#personal mouse post

[secretsinthevoid]

Ordering the little one’s school picture and the spouse asked if we wanted to do the same thing as last year;

Me: “yeah, because I want one every year and your mother probably wants one. Aunt and grandma will not be getting one.”

Him: “Why?”

Me: “They’re doing the same shit they did when I was a child and it shouldn’t be up to me to do check ins or anything.”

Him: “Yeah, it is a two way street.”

If they really want them I guess I can give them the info and they can order whatever they want for themselves but, I’m done attempting to put effort into a one way relationship with anyone.

[secretsinthevoid]

Got the process to get an official autism diagnosis started. When they called they asked for my pronouns 😭 no ones ever asked that before. I’m excited and nervous to start this next chapter in my healing journey.

I also can tell my therapist I got it accomplished cause she was worried about me the last time since I hadn’t done yet and it’s kind of our only “goal” at the moment.

[secretsinthevoid]

Crazy that it’s been 8 years that spouse and I have been together. He’s seen me at my worst, helped me put myself back together, supported me through everything, reminded me what unconditional love is, and how to love myself better. It hasn’t always been easy, but it has been worth it. He’s my best friend and I can’t wait to see what the years ahead bring.

[secretsinthevoid]

In therapy we talked about the ever so hot topic of the in-law and her bullshit that is constantly disrespecting boundaries among other things. Felt really good to have my therapist validate the decision spouse and I made regarding “family time” at the in-laws. She (the therapist) said it really well, that we are our own little family and we’re making our own traditions and memories. So now the in-law can spend Xmas mad that she didn’t get her way being pushy and manipulative.

[secretsinthevoid]

One thing I was dreading with the upcoming surgery has already happened. The fake concern from the in-laws. I’m sure she concerns just because her son and grandchild are involved, but anytime we asked her for help beforehand she always gave us excuses as to why she couldn’t until we stopped asking her for help completely. I have no family that I could ask to help because my aunt lives almost 5 hours away and my grandma lives in another state. Even if they wanted to help out they both have a lot going on and I don’t expect them to or want them to drop what they’re doing to help me.

I’ve never had a good relationship with her or that family and I refuse to put effort, time, and energy into a one sided relationship. Especially when they act like I don’t exist when I do feel okay enough to go to one of their stupid “family” functions, or even when she occasionally comes to get my kid and drop them off. Is it because I don’t play her stupid games? Because I don’t have the same shitty views as her? Because I wouldn’t entertain a certain conversation? Because I set boundaries?

[secretsinthevoid]

Got what will hopefully be my last surgery for awhile scheduled.