"أَعرف جيدًا هذهِ الأيام، التي لا يعرف المرءُ فيها إلى أينَ يذهب، ومع منّ يمضّي، الأيامُ التي يكونُ فيها المرءُ وحيدًا تمامًا، وراضيًا، ومتعايشًا مع قدرهِ، لكنه يظلُ يتمنى بحزنٍ خافِت؛ لو أنَ لي وجهةً واحِدة أمضي إليها، ولو شخصًا واحدًا أركضُ نحوه" 💔
"I know very well these days, when one does not know where to go, and with whom he passes, the days when one is completely lonely, contented, and coexisting with his destiny, but still wishes with faint sadness, if I had one destination to go, even one person." I run towards him.
ATTENTION: All you rule-breakers, you misfits and troublemakers - all you free spirits and pioneers - all you visionaries and non-conformists ...
Everything that the establishment has told you is wrong with you- is actually what's right with you.
You see things others don’t. You are hardwired to change the world. Unlike 9 out of 10 people - your mind is irrepressable - and this threatens authority. You were born to be a revolutionary.
You can’t stand rules because in your heart you know there’s a better way.
You have strengths dangerous to the establishment - and it wants them eliminated, So your whole life you’ve been told your strengths were weaknesses - Now I’m telling you otherwise.
Your impulsivity is a gift - impulses are your key to the miraculous,
Your distractibility - is an artifact of your inspired creativity,
Your mood swings - reflect the natural pulse of life, they give you unstoppable energy when you’re high and deep soulful insight when you’re low,
Been diagnosed with a "disorder”? That’s society’s latest way to deny it’s own illness by pointing the finger at you. Your addictive personality is just a symptom of your vast underused capacity for heroic, creative expression and spiritual connection. your utter lack of repression, your wide eyed idealism, your unmitigated open mind - didn’t anyone ever tell you?! these are the traits shared by the greatest pioneers and visionaries and innovators, revolutionaries, procrastinators and drama queens, activists on the social scene, space cadets and mavericks, philosophers and derelicts, business suits flying fighter jets, football stars and sex addicts, celebrities with ADD, alcoholics who seek novelty, first responders - prophets and saints, mystics and change agents.
We are - all - the same - you know
‘cuz we’re all affected by the way
We are - all - the same - you know
‘cuz we’re all attracted to the flame
You know in your heart that there's a natural order to life, something more sovereign than any man-made rules or laws could ever express.
This natural order is called "the Way."
The Way is the eternal substrate of the cosmos. It guides the very current of time and space. The Way is known by some as the Will of God, Divine Providence, the Holy Spirit, the implicate order, the Tao, reverse-entropy, life-force, but for now we’ll simply call it "the Way." The Way is reflected in you as the source of your inspiration, the source of your passions, your wisdom, your enthusiasm, your intuition, your spiritual fire - love. The Way takes the chaos out of the Universe and breathes life into it by reflecting divine order. The Way, when experienced by the mind, is genius, when perceived through the eyes is beauty, when felt with the senses is grace, when allowed into the heart ... is love.
Most people cannot sense the Way directly. ... But then there are the Wayseers. The keepers of the flame. Wayseers have an unexplainable knack for just knowing the Way. They sense it in their very being. They can’t tell you why or how they arrived at the right answer. They just know it in their core. They can’t show their work. So don’t ask. Their minds simply resonate with the Way. When the Way is present, so are they.
While others are blind to it, and society begs you to ignore it, “the Way” stirs you inside. Neurological repression blocks most people’s awareness of the Way - censoring all thoughts and impulses from the unconscious is their prefrontal cortex - the gestapo of the brain - nothing which violates its socialized programming even gets through; but your mind is different. your mind has been cracked wide open to the Way - by some miraculous genetic trait, some psychotropic chemical or maybe even by the will of your very soul, your brain’s reward pathways have been hijacked - dopamine employed to overthrow the fascist dictatorship of your prefrontal cortex - now your brain is free of repression, your mind free of censorship, your awareness exposed to the turbulent seas of the unconscious - through this open doorway divine light shines into your consciousness showing you the Way. This is what makes you a Wayseer.
90% of human civilization is populated with those who’s brains are blocked to the Way. Their brains are hardwired to enforce the social programming indoctrinated since birth. Unlike you they cannot break out of this programming, because they have not yet experienced the necessary revolution of mind. These programmed people take social institutions and rules very seriously. Society is full of games programmed to keep peoples’ minds occupied so they will not revolt. These games often cause sick fixations on peculiar protocols, power structures, taboos and domination - all subtle forms of human bondage - This distinct form of madness is not only tolerated by the masses but insisted upon. The programmed ones believe in rules so forcefully they become willing to destroy anyone who violates them.
Wayseers are the ones who call their bluff. Since Wayseer minds are free to reject social programming, Wayseers readily see social institutions for what they are - imaginary games. Wayseers comfort the disturbed and disturb the comfortable. Helping those who are lost in these games and refuse to help themselves is a calling of many Wayseers. Since Wayseers are the ones who keep contact with the original source of reality - they are able to disrupt societal conventions and even governments to realign humanity with the Way.
The Wayseers are an ancient lineage. A kind of priesthood - carriers of the flame - ones "in the know." There must always be Wayseers to reform the dizzying psychotic spinning gears of society - giant mindless hamster wheels obscuring the pure blue sky, keeping humanity shackled in a darkened cage - so Wayseers are called - to shed light on the madness of society - to continually resurrect the timeless transcendent Spirit of Truth -
Wayseers reveal this divine truth by devoting themselves to the birth of some creative or disruptive act expressed through art or philosophy, innovations to shake up industry, revolutions for democracy, coups that topple hypocrisy, movements of solidarity, changes that leave a legacy, rebellions against policy, spirit infused technology, moments of clarity, things that challenge barbarity, watersheds of sincerity, momentous drives for charity....
We are - all - the same - you know
cuz we’re all affected by the way
We are - all - the same - you know
cuz we’re all attracted to the flame
This is your calling, Wayseer.
