Despite ForestClan's best efforts - the Living Tendrils appear when Cloudthunder gives birth. The tendrils steal two of Cloudthunder's five kits. Redstar latches onto a tendril and tried to sacrifice herself to save one of the kits. She can only return to camp with a body. Redstar now has 7 lives left.
ForestClan tried. They really, really did. It's why it hurt so much when they failed.
They piled cold snow around their walls. They lit fires, and preserved them with pine resin. They even gave a crash course to the former outsiders on how to use half-burned sticks that were still white with ash and flashing red with the heat of cinders. Windfur had given Shiverpaw detailed instructions on how to assist a queen's delivery, and even used a dummy made of deer hide, dried straw and newborn-sized stones to let her practice. They were prepared, and ready to be quick and efficient with repelling the dangers.
It hurt so, so badly when it was not enough.
Cloudthunder thought she had mentally prepared herself for this. For three moons, she desperately tried to pretend she wasn’t pregnant. If she could pretend she was never going to be a mother, then she wouldn’t get attached. After all, it was true. It was fully possible that she was never going to be a mother, and that was alright. This was an accident, anyway. She expected nothing, and if she ended up with something - well, that was a pleasant surprise. She talked to Iciclepool, and Olive, and even Riversnow offered a few words of support. Sure, she had to ignore the shards of worry that scattered their expressions every now and again, but that was alright. Of course they'd be worried - she was their Clanmate. But it would be alright, no matter what happened.
This was a complete failure.
She gave birth to five kits. Five. It took everything in her to not grow attached to every single wriggling kit that Shiverpaw and Windfur helped her deliver. She saw the mounting dread in their eyes as she gave birth to her third kit, and yet she wasn't done. Cloudthunder felt terror surge through her as she heard violent yowling and the crackling of roots snapping the ice off of their ends.
She yowled in despair when Windfur and Shiverpaw were assaulted and thrown to the back of the nursery, and then she found herself with two less kits.
Her heart was carved in half. She wailed, and wailed, and wailed.
*******
Redstar's jaw was locked on one of the tendrils like a bear trap.
She refused to let go.
Not even when she knew it was too late. Not even when she felt her leg shatter again. Not even as the tendrils started retreating, and the vine in her jaws writhed and hissed and pulled her with the strength of rabid dogs. She barely heard the cries of Iciclepool and Hopechase as her body was dragged over the camp walls and through the cold woods. She was filled with indomitable fury. Her claws flailed as she sought to grasp anything to stop its movement.
She grasped on a tree's trunk, and felt her claws rake across the bark uselessly as the tendrils pulled her. She snarled as she felt twigs and snow pelt her eyes. The tendrils wrapped tightly around her muzzle, and grasped for a way to wrench her mouth open to free itself.
It would never find a way. Its disgusting attempt reminded her of Lakestar begging for her life before her death. Ruthless murderer, pleading for mercy. Redstar bit down harder until her gums went numb.
It had no right to demand mercy.
She felt pain surge through her as her broken leg was now mangled thanks to the forest floor. She wouldn't be able to use her body to slow herself down - she had to trap it. Force its hand. Her eyes darted as she saw other tendrils retreating in the distance, coiled around the stolen kits. She could do it. She could force them to choose her. She just needed -
She grunted as her head hit a branch. She hissed, then felt her body moving…at an incline. Her eyes widened. She frantically tried to readjust her eyes. She was being dragged down a hill, down a center path, towards a Woodcrawler den she was all too familiar with.
That's it! Redstar knew where a large oak was - that was how she'd do it. She held her breath and shifted her entire weight towards the right, forcing the tendril's path with her. Her eyes narrowed and her body tensed as they approached the tree, and she braced herself. The tendril hooked itself around the oak tree, and Redstar's weight prevented it from untangling itself, pulling taut. Redstar raked her claws around the tree's trunk, anchoring herself to it. The tendrils thrashed as something from the den was desperately trying to retrieve its appendage. Its writhing became more and more desperate, like a fox bleeding out in a fox trap, and Redstar had no mercy.
She glanced to see one of the coiled tendrils in the distance buckling and writhing in the snow. It twitched like an insect's dying throes.
Come on, she thought. Kill me. Let it go and kill me. Do it!
The last thing she remembers is the coiled tendril releasing its former prey, and diving towards her. She felt the tendrils wrap around her neck, and she wanted to gasp as the air was stolen from her lungs. But no. She would not. She could not release it. She would die. She had to die. She allowed her heart to beat with overwhelming terror, and she felt her vision leave her as nothing could enter her body. Then, she felt surprised when the pain was instantly gone, replaced with blackness.
