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Glad to get back into the world of journaling. This year will be a year of articulation and self-discovery through meditation and journaling. Trying to get into stoicism and finding where it intersects with being a follower of the Way. Note to self: Do it for the joy of it not out of obligation.

#Pauchii #pau-chii #journaling #stoicism #2020

Suddenly felt the urge to re-read Lemony Snicket books.

All the wrong questions and A series of unfortunate events... Maybe because I know they will make me feel less miserable since they go through such unfortunate events yet they still hope... And yet they still celebrate small victories and friendships made along the way. Yet they still trust.

#Thoughts #Mine #Pauchii #Pau-chii #lemony snicket #All the wrong questions #A series of unfortunate events #Books #Reading

Don't just go where the "hype" takes you. Decide* where you want to go and be all there.

Because life is too short to make the same mistakes all over again. *I don't mean this like make a random choice and then stand by it. I mean this like seek wise counsel if you feel stuck, seek God's leading if you feel lost, and drench yourself in His Word when you feel like you are not in your optimal state. And when the Lord blesses you with the wisdom to finally decide, choose His will. Because I've been on the other side. I sought for wise counsel, I sought for God's leading and I tried my best to saturate myself with God's Word but in the end even though I knew what I should do, I chose the other path. I learned a lot from that. I learned that He doesn't make us do what He wants. He wants us to choose Him over the countless other things that compete for our attention. He wants us to choose Him because in Him there is freedom to be who He has made us to be. No pretensions. There is nothing that we need to change in ourselves to make Him love us. Because in Him we can rest in His presence without looking over our shoulder. Because in Him we can put our trust and that we will not be disappointed. Our expectations and plans might not be met but only because He has something far greater than what our mind can ever conceive. To end, I wrote this to remind myself of all this because I am scared of making the same mistake of choosing my own will over His. I could have saved myself from all the tears and heartache but I know He didn't permit it to happen in my life to bring me harm. Instead, He let it happen for me to learn more of who He is. For me to learn that everyone else may choose to leave, but He never will. And now, I know.

#reminder #feelings #decisions #Mine #thoughts #Pauchii #Pau-chii #Mistakes #relationship with god

We let feelings out so it won't bog us down.

#Feelings #Mine #Pauchii #Pau-chii

A short cover of Too Good At Goodbyes by Sam Smith. Requested by a friend. :) Hope you like it.

#Pauchii #Pau-chii #Song cover #Sam Smith #too good at goodbyes #Acoustic cover #Ibanez guitar

Naalala ko na naman...

Kung bakit nung isang araw di nag-alarm yung phone ko ng umaga. Dahil nung kinagabihan, nalungkot ako. At pag nalulungkot ako dahil sa pagka alala ko sa'yo, nagsusulat ako. Nagkataon na sa phone ako nag compose ng sulatin at nakatulugan ko na sa tabi ko yung phone ko at hindi ko naikabit sa charger habang 5% na lang ang battery. Nakatulugan ko parang kung pano ko nakatulugan ang pag iyak kong di ko alam pano na natapos. Nawalan na lang ako ng malay at natuyuan ng luha noong gabing 'yon. Ayun. Naalala ko din kung ano yung sinulat ko. Sinulat kong na-mi-miss ko yung kaibigan kong di na ako tinatratong kaibigan ngayon. At may mga nabalitaan akong mga bagay na tumutulak sakin sa katotohanan na dapat magising na ako. Kailangan kong itatak sa kukote ko na ang mga taong tunay na interesado sa akin at may pakialam sa buhay ko ay hindi basta-bastang aalis sa unang senyales ng paglayo ko. Kasi base sa karanasan ko, madalas ang mga taong lumalayo ang nangangailangan ng kalinga. Minsan kaya sila lumalayo dahil nahihiya na silang paulit-ulit na lang ang bukambibig nilang problema at ayaw na nilang maka abala. At ang mga taong tunay na may pakialam at tunay na nagmamahal ay ang mga taong nag aabot ng kamay nila at lumalapit kahit pilit kang lumalayo. Kaya, ikaw, yung mga ganyang tao sa buhay mo, wag mong babalewalain. Wag mo silang bibitawan. At pag sila naman ang lumayo, wag mo silang iiwan. Pero sa kabilang banda, ang mga taong hindi man lang mag aabalang mag tanong at sasabayan pa ang paglayo mo, di sapat ang pagmamahal nila sayo para umabot sa puntong aabutin ka nila sa pagka dapa mo. Baka di rin sila nararapat para sa buhay mo. Oo, sige, umiyak ka. Iyakan mo ang mga alaalang iniwan nila. Kung gusto mo itapon mo lahat ng bagay na nagpapa alala sayo. Kung gusto mo, burahin mo lahat ng litratong iniwan nila sa phone mo. Sino ba namang tao ang natutuwa pag iniiwanan? Pag may lumilisan? Kung gusto mo mag mukmok ka. Pero siguraduhin mong pagkatapos mong malungkot at umiyak, ngingiti ka na ulit. Wag mo nang bitbitin ang bigat sa puso mo. Idamay mo na yun sa mga luhang umalis at dumaloy sa mga mata mo. Hayaan mo na silang lumaya. Hayaan mo din na lumaya ka mula sa lungkot na dulot nila. Isipin mo na lang na matapos ang matinding apoy na dumaan sa buhay mo, nakita mo lang kung sino ang mga nasa paligid mo na dalisay at tapat at tunay na nagpapahalaga sayo. Sana sa mga ito, kahit papano may ma-encourage ako. Kahit na ang lahat ng ito ay sinasabi ko para sa sarili ko. Di ko alam kung ilang beses ako magsasabi ng paalam hanggang sa dumating ako sa totoong pagbitiw. Pero pwede na itong ibilang sa mga paalam na kailangan kong sambitin. Isang hakbang patungo sa huli.