You’ve found your tribe.
"It's time for us to reach out to one another,
instead of attacking each other
because we have different opinions.
I find it appalling that we allow ourselves
to be divided into different situations,
views, and truths,
and that so many are willing
to wage a kind of war
against each other
instead of coming together
and creating peace."
(¯`✻´¯)Blessings of LoveLightPeace
`*.¸.*& Balance in our Journey of Life ✻♥
A.N. Hey lads, well it has been over a month and I have a good reason for being absent and not completing chapter two. I was in China doing charity work and we had no wifi. It doesn't help that all social sites are band over in Beijing. I am sorry for the wait, but here it is. Chapter two. I hope you like it, I had some difficulty finding inspiration for this one.
Dinks xo
Word count: 3800.
He felt like he was in a zoo or something. He felt the eyes burn into the top of his head as he looked down at his shoes. 'Didn't your parents ever tell you that it wasn't polite to stare?' Zayn snapped to the others who all looked away guiltily and trying to avoid Zayn's glare. 'Okay, you might as well ask your questions now rather than later. Get them out of the way. What has gotten Zayn shaken up, eh?' He threw his hands up in the air and let them slap down onto his thighs.
'Well... uh.. what has gotten Zayn... uh.. you.. uh.. all shook up?' Niall almost whispered, he was too frightened to talk to Zayn when he was in one of these kind of moods. The Irish lad was twiddling his thumbs and sitting on the airport floor. They had been assigned to a private lounge and by the looks of things apart from an elderly couple and a few business colleagues, they were on their own. Why not make themselves comfortable? Niall adjusted his red baseball cap on his blonde locks, that had overgrown their welcome and had spilled out. 'You don't have to.. uh.. tell us..If you don't want to..' Scrubbing his face with his hands, Zayn turned to Niall and gave him a small smile which eased the boy immediately.
'It was just a bad dream.. it was horrible. Bloody horrible. We all died... in some sort of freak accident. I shit you not. It was tonight's show. We were just singing.. laughing.. just having a laugh. And then everything started to go wrong. The lighting fell.. The lights.. the lights.. Harry you..Lou..even Dani and El. We all got wiped out one by one. Liam... Niall..' The lad put his head into his hands and scrubbed his face roughly. 'It was like it was meant to happen. Little clues led to each one of us... It was murder.. almost.. with no one even attempting to kill us.' He felt Niall tense up next to him, he knew that the younger lad's biggest fear was to die, so no wonder he was a little freaked out due to Zayn's nightmare. He gave Niall a reassuring grin and patted his knee. 'Don't worry, Nialler. It was just a dream. I think all of this travelling has certainly messed up my head.'
Eleanor was the first to speak out of the bunch who were once again staring at Zayn, their eyes as wide as saucers. 'Blimey, Zayn. That sounds shocking.' The girl was gobsmacked at the thought of Zayn even having to witness his dear friends perish. But that feeling didn't last long as Louis burst into a fit of laughter beside her and pulled her to his chest.
'Babe. You. Just. Said. Blimey. Who even are you?' Louis kissed the top of her head in between chuckles. When Louis laughed it was infectious and the others soon joined in and began to poke fun at Eleanor for saying such an insane word. Zayn noted that Harry failed to be a part of the little scene, his arms folded and his back turned to face away from the couple. Odd. 'Haz..' But Zayn was quickly shot down when the young chap glared at him and stood up, making his way to the small gift shop on the other side of the waiting room. Zayn was the only one who noticed the lad's departure.
'Yes. Blimey, El. Perfect word choice, love.' Zayn rubbed the back of his neck and stood up. 'I'm going to go see if Harry is okay.. probably just as freaked as me..' He trailed off not really wanting to give anyone an excuse but he was stopped suddenly by Liam. Who insisted that he go and find Harry himself. Odd. Again. Zayn perched back down on his seat and turned to a shaken Niall. 'Mate, it was just a dream. Everything is going to be fine.' He ruffled the blonde's hair roughly and gave him a cocky grin. That grin masked what he was truly feeling inside. That was not just a dream, it was far too real. He could feel the heat of the flames, the smell of the smoke and the sound of the screaming. The screaming. It echoed in his mind and made him want to clutch his ears to block out the sound of fear. Nothing was fine. Zayn had lied.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
These white walls were familiar. The sweat on the back of his neck was also familiar. Louis' phone call was familiar. Liam doing his breathing exercises on plush black sofa on the right side of the room was familiar. Harry running off once more was familiar. And then something set him straight. Something made him realise that this was much like his dream. Something that was only seen as a friendly gesture. Niall gave Zayn a sharp slap to his shoulder that woke him from his day dream. But this time Zayn whipped round alarmed, managing to swing his own palm against Niall's upper arm. 'Woah. Mate.. I was just going to see if you were okay.. no need to take it out on the Irish one. Calm down.' He watched as Niall held his hands up in front of him like a surrender. Zayn took a sharp intake of breath as he glanced at Liam leaving the room after the moody Cheshire lad.
'Uh.. sorry mate.. I..butterflies. This gig is pretty big, don't want to screw it up and all..' Zayn trailed off, hoping everything was just a coincidence and not some sort of premonition of what was to come. He gave himself an internal scolding as he erased that thought out of his mind, it was just a coincidence. He didn't have a sixth sense. He was just freaked out. 'So many people. So many girls.'
Five minutes.
Just the though of even stepping foot onto the stage set him on edge. He now knew the reason why he felt that way in his dream. Something certainly did not feel right. He was not elated.. not full of energy and he was definitely not pumped. His body swelled with anxious thoughts, he felt deflated and most importantly, he felt the fear sizzle into his veins. This wasn't just a gig, he knew why he felt this way. He felt the dancing shadows of death mock him from the corners of the room. No one else noticed...it was only Zayn. He took a large gulp of air, feeling like it would be the last honest breath he would take.
Four minutes.
