#pete silva

[phillipcole]

Pete Silva part 6

PBC: Kimmel just praised the Oscar statue as the perfect man because he has no penis.  So if I was hosting: well, gentlemen  some of you may recognize this guillotine from the movie Tale of Two Cities.  You want to be a perfect man like Oscar over here, step forward.  Don’t be shy.   How about you first, Mr. Plummer.  You don’t have much to lose?  We’ll leave that in the wings all evening so any of you method actors can become more like Oscar.

The first award tonight is for best supporting actor. That’s so Christopher Plummer can get to bed early. The best actor award will follow in about a half hour, because Timothee Chalamee has a curfew.

I’m pretty sure no woman will win the jetski.

Here’s the cast of Star Wars to present 2 awards because you know, they’ll never win one.

How about that! Roger Deakins wins after 13 losing nominations.  As you know we have no idea who any of the winners are. That proves it. After losing 13 times Mr. Deakins was so so sure he would lose again, he didn’t bother to comb his hair or treat his psoriasis. If we knew he was going to win we would have brought in Susan Lucci to present it.

Silva: That was Phil Cole’s best jokes so far.  I just found out who Susan Lucci is.  You have to be smart to understand Phil’s jokes.  Time to go.  See you all next Sunday!

[phillipcole]

Pete Silva part 5

How about that! Roger Deakins wins after 13 losing nominations.  As you know we have no idea who any of the winners are. That proves it. After losing 13 times Mr. Deakins was so so sure he would lose again, he didn't bother to comb his hair or treat his psoriasis. If we knew he was going to win we would have brought in Susan Lucci to present it.

Silva: That of course was Phil Cole with another of his Oscar jokes.  The show is running long and we have to leave at 11, so I’m afraid we might miss the end of his act and the best jokes.  I hope you found them entertaining.  I tell you what, we’ll gather them and put them all together in a bunch before the end of the show.  How’s that?

[phillipcole]

Pete Silva part 4

Silva: This one hurts.

PBC: Here's the cast of Star Wars to present 2 awards because you know, they'll never win one.

[phillipcole]

Pete Silva part 3

Silva: Welcome back, continuing with Phil Cole’s Oscar jokes.  On the show they’re offering a jetski to the person with the shortest acceptance speech.  They just gave an award to...some woman I never heard of.  So Phil says:

PBC: I’m pretty sure no woman will win the jetski.

[phillipcole]

Post-AGT Appearance 901: Pete Silva WHJY March 4

I would be at a North Carolina Oscar Party Sunday night.  As they watched the show I would quickly improvise an alternative presentation for the Jimmy Kimmel jokes, eventually making him a mortal enemy.  To get immediate attention my publicist would contact many radio stations back in Rhode Island and WHJY disk jockey Pete Silva would agree to accept the feed f jokes and put the best on the air.  His show runs 4 to 11 pm.

Silva: Welcome back to Pete Silva show on 94 HJY.  As promised all evening we have a treat.  Rhode Island entertainer Phil Cole and his Variety Team are hosting an Oscar party in Charlotte, North Carolina tonight and HJY has the exclusive rights to air his jokes.  I’ve been listening closely and we’re going to air anything I think you may enjoy.  Here’s the first.

PBC: Kimmel just praised the Oscar statue as the perfect man because he has no penis.  So if I was hosting: well, gentlemen  some of you may recognize this guillotine from the movie Tale of Two Cities.  You want to be a perfect man like Oscar over here, step forward.  Don’t be shy.  How about you first, Mr. Plummer.  You don’t have much to lose?  We’ll leave that in the wings all evening so any of you method actors can become more like Oscar.

[professorxisajerk]

Original X-Men vs. Magneto by Pete Silva

[psilvas]

Like last year, everyone has their Technology predictions with their annual lists for the coming year.  Instead of coming up with my own, I figured I’d simply regurgitate what many others are expecting to happen.

[psilvas]

…is probably one of the most memorable lines of any Holiday Classic.  Of course I’m referring to A Christmas Story, where a young Ralphie tries to convince his parents, teachers and Santa that the Red Ryder BB Gun is the perfect present.  I don’t know of there was a warning label on the 1940’s edition box but it is a good reminder from a security perspective that often we, meaning humans, are our own worst enemy when it comes to protecting ourselves.  Every year about 100 or so homes  burn down due to fried turkeys.  A frozen one with ice crystals straight in or the ever famous too much oil that overflows and toasts everything it touches.  Even with the warnings and precautions, humans still take the risk.  Warning: You can get burned badly.