A few days ago, I posted one result of a queer writing workshop I did entitled "I Love This About Myself". I've gone back and forth on posting the following, the second writing exercise that we did. With tomorrow marking the 50th anniversary of the Pride Parade, I've been thinking not just about LGBTQ+ history and the journey that the community has taken since Stonewall, but also my own personal history and journey, so today felt like the right day to share it. Here, then, is a letter written not FOR my past self, but rather a letter to my present self FROM my 21-year-old self.
I know that you feel like you missed out on a lot. You think of me, and you regret us not having met for 30 years, even though we lived together. You want to reclaim my time for yourself, but then where would that leave me? You can’t erase me, and if you would be honest with yourself, you know that you don’t actually want to.
Go ahead, try it. Picture yourself in my place when I was 10. When I was 14. When I was 20.
Who are you? Who would you have been? What would you be doing? How long would you have been you up to that point? When did you and I connect and when did we go our separate ways?
I wish that you would focus on creating your present and future, not recreating my past. I wish you would claim yourself today, not reclaim me years ago. You have so much to look forward to. How many people can really say that they’ve had the chance, the opportunity, the ability to create and birth themselves anew?
This doesn’t mean we can’t be friends. I hope that you will still think of me fondly from time to time. But for both of our sakes, please, don’t try to contact me. You’ll forge new connections, new friendships, stories, and memories. And as you continue to live your life and follow those roads that are blocked off to me, I hope you will find comfort in knowing that you found a detour.
Though it may not feel like it, this isn’t a breakup letter, it’s a love letter. This is what you’ve always wanted, isn’t it? Well, now you have it! It’s staring at your beautiful face, talking to you in your beautiful voice, being written by your beautiful hands with ideas from your beautiful mind. Don’t waste all of that on me. Don’t focus on hating me yesterday, focus on loving you today.
