tags and warnings: fluff, mentions of death obv but no specifics, vic is kinda mischievous but super sweet
notes: lmk if y’all want a pt 2 to this… i think this concept is very cutie and i had fun thinking about it
⋆˚࿔ you first notice something’s up with your new apartment maybe a couple months after moving in. you come home from a nightmarish shift, soaked to the bone after getting caught in the rain on the one day you forgot your umbrella at home.
⋆˚࿔ you take a very lengthy, hot shower, only stepping out when the exhaustion overtakes the comfort of the water running down your body; when you throw your hair in a towel and look in the mirror, there’s the shape of a heart drawn in the foggy reflection.
⋆˚࿔ you shrug it off, explaining it away as something a friend left for you. your place was usually the crash spot after a night out with your group, it’d make sense for one of the girls to leave a cute doodle after cleaning up.
⋆˚࿔ but you started to notice little things; a freezing draft in the middle of june, cabinets left open when you swore you’d closed them, your belongings seeming to move around on their own.
⋆˚࿔ and then, you started to see him - out of the corner of your eye, fleeting glances that could’ve been nothing, and you often convinced yourself that it was nothing, that you must’ve been hallucinating.
⋆˚࿔ but the feeling that you weren’t alone became harder and harder to shake… you woke up gasping for air more times than you could count, unsure if the cold fingertips tracing shapes into your skin were a dream or something you’d just barely missed.
⋆˚࿔ you’re doing some much-needed self care one night in the fall, smoothing vanilla and tuberose scented lotion onto your legs while the wind shepherded the branches outside against your window. you’d gotten used to the feeling of eyes on you, as uncomfortable as it was. it was stronger now, like you knew someone was in the next room over but not exactly who it was.
⋆˚࿔ and then he says hello. you scream, naturally, scrambling to get as far away as possible from the man in your doorway. he looked embarrassed, raising his hands in front of him like he didn’t mean to scare you - and he didn’t! he shushes you, stepping back to give you some space. you only notice he’s not even fully opaque when his elbow accidentally passes through the door frame.
⋆˚࿔ vic introduces himself quietly, explaining that he’d lived in your unit before he passed. he says he doesn’t remember what happened to him, but the words come out clumsy and awkward, like he didn’t quite practice that part of his speech.
⋆˚࿔ after the initial scare of your first meeting, he starts to show up more and more. you still jump the first few times you turn a corner and he’s just standing in the room, waving at you with a little smile and a “what’re you doing?”
⋆˚࿔ he’s off-putting, sure, even if you ignore the revelation that ghosts are, in fact, real. he seems to enjoy watching you, which you figure makes sense considering that’s all he did for the first few months after you’d moved in. you can’t be too mad at it, though - he must’ve been the reason your rent was so cheap.
⋆˚࿔ you started to enjoy his company though, finding yourself smiling at the little things he’d do to make your life easier. he seemed to only be able to interact with things physically for brief moments, but he used the opportunities he did have to do things like switch your laundry over, start your coffee before you woke up, or run you a bath when it seemed like you’d had a rough day. you made it a point to thank him out loud, even when he wasn’t around.
⋆˚࿔ vic was sweet. it was a little embarrassing to admit, but you found yourself blushing at the little things he’d do for you. there was no doubt it was flirting; he once swapped the pajamas you’d laid out while you were showering, leaving a t-shirt you’d never seen before and your favorite underwear on the bathroom counter and a warmed towel beside them.
⋆˚࿔ your friends started to tease you about your “secret boyfriend” when you invited them over less often. they complained, trying to drag out information about the mystery man who seemed to be taking up your time. how were you supposed to tell them that on top of him not being your boyfriend, he wasn’t even alive?
⋆˚࿔ vic tells you stories about his life, about his friends and family, and listens intently as you talk about yours. he’s always close to you, never touching; you can feel how cold he is just sitting beside him. you find yourself wanting to reach out, to tell him you’re sorry that he died so young, but something always stops you.
⋆˚࿔ until, eventually, it doesn’t. you’re laying next to each other on your bed, watching the sun paint shapes on your ceiling as the sun set. he’s talking about what he misses most about being alive, how he wishes he could go for a walk or eat a big bowl of hot soup. he turns his head and you do the same, watching each other’s faces for a long moment. the hand at his side twitches, a freezing pinky moving to graze your own. you gasped at the contact, unaware he could even do that; vic grinned, like he didn’t know he could either. “you’re so warm,” he whispered, intertwining his fingers with yours. you stayed like that until you fell asleep, smiling even as you woke up alone. you could still feel him, just like you had before, and you felt at peace knowing he’d always be there.
contains: vic fuentes, jaime preciado & tony perry
A/N: first time doing anything for PTV! they’re not usually my go to for links but i might do some more for a master links post ; )
NSFW LINKS BELOW THIS POINT!! you must be logged into twt in order to see these links , unfortunately fem centric BUT some kellic links are included ; )
requested? yes!
