Meet Glenn Close
Podcast: Dungeons & Daddies: Seasons 1 &2 Claim to Fame: 2023 Sexiest Non-Night Vale Podcast Character Defeated by: Carlos in Round 8 of the 2023 Tournament, Cecil Palmer in Round 1 of fictionpodsexyperson's Tournament
Propaganda
Glenn Close (not to be confused with the irl actor) is hot and he knows it. He's a rockstar, he's shredded, he's never chalant, he's a wild strategist, and he is ultimately a DILF.
he's so babygirl and he almost beat Carlos last time let him have this
Hes a demon. Hes a rockstar. Hes fucking his brothers ex wife who was his wife in an alternate timeline. He lets his 13 year old son smoke week. He wears sunglasses indoors. Hes over 50. He spent 20 years in a time prison. He has salt and pepper hair. Hes buff. Hes the funniest man ever. He got killed by a Deez Nuts joke. He's favorite genre of music is Christmas Rock. Hes the character ever and the dilf of all time
A vote for Glenn Close is a vote for a terrible father but a really fun and dynamic character.
But, you know what? Glenn isn't perfect, whatever that even means, not even close (heh). He's half blind and covered in scars and his hair is long and grey and the musculature of his body is uneven from the 20 years he spent in prison (a sacrifice *he* chose in order to ensure a better life for his son). He was severely neglected as a child, was never shown how to open up to others or treat his own grief with the time and care it deserves, and has spent the vast majority of his life struggling with addiction to mixed results. His wife died and his band kicked him out and for a long time he couldn't find the courage to tell his son about his second job because he's just that fucking ashamed of himself.
Not a single one of these traits makes him any less sexy. Quite the opposite, if you ask me! Glenn embodies the inherent eroticism of imperfection, of a body and soul of someone who has loved, and fought, and lost, and gained, and gotten better, and gotten worse, and lived, and died, and taken a hand at life that was turned against him from the start and perservered despite it all (perhaps not unlike how we have gotten him here, despite it all). Glenn isn't perfect, he's just a guy. A demon guy. A sexy demon guy. And he *does* deserve this.
Thereâs something unapologetically raw about Glenn close. Because heâs someone you could MEET. Heâs a fucked up guy who GENUINELY HAS GOOD INTENTIONS but just ends up fucking up all the time. To ME that raw and flawed messy energy is HOT.
There is sexiness in imperfection. Thereâs sexiness in guilt and pride and hubris. Thereâs sexiness in becoming a LITERAL monster after everything and then being asked to KEEP TRYING. Something about fighting and going to jail and losing your kid and being KILLED AND THEN NOT BEING RELEASED BECAUSE YOUâRE STILL BEING ASKED TO JUST IMPROVE WHILE ALL THE FRIENDS YOUâVE MADE (if they count as that) ARE SO FAR FROM YOU
Thereâs something about being asked to get better without a support system. Having to find your own amongst those damned to hell. Falling in love again despite it all. And then STILL falling into addiction and bad behaviours because love DOESNâT fix everything.
Thereâs something about being the first person to reassure your friend heâs a good father- and then he canât look you in the eyes to say the same.
But you LOVE your kid. You love your kid so much. Your kid is the coolest dude youâve ever met and you donât know how you got so lucky. And you donât know how to tell him that cool is unconditional when heâs so focused on impressing you.
Something about the only thing motivating Glenn to get out of prison and escape being the idea of seeing his son again. Something about realizing that isnât YOUR kid. Something about threatening to beat up your friend because he shittalked the kid anyways.
Broken pieces and connections and mess. Love and pain and addiction and admiration. Doing better than your own father. Doing worse than your dead wife would. Living with that. Dying with that. Struggling to find your place again.
He's incredibly clever throughout the entire podcast and is honestly usually the reason that the dads are able to talk themselves out of fights. I've been listening back to old episodes for the past few weeks and truly Glenn is probably one of the most useful to the party's playstyle as a whole. Since they aren't a dungeon crawl "die die die" kind of party and instead choose to talk things out a lot, Glenn is actually invaluable to the team.
Every time Glenn is away, he is also always extremely resilient and resourceful on his own. (ie: planning to burn down the Henry Oak cult woods, busting himself out of prison) I'm currently relistening to his prison arc, and honestly, he was able to bust HIMSELF out of prison without the help of the dads. ignoring his hubris when it came to running back into his cell.
