#parental divorce

[ladyzirkonia]

I'm just truly amazed by Mando'a again.

Did you know there is a official term about ''parental divorce''? Like divorce in marriage (rare but possible) children can divorce their parents too.

The terms:

divorce (marriage) - shuk'la riduurok (lit. broken love)

parental divorce (by child) - dar'buir (lit. no longer a parent)

Just love this.

[claire-loves-music]

Wish me luck.....

I'm going to have a late dinner with my dad tonight and I bet it's going to be just as awkward as last time.

Last time, he didn't talk at all and was close to crying the entire time. So I rambled on and on about things like my dog and the weather. I'm really surprised that he didn't mention my mom or the oncoming divorce. (They have been arguing constantly through text and phone calls and not so nice things have been said. So I was preparing myself.)

I had went and got ice cream with Mom a few days ago, so now it's dinner with Dad. I'm still trying to be neutral and not take sides. I know this divorce is for the best, but it's still hard to deal with. And it's stressing me the fuck out.

[heavenlydoe]

i wish i won't become a cruel adult.

i don't know why adults love to project their problem onto the younger ones. for example, my parents are divorced and almost everyone knew it. and instead of helping me (who definitely suffers from that) or at least easing my feelings and reassuring me, they ask questions like why didn't i try to make them get back together? as if it's my duty.

my parents' failures or mistakes are not mine to fix. my parents are adults and they should've known the consequences of their acts better than me. i have nothing to do with the divorce, even though i'm their child. in fact, i am the victim of their broken relationship. i'm struggling enough as it is, i don't need more burdens to carry. especially not from people that supposed to teach me how to love. i don't even know why adults expect me to be the mediator, the peacemaker, the glue that holds my parents' marriage together. i was just a teen who didn't even know how to be a human completely, and they expected so much from me. that's just straight-up cruel and evil.

did they not realize that children are not an emotional support system for their parents despite being part of the family? it was supposed to be the other way around. i was supposed to be protected and loved and being taught how to love in healthy ways—not in the way where i grow to see love as something harmful and dangerous—and yet, i'm still handed the responsibility to heal wounds that aren't mine while i'm also bleeding. why didn't adults admit that my parents are failing their children for how they are unable to keep the marriage and teach their kids how to love properly? it's as if adults blame me for their divorce and oblige me to put their love back.

what stressing me is that i know i'm not the only child of a divorced family experiencing this. so many children whose parents are divorced are getting questions like this too. i don't even know why adults can't see children from a divorced family as someone who need helps. and when we become a rebel for not getting the guidance, love, attention, and care we're supposed to have, we get the blame for being a broken and ruined child. we became the very example of how other kids should not to become.

we get the blame for mistakes our parents' made.

i did not ask for pity from the adults—or everyone. no, that's not what i want. just a little bit of empathy is enough. adults don't gotta go further to pay for my needs or provide my life. all they need to do is just being thoughtful instead of insensitive of someone's conditions. instead of subtly blaming the child of a divorce, try to ask how they are feeling. that's much much much better than asking them why they don't try to get their parents back together again.

now that i'm the adult my self, i wish i won't turn cruel and even if i do, i hope i die soon.

[sunny-dae-dream]

I, at 21 years of age, am now the child of divorced parents, just 8 months into my own marriage.

After nearly 38 years of marriage, my father decided that he would rather go behind my mothers back and sleep around, then be a half decent human being and end a marriage that he was unhappy in. Divorce was likely inevitable even without his disgusting behavior due to him not “feeling satisfied” which, yes, is valid, if you are unhappy in your relationship, work to fix it, and if its not fixable, end the relationship. There is no shame in admitting that things just arent working, no matter how long you have been in the relationship. Yes it sucks, but I actually have respect for people that can put their hand up and say “This hasn’t been working for a while, and our attempts to fix it are also not helping, so its time to walk away.” But no, instead of being an adult and working to fix his problems, or end a marriage he was unhappy in, he put my mother through so much hell with constant emotional and physical cheating, that she ended up in a psych ward to prevent her from attempting to take her own life. It took them actually telling me about their divorce and why they are getting divorced to find out why she snapped in a way that is COMPLETELY outside of her nature.  So please, to the people who keep asking, no. There isn’t any chance of them “working it out”. Despite seeming “like the perfect couple” Trust me, I was just as blind sighted as you when I found out about the divorce. But please, stop asking if they are going to work out, because there is no recovery from a repeated history of him blatantly disrespecting her through their entire marriage. This has been an off and on thing for years. I knew about the past, but this time he went above and beyond his past levels of shittyness. Once a cheat, always a cheat. And worthy of no respect in my eyes.

[anxietys-room]

So about three months ago my mother said she was leaving my dad but she hasn’t moved out yet and as far as I can tell she isn’t even looking for a place to move to. And I’m worried about my dads mental state

That’s not very nice of her at all. If you can, maybe you should talk to them separately about your concerns and just see what’s up. Im sorry that you have to be in the middle of this

Anyone have other advice?

-Mod Kenan (that’s right, im back now.)

[claire-loves-music]

So Tuesday the 22nd is the big day. My parents have signed all the divorce papers and will be going in front of the judge. I think it finally really hit me that this happening. My family is broken. Yeah, we didn't have the healthiest or happiest family relationship, but it was still my family and all I knew. And I'm so scared of something bad happening. My parents have been split up since September and stuff has been said. I don't know if it was said out of feeling hurt or if he meant it.

My mom also changed her last name back to her maiden one on Facebook. I burst out crying when I saw it. It felt like she wasn't my mom anymore(?) Like I know she is still my mom, but seeing her with a different last name felt like she wasn't. It's hard to explain.

I don't know if things will be better once it is all over. I hope so.

[is-this-a-jagger-i-see-before-me]

If your parents are divorcing, you may experience many feelings.

literally the best advice I could find on parental divorce omfg 

[anowlnamedpig]

Looking for participants for my thesis:

Hey guys, I'm working on my Master's degree in Experimental Psychology at Towson University and my program requires a thesis. I'm looking at the relationship between parental marital status, young adult relationships, and well-being. The survey will only take about 20-30 minutes to complete and it is completely online. Everything is 100% confidential and you can feel free to stop participating at absolutely any time. The only requirement to participate is that you must be between 18-30 years old. If your parents are still married, you are still more than welcome to participate. Thank you so much and I really appreciate anyone participating. Link to the study: https://www.surveymonkey.com/s/8YHMC66