TONY PERRY
childhood bsf!tony & you bathing together.. it’s not weird now you’re older, right? plus.. you just look so pretty tucked against him
subby!pup!tony fucking up into you and grabbing at you so desperately
sweetheart!tony letting you ride him for the first time
subby!tony has such an obvious boner over you.. but he can’t bring himself to just let it leave
JAIME PRECIADO
jaime is so big that he makes your stomach bulge…
how jaime paws at your ass when he forgets to pull out
dirtbag!jaime is so inattentive to you even when you’re bouncing on him so hard
VIC FUENTES
how vic fucks up into you when he gets impatient
vic’s favourite position is the mating press.. he wants to knock you up so bad
the HAIRRR!! that’s vic. tell me it isn’t
KELLIC
how kellin humps his pillow pretending that it’s fem!vic.. he just wants her so badly
type of kinky shit vic has kellin doing…
for some reason unbeknownst to kellin, vic loves his dick.. even going as far as to call it “pretty”
hiii ahaha... could i maybe interest you in a brother's best friend fic where younger reader (idk how old don't shoot me but probably like 2-4 years younger. idk how old that dude was when he had his blonde streak) is lowkey in love with her big brother's friend jaime and kinda follows him around in a stalkerish way that should creep the average person out. but he thinks it's so cute she's so into him in like a sick freak kindof way. like he has a corruption kink. i was envisioning jaime with his beautiful blonde streak oughh
i've been saving myself for you - jaime preciado x reader
holy shit you're a fucking prophet.
small problem. i accidentally researched wrong and got time mixed up. jaime had his skunk hair around 2012 i wrote this set in 2007 as PTV was starting out. i realized this like halfway through this Whole thing and im really sorry and let's all just pretend jaime had his skunk hair in 2007. Please.thankYou im so sorry 😞
mike is mentioned like once. i dont think anyone will freak out over this but just to preface. also he's kind of your douche older brother who wants to be left alone a lot and thinks it's funny to give you mean looks. sorry i dont make the rules. that's literally all he does too.
also just to preface, on the flip side you're really close to vic and he's your favorite brother!!
for context - your older brother vic is 23, and jaime is 20. this makes you around 18/19.
anyways pls let me know if you enjoy and maybe want a second part! i had so much fun with this! it is a little slow burn/vanilla but if you want a sequel with something a little more intense...the reqs box is always open...xoxo 🧁🤍
READ PART TWO: here
tags: fluff, stalker (sort of), older brothers best friend, corruption, teeny age gap but it's enough
wc: 2.4k
when your older brothers said they needed to practice with their band somewhere because their campus was too strict, you never thought they'd come back to your childhood home in san diego.
more importantly, you'd never thought about exactly who was in their band. obviously you knew your older brothers - mike, who you didn't really care for - and vic, who was your best friend for life. but other than them, you had no idea who else to expect.
for the first practice, you stood curiously peering behind the door connecting your house and your garage, too afraid to go in. you see your brothers at their instruments familiarly. mike was slouching, talking over his drumset to a guy you've never seen before.
you observed from the door crack silently, taking in the new guy's look. his black hair swept greasily to the side while piercings littered his face. you inadvertently tensed a little, too shy to say anything or even approach him. he looked like he was from the typical san diego hardcore scene, which wasn't anything new to you, but anxiety still rose in your chest.
you then glanced to the left, seeing vic laugh, talking to someone else. you relaxed a little at the sight of your older brother, so comfortable and recognizable.
and that's when you laid eyes on him.
you see him for the first time sitting on a plastic chair, tuning his beat up bass. lost in conversation with vic, he ran a hand through his skunk-dyed hair and let out a small giggle. his strong nose scrunched up, thick brows furrowing into something sweet. you felt your face get hot by the second, admiring every little bit of him...but what truly caught your attention was that blond streak through his dark chocolate hair that swooped in all directions. your heard thudded against your ribcage. whoever said that love at first sight isn't real seriously needs to check this guy out.
practice seemed over faster than you realized. you weren't sure how long you stood there, mesmerized by vic's friend. it wasn't until he left when you were fully snapped out of your daze. as mike and vic began to walk to the door you were standing behind, you quickly scrambled away, running down the hallway to the kitchen. the last thing you wanted was to be caught snooping around.
but you only made it halfway down the hallway as the door opened, blowing your cover. you played it off with nonchalance anyways and kept walking casually.
mike glared at you with false annoyance as he walked by you, to which you naturally mirrored. he didn't say anything though, just turning left straight to his room, probably not wanting to be bothered.
vic followed behind mike down the hallway, but this time he followed you straight into the kitchen, grabbing a cup from the cabinet. you opened the fridge as a shield from his face at first, but then absentmindedly remembered you were kind of hungry. as you cocked your head, deciding what you were going to eat, vic closed the fridge door on you abruptly.