Honestly looking at the prison sentence, you can actually realized that Glenn had a higher chance of being found innocent it was just that the dice rolls were shit. He had a maximum of 70 points for being innocent while it was 58 points for being guilty.
Glenn is absolutely flawed in dndads, but there's also the fact that he's incredibly useful and helpful to the team. He can be a shitty person, and sure a lot of the dads admit that they don't like him. But he's a team player, even if he often works alone (not telling Anthony or the group his plans) he does a lot of work for the greater good of the dads. He's got gumption and spirit and genuinely that is something so incredibly attractive.
in a christmas song rock and roll cover band
played by freddie wong
introduced christmas to hell
420 friendly
LITERALLG WENT TO SUPERMAX MAGIC PRISON FOR LIKE 16 YEARS JUST SO HIS SON WOULDNT GROW UP AN ORPHAn SELF SACRIFICE IS SEXY
successfully baited the BBEG into a deez nuts joke
literally a demon
i donât think i can overemphasize that sex appeal is canonically all glenn has left. he lost his wife, he lost his son (four times!), he lost his eye in jail (when he chose to be imprisoned forever and let a fucking cop raise his son rather than make his child an orphan again), heâs soooo fucking sopping wet and pathetic and tragic and yet he still stays sexy!!!!! donât you love silly characters that are actually deeply sad. donât you. come on. vote for him.
he is the only one of the main characters to have fucked during the run of s1, AND HE HAD SUCH GOOD SEX IT BROUGHT HIM CLOSER TO BEING IMMORTAL. he has a crab mech. he exists in a world of magic and fantasy and all kinds of whimsical shit and his go-to weapon is a HUMAN GUN. his charisma stats are insane. i donât even like men but iâd fuck glenn close. vote for him.
he is horrible, heâs a stoner, he plays guitar, his band makes christmas music, he named a rat after his former son, HEâS COMPLEX, HEâS HILARIOUS, AND MOST IMPORTANTLY.
HE. IS. SEXY!!!!
and final point. i am asian and glenn close is asian and if he wins it will mean so fucking much to me because WHEN is the last time you saw an asian sexyman. WHEN.
He is literally a demon how can anyone possibly be hotter
He has a sick ass eye patch from loosing his eye in a time prison
He (somewhat) willingly chose to have reality rewritten to have his son have a better dad (and while he isn't the best dad/uncle at least he has the strength to admit it (and who doesn't love emotionally honest ex-fathers)
He owned a Christmas rock band
He turned hell into a Christmas wonderland before leading all the demons into battle
The one and only sex scene (minus the one bonus episode which like was that even sex) in the entirety of DnDads is Glenn and some random tavern owner. You cannot not be sexy and be the only main character with a sex scene.
He has a pet rat he got from the time prison he named after his ex-son
It's been years since your wife got in that car and died. Yet you haven't really moved on, you still keep that ring around your finger, she's still your wife even in death, no matter how you will try to move on you know she will be your one and only. The house reminds you too much of her, you haven't put away any of her things, you go on tours a lot to forget that she ever died, she's taking care of your Nicky and she'll be there when you come back. She isn't. You don't touch any of her things, your room is a mess but she wouldn't like you messing with her things after all, you don't want to accept that it's been years, that that painting she's been working on won't ever be finished. You drink and get high, yet even in a state of delirium you still see her, hear her. The wind blows as you strum your guitar and it's as if you can hear her murmur and hum and sing along to the tune of your guitar. Your Nicky laughs and it's almost as if she is here. Newspaper crumples loudly beneath your feet and you instinctively say 'sorry', she doesn't like too much noise when she's painting. You've been wearing your wife's perfume a lot these days. You take your Nicky to Disneyland multiple times, you play video games with him and you take him to his drumming lessons and soccer practice. He used to throw tantrums a lot, he used to never be able to sit still and keep his attention on one thing, he was admittedly difficult at times, he never was able to stay close to you. After the accident, he's always eager to follow your lead, you haven't been smoking weed around him yet he takes after you, he always goes along with whatever you have planned, his smiles feel artificial at times. You don't know what that means, if you focus hard enough, you could almost hear crying from down the hall at times. You never talk about that.