Redstar gasped and felt air return to her lungs. She swallowed the oxygen around her as relief and life coursed through her again, and she found herself lying on pale, blue grass, painted over an endless sky of stars. He allowed her heart and lungs to slow, and she slowly turned her head around.
Her eyes fell on a grey and white kit, his hazel eyes twinkling with starlight.
"Warblerkit," she rasped.
"Hi Redstar," he meowed. "Icypaw told me that you're losing a life. I, um…I didn't know you could do that." Warblerkit's eyes beamed excited awe. "That's really cool."
If Redstar hadn't been filled with adrenaline, she might've laughed. But instead, she just swallowed.
"How…is my body right now?"
"Um…" Warblerkit stared out into the distance, and his starry eyes glowed. He winced. "Well…the tendrils slowed down. I think you made them really tired."
"Good," she huffed. "But my body, Warblerkit, please."
"I think it's trying to heal your leg. I can't really tell. And your eyes."
"Eyes?"
"Um…tendrils went in it," Warblerkit winced again. "I-It's out now, but…"
"That's alright. Thank you, Warblerkit," Redstar sighed. So that's why she didn't suffocate to death.
"Oh, hello!" Warblerkit chirped. He pranced behind Redstar suddenly, and when she followed him with her gaze, her heart dropped as she saw the truth. Two small, newborn kits, the center of their lucid bodies bright and compact like dense, forming stars. They let out confused mews, and yet their cries went quiet as they found each other and huddled together with security and comfort. Wablerkit pressed his nose against their pelts, and said cheerfully, "It's okay, you'll be safe here. You can try again some other day, okay?"
"Warblerkit," Redstar breathed, confusion and grief filling her.
"There's this really nice molly named Whiteflower that said newborns haven't fully lived, so sometimes, their stars go in other kits when they're born." Warblerkit looked up at Redstar, his hazel eyes flickering. "...I, um…I know you wanted to save one of them." His ears folded sadly. "I'm sorry."
Redstar felt her heart sink. She knew that it was too late. Deep in her heart, she knew.
Redstar's vision turned black, and the next moment, her eyes flew open.
Warblerkit was right. The tendrils were dragging her body very slowly towards the den, like a snake trying to constrict its prey. But the speed it had while trying to escape their camp was spent. Redstar remained still, playing dead to not alert the tendrils. Her gaze darted around. She saw that they were wrapped around her active legs…and they left her broken one alone. A mistake, as it had now healed.
Redstar took a deep breath, and slowly dragged her back paw to her other, and unsheathed her claws.
She yanked the tendrils off the back and scrambled up, pulling her front legs out of the wrappings before dashing up the hill, and looking back.
Just like that time last newleaf, she watched as the tendrils grasped more firmly around a fading, grey echo of her former self, and dragged it more aggressively into the den, until it was wrapped in roots.
Redstar let her heart beat rapidly. She stood, and waited, until everything fell quiet, and only the leaf-bare gale remained.
She stood still for a short while, until she jumped back down the hill and rushed towards the direction of the bundle that the tendril released. Her pawsteps slowed as she found what she knew she would, and she felt tears well as she saw the limp, suffocated form of a white and silver kit.
Redstar stared up at the stars and released an angry caterwaul, then buried her nose in the pelt of the tiny kit.
"I'm sorry," she whimpered. "I'm so, so sorry. I failed you. Please forgive me."
******
It didn't take long for Tree and Hopechase to find Redstar. When Hopechase saw the limp body of the newborn being carried by her leader, she glanced at Redstar's now-healed leg, and her gaze softened.
Tree was solemn, and somewhat wary at Redstar's now-healed form. Their tail flicked once, and that was enough for Hopechase to quietly explain.
"Redstar has nine lives, blessed by StarClan. We spoke of it before."
"...And StarClan can heal injuries like this?" Tree's voice was trembling.
"If she dies…yes."
"...Can they…" Tree trailed off, staring at the small body. Hopechase's ears folded back, and she shook her head sadly.
Redstar's gaze remained distant and exhausted. She gently put down the body, and kept her head bowed. "...I tried. I tried to save them. I'm sorry."
Hopechase sighed deeply and brought her nose to Redstar's head. "No one expected you to, Red."
"But I should have. I should have done better."
"Redstar." Hopechase's tone forced the calico tabby to look up. Hopechase's blue eyes were firm, then softened with kindness. "You did more than any cat could've ever done. You retrieved a body. Denied the woods another catch. I know it'll never be enough, in your eyes." Hopechase placed her tail on her leader's shoulder. "But I promise that it means something."