"hey! what the hell?" you scoffed, a little more dramatic than intended.
"i need to use the water, shut up," he shushed, placing his cup under the water spout from the fridge and filling it.
"you're so annoying," you retorted, turning your back to him and walking towards the pantry to find something else.
"oh you want to talk about annoying? how about you totally spying on us the whole time and looking through the door crack like a creep?" his tone was light despite him calling you out. vic raised his eyebrows, directing his knowing gaze towards you. you felt a rush of panic and humiliation shot through you as you felt his eyes on your back.
avoiding eye contact, you pretended to be really invested in the mac and cheese boxes. "...i didn't want to bother you guys." you shrugged, trying to play it cool.
"sure," he hummed amusedly, taking a sip of his water. completely seeing through your unbothered facade, he added, "don't worry, nobody saw you but me."
you relaxed your shoulders, which you hadn't even noticed were tense. grabbing a random box, you sauntered over to the stove, biting your cheeks. "...you guys sounded good. that guy with the piercings looked scary as hell, though. thought if i’d say hi he’d stab me to death with a piercing gun."
vic almost spit out his water, snorting with laughter. "tony?! seriously?" he wiped his mouth, his face twisted into his usual lopsided grin. "you're kidding, he's the sweetest dude on earth. the only thing going on up there is turtles, star wars, and his mom. pinky promise."
to that, you snickered a little. "damn. well, i guess all hardcore kids do have a soft side." as you started to prepare your mac n cheese, your mind wandered to the other new guy - the handsome one. you began to ponder about his interests, if he was an undercover nerd like tony. who knew? maybe he liked the same things as you. then you could listen to music together and watch movies together, maybe even make out with them in the backround or even-
"im telling him you said that." vic interjected your thoughts, snapping you out of your daze. you grumbled something unintelligible to yourself as he walked over to you, peering into the pot. "you sharin’ or what?"
you glanced up annoyed until you realized something. "...ill share with you if you tell me more about the other guy. blonde streak?”
vic’s face lit up, eager to do anything for some lunch. “umm…okay. that's jaime, he's from around here…we met at a few shows…i don't know, he’s pretty chill. he was actually in a band with tony, but their band is breaking up or something, so that's why we're all playing together now,” vic continued to ramble and you nodded your head, pretending to listen. whatever he was talking about didn't matter - you just kept thinking about jaime.
what a nice name, definitely latino too. you loved the way it sounded. jaime, who was “pretty chill”. and he was in a previous band, too? then he definitely knows his way around a bass. you pictured how his hand would caress the side of the guitar, the fingers curled and precise over the strings…
“hmm, whatever. sounds like a lot of drama” you commented dryly, stirring the pasta in the pot.
“yeah, i don't really get it either. why do you ask?” vic leaned against the counter, taking a peek into the pot again.
“just felt weird if i didn't ask about the other guy, i guess,” you shrugged. well, it was technically true.
“yeah i don't know, they're good guys. you should come say hi next time at least. not spy on us like a loser freak,” he shoved your shoulder lightly, then got up to grab two bowls for yourselves.
your mind froze a little in anxiousness. come say hi? you didn't really care about tony, but jaime? what if you looked like a hot mess? or said something awkward?
thanks vic, but you'd rather reside peeking through the door for the rest of your life.
introducing yourself or not, one thing was for certain: you couldn't wait until the next practice they had.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . .
what was supposed to be a first band practice quickly became many. as summer subsided and school began, your afternoons spying on the boys (aka just jaime) were instead spent hidden away upstairs, drowning in homework. although you could hear their playing and muffled conversations below you, it wasn't the same, especially not seeing jaime.
to make up for lost time, you'd sort of checked out his facebook page once or twice. okay, it's more like you've been checking it every day obsessively. you've gone through endless pictures of him, some of his old band, some of his family. but there were SO many videos of him playing his bass.
most of them he records himself from his laptop, when it's late at night and his hair is all messy. he's sitting in bed, with his arms curved around his bass, playing a complicated riff or two. usually he messes up once or twice, and apologizes saying that its just a small thing he thought of, but his gentle laugh makes it all the cuter. being absolutely hooked on these videos, naturally you found yourself replaying them almost every night before you went to bed. you begin to memorize the tunes, humming yourself to sleep, imagining he was next to you…
on one particular friday night, you were completely stumped by your math homework. precalc was kicking your ass, no matter how much you studied. you'd been at it for hours, reviewing material and rereading theories that just made absolutely no sense.
