#nujzlezz

[nujzlezz]

I redraw an egg. I find that some part I have done a better and other are not. I will keep learning and drawing to improve my skills.

[nujzlezz]

I drew a shrimp which may not a god looking one. I had fun while drawing it. I will improve my skills and keep drawing.

[nujzlezz]

I had fun while drawing this croissant. I think I am overdone in shading part so I am not so sure if it would be a yummy looking croissant or not. I will re-draw it again later.

[nujzlezz]

Old love letter

Hi darling,

I really wanna be a person who would go through with you thick and thin in life. Be your teammate and we can work toward our dreams. Walking beside you and supporting you when you need it.

Reminding you how kind, great, and strong you are when the world treats you unkindly and coldly. Whisper to your ears each night how much I love you and how thankful destiny let me meet and love you.

Be a person who holds your hand and walks through time and witnesses how time would change a person’s appearance with you. Witness how time will change our appearances.  From the young to the time when we are both old and slow and till the time of our life when death separates us apart.

Be a person who would build a family with you, a happy family to be more specific.

Maybe I think too far ahead or I am too romantic. But love can make people stupid. I hope we can slowly turn those dreams into reality.

We may have had fights from time to time, but I hope we can work out nicely. I hope those fights can make us understand each other more and deepen our connection and our love not shake up it.

I just wanna say, I love you darling from the bottom of my heart.

[nujzlezz]

I nearly send a message to you when I am really broken inside and cried so much but I get over it. Not like I don't want to send a message to you. It is just in my reflective time to think and love myself more.

[nujzlezz]

Untold - Unfinished words

You make me calm when I am so stressed. You can calm my mind down when I am overthinking. Your voice keeps me calm when I am so stressed. You like sedative pills to me so sweet, addictive, and fearful.

I am addicted to the feelings you give me so sweet that make me fear that I may lose you someday.

I feel so at ease when I talk with you no need to hide anything. You keep the flow of conversation for me. It is so great for me as an introverted person. Sometimes I don’t know what to talk I tend to shut my mouth up and be silent.

If he didn’t appear, I would love you. You give me so much, make my heart feel so warm. Sometimes I feel I don’t deserve you because you are too good to me. 

You give me so many reasons to me why I should choose you, honestly, I don't know my own heart which is so conflicted. I don't know what my feelings are for you and for him.

When you said you got drunk, I was really worried about you, but I decided to keep it inside me. I really want to send a message to you, but I take back, and I want to think about it.

For now, my goal is to focus on myself and take care of myself more.  And manifest my dream then I will have more confidence in pursuing love. I want you to focus on yourself and love yourself more. It will break my heart if you destroy yourself because of me.

I don't know how long this reflective time can be. I don't want to destroy you more than this makes you wait for this unfillable love (maybe).

From the bottom of my heart, I wish for your happiness even if it means I will step aside and wish for your happiness as a friend.

I don't know if someday our paths will be crossed again. We would be more mature; I would smile with you. We would catch up and share with each other what happened in our life.

[nujzlezz]

First letter to father that won’t be sent

Dear my father,

Grew up under you made me really hurt, have attachment issues, traumas,… so many issues that I have to learn and heal myself from.

I had to learn to become more mature sooner than my age to try to find the root cause of my suffering. But thanks to it I know I am an old soul.  

I had to learn to guard my heart from getting hurt by people. I had built lots of layers so that I won’t be easily hurt easily. At some point, I fear to love, I fear getting hurt, and fear of rejection. No wonder why I had problems with men

When you drank and come back using my mom, my sister, and me as emotional punchbags I was so heartbroken. I have to numb my feelings so that I won’t be getting hurt by you and family issues. But every time I heard things that you do from my mom I still hurt from time to time.

When my sister left home it is like adding fuel to a fire. My instinct told me I should get out of the house as soon as possible, the more I stay the more miserable and witnessed how badly you treated Mom and me. It is like endless suffering circles without ends.

I didn’t know what to do, the only way I can do was to escape reality and get comfort by eating. Or crying each night and hoping this nightmare someday would be ended.

There was a really dark time when every day I had an idea to end my life but I felt someone hold me back and comfort me. I tried to get it out by talking to myself every day when I am alone but mom found out so I couldn’t do it anymore.

I am thankful for how much you provide for me but you gave me empty in my father’s emotional support. I tried so hard to get recognition from you trying to be more like a boy to get a little bit of love from you or act the way you and my mother want. However, I realized that it isn’t healthy and you may not really care about that.

Every time I tried to tell you what I think what I got back is “This isn’t your problem you don’t have a voice in this” It is like “Not your damn business, don’t poke your nose in”. I lost a bit inside me, like who I am to you, why would treat me like that? Maybe I acted more “good girl” and you would love me

The mask of “good girl” is too heavy I can’t really express what I think to both of you, I neglect what I think and what I believe in suppressing my emotions to act like what you wanna. I become a doll and want some love from you waiting patiently for your love.

I knew that you wanted a son, not a daughter, I tried so hard that I act more like a boy for a long time. I tried so hard that to the point that I messed up my body at some point. Now I know one thing, even if I was born as a boy you would cheat on my mom. I found myself laughing at the silly wishes. I wish I hadn’t made those wishes at the beginning.

Frankly, I wanna put down the mask good girl and live my life and express my true-self to the world. I feel too tired with that mask already.

