Heterophily, JFDI and generative communities

[heterophily]

We’ve all held on to someone who didn’t deserve to be there, and most of us still have someone in our lives who continually drains us: Someone who doesn’t add value. Someone who isn’t supportive. Someone who takes and takes and takes without giving back. Someone who contributes very little, and prevents us from growing. Someone who constantly plays the victim. Victims become victimizers, though, and these people are dangerous: They keep us from feeling fulfilled. They keep us from living purpose-driven lives. Over time, these negative relationships become part of our identity—they define us, they become who we are.

Letting Go of Shitty Relationships | The Minimalists

[heterophily]

The Small Group must strike a delicate balance between indirection and real progress. Pure business drive is not desirable. The goal here is not to invest more in the skills you use at work. Instead, it is to be truly exploratory for no immediate purpose. It is to waste time (yet to savour it), to wander off in the wrong direction (and to find an exciting new path). Indirection and exploration should not come at the cost of doing and building. Doing and building should not come at the cost of having fun.

James Mulholland

[heterophily]

The biggest mistake we ever made with trolls was making the question of abuse about how to placate and fix them instead of how to empower the people they hurt or manage your own well-being in the face of them. Like so many abused people, we thought the solutions involved walking on eggshells and not provoking them back. But instead, we must acknowledge “that we are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful about who we pretend to be.” And that means acknowledging the awful, terrifying power of jokes and the immunity we seek in “not being serious.” This is exactly why people troll in the first place. Because deep down, they know it’s serious, and that’s exactly why it makes them feel powerful.

This brings us to the only thing I know for sure in all this: often, the online abusers win because the game is set up for them to win the moment they decide to play. They have the power to hurt, deeply and profoundly. They always have. And don’t worry, they’ll discover where this game takes them with time. But when it comes to how we respond to them, our tactics can and will vary, and they may involve anger, humor, love, tolerance, blocking, or maybe even some productive discussion. But ultimately, if we care about abuse, we cannot care most about whether we have comforted, converted, or even fed them.

We have to care more about the people they hurt.

https://www.theverge.com/2018/7/12/17561768/dont-feed-the-trolls-online-harassment-abuse

Don’t feed the trolls, and other hideous lies

The mantra about the best way to respond to online abuse has only made it worse

[heterophily]

At some point you have to exclude someone. You get to pick if it's the people feeling unsafe, or the people making them feel unsafe.

Laurie Voss on Twitter: "At some point you have to exclude someone. You get to pick if it's the people feeling unsafe, or the people making them feel unsafe."

[heterophily]

We won’t notify someone when you block them, but they’ll be able to tell they’ve been blocked if they try to visit your profile or posts while logged in.

Blocking On Medium — Medium

So blocking and then unblocking (sometimes called soft-unfollow) is the safest option. It silently removes you from the set of people that the other person is following.

[heterophily]

People in open networks have unique challenges and opportunities. Because they’re part of multiple groups, they have unique relationships, experiences, and knowledge that other people in their groups don’t. This is challenging in that it can lead to feeling like an outsider as a result of being misunderstood and under-appreciated because few people understand why you think the way you do. It is also challenging, because it requires assimilating different and conflicting perspectives into one worldview.

The No. 1 Predictor Of Career Success According To Network Science

[heterophily]

Secret is not in my rotation yet, I have to remember to check it. But when I do, it gives me lots to ponder, makes me want to ask questions, and gets me thinking about who else is in this world, and how different some of them are from me. Sure the stories are probably mostly fiction, but this is what people dream about -- their fantasies. Who they would like to be. They do something no one can afford to do on their blog or on Twitter or Facebook, they show vulnerability. And that's interesting, and in Internet communities, new.

Secret may be the next thing

[heterophily]

Whatever the skills taught on creative courses (writing, acting, etc) this ability to accept and give good feedback is a useful one in professional life, whether it’s a related field or not. But it needs three things to work well, none of which can be taken for granted:

Everyone must be able to give constructive criticism about the work.

Everyone must be able to take well-given criticism about their work.

Everyone must acknowledge that this is accepted; the environment must encourage giving useful feedback.

[heterophily]

The online disinhibition effect is a loosening (or complete abandonment) of social restrictions and inhibitions that would otherwise be present in normal face-to-face interaction during interactions with others on the Internet. This effect is caused by many factors, including dissociative anonymity, invisibility, asynchronicity, solipsistic introjection, dissociative imagination, and minimization of authority.

