#nothing is personal

[shewasafaiririy]

It actually disgusts me that my laptop, my laptop that is my whole life (#collegestudent) was made in a factory and not hand assembled with love.

I'm aware they're partially assembled by hand but my laptop is my baby, she plays my nightly youtube videos and lets me play games on her, and I video call my friends with her like, but she was made by other bigger computers with a BUNCH of other computers, she's like so special to me but she's not special </3

[gabichive]

pls read (factually) after everything i say about yechan

[sensualnoiree]

@awkwardbeauti

[y-michal]

I'm giving up the missingness. I'm not willing to carry you with me anymore. There is an image of you in my mind, and I've been waking up and going to sleep with it for too long now. I no longer wish to cherish this image, to hold your shadow close to me as if it was my own. I need space in my body, I need space in my mind. I need space in my heart. It is time to open my hands and release. I am rearranging my desires, redirecting my longing, focusing on what is mine and present. I'm in the present and you are in the past. You are not my fire, You are not my ground, You are not my sun, You are not my man. I'm free of what you're not; And full of what I am.

[blondie-515]

Let’s do this.

i\It’s been a pretty long time since I’ve even typed on a computer, I keep making so many mistakes. I used to be so good at it. It’s also been a pretty long tie since I’ve made a post. So here’s for an update:

I had a baby. Me and this guy, B, have been together for 15 months. Our son is now 2 months. Around 3 months of dating, we moved out of his parents basement in my hometown to a state I’ve dreamed of living. I never imagined it’d be anything like this. Skipping forward a few months. We’ve ran off 7 months in on our first lease and rented another apartment in the Baltimore equivalent in Pennsylvania. It’s pretty similar to my hometown and this is the EXACT OPPOSITE of where I wanted to be I wanted away from home because of all the fucked up people. The shootings. The violence. The city. THE DRUGS. ALL of it. And i got slammed right back in the middle of it. My upstairs neighbors are drug addicts. Everyone my boyfriend communes with is a drug addict. I never made any friends expect for 2 and my coworkers. I’ve transferred my place of employment twice being up here (Still at Royal Farms.) My son does not deserve this type of living.  I have one source of support, my friend Jason. He and I  have a special relationship. We are best friend . We met when I was 16 and he was 24. We didn’t start talking until I started dating one of his friends, whom I’ve mentioned a couple years back. We lived at his house for a while. And when the boyfriend at the time was gone, I would latch on to Jason because he was the only person that was decent to me at the time. We kept in contact since then. Granted I have dropped him for guys and boy, let me tell you, it was a mistake. He’s been a problem with every one of my relationships for the past 3 years. NOT THAT HE WAS ACTUALLY A PROBLEM. But because me and him have such a good connection and good relationship that they would actually get jealous, ruining the relationship themselves. And in my dumbass life, I’d choose the jealous asshole than Jason.  And now, in this being said. I JUST brought back Jason in my life just before I got with my current boyfriend. And that within itself was a feat. He doesn’t like to be abandoned and it took alot for him to forgive me. And so, we made an agreement. Jason was not to be made a problem and I was to not be told to drop him again or I would drop him like a bad habit. HE AGREED. IT WAS AGREED UPON.

 , He’s been made a problem. From hanging out together to talking on the phone.  I started talking to him a lot after my little baby boy, Priour, was born. And its been a HUGE problem. He’s really the only positive influence, beside Priour I have in my life, because look around me. I see nothing but drugs, work, negativity and my baby. He keeps me sane. Child protective services came to our house because I had told my therapist about how I found tobacco in the baby’s formula and how he’s been put into dangerous situations while in the car with my boyfriend. Yes,there’s two stories. but in all reality it’s been made a blame game. But seriously. How was I supposed to know to CHECK for TOBACCO IN my baby’s formula? So because I didn’t check it, THAT makes ME a bad mother? But like how did it get there in the first place? “There was tobacco on the table, how would you have known if you didnt get some in there yourself?” Let’s see. I made the bottle, first time, saw flakes, dumped it down the drain, baby crying. CHECKED the second time. Thought it was fine. Saw flakes as I tried to feed him again. NOpe, down the drain, third bottle from a different container like what the fuck why would I try to pull some dumbshit like that when I KNOW THat COULD POISON HIM.  I’M NOT DONE YET BUT HE KEEPS LOOKING OVER MY SHOULDER AND I CANT THINK STRAIGHT. FUCK.

[y-michal]

ANGER

I spend my days with children. And there's this 3 years old boy. He's highly sensitive and gentle. Touched by everything and easly take onto his heart the hurt of others. Not so long ago, whenever he got hurt or offended, he usually crumbled to the ground sobbing, not able to object or fight back or even share what happen. One day, while I was with the kids outside, I heard a raging shout "Noooo! Nooooo! STOP!". I rushed to see what was going on. He was standing there, tall and tense, red face and clenched fists. Shouting that he is not allowing whatever was it that was done to him. The girl whom he yelled at, froze in surprise. In such situations, I would rush to him to support him. But this time, just Iike the little girl, I froze, witnessing this life's energy that was bursting out of him. It felt like a sacred moment. And it was so moving to watch. Only after he was done shouting, the cry came. Releasing the intensity... (that was a turning point for him). Recently, I'm forming a new relationship with anger, rage. Especially as a woman in this world. This feeling is no longer vain or so intimidating or debilitating, to me. There is so much rawness, aliveness and power in it. When I feel safe enough, I even find excitement in expressing it. And this boy gave me an example of how magical this energy can be. (I'm not talking about doing harm). This emotion is sacred, holly. And many times, it's the doorway to allow inner and outer change.

[y-michal]

I am trying to float with a body that feels too heavy and a mind that weighs like trillion stones. At least I have a heart that pulls upwards, a personal lifesaver.

29/5/2016