'Come on boys.. it's show time.' Ken Barker, one of the security team opened the door and told the three remaining in the dressing room to exit and follow him. 'Wing C, I believe. We have just sent Paul to go get Harry and Liam. Poor lad. Must be the nerves. He looked awfully sick. Harry, I mean.' Liam returned behind them when they stood at the curtains of wing C, his arm wrapped around the young lad's shoulders like a comforter. Liam caught Zayn's eye and gave him a wide grin but Zayn could only return with a weak smile. He once again felt eyes on him, but this time not from his peers. No. Something sinister was watching him from the deepest parts of the room.
Three minutes.
'There are your ear plugs, you have obviously seen them before. They are colour coded. Harry, you have blue. Louis, you have green. Niall, orange.....' Zayn couldn't think straight and was instantly startled when he felt something red being thrust into his face. He took them with a slight nod of thanks to Ken who was sorting Liam out with his own set of ear plugs. Louis tried to put his hand around Harry's bicep but he shook it off and turned away from Louis. Zayn, watched intently as Louis bit his lower lip.. was his eyes glistening? Louis brushed his hand across his nose and stared at the wall opposite him as Harry wandered over to Liam. No bromance? No. This was bad. It was mandatory that the two acted up on stage to please the fans. They were Larry Stylinson for crying out loud. Zayn shook his head and clenched his eyes shut, this was far too much for him to process. He watched as the man who wore the badge that read 'Stage Manager', signalled up to the light technicians and Zayn's eyes followed up to the men. Working the lights? Now? Minutes before they were scheduled to run on? This was far too freaky Friday for his liking.
Two minutes.
He heard his name being called. It was faint. It was feminine. Danielle and Eleanor were waving at him trying to catch his attention. They gave him a little wink and blew him a kiss but instead of his normal 'catching' the kiss routine, he gave them a panicked look and shook his head. His brown eyes were wide with fear now. Beautiful Eleanor.. she would be trampled. Her beauty wouldn't save her. He took in her features and felt the sadness wash over him. He couldn't let that happen. He just couldn't. And then Danielle. Her angelic face was full of emotion, she was worried about him. But he was more worried about her. Her gorgeous cocoa dusting skin would be destroyed in the fire. He kept picturing her fall. It replayed in his head. Over. Over. And over again. Liam and Louis. They were about to lose not only their own lives, but they would lose the two girls who made them smile. Whenever the lads saw their girlfriends, Zayn would notice how their faces shone with adoration and love. Liam and Danielle were more of a passionate couple, couldn't keep their hands off one another. Liam wouldn't be able to hold her after this. Louis and Eleanor were the playful couple, so alike yet so different in many ways. Louis would never be able to enjoy any more moments with his girl. They were so in love. Each couple. And now... his dream.. his nightmare.. was going to take all of that away. The thoughts poured into his head, screaming at him, getting louder. What if Liam didn't have Danielle? What if Louis didn't have Eleanor? What if it was the other way round? They were going to pay a price. The girls were now staring at him horror struck as they caught him staring up at the lightening and the realisation that flashed on their faces was enough for him. They had to get out of here. They couldn't just vanish.
One minute.
Zayn was freaked out by now. He felt his lungs press against his chest, stopping the lad from breathing. Niall, looked over at him and nudged his elbow into Zayn’s ribs gently, trying to gain his attention. Zayn, turned slowly trying to gain a normal expression on his face but this time his face only grew more contorted as he took in Niall's puppy dog persona. Niall. No. Not Niall. The blonde boy opened his mouth and Zayn quickly took action to cover it with his large hand. 'Do not say, Bradford Badboy. Niall. Don't say it.' He had now gained the attention of the other lads and they gathered around him. Questioning and accusing. The room started to spin out of control. The fear had pent up inside of him and he knew for sure that he couldn't go on. He had to wait and see. He had to spectate. The stage manager held his hand up. Three. Two. One. He wanted to the boys to run onto the stage full of energy, but it took all that Zayn had to shout out in protest.'NO. NO. Don't you dare move.' He clutched on to Niall's arm pulling him back. 'My dream. No. You can't.'
Liam who had ran past the curtain, came sprinting back. The stage manager was standing open mouthed dazed. Niall was rigid with fear. Louis had turned from the wall, the look of confusion adorned his features. And Harry was just looking at him, blankly staring at him as if he was trying to tell a joke to the lads. 'It was just a dream mate, like you said.' One Thing was blaring from outside of the curtains, instrumental sounds with no vocals. No vocals? The boys were back here with Zayn, of course no one was singing. 'Come on.. we have already missed out bloody cue, let's just...'
'Harry, don't you dare. Please. Listen to me. We can't go on there. This has all happened before. In my dream. In my nightmare. I have seen this. We can't go on here. We can't. I won't let any of you. Listen to me.' Zayn was frantic, he kept shouting out words like 'NO!' and 'STOP!'
It all happened to fast, the bolt that was supposed to rain down onto his forehead, clanked off of the metal flooring. Inaudible to other, but Zayn heard. Shouts from above and the clatter of railings hitting off of one another filled the atmosphere.
It was like a slow motion scene playing in front of him. The spikes that were supposed to spear Harry, shot down out of the sky like flaming arrows and slammed off of the ground, bending and falling like limp limbs. They couldn't be standing up right and looking menacing because they had nothing to stick into. He wasn't wide eyed with fear as he did not see his band mate laying on the ground with metal poles mutilating his body. He didn't hear the low gasps of the last breaths, that Harry was meant to produce as he was sprawled out on the hard flooring. Harry was next to Zayn and not out there dying.
The live wires over in the corner, were dancing as if they had a mind of their own. Sparks flying and twisting, trying to catch onto something, someone. It seemed like an age and they still flew around like the arms of a fiery demon. There was no smell of burning flesh burning into his nostrils, he couldn't see Louis' flesh burning and glowing red over at the far side of the stage. He couldn't, why? Louis was gasping on the floor trying to signal to Eleanor to get out from over there and to come to him. There were no bodyguards trying to hold back a distraught El, who was mourning the loss of her beloved boyfriend. She was still over th.. No. Zayn couldn't see any of the girls, no mater how he twisted and turned to try and catch a glimpse over, what could be described as the 'fiery pits of hell', he couldn't see the girls.
