So, I got a bunch of responses on my posts last week about the ADHD/Anxiety diagnosis and I appreciated all the support and advice. As an update, I’m waiting on the official writeup, which I hope to have by end of May, and at the start of June I have an appointment with a psychiatrist who specializes in adult ADHD and medication management. In the meantime I’m googling occasionally but otherwise just kind of sitting with the information and figuring out what I think.
In any case, one of the strongest responses I got, especially in private, was thanks for being so visible not just with the diagnosis but with my thoughts and feelings about it. Which doesn’t seem like a particularly hard thing for me to do; I know reactions vary, but I enjoy public dialogue about this kind of thing. So while I can’t reply to all of even most of the comments, and some I chose not to reply to because they were seemingly quite personal, I thought I would post up a few that seemed relevant.
If you have stuff to say feel free to comment or reblog; if you send an ask bear in mind that A) anon asks might not get replies and B) non-anon asks may get only private ones, since I’m trying to control the dialogue a little, to keep it a safe space for people to engage.
Also the tag for all this stuff is “Sam has ADHD” if you need to block it. I have 25,000 readers, I promise I will not notice nor will I be hurt if you have the tag blacklisted. :D
sumeriasmith
Anxiety and ADHD are conditions frequently comorbid, so it's not surprising to me that a test for the one evaluates the other. That said, if it's not too rude to mention, the _degree_ to which a surprise diagnosis for anxiety feels like a personal failure and causes you such an intense reaction is... probably due to the anxiety?
Oh, possibly. Though I begin to wonder if I’m working off a different definition of anxiety than I ought to be, like -- maybe I haven’t quite internalized the idea of anxiety in the way people are meant to. This does sometimes happen, where I think a word means one thing because it has in my personal experience, and actually it’s quite different. I mean, yes I do think I failed the Secret Being Normal Test, but I don’t see that as a flaw? It feels like a lot of people see a failure at something as evidence of being a bad person, and I just see it as a failure, with “fail” being pretty value-neutral. I don’t seem to couple failing-at-doing-something with being-a-failure in the way a lot of people seem to.
At one point in the test I told the woman “I’m doing so badly at this it’s almost impressive” just to make a joke, and she was like “But you’re trying your hardest, right?” and I said “Well...yeah, of course” fairly baffled, and only realized later she was possibly trying to comfort me, not checking to make sure I wasn’t sabotaging the test on purpose. I don’t mind failure particularly, especially when it’s so incredibly low-stakes, this specific failure just blindsided me because unlike usually, I wasn’t aware it was happening as it happened.
perminas
while best practice is usually to be in consistent talking therapy while taking adhd meds, you can absolutely get an assessment and find a psychiatrist - fairly easily on zocdoc! - who will not withhold medication if you don't continue therapy. i have one! she's in chicago and does telemed, even for adhd meds, if you want a recommendation!
Oh, thanks! I found a dude in the loop (near my home) who fits the bill, and the clinic seems pretty legit, but if he sets off alarm bells I may hit you back :D
Man there is a lot of bullshit wank that pulls up on Google when you search for anything related to mental health or learning disabilities. Also there are some scaaaaaaams out there and they’re hitting up top on the algorithm, don’t love that.
katestamps
Sending huge virtual hugs. No idea what insurance will pay for but there is also music, art and even theater therapy as opposed to just talk therapy and that may feel less awkward than traditional talk therapy if you want to go the therapy route. Also you may have more options with virtual appointments as opposed to them in your immediate area.
For a second I was like “Oh shit I could just go do theatre as therapy?” and then I realized it was probably like...theatre involving therapeutic themes, not just “working stagehand for a local production of Hairspray”. :D Which honestly sounds kind of exhausting anyway, before you introduce working through your issues, but it does explain a bit about my entire college career.
Man. I had some art therapy in my teens in California in the 90s and that...was a whole ass real trip I had forgotten about. You couldn’t pay me to be a teenager again.
flippedroundagain
You don't owe it to tumblr to be "well adjusted" about your own shit. It's A Lot to process! I hope the diagnosis ends up helping and that you find good care.
Well, no, but I do owe it to tumblr that, if I’m going to be public about it and tag the post with the various issues, I need to not be offensive or so fucked up I’m hurting other people. Like, not that I think this, but I’ve seen people say “I can’t have a learning disability, I’m normal” like everyone who has one is somehow a freak. If I’m going to express something like that, because nobody can be super healthy about this shit all the time, I need to find an appropriate place to put that, which isn’t “right in front of other people with the problem I’m bitching about.”
