a thousand deaths, a single birth — lee x reader
pre-a.n. IM BACK HELLO pls read the full a.n. at the bottom hihi
“Can you accompany me, Commandant?”
Lee’s sudden request made you stop writing. Looking up from your long-overdue reports, you found wistful cerulean eyes looking at you.
It was only a peaceful afternoon.
Weeks barely made sense after the events of the Tower. Everyone was swamped with the tasks that had to be done— from the rebuilding and fixing of some parts of Babylonia to the checkups every construct (Gray Raven included) had to go to. Initially, you thought you’d be spared— after all, Gray Raven narrowly avoided the potential death of humanity— but the backlog of reports and even more reports had piled up on your second day back, a funny thought that the former seemed more tempting.
Yet, time still proved to do something, with the fuss of the Tower and its remnants now an incident of before, and everyone was easing back into their own routine. Or, so you thought.
“Accompany you?” The question tumbled out of your mouth even before you could process it, “I mean, of course, I can. But can I ask what’s it about?”
Lee, in his Hyperreal frame, stood in front of your desk, the afternoon light shining over his small smile.
“Thank you, but…”
It’s not very sudden. After all, it was only a peaceful afternoon. Yet, it was the first time, after the years you’ve worked with Lee, had he asked you to accompany him for something— something that he hadn’t mentioned, unlike your past interactions.
Let alone during a visit to Asimov.
“I will tell you along the way. Just…please accompany me, during my visit to Asimov.”
Your thoughts echoed the same as you watched him walk in front of you on your way to the office. You tried to look away, but your eyes couldn’t. The glow of his spine catched your attention. His jacket, dyed in the shades of gray, had numerous symbols of your team name. Even his arms, mechanical and cold, were muscular. Ever since Lee had been in his new frame, you couldn’t understand your feelings. One part of you still sees him as the same Lee, the smart and aloof man whose sharp precision skills still baffled you. Yet at the same time, it seemed…new.
“...is it because of how I look, Commandant?”
Lee asked, looking over his shoulder. You quickly covered your mouth, unaware that you’ve must have spoken out loud.
“No,” Shaking your head, you smile at him. “Sorry, I was distracted.”
Lee stopped in his steps. Turning to face you, his eyebrows were knit together, lips pursed. “...are you sure you are feeling well?”
“Yes, Lee.” I nodded, “I’m sorry if I worried you. I think it was the work I’ve been doing lately, that’s why I’ve been so absentminded.”
He sighed. Swiftly, he walked closer to you, reaching out to you. And yet, he paused, halfway from meeting your cheek, before his hand touches your shoulder. For a moment, you faltered at his attempt.
“Commandant,” He slowly began, “I—”
“—and Rosa, please do write down the measurements, I need Wanshi— oh, you’re finally here.”
You and Lee looked over to see Asimov in his usual uniform, still draped with a few bandages over his body, with a stressed Rosa trailing behind him. The two scientists stopped by the door frame, before Asimov nodded at Lee.
“Yes,” Retreating to meet Asimov’s gaze, Lee returned his gesture. “I’m here.”
Asimov’s green eyes landed on you, an eyebrow quirked up. “Oh, was this your commandant’s idea?”
Your idea? You glanced at Lee, to which the man never looked back to you. “No. It was mine.”
The genius’ eyes never left yours, his expression turned amused. “Oh, alright, then. Come along.”
He waved his hand at the little Rosa, aptly shooing her, “Follow me.”
Asimov led you to his lab, and into a deeper part of it. You’ve never seen this part before— with all the clearances you had to get, and the area only permitted for scientists and constructs only. But still, you watch as he leads you wordlessly through the darkened halls, each step becoming unfamiliar to you.
Sensing your discomfort, Lee’s cold hands found themselves tangling with yours. You looked at your intertwined hands, before glancing at Lee.
“Are you scared?” He asked, a squeeze of your hand.
A flash of a memory popped in your head, with Lee’s Entropy frame vividly crossing your mind. Yet, instead of a stoic face looking at you, a warm, concerned one was studying you. You’re no stranger to the physical touch of your construct, especially Lee. But in the darkened, unfamiliar halls and the glow of some parts of Lee only lighting the way, a part of your heart twinged.
“...What are we doing here?” You couldn’t help but ask quietly.
“I had to keep it here,” Asimov broke through the silence, his footsteps echoing, “The corruption levels reached an all-time high, so I had to keep it away before it could do anything to the other frames.”
You suddenly had an inkling of an idea. But Lee only squeezed your hand. His face was downcast.