Growing up, your dad was never really there. He always took you out for his schemes but he wasn't there at your graduation, your first concert, your wedding with Morgan, the birth of your Nicky. He was always moving on from one scheme to the next, he never stopped long enough for you, you could never hold him it seems. When Nicky was born, it was the proudest moment of your life, and in that moment you have never felt so human and so so scared. But your wife holds your hand, it's going to be alright, it will be. You will get through this together. You wake up. Your kid was sitting beside you, he's gone.
There is a bargain. You can get save those jewels that you can use to gather an army to save your kid if you give up being a guitarist, become a DJ instead. It's been months since you broke apart from the Glenn Close trio, a prank gone too far. You haven't really told Nicky about it till you got here in the Forgotten Realms. You know how much your kid looks up to you, how he gets that little sparkle in his eye when he sees you perform or when he talks about you. You've actually been a wedding DJ for quite some time now, the Christmas tours don't make quite enough to keep the lights on and food on the table until the next one. You don't want to admit to yourself that your Nicky will grow up and realize how he deserves so much better than a dad who keeps fucking failing him. You don't take that bargain. Those jewels fall into the nothingness of the void.
You have a choice. Die or give up Nicky, let him have a new father. Of course, you don't want to let go of Nick, he's the only family you have left in the world. But if you choose to die, there is no guarantee you'll come back. What then? You'll meet Morgan again and tell her that you've left their kid all alone in the world, like you were back then? That you forced him to teach himself how to live as you had to back then? That you had become just like your dad? Of course not. Nicky deserves a restart. He deserves a life with a dad as reliable as the ground itself, that never moves, so that Nicky will always have somewhere to return to. Your son never knows of this. He doesn't get a say in this. He probably would've never picked anyone else to be his dad other than you. Of course, you don't know this. All of the time you had together is gone. Only you have those memories now of your Nicky and of your Morgan. You have never felt so alone in your life.
You are Glenn Close.
VOTE GLENN IF YOU WANT A MAN WITH THE COMPLEXITIES OF THE OCEAN. He has DEPTH. AND IS JUST SO HUMAN. He has flaws and he loves and he fucks up and he falls back into cycles and breaks other cycles and works to change and gets worse and plays music and relies on nobody but himself because thatâs what he HAS.
Vote for him because heâs SOOO silly.
#glenn close has such tumblr appeal like this man knows so much obscure things im sure its just bc of freddie wong but still #like he can tell from a fucking glance if your katana is authentic or not. #he makes their car anime orgasm everytime they run out of gas #he made out with a guy while arguing over oil #they literally rolled him in a giant blunt in his funeral #he deez nutted a child abuser #he out-well actuallyâd a guy named well actually #he died to a deez nuts joke.
despite dndads not having one single pov, several characters have made statements about glennâs sexiness!! he canonically is the sexiest dad AND is the only one to have fucked during the run of the podcast. he lost his eye, he lost his wife, he lost his son FOUR TIMES, THE SEX APPEAL IS ALL HE HAS LEFT.
IF YOU LOVE PATHETIC BABYGIRL DILFS WITH CHRISTMAS THEMED TRAMP STAMPS, VOTE GLENN CLOSE.
This motherfucker failed so hard the entirety of the campaign he was in. He lost everything and still kept losing even after he'd lost everything. And that somehow doesn't even turn you off of him.
He's a badass guitar rocker not dad who plays nothing but Christmas music and dad rock. He literally couldn't fail a charisma roll and somehow still constantly failed and that's the most endearing possible thing a character can do.
I have been desperately in love with this character since the first time I listened I shit you not and you should totally vote him. Not just for me, for Glenn.
an asian man who despite barely having both parents around in his youth, tried his hardest to raise his son by himself after his mom died. who always had the best of intentions but always just fell short. who gave up literally everything for his family; 18 years of his life in prison, his eye, the status of the father of his child, just so that child could live and have a father at all. who remained witty and bright after losing everything (including his life) and having the universe itself seemingly spit in his face over and over again. he's not perfect, fuck no, but goddammit does he try. he shows that people dont just go through "arcs" and that changing for the better takes continuous effort and sometimes you regress, and it sucks, but you recognize what you've done and you do better. also has a gun and a cool eyepatch and is a badass stoner demon rockstar. so theres that
recurring target of the disney dilfs instagram. PROUD PERSON OF COLOR. he rizzes up everyone he meets. successfully murdered the main antagonist with a deez nuts joke. he and his son have a complicated relationship but it is evident he loves him SO MUCH.
