I never quite felt like a child.
Of course I was one and I did things every child did, like keep stuffed animals and roleplay made up games, but I never really, truly, felt like a child.
Being the youngest in my family, even in my extended family, for a long time certainly didn't help. Being constantly patronized and infantilized already made the experience even worse.
I was mentally ahead of my classmates and peers and I couldn't connect with them in a way that felt fulfilling to me. I had friends, of course, but I always felt like I was directing them, I made decisions and thought of things they wouldn't think of.
Being treated like a baby at home and being smarter than most of my peers within my age group didn't make for a good combination.
I was never classified as a "gifted" child. I never skipped any grades or took any honors classes or did anything off the ordinary course. But I was different, and in more than just being non white in predominantly white schools.
Being smarter and more perceptive than most people around me has been endlessly isolating and frustrating. I don't believe I could ever be a teacher. Explaining things that seem like common sense to me to someone who is just learning them would be torture.
I already couldn't stand my immature peers and family and I did everything I could to not be like them.
This isolation early on was already fixing my brain into that schizoid state.
