#polyam adulthood

[gornwen]

For me, polyamory means picking up three cupcakes at the shop, instead of just one or two, so I can surprise each of my partners with treat.

[gornwen]

The worst part of polyamory is you always have too many people for a legal trivia team.

[gornwen]

My work bff just described my relationships as #PolyamoryForFitnessReasons. And they are right. That is exactly what is going on.

My wife and my boyfriend are 1.5 miles apart, which is exactly the perfect distance for a walk or a short run. And to be perfectly honest, most of the time when I do actually do either of those things it is because I'm commuting between my homes.

This is a bit of a problem because I'm supposed to run a marathon in October, which is a lot further than 1.5 miles.

[gornwen]

As one ages in polyamory, it's vitally important that at least one part of the polycule has an unexpectedly large dining table.

[gornwen]

TFW your cishet boyfriend makes it to the new lesbian bar before you can take your wife there.

[gornwen]

I love your blog, tumblr suggested it to me today. I’m also polyam and an ex-museum professional, incidentally. 😂

Yay, thanks! That means the world to hear💕

Also, ohmygoodness, leaving the museum world is such a weird thing, but I hope doing so has treated you with kindness, with space for play and purposes, and financial stability.

Personally, I'm forever grateful that the pandemic forced my move, because I fear I would have stayed stuck in an institution where I constantly felt like I had to fight for my survival. I didn't jump too far, I ended up at another non-profit doing the evaluation work I love.

But what I do miss is that at the museums I've worked at I could be openly polyam. And for the most part they were progressive or queer enough not to care. I'm back in the closet at work now and that won't change any time soon. But I knew that going in, between the nature of our mission and the polyam stereotypes, it was inevitable.

[gornwen]

Polaym adulthood is trying to figure out at what point it makes economic sense to get a Costco membership for the polycule.

[gornwen]

Personally, no. I have been lucky enough to have chosen to live in two very liberal cities as an adult. I also have more privilege than both of my partners and can use the fact that I present as a nicely exotic white cis-femme who fits nicely within conventional beauty standards as a shield that allows me to be openly polyamorous.

My Hispanic-Asian partner faces more with discrimination for being polyam, especially in corporate America. He is already having to balance being a Tex-Asian in the Midwest. Ergo, he presents as pretty "traditional family values" to come across as safe for someone who white folk already see as not properly adhering to the prescribed Asian script.

My trans wife, through circumstance and spoon count, has for the most part left mainstream America, for the betterment of her sanity. I think i can say she is more worried about surviving late stage capitalism as a disabled neurodeviant transwoman. Being polyam helps her thrive.