It’s okay to be both hurting and conscious of not hurting others. It’s just a matter of making sure that either I say stuff that isn’t hurtful, or I warn that I might be inadvertently hurtful as I work through shit.
perminas replied to your post “Darcy’s take on Elizabeth’s family in his letter is pretty dickish,...”
i think darcy has an especially keen insight into mr. bennet that elizabeth might not have - elizabeth's contrasts for mr. bennet are her mother and sir william lucas, who make anyone clever look good, whereas darcy is able to view bennet specifically as a head of household failing in that duty. darcy's high standards and his own struggle to do right would make mr. bennet's failures seem even worse by comparison.
it's interesting that we don't get (or i don't remember) any description of how the bennets interact with the poor in the village. it seems like most other austen heroines see that as part of their duty, and the bennets are principal inhabitants of their town. if mr. bennet was as lazy there as he is elsewhere, i think elizabeth would have some private thoughts about that.
Hmm, well, I think it’s worth going back to Elizabeth’s response to Darcy’s conduct towards his dependents:
The commendation bestowed on him by Mrs Reynolds was of no trifling nature. What praise is more valuable than the praise of an intelligent servant? As a brother, a landlord, a master, she considered how many people's happiness were in his guardianship!—How much of pleasure or pain it was in his power to bestow!—How much of good or evil must be done by him!
This can be seen in various ways, but my impression is that it’s a sudden realization; she’s not just considering these things, but considering them for the first time, or at least in a way she never has before. Personally, I see this as part of her character growth, a swerve from a pattern of understanding the world overwhelmingly in terms of herself.
So I’m not at all sure of the degree to which Elizabeth would react to Mr Bennet as landlord previous to that point. It certainly never comes up in her private criticisms of him, and she doesn’t seem to connect Darcy-as-landlord to Mr Bennet-as-landlord in any way. And as you say, it doesn’t seem that the girls are involved with the working of the estate and village (compared to, say, Emma). If Mr Bennet’s conduct as landlord were obtrusively objectionable, I think she’d notice that, but there’s no indication that it is—and so the whole question might well fall pretty far beneath her radar for much of the novel.
In the letter, Darcy talks about “that total want of propriety” betrayed “even by your father.” To me, that suggests that Mr Bennet’s lack of decorum, particularly towards his family, is the issue at hand. That would be fundamentally similar to Elizabeth’s own view, despite the filter of his outside perspective. But then, “fundamentally similar ideas despite different perspectives” is often the story of their relationship.
3! feel free to add more books in reaching distance :)
3: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.
“...but far the best he loved Everard Fawkener. Fawkener was ten years older than he and came from the same class; his father was a mercer, as Voltaire’s grandfather had been, and his grandfather a druggist.”
Voltaire in Love by Nancy Mitford
“...to communicate in a nongendering way, given that grammatical gendering, in Spanish, along with most other Indo-European languages, is reflected in other parts of speech than the pronouns.”
Transgender History: The Roots of Today’s Revolution by Susan Stryker
“She didn’t resonate.”
The Destruction of Hillary Clinton by Susan Bordo
“It makes love seem like a distant dream. It goes without saying that the knock-on effects of this can be huge.”
Introduction to Trans Love: An Anthology of Transgender and Non-Binary Voices edited by Freiya Benson
“So what’s wrong with somebody playing three of your songs?”
The White Album by Joan Didion
“I wouldn’t say I prefer it to the usual smoked salmon, but it is an interesting alternative.”
perminas replied to your post “Why am I getting called out by my Dominos delivery guy lmao. “You...”
i'm baffled that you get into that kind of depth with your domino's guy. whenever mine comes i honestly struggle to get the pizza box back through the barely-cracked door.
Yeah lmao I usually order Dominos when I’m in a tired and vulnerable place so Pedro and I have had some real conversations.
i was a kindergarten teacher and tutor for elementary-age kids, but that may not be Enough Teacher
this is absolutely Enough Teacher
my questions are:
when do you get your list of students who are going to be in your class that year
if one of the students who was supposed to be in your class moved away shortly before the school year began, when would you be informed (if at all, idfk)
did you know in france none of the students have to provide their own lunch? they get lunch at school. what do you think that’s like?
3. if one of your students didn’t have a lunch, is there a process for feeding
them anyway at your school or is it just like “sucks to suck”?
perminas replied to yourpost:my. longterm goal. is to get a position at this...
stage a super serious experimental class where everyone is FORBIDDEN from speaking in any academic jargon. claim it’s teaching them about the trauma of enforced code switching