you put your pen down and stood up, sighing. you needed to take your mind off of this. you stretched and swallowed, and suddenly realizing how dry your throat was, decided to go downstairs and get a soda.
mindlessly humming one of jaime’s bass lines that he posted on his facebook, you tramped downstairs, wearing nothing but a bra, socks, and some random pj shorts. you knew there was guests, but honestly, you were so comfortable in your room and didn't feel like changing. plus, the boys had never actually been in the house before - just the garage. it's not like anybody was going to see you anyways. you were just getting a drink.
or at least, that's what you thought.
as you turned into the kitchen, you saw him, out of all people. standing there by himself, rummaging through your pantry, there he was - jaime. immediately, your heart dropped as you stopped humming. your mind raced, telling you to turn around.
but of course it was too late. hearing your tune, jaime turned around to see you. his eyebrows shot up instantly as he took in the sight of you, so informally dressed…and so insanely cute.
“hey,” he breathed, eyes drifting back up towards your eyes. your cheeks flushed red in embarrassment. you'd never seen him this up close before.
“hi,” you said after a moment, trying to reel yourself in. you told him your name shyly, wanting to shrink into yourself and disappear. "im vic and mike's sister."
“im jaime,” he smirked lightly. “...vic’s friend. im uhh...practicing outside. in the garage.” he said smoothly, shifting his weight.
"oh, cool. yeah, ive always heard you guys play, but never actually, like, seen you before...um it's nice to meet you..." you laughed hesitantly, trying to keep the conversation light.
his thick brows furrowed, but he kept his smirk. "no way, you've definitely seen me before. don't you always peek through the door? haven't been seeing you around so much anymore."
you swear you felt your brain physically short circuit. another rush washed over your body - this time it was guilt. you just wanted a soda to take your mind away from the homework stress, but instead now you were worked up over all of this. you seriously couldn't catch a break.
"oh...yeah, you caught me," you gushed, humiliated. if you didn't already want to disappear off the face of the earth, you definitely did now. but jaime just giggled a little, shrugging his shoulders.
"i could say the same to you. im totally scavenging your pantry right now...sorry," he said half jokingly. the way he played it off with such ease made you dizzy. how was he so normal about you watching him? you pray to god he doesn't know about you stalking his facebook...
"oh, that's totally fine, help yourself. i was actually just getting a soda." you switched the topic, hoping to finally escape back upstairs. slithering past him, you opened the fridge, grabbed the first can you saw, and spun back around.
"well, i better get back to my homework," you excused yourself, hoping to weasel your way out of this awkward nightmare.
"yeah, the guys are probably wondering where i am. it was nice to see you," he softened, shrugging a little. you nodded and twisted around, practically sprinting upstairs in embarrassment.
locking your bedroom door and leaning on it, you caught your breath. you just stood in front of your hot older brothers best friend half naked for five minutes. holy fucking shit.
as you look down at the can in your hand, hoping for at least a bit of refreshment, the universe continuously denied you any chance of happiness. being in such a rush, you had accidentally grabbed a beer can - one that you had absolutely no intention of drinking. jesus christ - and jaime saw you grab it too. you could only imagine what he was thinking.
if only you knew.
after you dashed upstairs, flustered and confused, jaime just shook his head. first impressions really were everything - weren't they? but this wasn't the first time he'd seen you.
he'd be lying if he said he'd never seen you eyeing him furiously while pressed flush to the door almost every practice. the door was practically half open anyways, there was no use in you trying to be stealthy...although it was quite cute. and if only you knew your facebook profile views were on and he could see every night that you viewed his page. he knew you came down the stairs humming his song. you really were such a freak, weren't you?
he'd also be lying if he said that your tits weren't so plump and delicious looking in that damn bra, and that seeing you so relaxed in your peppy little outfit didnt do something to him. the thought of you being so freakishly obsessed was starting to get to him. you were so young and naive, it's a shame that you're practically irresistible. at least it was fun to try and see how long you'd think you're getting away with this.
more importantly, how long jaime could hide his attraction to you from vic and mike. he knew mike wouldn't give a shit, he never does about anything - but vic? vic would beat his teeth into his face until he was dead. you were his little sister, the person he loved the most. letting an older boy like jaime manipulate you like that would ruin vic more than it would you.
maybe it was the fact that you were so willing and cockdrunk like an obsessed fangirl, or maybe because jaime knew vic would kill him for ever looking at you. everything that should be wrong just felt so right, but he had to keep quiet. you were truly killing him and you didn't even know it.
