(just a small comedy quip... Not the fic I've been working on)
Alastor x Reader & Vox
The Chicken
Vox moves into Hazbin Hotel looking for a way to win Alastor redemption...
You giggling with Alastor as you both try to shush the other as Alastor holds both your cargo as quietly as possible...
Alastor uses his umbrakinesis skills to keep you both almost undetectable as you both sneak down the hall to the desired room, holding back laughter at the combined diabolical plan.
Once there he sends forth his main shadow to unlock the door from the inside, keeping the hall in shadow to make sure not to awaken the victim.
You creep in together and there's a slight squeak from Alastor's hands, you both freeze, but the occupant snorts slightly in his slumber and stays that way to your relief.
You give Alastor a smug glare as he had been inistant he would make the least disturbance.
Finally you're both able to arrange everything the way you need it, swiftly and with only one small incident where you both panic as 'he' mumbled Alastor's name in his sleep, Alastor glares at you mortified and beseeching you to never mention it again.
Once safely out the room and back inside Alastor's you both fall about laughing for a good long while, making theories on what will happen when he wakes and finds the little surprise you both left... Re-enforced with Alastor's magic so it would be unremovable and indestructible until he deems otherwise.
---
The next morning...
Vox: "WHAT THE FUCK!" Followed by a loud screeching noise that has you and Alastor who had been loitering in the hall absolutely dying of laughter already, tears forming in your eyes as screech after screech sounds in Vox's room as he tries to find a solution to his problem...
Vox's door bangs open and there's a rather odd large lump in the front of his pyjama trousers, you both try and fail to look innocent as his furious look.
Vox: "What the fuck did you do to me!"
Alastor: "Why we simply gave you an upgrade, you were after all saying how versatile it was to have things interchangeable, we were just being good samaritans and giving you something worthy of your entertaining personality." He says smoothly as Vox's screen glitches and you snort in laughter.
Vox tries to round on you but Alastor steps in front of you.
Alastor: "Ah, ah, ah, old pal, I wouldn't even think of that if I were you, only I have the power to help you with your little problem and you harm a single hair on this ones head and you'll find you're stuck with a permanent attachment for as long as you exist." Alastor says so darkly even You shiver, although you're not sure if the source is fear... Or something else entirely.
Vox grumbles something along the lines of "we'll see about that" and stomps of the his room with little squeaks along the way.
You: "Have fun choking the chicken!" You call after him to raucous laughter from Alastor as you also have to lean on him for support having set yourself off too.
Vox's muffled voice swears, and there's a hilarious amount of squawking and squeaking likely finding no way to sever the rubber chicken from his pelvis and unable to find a way to loosen it from the attachment slot.
You and Alastor continue enjoying the show, both crying and holding each other for support now as Vox seemingly gives up to get ready for the day.
You both head for breakfast as there's not much else to hear as Vox heads to his bathroom... Still determined to not miss work it seems.
Breakfast was just as entertaining as Alastor willingly sat next to Vox, which one any other day would've had the TV man ecstatic yet today, he was anything but, as Alastor would find 'innocent' reasons to jostle Vox just enough for a slight squeak each time, that had you cracking up as Alastor would watch you keenly for reactions, his own face the mask of innocence as the repetitive sound had even Charlie wondering where it was coming from and asking Alastor if he could check the doors for squeaky hinges, to which he agreed knocking Vox again with a squeak as he emphatically gestures and speaks with Charlie, and Angel gives you a knowing look as you stare at Alastor.
---
Vox heads to work, he brings a briefcase and uses it to block the view of his oddly shaped bulge.
Vox makes it through with minor squeaking thankfully, but then it's time for his news segment, and unusually stays behind his desk throughout, but unfortunately and without thinking with his own exaggerated gesturing he crosses his legs with an almighty squeal from the chicken and everything goes quiet and everyone stares at Vox, who's stuck in that position now as if he uncrosses his legs the flattened chicken would reinflate with such a squark he wouldn't even live through the mortification, though he wonders if he'll survive this one.
Meanwhile at the hotel you and Alastor, who decided it was about time to put the picture box to good use and support your new 'friend', we're rolling about laughing so hard right now all the words anyone could make from the pair of you were "squawk" and "chicken".
When Vox finally returns to the hotel cheeks a darker blue than usual on his screen, he manages to corner you both and Alastor finally agrees to let Vox 'alleviate' his problem, under one condition... He makes the chicken make a loud sound on purpose in the main lobby, with Lucifer present...
Vox tried to beg, and plead, but Alastor's evil grin is unmoved and finally Vox gives in with such a death glare, 'if looks could kill' almost manifested.
Once he's gone...
Alastor: "Thank you My Dear, you were right all along, to make him leave me alone from his fawning, all I had to do was humiliate him, no wonder torture never worked".
You: "Much obliged, and you owe me money for the chicken, you know once he can get that off he'll shred it."
Alastor: "It's a deal".
Another huge squeak from the lobby has you both snickering and pelting straight towards the lobby eager to not miss the looks on everyone's faces.
So I saw a piece of art floating around on tiktok (there wasn't a link to the artist listed sadly 😭) of Lucifer and Vox holding hands while venting about Alastor.
And now I can't get the idea of the crack ship of Lucifer/Vox out of my head, because the thought of them both having a hate-fueled crush on the Radio Demon and bonding over it is honestly delightful.
Like Alastor's aroace ass is never going to give them the time of day in the way they want, so dating each other is the next best thing in their opinions. Because at least they have someone who isn't going to give them a hard time for obsessing over Alastor and who Get It.
Like imagine Vox bitching to Lucifer about how Alastor roasted him in another duet grudge battle, and then angrily making out afterward.
(I also think Alastor would actually be peeved when he figures out what's going on, because he honestly likes being the centre of the attention, and Lucifer & Vox distracting each other means less chance to piss them off)
I would not at all be surprised to find out that the real reason Alastor declined his invitation into the Vees was because Vox is hella acephobic and Alastor was not about to deal with that shit 24/7 lol
Alastor may not know what "asexual" means, but he knows bullshit when he hears it. And Vox be spewing some grade A acephobic bullshit.
Also fun fact: Lotus doesn’t speak that much, to the point of a worrying degree, but when she does her voice comes out glitchy and with a static overlay, except it sounds less controlled than Alastor's static effect.