“I’m sorry, Commandant.”
“You’d be surprised how well you’ve kept it, Lee” Asimov sighed, “I applaud your tenacity, but I sincerely hope that you won’t do something this reckless again, especially with no replacement yet.”
A few more steps, and we finally stopped at a door. Asimov had to input his ID, before the door opened. Behind the door, a blinding white colored room greeted us, with a single sleeping pod at the center.
“Well, here’s your Entropy.”
Lee’s Entropy frame was inside the sleeping pod. It stood in the middle of the room, with a few cords and wires beeping. For some reason, it looked more like a casket than a sleeping pod for constructs.
Lee released your hand, urging you to get closer.
“This is…Entropy?”
The three of you cautiously approached the pod. The frame, one that you had grown familiar with Lee using it, was truly inside. Entropy’s eyes were peacefully closed, face devoid of his signature scowl. Unlike the last time you’ve seen him, there were a few cuts on his face, his clothes even torn. But the one that stood out the most was the huge cut in the middle of his chest. Stifling a gasp, you reached out to touch the glass, as if you were touching the wound.
Asimov stared at the frame with his usual expression. “I’m surprised you hadn’t told her what happened, Lee.”
“The Commandant…didn’t have to know.” You heard Lee’s remorseful tone, yet you didn’t look back to him.
“What happened? Did you get hit?” You asked.
“Lee’s frame was locked and he needed authorization.” Asimov shrugged, looking away, “The code, made out of the frame, was his only option. So…”
“...I had to force it,” Lee finished the sentence, “Or else, we wouldn’t be here now.”
You’ve known Lee to be resourceful, smart enough to have things work his way. Yet, to know the events that truly happened, even before the incident—
“...Well, I’d say the frame is stable now.” Asimov revealed, “But it’s not fit to be used as of the moment. Lee may have better control over his Hyperreal frame, but I’d still advise you to be careful.”
Asimove looked at the frame, before looking back to Lee. “Like I said, no replacements yet.”
“I will, Asimov.” The man curtly replied.
“I hope I answered your request.” Asimov looked at you. “I’ll leave you both here for now. Just try not to go around elsewhere. Go back to where you first came if you want to go back.”
Like how he first arrived, Asimov quickly left. An unspoken silence, with heavy questions lingered in the air, as your hand never left the glass. The revelation was still hard to process— you’re not sure how to feel.
“...I’m sorry, Commandant.”
Lee broke the silence first. Turning to meet him, but he wasn’t looking at you. Arms on his side, body stiff as if he were in a drill, shoulders too straight. His usual stature, one that you’ve memorized all too well, became unfamiliar in your eyes.
“If I hadn’t done that, I wouldn’t be able to cleanse the tower.” His voice cracked, breath hitched. “...I wouldn’t be able to save you.”
Entropy’s fate was a dead end. You saw it in the way the frame had ended. And suddenly, a horrible thought crossed your mind— the Lee you had today, Hyperreal. What if it was really him?
“Or what, you’ll end up like Entropy?” You bitterly spat out.
You never wanted anyone you knew to be dead. You never wanted to see Lee gone.
“...I was only doing it to keep you safe, Commandant.” You sensed Lee’s defensive tone, challenging yours.
“Oh, so you wanted yourself dead?”
Lee sighed. He still didn’t want to look at you. “I was doing everything I can to save you.”
“Lee, what you did was reckless!”
“I had to do it, Commandant. I knew what I was doing.”
“Oh, so if you failed then, did that mean I’d have to see you in a casket like this, Lee!”
“This is why I didn’t want to let you see me like this!” Lee shouted, “I didn’t want you to see what happened to Entropy, because I knew you’d react like this!”
The heat of your first proper argument. You’ve had a few misunderstandings here and there, but it was the first time your blood boiled like crazy, as Lee defended himself. But still, you crumbled— all your anger was never to be mad. You were concerned. You were prideful. And most of all, you were desperate.
“Because I don’t want you dead, Lee!” You raised your voice, ceasing any argument in the room. “Do you think I’d be happy to see the world be saved while you are in a casket?”
He froze. “I…”
“I’d rather let the world rot than to see you dead, Lee!”
A pin-drop silence. Pride doesn’t stand a chance in your standoff— for you were too desperate to be heard.
Drip. And somehow, fresh tears started to well in your eyes, a horrible, clawing emotion in your throat begging to be noticed. “...Does it hurt?”
Lee looked up, his face contorting into a pained one. “Commandant?”
With careful steps, you slowly approached Lee. “Did…does it hurt?”