A/N: wrote this bc i had a dream where i was dating a young vic fuentes and we got into an argument, i stormed off and he approached me after i cooled off, he ended up giving me a small trinket (i don’t remember what it was) and idk he was just too cute and sweet w me 🥹
-Imagine dating young vic fuentes, he’d be the type of boyfriend to be so attentive and bossed with their loves
-Knows all your favorite things even if you don’t say it out loud, he can simply see it in your eyes
-Can’t help but daydream about you when you’re not around
-If you get into an argument he wouldn’t let you shut down for long, though he’d give you space to cool down he wouldn’t ever let you go to sleep angry
-Believes in communicating with one another about your emotions and working things out together
-If you were to have bad habits or self harming tendencies he would do anything and everything to have you stop
-Knows all too well what it’s like to feel alone and like you have nobody to confide in, and refuses to let you go through the same
-Makes many people jealous or cry while listening to the poems and songs he makes about his love for you
-One of his favorite things to do for you is collect little trinkets that he thinks you’ll like
Warnings: friends to lovers, kissing, drinking, sex, p in v, lbomb
————————————————————————-
The end of your summer road trip was supposed to be easy, but the hotel had one major problem. Tony didn't even look annoyed when he threw your backpack onto the single, colossal king size bed. He looked amused.
“Okay, this is actually hilarious,” Tony declared, dropping his bag and spinning around to face you. His worn PTV t shirt was already stretched across his chest, and his smile was wide. “The universe is actively trying to get us to break the best friend rule. One bed. This is rude to our history.”
You laughed, kicking off your sneakers. “Don’t panic, Perry. We’re not twelve. Just build the wall. We’ve survived worse. Remember that tiny tent at Warped Tour that smelled like stale socks and regret?”
“Yeah, but we didn’t wake up spooning in that tent. I’m making a line,” he said, grabbing the stack of pristine hotel pillows. “You stay on your side, and if you snore, I’m absolutely dumping the ice bucket on your head. Fair warning.”
“Fair. If you snore, and we both know you do, like a broken tractor, I’m braiding your hair while you sleep,” you countered, grabbing your overnight bag. “Now, stop worrying about the divorce line in the bed and meet me downstairs. I need a margarita, and you need to get that road grime off before you touch my side of the duvet.”
“Five minutes,” he agreed, already pulling his shirt over his head. You caught a glimpse of his muscular back and the familiar curve of his muscles before you headed into the tiny bathroom to change.
The hotel bar was exactly the kind of busy, dark spot that felt perfect for letting your guard down. By the third drink, a couple of stiff margaritas for you, and three craft beers for Tony, the familiar ease between you two started to feel heavily loaded.
Tony had quickly migrated from the seat across the table to the seat right beside you. His arm was draped along the back of the booth, resting close enough to your shoulders to feel the heat radiating off him.
“Seriously though, this trip was necessary,” Tony murmured, his voice dropping low as he looked at you. “Being apart for the last few years sucked. I hate those four minute phone calls where we just summarize a week. This is better.”
You smiled, feeling the familiar, exciting tension start to hum between you. You could smell the scent of hops and his familiar, woodsy cologne, and it was getting harder to focus on the conversation.
“It is better,” you agreed, your voice soft.
He looked right at you, his eyes intensely focused. His strong, calloused fingers, the ones that could fly over a fretboard, lightly brushed against the back of your neck. The simple contact was sudden and electrifying.
“You’re the only person who actually understands my speed,” you admitted, your own honesty catching up to the drinks.
He smiled, a heartbreakingly soft expression. “Exactly. And I’ve tried to meet other people, but they all just kind of blend together. They aren’t you.”
He pulled his hand away, resting his forearm on the table, but he leaned in closer. “Look, I know we agreed to be smart about this, but I’m too drunk to be smart right now. I just want to stop talking.”
“Me too,” you whispered, standing up quickly. The room suddenly felt too small, too loud, and entirely too late to pretend you were just best friends. “Let’s go.”
Back in the quiet hotel room, the king bed was a massive challenge. Tony walked straight to the window and threw the heavy curtains open, letting the faint city lights spill in.
“This is ridiculous,” Tony muttered, his back to you.
“What is?” you asked, your voice tight.
“The twenty years of acting like we don’t look at each other like this,” he said, turning around slowly. He looked like he was about to lose a fight, and he was ready for it.
He took a slow step toward you. He reached out, not to grab you, but to gently push your hair back over your shoulder. His fingers lingered on your neck.
“I’m not sleeping on the floor, and I’m not building a pillow wall,” he whispered, his eyes dark. “I’m done pretending I don’t want to be right here, right now, with you.”