He half expected to see Danielle running across the stage, trying to get to Liam who was also looking for her and near enough have a panic attack as he discovered along with Zayn, that indeed his girlfriend was no longer over in the wings. Zayn couldn't hear her cry out to Liam, like in his dream. He couldn't see her curly hair whipping across the burning area, trying to stay alive as the floor cracked with every step she took. And most importantly, he never saw her fall and become entombed by flames as the rest of the weak flooring collapsed, leaving a valley of red and amber to fear. Danielle was no where to be seen. Liam was no where to be seen either. Liam. Had he ran passed Zayn in order to save her. His girl. The sound of a shrill shriek filled his eardrums and his head snapped the the far right of his, where he saw Liam clutching onto Danielle, soothing her hair and crying into her neck as he peppered her face with kisses and whispers of safety.
Smoke filled the air, it was almost difficult to see passed the grey cloud and even more difficult to stay sane as the pollutant filled his lungs making it hard to breath, making him wheezy and also, he felt like he was hallucinating. He felt two arms try to pull him back, but he fought on. He wanted to see that his dream was wrong, that all of the band members were going to be safe. That they were going to be alive when he next saw them. He had to watch the scene play out and hope for the best that his vision was only a silly dream.
A bright green sign caught his eye. It must have been the glowing neon, or even just the flashing of the light that made him stop and stare. 'Emergency Exit'. The same one from the nightmare. Eleanor. He looked down at his arms, she was not their struggling to get out of his grasp to escape the dangers that were around her. Nor was she at the door, struggling to undo the bolt and break free. But, something was familiar about the setting. Crowds. Swarms of people. Savages as they pushed passed one another, trod on each other. They didn't care, they just wanted out. Hell, if it was Zayn, he would be at the front elbowing people out of the way and banging against the metal doors to have his freedom. They were was no trampling of the beautiful girl, not Eleanor. Zayn, watched in horror as he noticed that some people were in fact getting trampled, not Eleanor but other people were dying. He wanted to run over. He wanted to save them. His head swam, clouded with smoke, he swayed to the side and felt someone catch him before he hit the concrete. A swift turn of his head and he saw Eleanor with Louis, the two of them breaking out of the other door at this side. She was safe with him, and she wasn't just a bloody pulp on the floor.
BANG! BANG! BANG! Fireworks? His heavy head rose slightly as he witnessed the bright colours shoot from what was a gigantic television screen that was supposed to hold pictures of the tour and quotes from the lads. It was now a blank screen, cracked and ready to blow. BANG! BANG! BANG! More colours filled his sore eyes. Niall? Where was Niall? Struggling out of the grasp of the being that was holding him up right, he scanned the room behind him, searching for the blonde hair and the wide blue eyes that kept him earth bound. Spotting him almost immediately, he flung himself across the room, stumbling slightly and into the Irish lad, who grabbed hold of Zayn and begun to shake him. 'Zayn, it's okay. I'm fine.' Okay.. Fine.. Okay.. Fine. A loud crash, that was almost deafening, made his world stop spinning for a moment. Back on the stage, that was now covered in dancing flamed and death traps, the large screen had toppled and fell forward, crashing through the floor and opening up more pitfalls for unfortunates to meet their untimely death. The pale hand that was supposed to be peeking out from underneath, the heavy machinery was actually wrapped around his bicep, shaking him and he could not keep his gaze from the porcelain skin. Niall. His Niall. He was safe and trying to keep Zayn together.
Screams off stage hands and the lads, were thrown in his direction. Telling him to get out of the open space that was now at boiling point. The familiar sweat trickled down the side of his face, and spilling onto his shirt. How many was that now? Harry, Louis, Danielle, Eleanor, Niall.. Five out of six. He didn't care about himself, as long as he knew that Liam would be alive by the time that the night was over.
The dangling wires feel from the remaining beams that covered the ceiling dropped like comical snakes. Hissing with live currents that shot through them and making them jump. Making them wriggle in thin air. Some tangled with others. Some not fully fallen and became loops hanging around the stage. Loops that looked like nooses. A noose that could kill someone. A noose the killed Liam. Liam wasn't running across the stage to find a way out, he was crouching on the floor with Danielle, his arms wrapped around his girlfriend, trying to get her up. Liam wasn't trying to get Zayn to leave the building and in doing so running into the dangling wires that were invisible. Concealed by the amber glow and the sheer fear of not wanting to spot danger. Liam wasn't gasping for air, as the thin wire wrapped around his neck. Strangling him and turning the whites of his eyes red. He wasn't struggling for air or desperately trying to free himself, he was picking up his tiny girl and lifting her over his shoulder, fleeing from the room and out into the open air. He was the hero, not the victim.
'Zayn. Zayn. We have to go. We can't let this happen to us. I don't want to die. Please.' Zayn, rolled his head around his shoulders and looked up into the crystal blue eyes that belonged to his dearest friend. The pleas made his knees gain back their strength and he stood up, pushing Niall towards the nearest doorway out of there. His internal monologue screaming at death who he believed was watching him from above.
'Don't you see. You have lost. We are all still here. All still as one. I won't let you near any of them. My family. How dare you. You have failed, now leave us be. Leave us. We are alive. Alive. We conquered you. Now go. GO. You don't scare me. You are pathetic. PATHETIC.'
He wasn't aware to the fact that he had begun to scream these words aloud. He was crying out these broken words, even when the ambulance arrived and lifted him from Niall's arms. He still tried to get the words out when a paramedic placed a ventilator over his mouth. And he struggled to finish the last word, as his eyes began to close and he was consumed by darkness, all of his sense cut off and he was in a peaceful sleep. Far away from the shrieks and the watchful eyes of the one he referred to as Death.
A/N:Well, I figured that I wasn't going anywhere with my last attempt at fanfiction, but I believe this one shows real promise. Basically, it is one direction set up in a final destination scenario. I believe this will have 8 parts, the first chapter (this one) will be revolved around Zayn, but also the last chapter will be Zayn's also. Then each character will have their own. Harry, Louis, Niall, Liam, Danielle and Eleanor. This is the first authors note I have ever written.. bear with me.
