Restless Words: Emerging and Staying out of a Funk
Thank God for this new phase of the year. Each winter I go through my funk just like everyone kind of does. I lack all motivation. I’m generally unhappy, but try very hard to stay positive for those around me. I feel like my marriage is lacking, because…well…I’m not putting in any effort to sustain it. All of my insecurities come to the table to tell me all the awful things I do/am. So on and so forth.
Luckily, I have a deep faith in my Dad above, and after a VERY long conversation this past week, we came to an agreement. Basically, alongside some healing and breakthroughs with Him, we decided I just need to suck it up. And, it’s a good life!
From our conversation, I gathered a few things I need to work on:
1. Don’t let my ego get the best of me.
A lot of times, I get hurt or defensive because of people criticizing me. I found that there are two roots to this problem. The first is linked to bad memories of being rejected and disowned, which led to me thinking it was because I wasn’t enough (something I continue to pray about). The second is linked to my pride. I am my father’s daughter and have been taught since a young age to be proud (even though we should all be humble, right?). When people criticize me, my ego gets hurt, I get defensive, I argue without using wisdom (with Z usually), and my emotions take over. This hurts relationships with my friends, family, husband, and with myself (I talk to myself a lot, so yeah, there is a relationship there). If I don’t let my pride get in the way, I will be a much more carefree and probably rational person.
2. Use the wisdom God gave me.
Everyone is wired differently, which is what makes people so fascinating and exhausting. I am wired to react to things based on my ‘gut feelings’ as opposed to thinking things through with wisdom and logic. When I do this, I do not consider all aspects of the situation. I don’t try to understand why my instincts are telling me to feel or act a certain way. This usually gets me into too many tiffs with Z, or it leaves me wondering why I would even feel ‘this way.’ I’m not saying that people shouldn’t trust their instincts. I just think seeking wisdom before responding is a good idea.
3. Keep finding that silver lining.
I am usually the friend who can find the silver lining in almost everything. I accredit this mindset to my Grandma Friz. Any time I complained while she was nearby, she would tell me about how I have it better than something/someone else. It kind of stuck with me.
Almost every day, I am in pain (which you already know), and I got really angry about it this past winter. I was tired of hurting no matter what I ate or how I sat or how much I exercised. It never went away. Inside, I became a whiney girl who just wanted to pout and throw a tantrum. However, I happen to be over the age of 4, so that just wouldn’t do. After some prayer, I decided to find the silver lining my situation. So, every morning that I wake up with this pain, it is a reminder to thank God. I thank Him for letting it be pain that isn’t crippling. I thank Him for giving me a body that works somewhat well with the exception of one part. I thank him for food, even though I know without it I wouldn’t have pain (just a lot of hunger and then…well, death). I thank Him that it is me and not one of my family members, because I would gladly take it for them. I find the stinking silver lining, because if I don’t I will stay angry, and I refuse to let anger rule over my life.
I know that I will never perfect these three. I also know that if I work at these, with God, that I will not have such huge funks. I will “become another (better) person, become another person” (Master of Disguise…anyone? No?). I, for one, cannot wait to see who I will become as I continue to work on bettering my life.