You didn't need to say anything; you closed the remaining distance with a rush, grabbing the front of his shirt and pulling his mouth down to yours.
The kiss was an explosion, urgent, deep, and fueled by years of denial. He groaned, pulling you hard against his chest. His strong, calloused hands slid down your back, pulling your hips flush against his, letting you feel the immediate, hard proof of his desire.
He broke the contact only to murmur against your jaw. “We’re past stopping, don't you think?”
“Way past,” you answered, your hands already pulling his shirt up and over his head.
The fabric was quickly shed and tossed aside. The energy between you was desperate and focused. He pushed you gently back onto the cool, clean sheets, climbing over you. His breath was hot and ragged against your neck as his weight pressed you into the soft mattress.
His mouth returned to yours, a demanding kiss that swallowed the ragged sounds of your breathing. His hands, the same hands that could play the fastest, most precise guitar solo, were now gripping your hips, pulling you closer, closer.
You arched up against him, wanting the weight, the heat, the release. You dug your fingers into the muscles of his shoulders, needing the connection to be absolute.
“God, you’re so beautiful,” he gasped, pulling back just enough to look at your face, his eyes heavy with lust and something far deeper. His gaze was burning, consuming.
He moved between your legs, filling the sudden space. The sound was a loud, desperate sound that was immediately smothered by his mouth crashing down on yours.
He started a slow, deep rhythm, entirely focused on sensation. You gripped his shoulders tight, moving against him, matching his desperate pace.
“Look at me,” he commanded, his voice low and tight. You met his gaze, and the contact was electric.
He sped up, the motion becoming faster, harder, more insistent.
“Say it,” he demanded, his voice strained, his hips thrusting with brutal honesty. “Tell me what you want.”
“You! Just you!” you cried out, gripping his hair, pulling his head down.
“I can’t believe I waited this long,” he groaned against your neck, pulling out and slamming back into you, harder each time. “I’ve been obsessed with you since high school.”
The confession, raw and completely unguarded, hit you as sharply as the physical climax.
“I love you,” he gasped, his body tensing, his arms wrapping around your hips like a vise. His head fell against your shoulder as the powerful, simultaneous release hit both of you, leaving you breathless and clinging to each other in the tangled sheets.
Morning After
You woke up sprawled in the absolute center of the massive king bed. The morning sun was streaming through a gap in the curtains, and the faint, sweet scent of last night’s adrenaline lingered on the sheets.
Tony was already awake, watching you. His arm was thrown over your waist, holding you securely. There was no awkwardness, just a quiet, profound certainty in his dark eyes.
“Morning,” he whispered, his voice soft and slightly raspy.
“Hi,” you murmured, reaching up to gently trace the strong line of his jaw.
“I have a confession,” Tony said, a small, genuine smile curving his lips.
You looked at him expectantly. “Hit me. Did you steal the blanket?”
“Worse. I didn’t actually snore last night. I was awake, thinking about how ridiculous it is that we spent our entire lives avoiding the obvious,” he admitted, his eyes full of affection.
You laughed, resting your head back down on his shoulder. “Well, thanks for letting me make the first move, you big idiot. And for the lifetime confession.”
He chuckled, pulling you closer. “I was just waiting for you to realize how much you missed me. Now, here’s the plan: no more pillow walls. Ever. And you have to call me your boyfriend now. That’s the rule.”
“Deal, Tony,” you agreed, pulling his arm tighter around you. “Now, make me coffee. And then we can discuss how this changes the dynamics of our next trip
Yes, this is an Alex g reference thanks for noticing!! Or not, idk. I've been liking this song a lot recently and this fic is very self indulgent so yea. The song barely relates but it sounds how the fic should if ykwim. Sorry for my rambling. Thanks. SEND ASKS.
(Tony Perry x GN!Reader)
Warnings/Tags: Self harm (kinda graphic), Angst but Tony is the Fluff :3, Hurt/Comfort, No use of Y/N but a petname like once, again REALLY self indulgent im sorry im too gay for this world, I think that's about it but if there's any other big ones lmk!!
You should feel grateful for how lucky you are right now. Your long-term loving boyfriend is home from tour just in time for the holidays, and you're friendly enough with his bandmates and other friends for them to come over to celebrate at your place. Hosting things even on a close-knit scale like this has always been overwhelming, but it was nothing compared to how you have been these past few months.
You can admit that there's been a few times where you've called Tony late at night because youjustcanttakethisyouneedhimtoholdyouandmakeitallgoaway (but at least for now hearing his soft words helped, even statelines away) . Though it's been 'bad 'way more than those times you actually called him, did more than shooting him a text saying you missed him a lot and hoping he's enjoying himself. You thought all the thoughts and reminders would go away once he was home.