Online disinhibition effect - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

[heterophily]

1. A clear, tangible outcome. The best outcomes are widely recognized as important or fantastic. 2. An outrageous vision for the outcome. 3. A leader who can get people to get personally committed to the vision and the outcome. 4. Exceptionally capable people on the team – the best talent available. 5. A leader that the team respects. 6. A leader who gives the team members the information, recognition and latitude they need to deliver the outcome. 7. A leader who keeps the team focused without micro managing it. 8. A shabby workplace with access to all the equipment, materials, tools and training the team needs to deliver the outcome. 9. Team is protected from bureaucracy of the sponsor/sponsor organization. 10. The workplace enables collaboration. 11. Team is insulated from distractions. 12. There is one focus for the team – the outcome. 13. Team members have responsibilities that are aligned to their expertise, interests, and capabilities. 14. Team members are willing to work on what needs to be worked on when it needs to be worked on. 15. People don’t always get along but everyone wants to achieve the outcome so this common desire transcends individual conflicts. 16. Team members know that each team member has been personally selected for the team because he or she is most able to get the job done. 17. Failure is accepted; incompetence and disloyalty is not. 18. The team has a common enemy. 19. The team believes they are on a mission from God. 20. The team doesn’t realize their mission is impossible and impractical. 21. The team is physically separated from those not on the team but retains a linkage with the ultimate sponsors of the mission generally via the team leader(s).

21 characteristics of great teams :: Zengestrom

[heterophily]

Honesty and bluntness, but not to the point of pain. Mutual respect, but not to the point of formality and stiffness. Shared values, so the group's mission can carry it over the inevitable bumps. And, of course, actual achievement, so the group is supported by an appreciative community.

p145, The Collaborative Habit by Twyla Tharp

[heterophily]

The easy stuff on the other hand is just that.. easy. Just do something shocking/offensive/base. It is basically how one got attention in middle school. At some point when people’s desire to get the attention outweighed their need to express themselves in an authentic voice, they decide to become a shock jock.

Why there are so many Assholes on the Internet — Medium

[heterophily]

The far more common problem kids face when they go online comes from other kids: the hum of low-grade hostility, punctuated by truly damaging explosions, that is called cyberbullying.

How to Stop the Bullies - Emily Bazelon - The Atlantic

[heterophily]

Burlington Ruby Conf 2013 Handcrafting Community by Carina C. Zona (by Confreaks)

[heterophily]

The key idea behind the knol project is to highlight authors. ... Knols will include strong community tools. People will be able to submit comments, questions, edits, additional content, and so on. Anyone will be able to rate a knol or write a review of it. Knols will also include references and links to additional information. At the discretion of the author, a knol may include ads. If an author chooses to include ads, Google will provide the author with substantial revenue share from the proceeds of those ads.

Official Blog: Encouraging people to contribute knowledge

[heterophily]

Wendy Powley and Caterina Fake on nourishing online community.

224: Nourishing Online Community. Designing Workplace Culture. The NSA, Surveillance, And You. Serendipity And Global Connection. - Spark From CBC Radio (podcast)

[heterophily]

The threads of high-profile users are where some people experience the highest engagement. Lacking that level of engagement on their own posts, they see the spaces of a high-profile user as a town square. But it's not a town square. It's a salon, hosted by a person. It doesn't matter that we don't legally own space on a social platform -- each thread, ultimately, belongs to the person who created it. They have the right to ask anyone who joins in to keep the discussion on topic, or to watch their language. Perhaps more importantly, they have an obligation to the other people who have taken the time to make a thoughtful, on-topic comment. If someone runs into the discussion and begins attacking other people, or attempting to derail the discussion, as a good host, the original poster must take corrective measures. ... A lot of people out there believe open is better, that we ought to let people come in and say whatever they want, that we must make our spaces a true forum. I'm not one of those people. I believe, first and foremost, in creating a safe space for my readers. That means being vigilant. It means deleting "hiiiiii" comments that serve no purpose and lead the discussion nowhere. It means kicking disruptive people out. It means interjecting when commenters are having an argument and, if resolution is impossible, providing a level of moderation that enables them to say what they think without attacking one another.

A.V. Flox - Google - BLOCKING ISN'T CENSORSHIP Some time ago, I removed a…