what are your thoughts on john winchester? i've seen you stick up for him before, so i was wondering what your sort of headcanons are
Oh, yes, I’m a John!stan indeed! I think about him a lot, I couldn’t possibly like tell you everything, but here’s a list of some of my thoughts about him in bullet form:
he had a rough childhood - he thought his father abandoned him and I think that shaped a lot of his life. I see him as sensitive deep down, very much like Dean in that respect. They both have a crusty exterior but they will fight like wildcats for those they care about
he wasn’t totally broken by his father’s disappearance, though: he was still an optimistic young guy when Dean met him the first time in the past, though honestly I think Mary was probably mostly to thank for that. Even war didn’t ruin him and we know he served in Vietnam. No, it was Mary’s death that was his undoing. That begs the question: how goddamn much did he love her?
John/Mary makes me so intensely happy; for a brief time in his life, John was blissfully happy and their love is so clear and joyous and full of light. When he gives himself over to Michael to save Mary, it’s pure and unadulterated love
it hurts me to think about John in the wake of Mary’s death. Learning about the supernatural in addition to losing his wife, how overwhelming that had to have been and how he must have just stopped being able to function
he wasn't an alcoholic. There is literally NO proof of this. Sam says "a little less demon hunting, a little more tequila" in that oft quoted dialogue, implying he could have drank MORE. Sam is making a comparison to Max's dad, saying Max had an abusive father and WITHOUT hunting (which I see as partly an outlet for John) and WITH alcoholism, John could have hurt them BUT DIDN'T BECAUSE HE HUNTED MORE AND DRANK LESS. Sam is saying that if those two conditions were true, John could have been abusive but that he wasn't because they weren't. End of story.
honestly, I don’t think he was a great father but I do think he tried the best he could. He suffered at least three huge traumas in his life and it will always amaze me how people think he should have been the best dad ever. I’m pretty sure that wasn’t possible, but it’s clear his sons were incredibly important to him. He was so angry with Sam for leaving for school because he just wanted to clutch his sons to his chest and keep them there forever.
everyone needs to remember that John drove around Stanford to check up on Sam and bragged about him to complete strangers
John did not abuse his kids. He never laid a finger on them. I think in some ways he could be seen as neglectful - leaving kids alone for weeks on end is definitely neglect. But nearly every parent has spanked their child and/or yelled at them for doing something that could have hurt them, and I’m sure that’s what Dean was talking about when he told Sam how much trouble he got in when Sam ran away. Parents discipline, but it’s not automatically battery. If John had actually hit his kids, there’s no way Dean would act the way he did around John and vice versa. Physical abuse is about power and John treats Dean as a protege (though not an equal, which is a mistake in my book and why I think Sam was always mad because he got the same treatment no matter what he did) and Dean treats John with earnest respect, not fearful respect. There is no fear in that relationship. There is obedience, which is not necessarily a bad thing
as for the way he raised his kids, I definitely think more stability would have been better for them, but John could never afford to let his guard down. He knew there was a reason to be afraid of the dark and between that and the fact that their family was marked was enough to drive John crazy trying to keep them safe. It’s no childhood to have to learn to shoot guns and kill monsters, but the alternative is that they would be dead. Any parent who gives a damn would teach their kids everything they could to keep them safe. John had to perform a balancing act between protecting his kids by being there, and protecting them by finding what killed Mary and leaving them behind in places so they wouldn’t get hurt if he did. It’s a tough line to walk. He couldn’t have just dumped them off with someone; we’ve seen how…poor… hunters Pastor Jim and other hunting friends of John’s were, they are mostly dead. He only ever trusted himself to protect his kids because he was the best. And he was: Meg says as much. He could have left them with others in those long stretches though, and I think that was a bad decision on his part
John wasn’t the best father but he could have been a great one. What we see of him in the pilot makes it clear he loved his children and his family
about the fight that John and Mary had: lots of couples go through rough patches. We don’t know what the fight was about and it makes me really mad that people automatically assume it was John’s fault. Mary lied about her past and made a demon deal and never saw fit to tell John, so it’s not like either of them are perfect people. That’s fine, no one is perfect. But sometimes I feel like fandom sees Mary through Dean’s eyes - on a pedestal, perfect, could never do any wrong - when in fact we know she has. They just needed a little breather from a bad argument and that’s not a reason to vilify either of them
while I wished John would pull his head out of his ass and let his boys help him in the first two seasons, I understand why he wanted to keep them at arm’s length (and for that matter Missouri Moseley did as well, because she could easily have told the boys where John was and yet she didn’t). He wanted to keep them away from Azazel because he’d already lost one family member to him and damn if he was going to lose another.
John went to Hell for Dean. Everyone seems to forget this when it’s the most explicit show of his love we ever saw. I don’t see it as a sacrifice made out of guilt - there is no evidence of that. Rather it’s a willing sacrifice he made to save his son. It’s the same one Dean made for Sam
Do I think John is perfect? No. Are Dean and Sam and Mary perfect? Not by a long-shot. Admitting a character (or person!) has flaws doesn’t make them bad. Like I said, no one is perfect and I see so many parallels between John and Dean - and John and Sam, in some respects. They’ve all made a lot of the same decisions and yet are seen in such different ways. But I stand by John as a good man who just had a shitty life and loved his sons to Hell and back.