#Idk about anyone else but a sleezy punk.....kinda hot. #also i would argue he's not even sleezy. it's the charisma. the canonical rockstar persona. as a good bard he has Stage Presence #I think peak sleezy Glenn was in the BDSM episode where he was dirty talking THE WRONG PERSON which. its himbo behavior. #and thats sexy
AGREED. i think he's only sleezy in a goofy not-serious kinda way (typical) because he is also hardcore a Wife Guy for his dead wife Morgan Freeman. like I know he says off-color shit a LOT because well, that's the tone of the podcast, but at the end of the day he loves his kid and he loves his dead wife and he's just trying to make things work in his cringefail sad rock star dilfy way. I LOVE HIM OKAY PLEASE VOTE FOR GLENN HE DESERVES THIS AND I AM ALMOST IN TEARS IMAGINING THE AWESOME RAGER HE'D THROW IN HELL WITH HIS SON IF HE WINS
We donât talk about this enough but in terms of rockstar persona. He literally uses SHIFTER STATS. BUT INSTEAD OF BEING LIKE A WEREWOLF HE JUST TRANSFORMS INTO A COOLER ROCKSTAR PERSONA HELLO. HES SO SEXY IT GIVES HIM A TACTICAL ADVANTAGE. HE IS THE ONLY MAN WHOâS TOLD SOMEONE TO CALM DOWN WHEN THEY WERE ANGRY AND IT FUCKING WORKED BECAUSE HEâS SO CHARISMATIC.
Glenn is not sleezy he loves his wife and still considered himself married after she passed away. And on the one occasion he directly flirted with someone who was uninterested (Ellory) (it was via handshake lmao) he backed off within an absolute instant. And NOTABLY it was somebody his son already created a bond with. Being kind of immature isnât sleezy itâs just silly of him <3
it's about cheating death and then dooming yourself with your own hands.
it's about tragedy. it's about self destruction. it's about being a mess. it's about getting worse. it's about being human. it's about never being human again.
it's about wanting to try and knowing that you can never go back to fix it all. it's about the love and devotion that wasn't enough, but doesn't it still matter anyway?
it's about whatever the FUCK they put in the water that made his voice so fucking hot like literally something about it is akfhskfjdk
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heavy is the chest that bears the tits and also the unbearable weight of generational trauma or whatever
Glenn is constantly hit with random chance fucking him over- I mean he gets a life sentence because of a fucking dice roll.
Heâs a character facing the repercussions of generational trauma and unable to truly cope with it in a productive way- but still doing his best to keep his kid happy. Heâs a man who lost the only person he had to lean on. A man of impulse and repression and trying so hard not to bring anybody else down with his own issues because acknowledging it makes it real-
And a man who got the rest of his youth stolen from him!! HIS LIFE!!
heâs also a man with a pet rat, heâs a cool demon, he has a fuckin gun, heâs a bard, he calls people baby- he escapes prison on his own, being down there for YEARS- expecting everyone he loved to have abandoned him- continuing on because he needs to see his kid again. HE DEEZ NUTSâD A CHILD ABUSER AND SINGLE HANDEDLY STOPPED A NUKE.
He charmed the wife of the king of hell into dating him, heâs kind of a big himbo idiot, but he also has elaborate plans- heâs laid back, he lets everybody else feel and experience what they need to without overstepping- Heâs a MESS AND HE NEEDS THERAPY AND HE NEEDS SOMEBODY TO ACTUALLY CARE ABOUT HIM. HEâS PERFECT. HEâS DOING BETTER THAN HIS FATHER AND WORSE THAN HIS FRIENDS. HEâS JUST A GUY.
Listen to meth bay prison blues and tell me you donât need him primally. Heâs ready for the big ride baby.
He's a man who heard about an anti-violence crystal and his first thought was "I can find a loophole"
And he did! He did it alone, in secret, and no one knew what was going on until he unveiled the plan that was already in motion, with birds circling overhead ready to start a forest fire. And it would have worked!!!
Glenn is a himbo but he's also a genius, and YES, he can be both at once, he's just that good.
