Since I don't want to link it back to two scenarios so...um...immediate, I'll just say; the "Suffering just makes you hurt"-mantra is one I def subscribe to in day to day life, even in small, trivial' things like fandomwars.
I had a person get pissed at me once cuz I defended antishippers. They explained and showed me how they'd been harassed and abused by antis for no reason other than calling themselves a proshiper - no, NOT for actually liking anything with r@pe/cest/p3doshipping - just Reylo *in theory*. They got treated like a literal predator not for anything they actually did but for the title that genuine creeps have decided to use for their kink as this person did for their safe shit and they got blasted for it....and then this person proceeded to call me a cword and accused me of condoning their abuse by proxy of me saying " I don't think antis are inherently evil, actually".
I get it. When you put up with harassment from people touting their selfdeclared fandomom as some kind of badge of honor, of COURSE I understand turning your back on everyone who calls themselves that same thing! That's just, like, a survival instinct. You don't want to be reminded of your tormentor(s) because you really shouldn't have to be reminded of your tormentor(s) while you're browsing fandumb inbetween school or work. You want to keep your tormentors at bay so no triggering shit ppl are romanticizing or covert bigotry someone's hiding under the language of criticism to get in the way of your vibes when this is your fandom and your space to be creative and unwind and be you. I really get it.
The problem is, and the reason I DON'T put up with antianti or antiproshipper shit, that's labeling a whole lot of strangers inherently bad over not having the exact fandom takes and conflating that with your legitimate ethics of outing predators and bigots...THAT is what's shitty.
I know for a fact that not all the people who tag their shit #proship even fully agree on what proship means. I know they are not all predators or even don't care about predators being in their fandoms. Trust me, they care. Some of the #antiship folks I know are the most lax mf w it comes to content warnings, horror, kinks and nuance and also really hate call out posts and want to avoid them as much as they can. I know they are not all self-righteous prudes and bigots trying to get kink out of pride or some shit. THAT SAID- if I haven't already seen creepypredatorybs from proshippers or bigotedbully-tactics from antis, I can definitely believe those things exist in those spaces. But again, those behaviors exist whether or not a person uses these self-given labels. You shouldn't throw your hands in defeat anymore then your shouldn't declare yourself the sole liberator.
Blocked the proshipper-stan I was of talking about because I kind of don't like being called a cant and told I'm okay with death threats...just like I did the antishipper who was sending me death threats that same day =). I know I don't have to deal with that bs and I'm glad I took that advice from a mutual abt my own personal boundaries.
Call out shitty behavior all you want, but the absolutist-rhetoric is not healthy and, more importantly, not doing anything to help people being abused by fandomculture anymore than you were when you first got accosted for disliking a thing that made you upset/liking a thing that made someone else upset. You gotta share your fandom with everyone so long as they're not bigoted, abusive or predatory. And yeah, I kind of reserve all those notions for people I can tell ARE doing those things...so, y'know Lily Orchard.
