[BttP] Nightmare || Closed
Her lungs burned. Feet burned. Body lit ablaze as she continued to run.
It was all she could think to do. She didn’t know what she was running from or running towards, but she knew she needed to keep going. To keep pushing herself forward. Even as the blisters of her feet grew larger and larger. Even as the ground beneath her moved slower and slower. Even as the panic in her chest kept rising.
Before her was a long stretch of forest, like the one she visited so often on Arcadia. But it felt different this time. Like there was danger all around her. A danger she couldn’t identify. And it terrified her.
She kept running, jumping over tree roots that kept getting larger and larger. Around tree trunks that began to dwarf her with every step. Becoming larger obstacles. More things to keep her from moving forward.
She blinked, and in the distance she could see Soseki. Tied to the same chair she found him in all those months ago. Looking out at her. Trying to reach her even with his hands bound.
And Evelyn kept running, trying to reach him. But no matter how fast she ran and how much she tried, he stayed the same distance away. She kept running and running.
And something caught her foot, sending her tumbling to the ground.
Evelyn immediately wanted to get up and continue running. But no matter how much she screamed on the inside, her body would only move as slow as molasses. She needed to get to Soseki! She needed to free him! But no matter how much she wanted to move, her body would only move one part at a time. Her arm, slowly lifting herself up, with every effort exhausting her tenfold. But she couldn’t be exhausted by this! She needed to go now! Why wasn’t she moving faster?
There was a click behind her.
Evelyn slowly turned her head, opening her eyes to find herself back on that ship again. In a hallway of sickly fluorescent light and steel walls. In the hallway that smelled of copper and death. And at the end of the hallway was the same Sechs soldier that cut her hair that day.
Evelyn tried to get up, but she couldn’t. She looked down to see chains all around her wrists and ankles, keeping her tied down to a spot in the floor. She tried to struggle, but the chains weren’t even budging. And she looked up and the soldier was smiling, taking another step towards her. And another. And another. And he was reaching for a gun on his belt. And another step. And he was clicking the gun again, raising it up and pointing it towards her. And she couldn’t move and her heart was pounding and she closed her eyes but the smell wouldn’t go away and -
Evelyn slowly opened her eyes. There was someone standing there, between her and the soldier. Someone with long brown hair. A yukata draped around him, a trail of crimson slowly dripping down purple fabric.
And he slowly turned his head back to her.
Evelyn woke up trembling, a cold sweat running down her face as she sat upright, looking around wildly around the room. It was cold, dark, the other side of the bed empty. She looked down to the empty space, one of her hands wildly patting down the area, her eyes still frantic with worry. Where was he?
Something logical was beginning to wake up in the back of her mind, but the panic at the forefront didn’t want to listen. All she knew was that Soseki wasn’t here and every time she blinked, she could see that image embedded into her brain.
Phone. Her phone was there. She needed to call him. Hear his voice. She scrambled to her end table, her trembling hands trying and failing to grab her phone several times before she finally grabbed it, pulling it towards her.
The screen flashed on. Three in the morning. He would still be up, right? He had to be. She needed him.
She quickly dialed his number and called, pressing the phone into her ear, her heart pounding harder with every ring.
Evelyn took in a hitched breath, pausing to swallow down a cry as she dialed his number again.
“Please, Soseki...” Evelyn pleaded softly into the soft rings of the other line, “Pick up...” She waited with shaken breaths. One ring. Two. Three. Four. Five.
She felt her throat go dry as she just sat there, listening as the other line continued on. The option for a voice mail popped up, but Evelyn felt all words leave her. Silently, she ended the call and let the phone drop down to the pillow beside her.
Part of her knew she had to leave a message. To let him know that everything was fine. He would find the missed calls in the morning and there would be questions. But even knowing that, Evelyn didn’t know what to say. What could she say? That every time she wasn’t sleeping with him, the nightmares steadily returned? That despite everything happening having been months ago, she was still effected by them nonetheless? That she was still scared shitless that everything would happen again, no matter what?
Evelyn ran her hands through her hair. Hair much shorter than it had been before that fucking ship took them away. And then, her hand gradually fell to her stomach, remembering the talk she and Soseki had about starting a family. And that just made her start crying harder.
What the fuck kind of mother would she turn out to be? Turning into a wreck every time her husband wasn’t there? Just what the hell was wrong with her?
Why wouldn’t it all go away?
Everything that happened to them was months ago. She should have already moved on. She should be stronger than this.
But here she was. Crying.
All because she still lived in that time.
And she was all the more pathetic for letting herself live there.