What Would Make Byakuya Cry (+ How His S/O Would Comfort Him)
Request: “I see your requests are open :> Could you write some hcs or a fic of what would make Byakuya cry? I know he does not do that stuff much, but everyone cries. So, what would make him cry, and how would Y/N comfort him? (English is not my first language, I hope that makes sense) (⌒-⌒; )”
Contains: abuse/trauma mention, PTSD description, generally a sad angsty post
Despite how smart Byakuya is, that knowledge doesn’t stretch to emotional intelligence
Sure, he knows a great deal about psychology and how the brain technically works, but that’s entirely different than being able to understand and handle actual human emotions
So while he may be cold and apathetic because he’s bad at handling others’ emotions, he’s equally (if not even more) terrible at handling his own emotions
If it’s an unpleasant feeling, Byakuya is either repressing it or turning it into anger/distaste
Many of the things that upset him are handled as annoyances, rather than being hurtful
But, understandably, this isn’t a healthy way to cope
It’s also not fool proof
At some point, Byakuya has to admit that he’s a human being with human emotions and reactions, otherwise he’ll just crash and burn
There are, of course, things that upset him enough that he can’t hide how hurt he is
And when he finally allows himself to be openly upset about them, the repressed hurt from all of those smaller things just piles on to make him more upset
It’s the relatively minor things that he’s able to ignore
Petty jealousy, comments from others that secretly hit a nerve, his secret fears of inferiority/failure, stress
Those things are pretty easy for him to brush off as annoyances, rather than sources of pain and doubt
But just as everyone else does, Byakuya has things that hurt him far too deeply to really deny
These types of things hit him in a way that elicit a reaction before he even realizes that he is, in fact, reacting
These are the things that trigger his childhood PTSD
Byakuya and his siblings were abused by their father
While Byakuya may have been the ‘winning’ child, it’s impossible to come out of a situation like that without some sort of trauma
Even now that he’s out of the imminent threat of abandonment, he can’t just turn off that feeling of being threatened or neglected if he makes a mistake
His entire life has felt like a competition, and that’s not a mindset that can be easily unlearned
Taking that into consideration, his triggers range from the obvious, direct mention or depiction of verbal abuse/neglect, to more subtle things like making mistakes, someone being better than him at something, people canceling plans with him, or even seeing something from his childhood
Also the expected PTSD symptoms, like being triggered by sudden loud noises or unexpected movement/contact, and occasional night terrors
These are things that can bring him to tears
Byakuya isn’t a heavy crier
Even when he is hit with a sudden wave of grief or fear, it’s subtle, quiet tears as he desperately tries to contain himself
His reaction to being triggered like this is a trigger for him in and of itself, as it makes him feel weak and helpless
Though they’re pretty rare, his nightmares are probably the most painful for him, as they feel so real
He can remind himself that his feelings aren’t necessarily founded while he’s awake, but in his night terrors, it feels like a real, current threat
Byakuya only really sobs while he’s asleep, during a nightmare
It’s just a natural reaction and he isn’t conscious enough to restrain it
Then when he wakes up, as he’s already started and usually alone, he lets himself cry until he feels better, instead of cutting himself short
When it comes to receiving comfort, Byakuya is absolutely terrible
From dating you, he’s learned how to be fairly good at comforting you, but he still has no idea how to accept help and comfort
For the smaller things that he claims are just annoyances, he brushes off your concern and tries to convince you that he’s fine
Byakuya Togami needs help from no man
Don’t be deceived though, he’s always very touched that you not only want to comfort him, but that you also know him well enough to see past his cold façade and know when he’s upset
When it comes to him being triggered, Byakuya doesn’t even try to lie to you
He knows that you’ll see right through it, and he doesn’t see the point in doing something useless
Just as you can always tell when he’s slightly upset, you can easily recognize the signs that he’s been greatly upset
He tends to wince slightly, and his already straight posture become a bit more rigid
If it happens while you’re out in public, you immediately intertwine your fingers, giving his hand an affectionate squeeze to reassure him that you’re there with him
He might not react much, but you notice the slight glance he gives you in silent thanks
If it happens when it’s just the two of you, he actually appreciates verbal reassurance and comfort
He’d never ask for it directly, but in moments like these, he needs you to remind him that his fears of you rejecting or abandoning him are unprecedented
His trauma insists that any mistake he makes is worthy of disownment or abandonment, and he desperately needs you, the most important person in his life, to promise him that that’s not true
Similarly, he wouldn’t admit it, but he needs physical contact from you
PTSD episodes tend to be rooted in dissociation and flashbacks
He needs you to help him realize that he’s in the present, with his accepting and understanding lover, rather than being trapped with his toxic and abusive father
Tell him that you’re going to hug him as to not startle him with a sudden movement, and wrap your arms around him as tightly as you can
He’ll quickly wrap his arms around you again, and though he’s pretending he’s doing you a favor, it’s actually because he needs to feel that you’re here with him and that he’s here with you
When you wake up to him crying, whether it’s choked muffled sobs in his sleep or the softer residual tears after he’s woken up, that comfort and grounding is even more important
Be very slow and gentle with him, but please hold him as tightly as you possibly can
In contrast to his usual demeanor, he’ll immediately cling to you, hiding his face in your neck
Usually these moments tend to be fairly silent, neither of you saying anything
If you do, just remind him that you’re there with him and that you’re not leaving, even if he isn’t always the perfect, superior person he insists he has to be
Neither of you dare to mention these moments after the fact
His vulnerable moments remain a soft secret between the two of you, both your understanding and his gratefulness for it remaining unspoken but known