And it did, for like the first night he was back and you got to feel him lying next to you instead of hugging pillows arranged to resemble a human. It was a little better to then wake up next to him, start to live a normal functioning life again, but it still kinda felt like you were pretending .
"Just like candy, you'll go down."
He kind of knew what had been going on with you from those calls, but not the entirety. He was really having the time of his life, having such a big outreach meeting so many fans and idols in the scene, you couldn't lay that on him. Even if he says he can take it and he cares, he shouldn't be kept up by negative thoughts relating to you.
--
Now, you're surrounded by the people he spent his time away with. Some unfamiliar faces but nonetheless friendly ones, good people. Good to know he wasn't around the wrong crowds, or at least ones decent enough to act nice to you. The kitchen and dining area has people drinking somewhat casually, playful fights over what dvd to put on your embarrassingly old and small TV, laughing way too loud at jokes that aren't that funny. It would be rewarding, this is what you always thought home would feel like. Yet you felt so, so empty and you couldn't understand why.
It got to a point. It always did. You didn't know what broke you. It wasn't someone's action or lack thereof, or even a specific thought plaguing your mind. It was just the will to go do it. Again. You needed it. It was a sick want, when you had what you needed right in front of you.
Tony was talking to Vic about some funny thing that happened a couple days ago that he probably already told you about but you weren't thinking enough to understand anything ; you were practically clinging to him on your ratty couch. Yours. yours. yet this is what you wanted. You slowly began to unstick yourself from him, Tony turning to you to see the cause, eyebrows raising ever so slightly, so innocent and intuitive to you.
"I'm gonna use the bathroom,"
Tony just flashed his sweet smile in acknowledgement and placed a quick kiss to your cheek before you stood up. It was simple, the same as he always acted because it was normal. normalcy with him again after what felt like an eternity and this is still what you wanted.
You didn't look back at him or anyone or anything and walked straight upstairs. You could've just stayed in there for a few minutes, you didn't have to do this. You didn't, but you wanted it. So, once you got in there you locked the door, twisting the handle just to be sure nobody could come in. Grabbing a loose blade from under the sink because you could never bother to put them in a box or something. Too easy to be thrown out and lose it all.
You don't bother to sit on the floor or do anything because "using the bathroom" only should take a few minutes and you can't let yourself get comfortable enough to lose track of time. You take it in your dominant hand, and angle the sharp corner as you pull it back against your flesh. Tearing. It was shallow, less horrific then you wanted needed it to be. Blood just barely started to bead at the edges of the cut, so you prod at it in hopes of bleeding more.
You know you don't have long before someone needs to piss or comes looking for you, so you just let go. Keep cutting over and over, with more pressure and less care than the first time. You want to bleed as much as you can, feel it. The immediate sting of the wounds is addicting. Sickly, but what addictions are healthy? You prod more at the skin, smearing the dark red blood with the blade and also your fingers. You bleed a pretty red, but the way you get it is ugly.
You know you gotta get out now, it's for sure been too long. Need to go grab a jacket from yours and Tony's room, you can't just go back with still-bleeding cuts on your arm because someone's bound to notice. But, one more can't hurt. You do a weird angle where your wrist is facing your chest, doing a weird thing to your skin that insures the cut will be worse. And, you did a quick slash, which was deeper than the rest. The kind that are in-between needing stitches and healing by itself. A rush of panic hits you, but it's just what you want.
You can't really clean up now.
"Don't let them see you like this, Wash your face and hide your wrist."
so, you put the blade away and cling your wrist to your body just in case someone is outside waiting, but somehow there isn't. You speed walk (not a far walk) to your room, where the door is already halfway open. Once you start to push the door open you don't bother to hide your wrist,plus your blood is definitely staining your clothes now.
oh fuck.
it was bound to happen, Tony was here already. He was grabbing his empty cup off the nightstand, when he heard someone which he assumed to be you, and immediately froze. You froze too. You felt even more nauseous now, like you could sob or die. It was so, so, horrifically obvious now. You could hear his breathing pick up a bit, shaky. He was clearly terrified, or maybe disgusted, or mad, or everything. After just staring in silence, he hurried over to you before taking your arm to look at it.
"Honey what did you do? What- you said you were just going to the.." The shakiness in voice made you feel even worse. He looked more upset than you.
"Please it's fine, okay? Let it go- I-i'll clean up.. Go downstairs Tony-" Maybe you were getting there, it felt hard to speak when your vision was quickly getting blurry with tears that not even looking up could take back.
"No! No im not going downstairs, you can't.. This is bad, it's bad.. I can't leave you after this.."
