#nonbinary bloggin

[epochryphal]

Has anyone else talked yet about alternatives to the word "neopronouns." What about ancient pronouns. What about ancestral pronouns. What about non-trinary pronouns (outside they/she/he) or non-quaternary pronouns (outside it/they/she/he). What about exobinary pronouns (also outside coinages meant to combine she+he, such as sie/hir)

I mean, for English alone, the damn timescale goes back nigh the start of the language. Here's some time-sourced epicene/neuter/gender-neutral pronouns:

2010s: fae

2000s: yo

1990s: ze

1980s: hu

1970s: xe, co, ve, per, ey

1920: ae

1890: e (not spivak, which was 1990)

1858: thon

1789: ou

1375: singular they

1300s: a (not the indefinite article, an actual third-person pronoun)

from Etymonline, an excellent linguistic source for etymologies:

The paradigm in Old English was:

MASCULINE SINGULAR: he (nominative), hine (accusative), his (genitive), him (dative);

FEMININE SINGULAR: heo, hio (nom.), hie, hi (acc.), hire (gen. and dat.);

NEUTER SINGULAR: hit (nom. and acc.), his (gen.), him (dat.);

PLURAL: (all genders) hie, hi (nom. and acc.), hira, heora (gen.), him, heom (dat.)

and let's remember the historical periods of English:

Old English circa 500-1100 C.E. - classics point of reference Beowulf

Middle English circa 1100-1500 C.E. - classics point of reference Chaucer

Early Modern English circa 1500-1800 C.E. - classics point of reference Shakespeare

Late Modern English circa 1800-today C.E. - classics point of reference Alcott (who stated "I am more than half-persuaded that I am a man's soul put by some freak of nature into a woman's body," see page 41 at this link)

Like, I get that we don't want to say "nonbinary pronouns" because nonbinary can also be a gender identity and let's not perpetuate pronoun = gender; maybe that problem extends to saying exobinary pronouns. I get that epicene and neuter and gender-neutral all also have various gender implications.

I hate the argument that singular they is the oldest in use, and thus most acceptable / least deviant / gets an exception from the category of "neo."

You can certainly hold the opinion it's unimportant, semantic, perhaps like -misia vs -phobia; we've established the word homophobia, bad faith actors will always nitpick. Fair enough. I would respond that we're largely practiced at breaking down arguments about "phobia = fear" and citing historical use. How many people can counter the common argument "neo = newfangled = contemporary (= fleeting)" with facts beyond "Chaucer used singular they"?

I try very hard to avoid saying "neopronouns" and to ask/tell people I do not consider my pronouns to be neopronouns, please don't describe them as such when specifically talking about me. It is rarely noticed even when I am explicit.

It's not that the word can't be unpacked and contextualized and used with understanding. But... it consistently isn't. Allyship is simple "neopronouns are valid!" Yes, no matter how recently coined. Who is that convincing or affirming, when you end there and do nothing to tie us to the community history of evolving language like and including pronouns?

(Aside, have we really settled on "user"? So-and-so is a ⭐️-pronoun user? Uses ⭐️ pronouns? Surely it's the people saying the pronouns to refer to So-and-so who are doing the using. It feels so "identifies as [gender]." Whatever happened to has ⭐️ pronouns? To pronouns are ⭐️?)

[epochryphal]

Fuck

me: how would Mq. be pronounced

me: “mik” is bad because Mc- prefixes and eh sound

me: “muh-queue”....

me: .......

me: “m’queer”

[epochryphal]

me & gender overview

*gives out my info to some rad intersex &/or non-binary folks; immediate urge to do a Hi This Me post*

[this will still probably be nowhere near as comprehensive as my post on fetlife, so, links that too.  and my transition blog]

...god what do i even wanna say uh.  i found the word genderqueer in september 2009 and everything changed.  i’m as out as possible and trying to figure out more ways, though correcting in-person of clients/employers is echh spoons and day variable.  i’ve fully transitioned socially, legally, medically - and that does include top & bottom surgery & for a while hormone blockers but not what i’d call HRT.