Every year on my birthday I wish you would stay at home and spent time with family. I didn’t ask for expensive gifts like your son from another mother. It broke my heart when you would celebrate your son’s birthday but don’t have time for me or my mother.

I don’t remember the last time our family had a meal as a family without needing a sister to return home. Even now I don’t really know how it feels when sit down and have a meal as a family and talk with each other.

I still have some really little good memories with you but that doesn’t much compare to what you give to your other children whom born from different moms. I still really treasure what you did for me at least I still have good stories to tell when people ask me about you.

Then at some point, I realized that I should come inside and love myself and I don’t have to look for love and recognition from outside. What I need is to come inside my universe, explore it and love my inner child and other parts of me that have been neglected by me

Honestly, I am still really weak inside, I wanna forgive you so that I can heal and have a good relationship with myself. So that I can finally move on and have my own life. I don’t wanna carry those bags onto me, It drags me down emotionally, physically, and mentally.

I still cry when I write this work I feel ease and relief I guess It is a sign to show that I am healing my inner self and forgiving you, my father.

This writing just a way for me to pour out emotions and heal them, I don’t hate or resent you anymore dad, I wanna forgive you to move on of my life

You give me more traumas that I don’t remember. It is just my first letter to you but I won’t send it (them) to you.

From daughter who trying to heal from the past,

[nujzlezz]

Kêu gọi ngọn lửa tím để thanh tẩy

Cái này là cái ruột của một buổi kêu gọi ngọn lửa tím để thanh tẩy cho bạn. Bạn có thể thêm mấy thứ khác vào để làm nó hoàn chỉnh hơn.

Bạn muốn kĩ hơn thì thêm dòng từ những dòng thời khác tôi tòn tại, từ những vũ trụ song song khác tôi tồn tại. Bạn có thể thêm phần tất cả các cấp độ con người của tôi vào những câu không có để kĩ hơn nếu bạn muốn

Bạn có thể nghe ngọn lửa tím của drvirtual7 khi đọc để giúp thanh tẩy. Hay làm một buổi lễ thanh tẩy luôn thì tùy bạn.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_BD9-E0CISU hay

Đọc hướng dẩn sử dụng trong phần mô tả.

Mình chọn ngọn lữa tím để làm thanh tẩy. Bạn chọn loại năng lượng khác cũng được nhưng nhớ thay tên nguồn.

“Hỡi ngọn lửa tím vĩ đại thần thánh, xin hãy giúp tôi làm sạch và thanh tẩy tất cả những năng lượng của tôi đã bị đánh cắp từ tất cả các cấp độ con người của tôi đưa chúng trở lại trạng thái ban đầu.

Xin hãy giúp tôi làm sạch và thanh tẩy tất cả các tần số của tôi được gọi trỡ lại đã bị đánh cắp khỏi tất cả các cấp độ con người của tôi đưa chúng trở lại trạng thái ban đầu.

Xin hãy giúp tôi làm sạch và thanh tẩy tất cả các sức mạnh dủa tôi được gọi trỡ lại đã bị đánh cắp khỏi mọi cấp độ của con người tôi đưa chúng trở lại trạng thái ban đầu.

Xin hãy giúp tôi làm sạch và thanh tẩy tất cả những tài năn gủa tôi được gọi trỡ lại đã bị đánh cắp khỏi mọi cấp độ của con người tôi đưa chúng trở lại trạng thái ban đầu

Xin hãy rót ngọn lửa của bạn vào tôi và thanh lọc và đổi mới tôi cũng như tất cả các cấp độ của con người tôi và xuống dưới cấp độ tế bào của sự tồn tại của tôi.

Xin hãy giúp tôi rút tất cả năng lượng không thuộc về tôi bị mắc kẹt bên trong tất cả các cấp độ của con người tôi trở lại với người gửi,

Xin hãy giúp tôi đốt tất cả dây, móc và thiết bị cấy ghép. vô tình hay cố ý đã gắn bó với tôi và cố gắng hút năng lượng và sinh lực của tôi.

Xin hãy giúp tôi thanh lọc tất cả các năng lượng tiêu cực đã bị mắc kẹt trong trường hào quang của tôi.

Xin hãy giúp tôi thanh tẩy những sinh mệnh tiêu cực đã vô tình hoặc cố ý gắn bó với tôi bằng bất kì phương thức nào hoặc bất kỳ cách nào

Xin hãy giúp tôi thanh tẩy và hòa tan bất gì cấy ghép nào,những cấy ghép giả, dây (cords), móc (hooks) nào gắn vào hệ thống năng lượng của tôi.

Xin hãy giúp tôi thanh tẩy tất cả các mảnh vỡ từ mọi dòng thời gian mà tôi tồn tại, từ tất cả các vũ trụ song song mà tôi tồn tại mà tôi đã gọi trở lại trạng thái ban đầu để hợp nhất trở lại với tôi.

Xin hãy giúp tôi củng cố trường hào quang của tôi

Xin hãy giúp tôi củng cố hệ thống năng lượng của tôi

Hỡi ngọn lửa tím tuyệt vời thần thánh, tôi cảm ơn vì sự phục vụ của bạn. Tôi gửi lại tình yêu và lỏng biết ơn của tôi ơn lại cho bạn. “