All your hesitancy melted the moment you reached out to him, trembling hands touching the middle of his chest, where he had to shove the code into his Entropy frame. Lee flinched.
“It doesn’t…”
“You don’t have to lie to me.” I whispered, “You didn’t have to hide it from me.”
What did it feel like? What did Lee feel? What did Lee feel when he looked at his Hyperreal frame? What did he feel when he shoved— forcibly shoved— the core in his chest? To touch that, even as a construct, meant that one was meeting his own demise. You couldn’t image it, no, not when that immense pain was the only way to save the world, to save you?
“You could have told me that you had to hurt so you could save me.” You choked out the words, aching not to break down, “Lee, does it hurt?”
“Yes.” Lee, defenseless and true, held your hand so tight in his chest. “Commandant, it hurts. It hurts when I have to fight, it hurts when I have to use my weapon. It hurts too much.”
Lee finally looks at you, cerulean eyes vulnerable in your gaze, “But it stops when I see you.”
Your breath stutters. Lee holds both of his hands in yours, pressing it deep to his chest.
“I have suffered all my life. I know this kind of pain. But if this suffering is the only way, the only way to keep you alive and safe in this world, then I don’t mind. Commandant, you alone make the pain go away.”
When the first tear escapes your eye, Lee is there to wipe it away. “Commandant, Commandant. You’re worth every suffering I go through. You are worth everything I do.”
It doesn’t take long before you wrap your arms around Lee’s stiff figure, your embrace melting away all the pain and hidden truths— you touch the shell of his mechanical shoulder, you hear the way his own mechanical heart mirrors the rumbling of yours. You hold Lee like he is the most precious treasure in the world, like the feather of a raven that passed your night.
You don’t let go until Lee holds you the same.
“Thank you, Lee.” You whisper in his ear, “But…I want…to do the same.”
Hesitantly pulling away, you hold onto his hands, bringing them to your lips. “Lee, if I am what it takes so that you wouldn’t hurt any longer, then please.”
“I won’t let it go to waste. I’ll stay alive for you, for us.”
You realize it now— the reason why Lee was both familiar and unfamiliar. He’s still the same man you’ve remembered, the one you’ve loved all the same. But like his own battles, the ones that came to shape him, have changed. But it still echoed the same.
Lee looked at you like you were the sun, eager to touch you with the same intensity. The same face that you’ve cradled in your hands, except Lee smiled more, even became more susceptible to your words. The words that you’ve hid, however, still linger on your tongue.
“I hope you come to keep your promise, Commandant.” He whispered, kissing the top of your head. “Or else, I will have to haunt you.”
You laugh, before it died into something serious. “It’s scary to think though…Entropy…”
The frame you’ve learned to love would have to stay here. Lee shook his head.
“I’m…sorry…”
You glanced at the sleeping frame. And an idea came to mind.
“Lee, can you wait here for a bit?”
It didn’t take long, before you came back, a handful of flowers in your arms. Puzzled, Lee looked back at you. “Huh?”
“...They say,” you began, “To love someone is to attend a thousand deaths and burials of them.”
Carefully, you placed the flowers on top of the glass, hands lingering a moment where Entropy’s wound was. “Entropy…you were loved.”
With a light touch on Lee’s hand, you smiled at him. “But Lee, you are always loved. I am always here to witness your birth.”
Lee returned your sweet smile, reaching out, with a little hesitancy, to caress your cheek.
“Commandant…”
“Lee,” You muttered in his hand, “this was never your destruction. This is your birth.”
After all, it was a peaceful afternoon.
BONUS:
Before leaving the room, you insisted to open the pod just so you could place a flower inside.
“No,” Lee said, “Asimov will be mad.”
“Oh, whatever that old man says. It’ll be fine!”
But before you could pry it open (To which you failed), you noticed something strange.
“Oh…” You trailed off, to which Lee tried to follow what you were looking at.
“Is something…wrong?”
You hummed. “Is it just me…or is Entropy’s hand kinda…wonky?”
Lee looked at where you were looking at. “...huh? How did you…”
“You know, you could do something with it.” You nodded excitedly, “I mean, I did say that it is a new birth, right?”
Little did you know, that hand would literally mean the birth of something new indeed.
A.N. - HI YES IM ALIVE
I'm sorry for the sudden absence huhu I've been very pre-occupied with life lately and I've gone back here because I missed u all QwQ
I can't promise I'll be updating again BUT I will try HEUHEUE
okie thanks again!! hope yall doing well mwa mwa
