Whumpuary Prompt 6
Exhaustion
Spoiler: This is an excerpt from The Nighttime Fear
Hunter heads outside, settling on the Marauder’s ramp to just… think. Brood, really. He was afraid this would happen. Of course, Crosshair’s primary mission is to come after them. That’s strategic. He knows everything about them.
He must know how much they’re hurting, too. Does he feel the same, or is he entirely lost in his anger?
He’s still sitting there when the others finally show up again. Ahsoka’s first, seating herself beside him on the stairs. “Tech told us what happened,” she says, “I’m sorry to hear that. I know what it means to want to just walk away from the fight.”
“Anakin said you always have,” he says, though he can’t even imagine it. The Clone Wars is why he and his brothers were made. Hunter can’t imagine a life outside of fighting. That’s… really all he’s ever wanted, though now? Things have changed, and he has to put their safety ahead of everything else.
She dips her head in a nod. “I was trained to be a Jedi, not to fight. I never wanted the war.”
Hearing people say that inevitably makes him uncomfortable. That’s stupid. She’s not saying she wishes he was never born. Those aren’t mutually exclusive. “If not for the war, my brothers and I wouldn’t exist.”
Ahsoka sighs. “Yeah. But what I’m saying is… that I want to leave the fight. I want to walk away from all of this.”
He’s exhausted. He thinks he could sleep for a week or ten. Either the aftereffects of the surgery haven’t worn off yet, or he’s just… “You could do that?” Hunter inquires, “Just walk out from all of this?”
“Jedi can still make choices,” Ahsoka replies, “If I don’t want to stay, I can… settle down. Theoretically.”
That isn’t what he’s asking. He knows the Council would let people leave the Order, even if hardly anyone ever had – it still doesn’t feel fair, because he and his brothers were always their – their property still. They couldn’t walk out even if they wanted to. (Anakin had said the same about himself.) “And leave your master?” Hunter asks, because that’s what bothers him the most.
He’d do anything to keep his family together. How could anyone else not say the same? He’d kill for them. Died for them. He already has.
“He’s taken care of me. Stood by me. He… I want his approval, but I still have to make my own choices.”
He doesn’t understand how someone could talk like that. Think like that. She’s talking about leaving her family because she’s uncomfortable with… what they are. He and his brothers have always stuck together. It – it sounds too much like… Crosshair. He doesn’t want to think about this. “I hope you find whatever it is you need,” Hunter says instead of the million arguments he could say to that. If his brothers wanted to fight, he’d do it just for them. Even if he was afraid, even if… but that’s not what Ahsoka has ever been. She’s… younger.
She’s their kid. They do everything for her. They’re not her responsibility.
“You too,” Ahsoka sighs, rubbing her arms. “I never thought about it too much, but maybe… if you want to settle down somewhere, we could do it together.”
Huh. So that’s what this is about?
“Maybe,” he says, not offering to commit to anything. He’s not opposed to that, but it would feel wrong to be with her, to know that Anakin and Rex were fighting for her, and she was… That they were keeping her safe while having no idea if her brothers were.
Ahsoka is far more well-known than they are – okay. That’s not true. She was far more respected in the Jedi Order than they were. Everyone knew about them, because so many people disproved of the Council’s decision to train them. They didn’t want them.
It isn’t that Hunter doesn’t… enjoy her company? But he can’t say he’s comfortable with it, though he doesn’t know why.
“I don’t know,” Ahsoka sighs. “I just feel like… right now, I need a break.”
Hunter nods to her, a little idly, but doesn’t verbally respond.
