#personal vent?

[the-absent-minded-sys]

For singlets grossly overqualified

For systems grossly underqualified

[freakstertheripist]

Having a emotionally abusive mom is so funny cuz wdym you got disgusted cuz I ate a corndog at the mall 😭 then she call me a fat slob :p

[jelestes]

yeah having daddy issues is shitty and stuff but mommy issues WILL turn you into a deranged unhinged shell of a human being, it’s honestly disturbing to see how i can be so emotionally unattached from people and still crave for them all the time, it’s like someone (my mother) ripped my heart out and i tried to put it back together by glueing it to my rib cages. ugh.

[jojosbabe]

Ok *cracks knuckles* time for y'all to understand keicho.

Tbh i know this may sound mean to some

But honestly if you are a single child. Don't have siblings. Or are not an older sibling.

I don't really think you can capture keicho nijimuras character.

Its not that you couldn't write him. Its i dont expect these people to get it done well.

It kinda hurts me when people don't do siblings well.

But that aside. I know people have different feels. And thats ok. But the nijimuras are close to me. And i wont stand for slander on any of em.

The nijimura brothers arch hit me close. As i completely understand keicho's character. And the shit he had to go through. What its like to kinda lose that feeling of being the fun big brother to having to help take care of family. Granted mine wasn't as oof. But it still is a sombering feeling. That you grow up to damn quick.

And now you look back and ask. Where did the time go? I went through a lot of shit tbh as a kid. But my personal experiences aside. Keicho's i absolutely understood where he came from. What he smart bout it? Nah. He did deserve that ass whoppin from josuke. But he got it. And lost. But he isn't bad and he hesitated and thought about giving the bow n arrow. But his pride got in the way. And didn't know how to atone and repent. But probably he didn't have anyone approach him in that way before. He probably didn't have many friends or people to talk to. As many people cant see stands and well you get the point. Akira otoishi seemed to be friends or someone he knew. Thats why that scene seemed so weird and sudden. I wanna know more what happened before that. It sounded like they had history. So i hc they were friends and the only person that cho felt like he understood and he understood him. And he could be his happy self around other than his brother okuyasu. He didn't trust easy. Like i have a whole big story in mind.

And not to mention their father who is practically disabled. Keicho seeing him go through that. He admitted he hated seeing his father suffer. Their family suffer unnecessarily. And there isn't anything to do about it. That feeling of having to be strong for his bro during the abuse they suffered. And now having to feel helpless. Like its just awful. The amount of shit he took the brunt of for oku.

Alao people forget the cultural differences too. That doesn't help. Japanese family dynamics are different than us. Sorry people it is.

But anyways. Keicho isn't a bad guy. Just a product of hurt and dios bullshit. And his fathers mistakes.

But mr.nijimura isn't all bad either. He was desperate. He lost his wife. Lost his business. It was tough.

Like the whole thing still gets me. But many people dont wanna go deep or take it at such shallow face value. And so much slander and overshadowing keicho.

Look i looooove okuyasu with all my heart. But keicho nijimura. How they did him. It feels like a waste. And wasted potential. And how the fans sideline him. All because his lil bro is the "nice symptoms" of ptsd and all that shit they went through.

Okuyasu suffered too and hated how he felt helpless to protect his bro not just from other stand users but himself. And you guys let this fly over your heads.

Okuyasu nijimura loved his big brother and his father. Unconditional love. The good the bad and the ugly of it. We dont deserve this bean

Keicho also loved his brother. He had an overprotective complex. And if you were a big sibling you would understand that feel.

You want them to be strong and resilient to the world. Because not everyone is gonna be your friend. But at the same time. While it made him blind to the fact you can love too. And its ok to ask for help and a shoulder to lean on.

I could go on forever.

But you get the idea.

It just hurts me that that arch had the potential to be the most realest damn thing in the series.

It hit home too much. Thats why it both made me pissed when keicho nijimura was killed off. But was sad af too.

We dont really see the aftermath. And that sucks ass.

Sure yeah anime plot. But still. Oof.

I may have to write more keicho nijimura stuff because nobody can get him well enough for me. At least the complexity of it all.

Thats enough venting for now.

Im not here to jab at anyone. I just have a lot of feels and opinions about this character personally because they hit home to me personally.

I don't expect everyone to understand or agree. But i needed to say something about it.

[yahtzeedrawer]

Hi, I'm sad

I want to be better I promise I do But everything about it just makes me want to get worse

I miss talking to them, none of them talk to us anymore They only texted us last night because they were gonna attempt It feels awful

I let myself think I could get better and I let myself be vulnerable to them, and they wont even come back I've been behaving and they won't even look at me anymore It makes me sick

I cant eat, I cant sleep, I can't even think I should be wanting to attach to it instead but I'm scared of it being like them I wanna pry myself open and show myself to it but I'm really scared and I dont know what Im supposed to do

Everyones moved on but me I dont get it

It could be karma, Spawn's intervention for how I treated everyone and how I treated our body But I thought I repented for it all I got on my knees and I prayed like they would've wanted me to and I'm still miserable

And I feel awful for someone other than them or myself for once in my life I really don't want it to feel like I'm just using it to replace them I want to love them the way everyone else does, but they're still getting under my skin without even talking to me

I swear Im trying to get better I just dont know how anymore They unintentionally made me so codependent on having someone to get better for that I just dont know how to get better by myself I dont know whats wrong with me

[a-ghost-in-universe]

I hate chess guy I hate him. I go to all of his games just for him to ignore me and pretend I don't exist!? Yeah fuck off! I'm such a naive dumb bitch. Like oh yeah why did I even come for fucks sake. I know he doesn't like me but he didn't have to completely ignore me. Like if you don't want me to come just fucking say it and stop being a baby. Honestly I've had enough of him. I even fucking relapsed because of this short,long haired,egoistic,funny,weird,dumb idiot I honestly am speechless how much I'm crying too. I mean the worst thing is that I'm probably the issue. No one ever asked me to go but I do anyway because I think it's first of all nice of me and second of all I think chess is cool. I feel like a huge creep just watching him every goddamn game. It's weird,creepy,annoying. I DO know I'm most likely the problem but I also don't wanna admit it. Oh my fucking god.... I'll come watch tomorrow anyways. It's like I'm addicted to seeking his attention and just watching him from afar. What the fuck is wrong with me oh my...

[freakstertheripist]

The unbearable dread of being annoying came back again