Dinks xo
He never got nervous. It wasn’t something he did. He was confident, cocky, a real team player. So why was there sweat gathering at the nape of his neck? Why were the butterflies in his stomach flutter their wings at a rapid beat? Staring at the same mark on the wall for over 20 minutes, Zayn had a horrible feeling in the pit of his stomach.
Today had been like any other day on tour with the Lads, they had gotten into Glasgow Airport at 5am and to say they were exhausted, well that was an understatement. Zayn had felt so drained that even he had agreed to take the back exit to avoid the swarm of fans that had waited on them. He felt awful for doing so, but he would snap at the amount of screaming and flashes of cameras. He would do something that he would regret due to the lack of sleep. He could remember the lads piling in to the back of a sleek black car that concealed the identity of the five boys known as One Direction. Glasgow was a brilliant city, but he couldn’t remember much of this morning, he had passed out a long with Liam and Louis in the journey to their hotel.
And now, here he was staring at the cream walls of the tiny dressing room, the five boys had been crammed into. A sharp slap on his right shoulder woke him from his day dream and he swivelled around to a head of blonde hair and a lopsided grin. Niall, had his head cocked to the side and an eyebrow raised at a dazed Zayn. The Irish lad had never caught Zayn so out of focus before, but he pinned in on the nerves that were deep in his own belly, so naturally he thought his band mate would be feeling the exact same.
‘You alright there, bud?’ Niall whispered so that the rest of the boys didn’t turn their attention on to Zayn. There was no need for Niall to do so, they were all far too busy caught up in their own little routines to bother one another. For example, Liam sat with his head between his legs and hands clasped behind his head, taking deep breaths and tapping his left foot on the plush carpet. Louis was on the phone to Eleanor, who by the way was in another room in the same building, words like ‘I miss you..’, ‘Baby..’ and ‘Excited..’ were thrown around in the conversation and the oldest member of one direction was smiling like an idiot at the mirror Harry was looking into. Niall watched Harry roll his eyes at Louis in the mirror and had a deep scowl on that mouth of his. He was running his fingers through the curls that framed his face, ruining the work that their stylist had done and making it his own way. His teeth pierced his bottom lip, with each passing minute of Louis’ conversation and Niall knew something was wrong when Harry threw his hands up in the air and stormed out of the dressing room. Liam, snapped his head up, shot a glare to the back of Louis’ head and followed after the yound lad who was obviously bothered by the conversation. Typical. His attention was turned back to Zayn and he nudged him with his elbow.
‘Sorry, mate. I think it is just a bit of butterflies. Nothing to worry about. Glasgow is a big gig for us. So many people. So many girls.’ Zayn chuckled and cracked his knuckles before mussing up his friend’s hair, earning a smack on the other shoulder from their stylist who began to fuss over the blonde tendrils that were on Niall’s head. It always fascinated him how each and everyone of them no longer looked like the lads from x-factor. They had grown and developed their own sense of style in the band, it was beautiful, the transformation. He reached for his bottle of water and took a long swig, feeling the ice cold liquid burn his throat slightly and he winced at the new pain that was there.
Five minutes.
Just the thought that they were going to be performing on stage in the short period of five minutes set him on edge. He had no idea why he felt like this, it was more than just nerves something didn’t feel right. Normally before gigs he felt elated, full of energy and pumped but now.. now he just felt deflated, anxious.. he felt fear. But he had no idea what possessed him to feel this scared. It was just a gig. A pulsing feeling began to pound in his head, and the sweat began to stick his shirt to his back, and he gulped loudly, his adams apple bobbing with the motion.
Four minutes.
They were all ushered to move to wing C, to the right hand side of the stage. The screaming was intense and he glanced at Liam who had returned with his arm around Harry’s shoulders. Liam, had a huge grin on his face, it made Zayn smile himself knowing that all that was waiting behind the curtain was the reason why the five lads stood here. The fans were the reason why they were One Direction, why they continued the journey after falling at the last hurdle. But even some smiles were forced and as much as Zayn wanted his to be genuine, he couldn’t shake the feeling that was creeping up on him. It was like a shadow watching him from all corners of the back room.
Three minutes.
Each boy was given a colour coded set of earplugs to help them stay in their A game during the concert. Slotting his in, he watched intently as Louis tried to place his hand on Harry’s forearm but as Harry shook it off with a sharp shrug Louis’ face fell and he turned away, looking like he was mentally kicking himself. Those two were so strange, even when they had an argument they played up their bromance on stage for the fans, it was just a routine they had fell into but looking at Harry now, he knew it would be a chore for the Cheshire lad to follow through on. Another bad sign, Zayn had thought to himself. The stage manager signalled up to the technical guys who were suspended from the ceiling, working on the lights. Working on the lights? Now? Minutes before they were scheduled to run on?
Two minutes.
He glanced across the stage to the wings on the other side where he noticed a very excited duo if girls. Eleanor and Danielle, gave Zayn a cheeky wink and a thumbs up to egg him on and he returned the wink and a purse of his lips, like a little kiss. He admired the both of them for putting up with the busy life that their boyfriends coveted. They were so different from one another that it was amazing to see them together and acting like best friends. First there was the elegant Eleanor, she was beautiful. Not his type, she was too tall for him. They were the same height and he preferred a smaller girl, but that only added to her model feautures. Her hair was always perfectly sitting and her face made up to make her eyes twinkle. He could see why Louis’ was so infatuated with his girlfriend, she was stunning and poised. And then there was little Danielle, he had developed a crush on her sicne the beginning but as soon as Liam, tasked his claim he backed off. Danielle was more natural, her curly hair a crazy mess and she never wore make up, she didn’t need to. Her skin was flawless like smooth coffee and her deep brown eyes were like melted chocolate. Also, another beautiful girl. It was their professions that made them look so different, Eleanor was always picture perfect because of her modelling and Danielle being a dancer, had no time to doll herself up. Those two lads were lucky to have such beauties on their arm. A thought struck him. What if Liam didn’t have Danielle? What if Louis no longer had Eleanor? What if it was the other way around? Then his face dropped as these thoughts poured into his head. Why? They weren’t going anywhere, were they? They were staring at him right now, so they weren’t just going to vanish.