You can't tell if he's too scared to leave you because he doesn't know what will happen to you or he just can't trust you in the way that a parent who can't trust a child who sneaks out and steals.
"Please... I gotta help younow."
He goes over to another part of the room, looking for the little diy first aid kit you kept instead of the real thing. They couldn't be actually deep, they just bled a lot. But it was clear that you scared the shit out of Tony (Reasonably). He basically tore through things until he found it, tossing it on the bed without care before quickly getting you to sit down.
"Sitsitsit- Please, oh.. Why didn't you talk t'me?- you could've, I wouldve... Its me me, isnt it?"
And that's when you finally started sobbing, shaking worse than you were before. "No, what? It's not you, s-snever been you.. m'sorrymsosorry," And it carried on into frantic apologies to Tony for what you did. Not really to yourself, but to him. You never meant to hurt him aswell, it could never be his fault.
Through this he worked quickly trying to get bandages on you to still what was still bleeding, but it was a little hard when his hands couldn't stay still. Not his fault. He was in shock, for sure. He's cleaned your cuts before, seen all of your scars, but it's never felt like this. You were supposed to be better.
When he's done, he just pushes the trash and other supplies out of the way without a care for neatness before properly holding you. You basically just sob into his chest for what feels like forever, but if forever involves him being here for you when you're this low maybe it isn't horrible. He grips you like if he lets go something bad will happen, for him and your' comfort. Petting you, sweet reassurances that sound like he's speaking to you for the last time and he's terrified yet needs to keep talking while he can. It's this for a long while until you're too exhausted to keep crying. He still holds you afterwards, shifting positions a little.
His phone must have been in his pocket, as he takes it out with one hand while trying to not shatter the fragile glass that you are. It's weird to think of yourself as something dainty or 'fragile' but really, if you acknowledge what just happened at all, you'll shatter. He wraps his arm around you again, texting someone awkwardly with one hand. You hope he hasn't told anyone the real reason why he hasn't been out In half an hour or so when he said he was going upstairs to grab his cup.
But he doesn't, shooting a text to Jaime about how some stuff came up and he probably won't be down for a while, just text him if people are getting too rowdy or whatever. Though if people were, he wouldn't be leaving you even if his personal property depended on it. Silence filled the room, well silence in words, because you were still sniffling and taking shaky breaths, same as Tony.
"do'ya still want a jacket?"
".. if it's yours."
Your voices were both a bit hoarse, but now you weren't making fun of each other for it. It brought the slightest smile to him, or what looked like one when you said you wanted his specifically. Tony didn't move right away, feeling like the worst boyfriend ever for leaving you for even a second (afterleavingformonths) even if you're okay with it. Not really, but he's not far. But it's kinda good to be far, this room is the farthest from the downstairs, the action. Distant, it wasn't about tony, this was just the hangout spot. Not spotlight.
He eventually slides you from his grip, getting up and rummaging through your shared mess of a closet. His eyes landed on a specific black jacket Tony used to wear a ton but doesn't frequently anymore, one that was drowned in his scent. He didn't toss it like usual, instead handing it to you a lot more carefully. He was always gentle with you, but now was so different. He guided the sleeved over your arms, his own breath getting caught when you whined as the fabric ghosted over the bandages.
"you sure it's okay? doesn't hurt, right?
"Its okay, thank you,"
"mhm, I love you."
"i love you too. '.... msorry for this."
He didn't say anything, but went back to running his fingers through your clearly unwashed hair. That was another thing for another day. Being with you was his biggest priority right now, trying to have you feel as okay as you can when okay seems like a myth.
"don't do that to me again. please. talk to me. don't jus' say you'll stop to make me happy or have me stop worrying. I always will."
and this time you're not saying anything. After this, making a false promise would really be a stake straight through his heart. You need to get better, cutting yourself up like that solved nothing and you knew it. You have what you need, but you so easily gave into your wants.
He doesn't really push much more tonight for the why, how, and what. You wouldn't respond even if he asked, so it's easier that he doesn't and you are not ignoring him. It's hard to face, it makes sense. Being convicted after that. But maybe that's what you need.
At some other point Tony gets up from the bed and locks the door, just to make sure nobody comes up here. He probably should care more about what his friends are doing at his house, but it's gotta be late enough for them to either crash out or leave. It's not painfully loud or suspiciously quiet, so he stays up here with you. It's different, without any music on or anything going on that could be a distraction, just you guys.
Maybe it needed to be that way, for now.
You think you'll keep him.
"Just like candy you'll go down."
"Just like candy you'll go down."
"Just like candy you'll go down."
so yea tony lovers can all 18 of you accept this as an offering and initiate me into your group . thanks