#LET'S GO GLENN #Do it for the man who frenched another man whilst arguing over car oil #And later told that same man that he has a dump truck ass #Do it for the man who met someone in a bar and wooed them using only the word 'hey'#Then had sex so good he leveled up #Do it for the man who made a fucking car orgasm we weren't kidding about that #Do it for the man who humiliated a child abuser with a deez nutz joke #Only to die to a deez nutz joke #Then go on to become a himbo demon and totally rework Hell to make it a chill place to be
#Propaganda for Glenn Close: one of the other PCs mentions multiple times how hot he is #Actually several characters point it out but especially Henry #Also the only person in a podcast that has to put a disclaimer about not being a BDSM podcast to have had sex during the course of the show
Young hot rocker dilf
Loyal to his dead wife <3
Does in fact smoke weed
BARD!! HES A BARD. HE WAS LEAD GUITAR IN HIS BAND (that he was kicked out of)
His band was a Christmas cover band btw.
Literally the fandom had hot Glenn summer which consisted of drawing him being incredibly hot and sexy
Anti government (ofc)
Kind of cringefail (Disney adult) (was on dilfs of disneyland)
Young and sexy not your style? Then how about HIM AFTER YEARS LOCKED IN A TIME PRISON WITH A DAMN HANNIBAL MASK ??
Lost an eye and wears a fucking eyepatch
One incredibly buff arm
Has a pet rat named after his son <3
Immeasurable amounts of trauma in this man- becomes progressively more unhinged
OH OLD HUMAN BARD ISNT CUTTING IT? FINE
HE BECOMES A FUCKING DEMON
A COOL HOT ONE-EYED DEMON WHO WANTS TO KILL HIS DAD (also sexy)
HE CANONICALLY ENDS CHRISTIAN HELL VIA CHRISTMAS
IS ALSO WAY OVERLEVELED
Becomes a demon hunter for the rest of his existence
Also nonwhite !!! We are done with cringefail whiteboys !!!!!!!!!
I canât put into words ok just know he is the best plz love him.
Okay but Glenn made a minivan cum by talking to her so
HE HAS A BOOK THAT HE MARKS XâS AND CHECKS FOR EVERY DAY TO SEE IF THAT DAY WAS A SUCCESS OR NOT. TO SEE IF HE DID GOOD THAT DAY. ITS ALMOST ENTIRELY XâS. HE WAS CUCKED OUT OF A SON. AND A DEAD WIFE. HE DIDNâT EVEN GET TO KILL HIS DAD IN REVENGE. Thereâs absolutely nothing going for him except his sex appeal in his life. Nobody he loved remembers him. He lost his eye. All he has is a pet rat and friends who admit they donât really like him that much. He was kicked out of his own band. The band was named after him. He was kicked out of the Glenn Close trio. All he could do was deez nuts the big bad and be sexy. If nothing else, then pity him. Look in his eyes. Look at his heart and soul. He did not do the BDSM episode for this Iâll tell you what. Do this for my his sake. Do it for Nick Jr, who needs the prize money to pay for his rat snacks. Do it for his son. For Morgan. Ganbatte.
Glenn is the goofiest sexiest character there is and I will die on this hill! I will ride into battle for him! what Dndads created is truly unique and Glenn is a key part of that and for that he deserves to win. I said it before and Iâll say it again - GLENN SWEEEEEP
Can we talk about how he says âbabyâ casually? Like he just calls people that?? Thatâs HOT. THAT IS HOT!! Heâs also bilingual and knows Japanese!!!! Heâs a big dumb idiot with a lot of charisma!!!!!! HE WORKED AT A BDSM PLACE FOR TWO SEPARATE ONE SHOTS. HES SO SAD BUT PLAYS IT OFF LIKE HEâS CHILL ALL THE TIME!! HE DOESNâT THINK OF HIMSELF AS SINGLE BECAUSE HE DIDNâT DIVORCE HIS DEAD WIFE!!! Heâs like.. the perfect guy. We need this win.
Iâd also like to add the fact I made this. Which is the first 11 episodes edited to (almost) only have Glenn in them <3 which is a level of insanity I hope to reiterate. These took hours to make. I wouldnât do that for anyone else.
vote Glenn I am asking with the biggest saddest eyes possible đ„șđ„șđ„ș he is so sexy itâs pathetic and also so pathetic itâs sexy, no I can not possibly adequately elaborate just trust me
Anti-Propaganda
glen smells like weed only nasty nasty you will develop an asthma attack within 30 feet of him, and the christmas cover band im sorry that gives him so much negative appeal do you know how hard i am trying to avoid christmas music outside of december get the hell out of here kringlefucke