One minute.
Zayn was freaked out by now. He felt his lungs press against his chest, stopping the lad from breathing. Niall, looked over at him and nudged his elbow into Zayn’s ribs gently, trying to gain his attention. Zayn, turned slowly trying to gain a normal expression on his face and immediatley felt his features soften as he looked at Niall. He resembled a cute little puppy dog that made everything better, he watched Niall mouth to him. ‘Bradford badoby.’ And then give a silent laugh, which Zayn joined in on, feeling the angst melt away. He was being stupid thinking about the negative. He shook his head, his pearly teeth on show as he smiled and then he turned to all of the boys and did a fist pump. As the final seconds ticked by, showing them all moral support and the familiar adrenalin run through his veins. They were signalled to run onto the stage now and Zayn was the first to pass the lads, wanting to be the first and defeat the small part of fear that was left. He felt the warm lights on his skin, he saw the flashing over cameras from all directions and he heard the faint sound of the fans screaming for the lads. He felt all of the others follow him as they formed One Direction on stage. He didn’t know why he felt they way he did before, because what could possibly go wrong.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
‘Shake yer curls for the gurls.’ Harry faked a Scottish accent for the fans, who erupted into a fit of applause and laughter. ‘Was that right or did I offend anyone?’ The lads surrounded the youngest of the group slapping his back, practically busting a vein with hilarity. They had just opened with ‘One Thing’ and now they were fooling around trying to make this gig a memorable one, for themselves and for their audience.
All feeling of dread that was in Zayn’s mind had vanished within an instant of hearing the track play through their ear pieces and he was sucked into the performance. The only thing that nagegd the back of his mind was seeing one of the lights flicker centre stage right, yes the technical term was used. It wasn’t all that noticeable, but it was just enough to catch the Bradford boy’s attention and make him glimpse up occasionally. The two men that were up there previously, were still there. Tweaking away, fixing what? This should have been done before the show but Zayn, found himself once more looking up.
He saw something fall from the metal railing above and it hit him square on for forehead, causing him to gasp and clutch his face. Niall came running over and took his face into his hands, peering at he small gash on Zayn’s forehead. The rest followed suit, crowding him whilst the fans shouted and screamed at the lads, wanting them to continue, wanting them to be alright. That was when Zayn noticed something on the floor. Something small, silver and oddly shaped. He brushed the blonde lad’s hands away and bent down to pick it up, feeling the cold metal in his hands. It was a bolt? From the lighting railing above the stage. He saw the two men shout at each other and waved their arms erratically. And that was when everything went horribly pear shaped.
Zayn, pushed Niall away from the spot he was standing in, forcing Harry to catch him in his arms and topple back, just as one of the fresnel lights crashed to the ground. Glass shattering around them. His chest heaved as he felt the bile rise up in his throat. This was what he was fearing, this was it. The cold sweat had returned and he fell to his knees, feeling Liam put his arms around him and try to haul him up.
A loud creak sounded from above and all of the boys, except Harry and Niall who were currently picking themselves up from the hard floor, looked up and watch a beam swing down from the ceiling, electical wires pulling apart and sending sparks across the stage. Their eyes followed a beam that had snapped in half, jagged edges like spears sticking out of the sides, spiral down from the top of the building. Sparks flying off of the metal and burning onto the stage. Niall stumbled to the ground again, his ankle hurting from the assault that Zayn had bestowed upon him, leaving Harry an open target for the beam which hit him in the middle of his stomach. The spikes had pushed through his abdomen and stuck through his back, sending him to the ground, choking. The young lad was taking a fit on the ground, coughing up pools of blood as his body spasmed. Louis, threw himself over the stage to get to Harry, pulling out the three metal poles which had struck Harry’s chest. ‘Haz! HARRY. NO. Fucking no. NO. Harry.’ He pulled Harry’s curly head onto his lap, not caring that the crimson water had stained his navy and white striped shirt. He was only focused on a glassy eye boy that was strewn in his lap. ‘Harry.. please.. don’t go.. don’t leave me. I need you.. Haz. Please.’ The tears began to leak from his eyes, the droplets falling onto Harry’s face. Harry tried to speak, but the blood kept filling up in his mouth, from his punctured organs. His hand was shaking and he couldn’t feel his body, it was numb and unmoving. ‘Lou..Lou..Lou..’ Each word was choked out, he had no breath left in him to continue. He felt himself slip away, but a squeeze to his hand made him keep concious for a the last few moments. Louis had grasped Harry’s pale hand, feeling how cold it was. Like ice. ‘Haz, please.. what is it? What is it, Harry?’ The older lad felt his heart hang on by just a thread and he prayed that it wouldn’t snap and destroy him forever. Harry looked up at his beautiful best friend, a small smile on his face. ‘I.. I..I…’ And that was all Harry had said, before his emerald eyes closed forever.
The fans were screaming and clawing at the security team that were escorting the out the building. Some trying to get to Harry and the boys. Everything was like a whirl of slow motion around the Zayn, he saw everything in a vivid picture, every move, every gesture over exaggerated.
