sedator / sedated headmate — similar to a sedative or a sleeper, a sedator is a kind of alter that while fronting experiences sedative-like symptoms (relaxed feelings, decreased intensity of sensations, drowsiness, shallow breathing, slowed heart rate, etc.).
typically, these kinds of alters will spend most of their time sleeping or exhausted.
[PT: Sedator/Sedated Headmate]
this could be related to long-term use of sedative medication/sedatives, sedation programming, or simply fronting whenever the body/system experiences sedation.
I got back some personal memories about my programming, and I have some insight on how Alice In Wonderland programming may work in many cases.
Under the cut is a description of some personal memories that we believe was our programmer using a script on us to influence our innerworld and our headmates. While it does not contain descriptions of physical abuse, it is basically a replicated script, so take caution when reading.
We have a memory of our abuser - our adoptive father, who spent a lot of time alone with us, especially in early childhood - talking to us about Alice In Wonderland. At the time, we were very young and had not seen the movie yet, but we knew the gist of what it was about, including that Wonderland was all just a dream.
He said something like, "You know how, in Alice in Wonderland, Alice goes to Wonderland in her dreams? Everyone has their own wonderland that they go to when they dream. I have one, you have one, everyone has one."
He then went on to say, "Most people only go to their wonderlands when they sleep, but some people can get to their wonderlands when they're awake. They do this with visualization. Visualization, that's where you imagine something really hard and you see it in your mind as though it's real."
Then he explained that, just like how Alice meets characters like the Cheshire Cat and the Caterpillar in Wonderland, everyone has different characters in their wonderlands. Sometimes the characters are just from that wonderland, but sometimes they're from fiction or even the real world.
Then he told us that he could see into our mind because he was our father, and he could help tell us what was in our wonderland, because he wanted to teach us how to access it while we were awake, which he claimed he could do too.
We believe the purpose of this was so that he could control what we got in our system and what our innerworld was like. For example, there are several locations we have discovered that likely had to do with our programming and that we believe our programmer put into our headspace by telling us he could see it in our wonderland and getting us to use visualization to make it so.
If so, this is is likely a common use of Alice In Wonderland in programming and may be part of why Alice In Wonderland is such a commonly-discussed source for scripts, as it gives the programmer an easy way to manipulate the headspace and the system.
hi we're back to rant more about the inherent exclusionism found within online communities
okay so we're traumagenic, most likely disordered (but we don't like labelling any specific, we just suffer a lot of dissociation + dp/dr), and we don't really understand why stuff around programming feels so. exclusive. of those who don't have a specific type of trauma from xyz.
like it wasn't organized but we were part of a larger online cult in which we were groomed and scapegoated with extreme frequency. and it wasn't the kind of programming that's often described, but moreso generally conditioned to accept the abuse inflicted upon us as "normal".
if we don't fit in one box or another, where do we fit? are we "traumatized enough" to be among those who suffered worse?
it gets even worse when we directly avoid anyone who labels themselves as an "anti" of anything, because of said larger online cult and the trauma surrounding it.
people in mogai + traumagenic plural communities feel way too comfortable gatekeeping terms and resources from those who don't perfectly fit into a box of "good survivor". just like how we weren't a "good victim". it sucks. do better.
from what we know, there are several reasons for that sort of exclusivity. one is due to the terms being directly and explicitly connected to the experiences of that sort of trauma {much in the same way an autigender related to a show is exclusive to autistics. allistics can be a gender related to that same show, but the autigender is exclusive as it directly ties in to the experiences of being autistic as well, which allistics do not have}, another is due to disbelief and fakeclaiming around traumas like those, another is common differences in function between programmed and non-programmed systems {like the idea of "the system is there to protect you" is often not true in programmed systems}
we have seen discussions comparing and contrasting conditioning and programming, but i'm not confident enough on the subject to speak on it
unfortunately i don't have an answer for you on where you fit in, sorry
overall this isn't a topic we're really able to discuss, sorry. we don't know enough and we're not comfortable with it
Frank, thank you for being an incredible friend to all of us here on Tumblr. It’s going to be so hard to say goodbye when the time comes. You have been a pleasure to know, and I will miss you dearly. ❤️
object alter — a catchall flag for alters who are objects, or can summarize their role with some kind of object (ie. sword alter, shield alter, computer alter). these alters could be objectmates, but don't have to be.
[PT: Object Alter]
these alters could simply identify as an object for kin or identity reasons, form in the shape of an object, have their role simply be described as [object], or be programmed to believe that they are an object.
if you'd like to make specific object alter flags, please tag me! i'd love to see it.
I am now considering a decision not to put a CV on tumblr, but that decision depends on the colleagues at my current job, who were staying supporting me, to come to me later and discuss it with me
