2 weeks ago I received a text message from a classmate telling me I was boorish and unaware of my physical presence as a result of which I kept drifting over and banging into her where she'd surgery and radiation.
That was painful to hear, to be honest. Especially as I’ve also had surgery and have physical issues of my own. I’ve given it some thought, and I’ve seen her twice since the text message arrived. During that time I’ve realized that there are many things about her that I find grating. Initially, I thought my response was a result of her comments to me, but now I don’t think it is. I was letting these things slide in the name of friendship, when I wouldn’t normally do that.
We have a group dropbox and a group email for our class. Everyone has been using it regularly to stay on top of thing and have been uploading their best zoo pics for our class project. She has never even logged in so she’s had ZERO input or participation in our class project.
She uses her boyfriend’s email and only sees him twice a week and he has to print out her emails for her to read, then she has to write out her response for him to transcribe...I mean really?
Nor has she participated in any group conversation we’ve had regarding anything important that has come up, which means that when we meet as a group we invite her specially, and need to bring her up to speed on everything that has been discussed.
Her idea for our group project required that she sew Victorian clothing and that we dress up, and go to a park where we recite a poem about the Hoopoe (a bird that the zoo doesn’t exhibit?) making a joke about the bird lecturer from our class?
We went to the Santa Barbara Zoo together during our break from class. We left late, my fault, we arrived midday and got lunch, then spent 3-4 hours walking around the zoo. I thought it was a lovely, but long day, but she told me a few times afterward that it took her weeks to recover. Okay. Had she said then hey, this is too much for me, do you mind if we go now? Anything. I would have been happy to accommodate her, and would have even driven her car back if it would have been easier for her to relax on the way back.
On Saturday, were walking three abreast the length of the zoo. It was the weekend and mild weather so it was super CROWDED, with kids, strollers, and families streaming in both directions and tons of clusters of people weaving in and out of each other. Tons of people stopping randomly, or changing direction. The other woman and I were weaving along as one does, while she was not. She’d just stand there, let people stream past her, and then move forward. This may be a protective measure, I don’t know, but it’s not practical if you’re in a group. She should be walking by herself rather than with others in a close area like that where a lot of people are bumping into each other. Or be aware of creating a path through the crowd where she won’t be bumped into.
At one point she made a big show of moving from the middle of our group to the end. I have nerve damage so no feeling in my right foot, and after 10K steps up and down hills, I’m tired, but I was hyper aware on Saturday of not drifting into her or even being too close to her.
On another note she has chickens. Because of course she has chickens.
She claims hers are Aracaunas, a rare muffed, tailless breed from Chile. They’re not. I've never met anyone who has true Aracaunas, they don’t even sell them commercially that I know of, though some sellers mistakenly call their chicks Aracaunas. Hers, like mine, are a common mix called an Ameracauna (50% Aracauna + 50% another breed) or an Easter Egger (some smaller quantity of Aracauna or Americana that lay a variety of colored eggs, primarily green). I have 50 of them so I know something about this breed of chicken. I realize this is not a big deal as most people don’t have a clue what breed their birds really are but the part of me that believes that things should be called by their proper name rankles me.
She was telling us that she needs to get baby aracaunas or they won’t get along with the 7-year old hen that she already has, which is total bullshit. She said that this hen and the last one never really bonded as they were from different breeds Also bullshit. Chicken friendship is a complex and wonderful thing that humans will likely never understand but it’s not breed based. Only twice, in a decade, had my birds that preferred to stay with their own breed, and they were raised together which was just as likely why they roost together now.
Again, I didn’t say anything.
Finally, I noticed when we were at lunch with this third person, that she deferred to this person, and when I said something she sort of skated over it or ignored me. This became sort of interesting as the third person kept bringing the conversation back to me. At one point the other woman ignored her while she and I were talking directly to one another and the other gal she kept interrupting. I know how to behave socially I don’t need a coach and don’t know that I want a friend that needs things to be a certain way and I have to walk on eggshells around them if I don’t agree.
Permission to NOT be friends with this person?
The good thing is that after class ends, I’m guessing that it’s unlikely that we will see much of each other.
