November 7th, 2009
I thought after transitioning I would finally be at peace. I thought becoming the Sage of the most powerful school of magic would fix things for me. Not for one second, none of what I fought for, worked for, trained for, even read about... could have possibly prepared me for this. None of my 1,544 years of experience can even begin to scratch the surface of Samhain 2009. That day single-handedly changed my life. I lost half of myself that day, quite literally. He’s sitting across from me as I write this in my journal. It’s peculiar having him physically in my life rather than that constant nagging voice in my head, as a roommate and not shoved away in the darkest recesses of my consciousness, held back by my bracelet. I tried not to think about him, about the atrocities he had committed while I sat hostage in my own mind. But now I have to when I see my own corrupted face staring back at me from across the room. I only see the horrors he’s acted upon that almost brought the Realm crashing down. I’m ashamed of him, I’m ashamed that I even allowed him to be out on my own terms, I am ashamed of everything he’s done using my body. I broke my oath because of him; a Sage is supposed to protect the Realm, not hurt it. How am I supposed to love myself now when everything I hate about myself is staring right back at me every day of my life?
page forward | page back | page one