and the three whooped and laughed as they broke it up like a team before a football match. “Come, shipmates! There’s a tune in my soul, and fine seas ahead for us all! Let us plot!” And the three sauntered off and out of the restaurant, with James leading them in a merry shanty - “Hey-Ho! Imagine the places that we’ll go! No one will stop us, so one, two, three! They will all cower in fear…!” - and disappeared. You gulped anxiously, your expression having changed from joy to despair as you looked back at Ruggie. Bucchi just grinned teasingly, wagging his tail. “I wanted them to get along.” “Uh-huh. I know you did.” “So that I wouldn’t have more to worry about.” “Yep-yep. I know that’s why.” “...I just…gave myself even more to worry about instead…didn’t I?” “Hmmm…maaaaybe,” Ruggie sang with a wink. “Seems like your plan worked a little too well.” “Oh, gee. Ya think?” Ruggie snickered and threw his hands up. “Shishishishi! Hey, what can we say? That’s just the Night Raven College Spirit, Prefect,” he said, as he flipped open the third box of doughnuts and pulled a cruller from the collection. “Take what you can…” He bit into the doughnut, ripping it in half before finishing: “...Give nothing back.” All you could do was groan and sigh as you let your head fall into your hands. “I hate this place sometimes,” you mumbled. Not even the sound of another mocking belch from Ruggie could brighten your mood, at that point. Sometimes, contest or no contest…you just couldn’t win.
The End