i was the edge case that pushed uc davis to cover top surgery without requiring T first; i’m one of like half a dozen people i know of that doesn’t have nipples (#nipplefree) (nobody uses that) (i think); i was one of apparently Very Few folks to pursue vaginectomy without metoidioplasty, and had it fully covered by Medi-Cal; i’m one of the first dozen in the nation to get a court order for a non-binary legal gender marker, thanks IGRP

i’m bracing to call Medi-Cal yet Again but this time armed with X birth cert & driver’s license and ask when they’re gonna update their system and who do i fucking talk to, because it makes zero sense to list me otherwise even in yeah a medical setting because i don’t have any F or M parts yo

(alright i have a single gonad left floating that produces enough “sex” hormone that i won’t get osteoporosis, not that that’s been researched to be a true concern actually, but like.  i don’t wanna have to take any hormone, ever, and this way i don’t have to.)

i considered low-dose T for a while but it was pretty much entirely about how people read my voice and fat distribution and facial structure, and i don’t actually want any of the other effects which are mostly permanent, and i’m pretty physically non-dysphoric now it’s just Fuckin Social, and i had a highkey panic attack right before i was supposed to start low-dose T to ~qualify~ for top surgery so nope.  am currently considering facial electrolysis, optionally

today reflected on titles and maybe Mq. which idek how to pronounce but It’s Queer and it’s not pronounced “mix” which bugs me and my gender isn’t a “mystery” as Mre. might be interpreted and hmmm.

main pronoun set is co/co/cos/cos/coself which are just perfect, have been really digging xe/xem/xeir/xeirs/xemself especially in the kink scene because Fuck they/them as the Only acceptable set, play around with gli/glit/glits/glits/glitself because glitch things and highlighting how fucky pronouns can be

and yeah.  exobinary is a great word, and being an exoplanet, and neon orange, and femme but not of gender, and not androgynous or Spectrum (grrr spectra) or neutral but Other, and.  not gender non-conforming.  yes transgender and transexual and trans.  not transmasculine fuck you.  and i much prefer the phrasing of “doesn’t experience transmisogyny” but if doing assigned-at-birth it’s with a Coercively at the beginning thanks, CASAB, and certainly not the softness of “designated.”  and my sex is itself X and non-binary and genderqueer.

uh was briefly involved with a queer trans feminist research cluster graduate group, for a while led a gender group, wrote and presented a Paper on judith butler performativity and non-binary existence, went to 2011 creating change and have been looking to recreate the all-clothes-optional trans&nb swim night, am making a lot of noise in my kink scene to make Visible and Enforced rules around misgendering, am writing a Trans&NB Allyship Basics booklet to publish and distribute with an eye to the kink scene, am heavy into transformative justice and developing consent policies that are functional, do live captioning and am slowly building a website and updated business cards with my certifications/licenses, try to stay kinda low profile but am constantly advocating for my existence and am pretty cool actually.

i will fistfight “fe/male-bodied” language in any parking lot at any time.  i will get up in the face of “women and femmes”-type events/groups until they make clear whether femme trans men are welcome as men and whether they have any competency around people who aren’t cis women.  i mostly steer far away from “women and non-binary” groups that started as women’s groups and pretty much all still shorthand to such.  am starting to pick fights with “pan” groups that are de facto cishet (Hi Kink Scene).

sup?

[epochryphal]

hissy, pissy words about “unspecified” as How to Include non-binary people As Determined By some fucking airplane people

[epochryphal]

URGENT: Focus Group Participants Needed March 12, 13, & 14

hey sf bay area intersex and/or non-binary folx! do you like the intersex & genderqueer recognition project? or do you NOT like it and want to give feedback? want to be in an IRB-approved focus group that’s a partnership between IGRP and university researchers?

well, are you free next week?

