Would you say you actively identify as goth? I'm similar to you where I listen to goth music, read gothic literature, watch gothic movies/tv shows, sometimes even dress the part and generally align with the subculture but I am oddly hesitant to actually identify as goth even though all the boxes are checked since identity in general is weird and difficult for me, so I'm curious how you go about it. As a followup question, would you say the goth subculture inherently aligns with common schizoid experiences?
I kind of wrote at length about a similar topic on Quora about a year and a half ago(?). You can read it here. (A lot of my Quora answers are outdated and poorly articulated, I don't recommend looking further than this post.)
But anyway, yeah, basically. The issue I guess with associating myself with subcultures is that people tend to expect a certain level of community to come from that, they expect you to know what's going on in your local scene, be involved with drama and/or activism, have a bunch of connections into that scene, etc., which is not something I can fully connect with.
I'm not a part of subcultures for the purpose of gaining community, I'm part of subcultures that align with my interests and internal systems. The thing is, subcultures were formulated out of people who were marginalized seeking community and connecting over art that spoke to them and their experiences. And of course I get a little sick of people reducing these music-based subcultures to just their music, ignoring everything that goes into the creation of a culture.
I don't think you need to check any particular boxes in order to consider yourself goth or emo or a metalhead or whatever, but a prominent engagement in a subculture probably means you can be considered a member.
So the short answer is yes, I am a "goth", so to speak.
The gothic art that created the subculture is of a kind that many who've been forced to confront the darker sides of life often connect with on a deep level. Everyone's particular connection is unique and comes from a different place. I discussed this in my Quora answer, but in terms of the relation of my schizoid and depressive conditions to the gothic, I think it was kind of inherently in me, since I'd always been drawn to darkness and desolation even before I was explicitly aware that that's what I was drawn to.
Because the schizoid relation has so much experience with anhedonia, apathy, avolition, generally negative symptoms like that attributed to schizophrenia, what we experience is so dull and drab and empty, in a way that no one else in the world of mainstream art seems to understand. Hell, even mainstream art can touch on these concepts, but no one ever picks up on them because they can't comprehend an experience like this.
When you go through life feeling like you're piloting a corpse, chances are that art that goes on about death and existentialism and is endlessly moody and ethereal will speak to you in some way.
I don't know that it inherently aligns with the schizoid experience, a lot of schizoids are not as miserable as I am, nor are they all going to enjoy experimental art and fiction, but I believe there are a lot of parallels to the kind of art, music, and literature that was created and the way our brains are just not naturally affixed to what is enjoyed and created by the general public.
I guess that's just a general overview of my thoughts, if you have any more specific follow-up questions I can answer those too.