Tree nodded slowly. "...The roots take everything. But Cloudthunder can grieve this kit, at least."
Hopechase purred in approval. She paused, then asked, "It's only this one you retrieved, yes?"
Redstar nodded weakly.
"Let's not be here for longer than needed," Tree meowed.
When the three returned back to camp, Redstar felt her stomach turn to stone again as she saw Cloudthunder's eyes widen with hope from the nursery, until she looked closer, and her heart broke all over again. Windfur trotted across camp, prepared to treat Redstar, only to stop and his expression faltered when he saw her walking. He looked down at the dead kit, then sighed.
"...I'm sorry, Redstar," he said glumly. "I thought…I thought I could work faster…"
Redstar merely shook her head. The world around her moved as Iciclepool gently took the weight from her. Shiverpaw tended to Cloudthunder, sympathetically pressing her head against the queen's. Windfur quickly treated everyone's injuries. Barleywave and Hopechase started gathering larger branches, preparing a small funeral pyre.
Redstar went through the motions as her clanmates gathered around the pyre. Cloudthunder forced herself to walk out of the nursery and sit vigil for the body of one of her two kits. Redstar recited the Rite of the Lost, partook in the ritual meal, and allowed cats to grieve in silence. Branchkit seemed distraught, and Perchkit was staring vacantly at the fire, her pupils mere slits. Redstar felt her heart sink for the two kits. Was this...their first experience with death? Yes. It had to be. This would've been so hard for them both, especially after the noise and the chaos.
Riversnow's cream pelt was grey with mud and soot. She must've tried to grab the hot cinders when her stake broke in the battle. A heavy emptiness rested in her eyes. She didn't touch the funerary food before her. It was only when Barleywave quietly sat beside her and whispered something, did she reluctantly bite off a corner of the jerky.
Iciclepool's expression was distant. Hopechase sat next to her gently. The white molly let out a sigh, and pressed her head against Hopechase's shoulder. Hopechase rested her chin on her head in response, her blue eyes filled with sympathy.
When the ritual was done and the body was burned, Redstar helped Windfur gather the ashes, and carry it to the graveyard. The process was heavy on her heart. But she bore it. It was the least she could do.
By the time she returned to camp and cautiously approached the nursery, she heard Shiverpaw and Cloudthunder speaking.
"...The other was a white and light grey one. It…it had a white patch over its ears and eyes," Shiverpaw said quietly.
"...Like flower petals?" Cloudthunder's meow was small.
"Yes…I would say so." Shiverpaw's voice tightened.
"Magnoliakit." Cloudthunder said, wavering. "Thank you, Shiverpaw. It hurts. But…" Her voice tapered into a sob. "I can't forget. I just can't. Never, ever, ever…"
Redstar closed her eyes tightly as she fought back her own lump in her throat. She named her lost kits. Oh, StarClan, she named them. How she wished she brought them back alive. She wished she was stronger, more powerful. Why? Why this?
"Redstar?"
Shiverpaw must've seen her. Redstar swallowed down her sorrow and gently peered into the nursery. Cloudthunder and Redstar's eyes met, and there was a shared understanding of pain between them.
"I'm sorry," Redstar said.
The gray and white molly shook her head sadly, wordlessly grooming her still-living kits. After a long moment of silence, she said, "...At least, I'm still a mother…right?"
"You always would've been one."
"...I understand that now." Cloudthunder looked back up at her leader. "...Thank you for trying. Thank you for bringing…for bringing Bearkit back," she whispered. "So I could say goodbye."
"He should've been with you," Redstar retorted. The words held no teeth.
Shiverpaw stared at the floor during this exchange, until finally, she uttered, "I'm sorry that I didn't work faster. I learned as much from Windfur as I could. I didn't know it would be…"
"No, Shiverpaw," Redstar interjected. She rested her tail on the apprentice's shoulder. "No. This isn't your fault. You did what you could."
Shiverpaw took her blue eyes to her leader. There was an innocence and a level of wisdom that Redstar couldn't identify. "...So did you."
---
Redstar retrieving one of the bodies of Cloudthunder's kits provided her with some closure. She names her stolen kits Bearkit and Magnoliakit, to not forget them. Then, she names her living children, praying that they outlive her tenfold.
(Cloudthunder, warrior, female, 43 moons. Adventurous)
(Deerkit, kitten, female, 0 moons. Brown and high white tabby. Know-it-all.)
(Cottonkit, kitten, female, 0 moons. Chocolate tabby. Fearless.)
(Airkit, kitten, male, 0 moons. Grey and white tabby. Polite.)
(Bearkit, male, StarClan cat.)
(Magnoliakit, male, StarClan cat.)
