The Battle at the End of the Fast
I have a pile of really great, completed work on my desk. I also have a pile of really exciting opportunities to dig into. This has been a great, Holy, and meaningful Lenten Season.
I haven’t broken my fast
I’ve filled up on the Word daily - in prayer and study and scripture memorization
I’ve read wonderfully fulfilling books and have been journaling deep truths
I have been making lasting changes to further my walk in this beautiful faith journey.
From an “outside-looking-in” Point Of View; I’m doing good things. I’m completing the tasks, I’m checking the boxes, I’m making the people happy, I’m doing all the right things.
But sometimes spiritual growth comes with parallel spiritual battle, and I realize that despite all of the “good” and “right” things that I am doing this Great Holy Lent; I am subsequently engaged in a WAR. I am at war with an enemy who is seeking me so fiercely that I feel his hot breath on my heels. he is bringing shame from my past; failures that I know that I cannot own anymore, but that I still try to hold on to or make up for somehow - with all my goodness and rightness. he is bringing up doubt over a future that I know is in God’s hands alone, yet I’m still grabbing at, trying to control, desperately acting like my doing can manufacture some outcome conceived in my mind - I know to trust in God, in His timing and economy and righteousness - yet here I struggle again; attempting to make my do greater than His omnipotent I AM. the enemy is telling me over and over how ugly and disgusting I am, how alone I am, how useless I am; despite the truth of the Word that I read, and pray, and meditate on each day. I am constantly and continually seeking Abba, Father, knowing that I am His beloved and upheld by His righteous right hand, yet I am plagued by feeling abandoned within the world.
I choose to trust in Him and in this I find peace. I choose to continue to pray;
May the glory and redemption of this Holy Week’s End heal these broken places. May I truly experience the grace and mercy from God that has been offered through His only begotten Son. May His forgiving sacrifice blanket over any pain and all emptiness that I cling to.
While the enemy makes attempts to sneak in to steal my joy, my light, and the truth of my position as a holy and beloved child of God; I look to the Cross with Great Thanksgiving. As promised coheir with Christ, I seek His perfect example, and by the indwelling of the Holy Spirit captivating my soul; I bear my cross with dignity and strength, with perseverance and resilience…
I trust in the great glory that awaits, in His Mighty Resurrection, in this world or the next.
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