Watching Louis hold onto his best friend’s body made Zayn feel queasy, it was so un real. He didn’t want to move and see someone who was like a brother to him, lead in the arms of his broken bandmate. The beam that had fallen next to Harry was still a live wire of electiricity and he had noticed the three spikes that Louis had pulled out of his friend, placed on the ground. He saw the droplets of blood lead to the beam that had the live wires wrapped around it, like the breadcrumb trail in that old fairytale. It lead to something and that was when he saw Louis reach behind him, trying to pull his mic pack off of his belt loops and the wires from the microphone snapped off, hitting the beam and sending hundreds of thousands of volts of electicity into Louis. It all happened so quickly , that Louis was thrown across the stage by the force, the smell of burning flesh and sparks tainting his skin, marking it with deep scars. His body shuddering and curling up in a fetal position as the jolts shot through his body, making him twitch and scream out in agony. It all happened in three seconds and then he was quiet, but he was still moving, still jutting about. Eleanor broke through the shield of bodyguards that were trying to keep the girls back from the scene. Crying out as she rushed over to Louis. ‘Baby… BABY.’ Her was voice was a screech above the noise but she was immediatley cut off by Zayn, who had sprinted across the room and grabbed hold of the girl. ‘Don’t! You can’t touch him. You will get shocked. Please.. Stop struggling. He wouldn’t want this.’ Eleanor crumbled in his arms and he held her up, trying to keep both of their balance. ‘But my baby.. I love him.. he can’t be… NO. LOUIS. Baby.. open your eyes.. please.. please.. Lou..’
The screaming had gotten louder, it was almost defeaning through the earpieces that the lads had to wear to protect their ears. This wasn’t supposed to be happening, first Harry and now Louis, this was gut wrenching. And then Zayn saw bright orange flames lick through the air around them, the stage was ablaze.
Danielle had to get to Liam, she couldn’t watch anymore and she ran across the stage to get to the lad who was horror struck, his mouth open and frozen to the spot. ‘Liam.. Babe. We need to..’ A piece of flooring that she had been standing on had fallen through, the fire from under the stage weakening the floorboards. She gasped as she felt her chest tighten, it was a close call. If she hadn’t of stepped of sooner then she would have been a goner. The ground was heating up under her feet, making it difficult to walk as the soles blistered on the wooden flooring. Liam held his arms out to her, snapping out his trance and reached out to his girlfriend who was stumbling over to him. The floor breaking through with every step she took. One more step and she was in the safe zone, away from the cracking boards that made up the once gigantic staging scene. Her heart racing and her breathing erratic. Zayn, looked over to Liam, saying a silent prayer that he would get hold of Danielle before anything happened, but what also caught his eye was that the fire was making a bee line for the area Danielle was in, like it was fate. No! ‘Danielle.. move fo..’ He was cut off as the a crashing sound, followed by a piercing scream filled the air and the curly haired girl had vanished down through the floorboards, the fire consuming her like a monster. He watched as Liam fell to the floor like the wind had been knocked out of him, his head thrown back as the sound of Danielle screaming filled the room and just like Louis, the shrieking had stopped and yet another world had collapsed and another heart was broken. Liam was calling out to her, it was impossible that she could still be alive. And then the words from this morning echoed in Zayn’s mind. When he and Liam were sitting in the lounge of the airport, Zayn hadn’t been paying attention but he was still semi listening. ‘I think it’s about time, mate. I want to be with her forever.. she is my forever.. And now I can finally make it offical.’ There was a ring involved.. a ring that would never be worn.
Zayn was still holding onto Eleanor, who was so grief stricken that she was almost fitting at the sight of death around her. Not only had she lost the love of her life, but now one of her closest friends. Zayn, was just in shock. Nothing had processed for him, everything was still going at a slow speed. Death didn’t want him to miss a thing.
Eleanor had to get away, life wasn’t worth living without Louis but she had to get out of this place before anything else happened. Before anyone else perished in front of her. She struggled out of Zayn’s grasp and made her way to an emergancy exit. Running to the metal doors, and forcing the handle down to get out of the hall. It wouldn’t budge it was if the door had been locked, she rammed her shoulder up against the door, trying to force it open. Her frame was far too small and she heard the screaming getting louder and closer. A swarm of fans were heading towards her, obviously thinking the same, and dashing to the nearest emergancy exit. They were moving too fast for a flustered Eleanor and she was now shouting at the door to open. She would be crushed if the girls didn’t stop, but that didn’t stop them. The fans were in sheer panic of the situation and it was every man, or woman in this case, for themselves. ‘OPEN. OPEN. PLEASE. JUST OPEN AND LET ME OUT OF HERE. PLEASE.’ She couldn’t breathe, a panic attack dawning on her as her mind went blank as her eyes went fuzzy, blurring with tears that streaked her dainty face. Zayn, was trying to get up off of the floor but his knees kept buckling. He had to get El. He had to get her away from the mob that was going to destroy the pretty girl in the matter of seconds. He watched in fear as she banged on the door with her small fists, her throat must be raw from all of the screaming she was doing. He noted the blood streaming from her palms, obvious gashes from pounding on the door, bits of metal cutting deep into her hands. Then a miracle had happened in Zayn’s eyes, the door flew open giving Eleanor her new found freedom, but those thoughts were completely dashed as when the door unbolted she went spiralling to the floor and then she was lost. The troop of admiring fans had pushed their way through the only open space that lead them out of capitivity, trampling the once beautiful girl and leaving her broken on the floor. ‘EL!’ Was the only word Zayn could cry out, he tried crawling to her but quickly turned away. Her head was thrown back, her neck snapped, she was unrecognizable. This wasn’t Eleanor.. this was a mutilated victim. Her entire body punctured and beaten, her mouth lay open, possibly still from screaming as her life was taken from her.
He clenched his eyes shut. ‘No. No. No more. Take me.. save Liam.. save Niall. For godsake, save Niall. Take me. Please. No more.’ He pleaded to the ceiling, throwing his arms up. And then a voice snapped him out of his prayers. Niall, was trying to crawl away, his foot was horribly twisted. ‘Zayn.. get out of here. Save yourself. Please.. mate.’
