#ptsd blogging

[schizophrenicfordpinesmoved]

i don’t think my parents will ever realize how bad being home is for my health

i lived through horrible things in this house. In these streets. And I don’t want my parents to know how bad it’s gotten, but I can’t stay here much longer and I can’t tell them why

[izzyovercoffee]

people ask me “why do you write about grief so much?” and, you know, it’s a complicated question. I mean, obviously, there are some people who are way more derisive with that question than others, but that’s a fair question.

am I being ~*~EDGY~*~ with suffering? but lol, the answer is no

the clone troopers, every single last one of them, live lives that are surrounded by and deeply entrenched in, and permeated by, loss. by grief. by endless sadness. that is just the reality of these characters, and it is deeply, deeply tragic. some people focus completely on it. some people use it as a motivator, some people are bogged down and burdened by it, some try to avoid it completely.

to joke and laugh about how people are edgy because of the way they deal with, or don’t deal with, grief when it’s all-encompassing and all-surrounding is, in a word, easy. 

yeah, yeah, teenagers, young people, inexperienced writers, they use or hyper-focus on sadness in a way that can be grating, and tiring, and exhausting. angst for angst’s sake isn’t all that great writing --- but it is a stage that a lot of people, a lot of writers, go through in order to work through the hows and the whys to work with and write tragedy, grief, loss, and sometimes it’s necessary to do so in order to bring one’s own attention back to their own grief, loss, tragedy, sadness.

mocking characters that are too sad, that have too much tragedy, is a very easy thing to do. it is the lowest effort route to take, and it’s often in the face of very young, inexperienced writers who are taking their first steps in writing dramatic stories. and I see this all the time: mockery at characters who are too tragic, whose parents are dead, who endures so much suffering, who look like they’ve been created for the purpose of angst for angst’s sake.

and i’m just not interested in painting everyone who writes characters in that way with the same brush. there is a place, and a purpose, for these kinds of stories, and they’re just as necessary, and just as important, to fandom as a whole as are the happy characters --- which isn’t to say that happy stories / characters / aus aren’t important, because they are.

but to return to the clone troopers, to write stories with them that refuse entirely to even acknowledge their realities does them a huge disservice. they live lives that are brilliant, vibrant, and change the universe with every last one of them and their touch on the planes of time --- but they do this in spite of tragedy, not because they ignore it. 

you cannot survive trauma by ignoring it. seriously, there’s studies about this. acknowledging trauma and supporting others through it is the single strongest route to survive and the best chance to do so without developing long term repercussions (such as PTSD, among other things, though the study I had in mind was specifically for PTSD). 

with that in mind, it’s curious how the mockery is usually “write about tragedy LESS” ... it’s almost like it echoes the problem society has about shining a light on the ugliest parts of the emotional human condition. 

anyway. rant over.

[aroundmeblackbats]

@adventures-in-asexuality yeah, like, obviously I don’t want anyone to get hurt! the best-case scenario is he hurts me and then nobody else, ever. and if I did know he was hurting someone else I would feel fucked-up and guilty about that, so there’s only losing here in the game of bad brains! 

I just feel so crazy because he gets to walk around living a normal life. maybe even a good one! maybe he’s not hurting anybody! maybe it was just me! but either way, he gets to have a life and friends and no PTSD! 

and maybe he never thinks about me and maybe I’m just over here seeing him in corners and forgetting that he doesn’t live in my apartment because I’m crazy and he gets to not do any of that or feel any of that. 

and maybe it’s just me and maybe because there’s something wrong with me, something uniquely fragile or I did something wrong and that’s why he hurt me and if I hadn’t come along he’d never have hurt anybody.

and maybe he never did hurt anybody because I’m fucking crazy, I’m fucking delusional and I remember things in my body that never happened and I remember things that I think did happen but I’m an unreliable narrator and is there even any empirical proof that he ever hurt anybody at all? 

he used to say that if I ever told anybody XYZ he’d tell them it was just me, my bipolar, my delusions, not real, and I knew he could do that and it would fly and I know he could still do that, could tell lots of people that who would believe him. 

I just feel so crazy and hurt so much and want some proof, but also obviously I’d never want anyone to get hurt. 

[altbluejay]

i am fueled by raw grrl pwr and marijuana

[princeanderfels]

Speaking of PTSD.. i was kind of talking qith my girlfriend about this, but this isnthe kind of shit that keeps me up at night.. People will often ask me about my PTSD when it comes to Lexi and why i have her here is how the conversation goes, almost EVERY time. Them: why do you have a service dog Me: ptsd and related psychological disorders Them: oh! You a vet, then? Me: nope. Them: oh, what happened? Me: someone tried to murder me. Them: oh! *clearly was not expecting that* well... uh... nice... weather we have here. Me: yep. Like. Dont fucking ask if you dont want me to really tell you?? I've worked very hard to not be ashamed about the shit that has happened in my life and there is still a lot to work on, but my PTSD diagnosis is MINE. Lexi is for ME because i struggle daily with simply functioning. If you dont want to know my reality, don't pretend. I'm not on display.

[waitihaveptsd]

I’m 4 years old

my brother is born.

i dont remember mom being pregnant.

his name is aaron.

he has downs.

hes fucking adorable.

[ptsdrecovery]

Can someone teach me to love people who aren’t innately bad for me?

[ptsdrecovery]

You don’t need to celebrate anyone’s existence simply for the fact that they’re related to you.