[epochryphal]

like fucking christ i stopped using ‘neutrois’ cuz i don’t believe in reifying transition status as part of identity and also i’m NOT neutral i’m just a different flavor

but GOD the way “non-binary” is interpellated, including by nb folks, to mean “no medical transition, they/them, maybe a name change, relates to ~both masculine and feminine~” drives me up a fucking CLIFF

hi!! i’m exogender!! as in No Not Related To Male Or Female Or Man Or Woman Or Masculine Or Feminine Or Any Of Those! you have NO FUCKING IDEA what i’ve been through transitionwise and misgenderingwise and you are CONDESCENDING AS SHIT to suggest “people are super welcoming and just need to be told once that their perception was a bit off :)” y’all’s models DON’T ADAPT APPARENTLY no matter how explicitly i chart myself out! YOU CAN’T JUST ASSIMILATE ME ACTUALLY NOT WITH THAT PISSPOOR LACK OF EFFORT

[epochryphal]

screaming

[epochryphal]

So I thought this article did not go nearly far enough (way too 101, and undetailed; also, inclusive of "genders" not *people*?), so I wrote up my own guide: - Pronouns aren't a be-all end-all, but they are a basic courtesy. - Restroom access is fundamental: Make gender-neutral restrooms available, allow "switching" between differently-gendered restrooms, and never point to restroom choice as a sign of a "real"/"aligned" gender. Genderfluid people exist, and "pick the one most appropriate and stick with it" is *not* reasonable accommodation. - Dress codes are similarly an immediate major stumbling block. Be clear about expectations (when is a belt needed?) without tying them to gender: If need be, just describe two major "styles." And if there are on-site locker rooms/changing areas, see above about restroom access and gender. - Years of coworkers/employers "forgetting" or refusing to acknowledge a non-binary person's gender identity points to need for a) ongoing training, both on hire and throughout employment; b) proper procedures for reporting and having something done, without backfiring on whistleblowers. Consult with organizations like the Transgender Law Center, or find local trans/gender non-conforming/non-binary workplace education workshop providers. - This one shouldn't have to be said, but it really does: Make absolutely clear no one is to pry, speculate, or otherwise talk about people's bodies, genitals, and medical status. Never assume someone hasn't "started anything" or that you can tell their birth assignment - even if you know their current legal marker. Firmly shut down all "curiosity" as inappropriate in the workplace. - Always use the person's pronouns and name in reports and internal writing. The only place that needs legal gender and legal name is actual legal paperwork - and no, documents that "might be confusing if needed in court but under a different name" is not acceptable. Just write a simple "AKA" note explaining that despite being legally known as Z, this person *is* and will be referred to as who they are, and leave that in their file. (Yes, this means anyone who writes a report must not misgender their coworker/employee. Yes, training needs to be for everyone, period.) Those are the raw basic necessities. Want to be more proactively inclusive? Try these: - Update your paperwork and database software, too. Never have forms/records default to printing legal gender. Have a separate, higher-priority field to track *actual* gender identity. Same for preferred vs legal name. - Same for honorific: Let people select "no title" or an alternative like Mx. or Per. or Ind. or M. or something else. - Check your wording. Update both written and spoken language: * "he or she"; "s/he" ➡️ they * "ladies and gentlemen"; "guys (and girls)" ➡️ distinguished guests; everyone - Actually shift your culture. Learn about "jokes" that are extremely hurtful (like how "men in dresses" contributes to the murder of trans women) and make them unacceptable. Keep an eye on jokes about gender in general and how they make people feel - and how they might be assuming gender = biology. - Consider observing annual events like the Transgender Day of Remembrance for the year's murdered, or the Trans Day of Celebration. Just a mention can be meaningful. And be understanding if a trans or non-binary employee wants that day off or is emotionally affected around that time. Most of all, firmly establish that non-binary people are not to be resented for who they are, and are not unreasonable or seeking "special treatment" for needing basic accommodations to be respected and able to participate on an equal level in this heavily binary-gendered world.