Zayn couldn’t take it. He had to rescue Niall, he cared for him. He was always there for Niall. Niall was… what was Niall to Zayn exactly? All he knew was that he had to move Niall before anything bad could happen. He couldn’t loose someone else, the Irish lad was too important to him for Zayn to just let go and try to get out himself. More electric produced sparks started to hit off of the stage, this time from the enormous flat screened television that had once showed clips and pictures of the lads from their journey from X-Factor to a world wide phenononem. The left hand corner had caught alight and was making each circuit inside the machine explode. It was like a thousand fireworks had been lit, and Zayn had to shield his face and body from the flickers of burning liquid, metal wires snapped from the wall that was holding the television, sending it forward about to crush the blonde lad who was crawling across the floor, dragging his body in an shifting motion, the fear in his movements were evident as he scrambled at the hard ground, this was it and Zayn couldn’t watch. But after a few seconds he hadn’t heard a thump or a bang to signal the death of another friend. A single metal pole was barely keep the large television bolted to the wall and the Zayn put his hand to his chest, feeling his heartbeat under his shirt, it was a close call. Watching Niall open his eyes suddenly and realise that he was still alive was painful to watch, he should never have been in this position in the first place. ‘Zayn, it’s okay. I’m fine..’. Just hearing Niall say aw-kay and foi-ine, in his accent calmed the Bradford boy down like the best medication, he let out one loose breath and smiled at Niall. It was all too soon. All to safe. And then the snapping of the last metal pole sound the air and Niall was crushed underneath the two-ton television. Splaying glass everywhere and the sound of a muffle gurgle. It made Zayn spring up and shoot over to the massacre. He felt his chest splinter into a million tiny pieces. ‘No. Nialler. WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT FROM ME.’ Zayn, didn’t shout at anyone in particular in fact, he just threw the words into the air wanting someone to answer him. He stepped into a puddle, feeling water seep into his shoes but to find that it wasn’t water but a puddle of blood amde his stomach churn. The puddle of blood was leading from underneath the piece of equipment that had killed his best friend, and then he saw it. Niall’s pale hand peaking from a small gap. Zayn fell again, his knees like jello and his hands fisted into his hair. His heart beating abnormally, each pound said ‘Niall’, ‘Niall’, ‘Niall’.
An aching throb in his head settled in, much like the one from previous hours before the show. Liam.. where was Liam? And then he took a closer look at Niall’s hand, it was balled up into a fist with his index finger pointing somewhere. Somewhere across the room. His eyes followed the invisible line that was formed in his mind, Niall pointing him in the direction of danger.
Unfrozen from his spot, Liam was hurrying over to Zayn, dodging the long wires that dangled from the ceiling, still live and full of electricity. The looped down here and there but Liam was just ducking and edging his way around them. ‘Zayn, we have to get out of here. NOW. You have to leave him, mate, I’m sorry. I can’t.. Zayn.. Please. I can’t lose you too… Come on.’ The lad dropped his gaze back to the pale hand that was eerily pointing towards Liam, things happened for a reason, right? Death was doing this on purpose. And Zayn was going to watch everything, Zayn was the spectator. Death was going to make Zayn observe this sick twisted game it was playing. And Liam.. he was next. ‘Liam. LIAM. STOP DON’T MOVE BE CAFREFUL. WATCH OUT FOR THAT..’ It was far too late, what Niall had been pointing to was Harry’s trail of blood that had seeped out of his lifeless body. It was a thick river, it just kept coming from the lad. Liam slipped in the puddle that spread vastly across the stage floor and his body flew forward. One of the wires that looped down took form as a noose for Liam’s stong neck and as he fell onto it, a thinner wire wrapped it’s way around his neck, tightening the skin and strangling him. He couldn’t stand up, the liquid on the ground making his feet slide in all directions, the string around his neck getting tighter. Liam began to choke out, thrashing his head about until there was a loud cracking noise and it didn’t sound promising. Zayn, who had witnessed every death of his closest friends, couldn’t take his eyes off of this one. He watched as Liam’s lifeless body swung from the wires, his neck snapped and his eyes wide open in fear, bloodshot as the stranglation from the stings took his life far too soon. Liam. The life. The soul. The leader. The big brother of One Direction was gone. Zayn, hadn’t realised the amount of tears that fell from his chocolate eyes during this whole ordeal but now he was aware as he wept over his family that had been cruelly taken away from him.
‘Li.. Li.. oh my god. No. IS THIS WHAT YOU WANTED. FOR ME TO SUFFER? WHAT NOW? ARE YOU GOING TO LEAVE ME HERE?’
Zayn curled up into a fetal position, grasping his knees and rocking on the ground. He heard a voice in the back of his head, it was cruel, sinister voice. Harsh and cold, that made his blood curdle at the sound of his. Like nails on a chalkboard, it was unbearable.
The voice spoke to him, whispering all kinds of dastardly things into his head, screwing around with his mind that was tarnished with unwanted memories of today. The smell of burning flesh, the feeling of blood sticking to him, the sound of fire ripping through the room and pulling down the frames that held up the lights that had caused all of this. Zayn, wasn’t even hurt, there was not a scratch on the lad but his mind was scarred beyond repair as the look of all of his friends etched their way onto his brain, to be forever there for him to remember. He felt as though a shadow was watching him, a cold shiver made his spine tingle and he shivered at the new feeling that surged through his body. Rolling onto his back, his eyes clenched shut as he listened to the utterance that was whispering his ear. ‘Oh no. I would never leave you, Zayn. No. I saved the best for last.’ An evil cackle rang through his head, getting louder with each passing second which was enough for him to bring his hands to cover his ears, clawing at the skin to make the ache go away. His eyes snapped open as his ears picked up another sound, it was cracking sound and plaster fell on his face as the ceiling of the concert hall began to crumble. He watched at the metal beams broke free from the ceiling and the wires came crashing down around him, a metal spear from one of the, was spiralling down to his face, it came close and closer, the crashing around him getting louder and louder and all he saw was a bright explosion of bright blue lights, sparkling in front his orbs, he felt the warmth of the blaze on his skin and then he whispered his last goodbyes as the shadow of the poles fell onto his face, and he let out a defeaning scream.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Zayn sat upright in a cold sweat, his hand clutching the back of his neck feeling the clammyness of his skin. He felt his chest tighten and he couldn’t breathe. His eyes slowly opened and he looked around him. Niall, Harry, Louis, Liam, Eleanor and Danielle were all staring at him, wide eyed and concered. Harry was the first to speak, ‘You look like you have seen death, mate.’