A Fight With "Logic"
I still have a hard time sometimes. My mind will wander about and I get stuck on my atheist and skeptical views.
Like, I "know" there is God, life after death, and that my experience is real but part of me wants to believe that it's not. I guess it's my pessimism and cynicism parading in my brain banging pots and pans keeping me up at night, making me bawl myself to sleep.
Everyone on a spiritual path goes through this process.
Just making an assumption here. I mean I grew up on God but over time I lost faith because of all the shit I went through. Had that immature butthurt idea that if God existed then maybe I wouldn't be a reject. If God loved me he wouldn't make me a constant bully target. I didn't deserve to be treated and used as a doormat.
Then I dug myself in a deeper hole when Erik died. Sometimes I would consider that MAYBE God existed and there was life after death because I started feeling Erik around me. But I was also too caught up in my misery to fully care. I wanted nothing to do with it. Drugs and alcohol prevented me from my intuitive abilities.
😘💕 Good night!
