#qpr discourse

[nams2]

You know, aro tumblr constantly complains about "aros being put in qprs" as this horrific form of erasure we see all the time, but I'm convinced this is just a thing spread by exclusionists to turn other aros against us.

First of all, it's not fucking erasure. Aros do qprs, im one of them, fuck you. Second, its not common at all. Seriously, check the numbers. I looked on AO3 - of the roughly 17,000 fics tagged "aromantic", only about 2,700 of them (or 16%) contain a queerplatonic relationship.

Like, honestly, I think that's pretty open and shut. 84% of aromantc rep on AO3 does not even contain a qpr, yall have plenty of aro works without qprs. Id imagine that 84% number is even higher in more mainstream works, since they're mostly written by authors with no idea aros even can partner.

Honestly, I have a lot more to say about the sterotype that partnering aros all want to turn other aros into allos (shot version is its exclusionist bullshit), but Ill leave it there for now.

[relaxxattack]

it's really hard for me to understand qprs! like i want to but i'm autistic and idk it's really hard to understand the concept of it? i know what romance is and i know what friendship is, and i know between both there's a spectrum that can be undefined. is that what a qpr is? because for me it was always like, if it's undefined it will "resolve" itself later. y'know like if a friendship is toying the line w romance, then in the future they'll be dating or they'll stay friends.

to my knowledge the concept of qprs is actually strongly held up by autistic/nd people because we're more likely to be unable to sort ourselves into societal boxes (although correct me if i'm wrong about that.)

you're right that it's confusing though, but honestly i think that's the whole point. there's no one way to do it, qpr is for essentially anyone who wants to date someone in a way that's outside of traditional norms.

that can be confusing because, can't friends do romantic stuff for each other? and can't spouses have non-traditional relationships?

yes, they can, but that doesn't mean it's the norm yet for friends to have benefits or for a married couple to be platonic.

i don't quite know how to explain it but. it's a lot less complicated then it seems, although it's definitely confusing, because. when aren't feelings confusing T_T lol

[aspirationatwork]

I have a principle that I follow that I think a lot more people should also go by.

“Just because I don’t understand it doesn’t mean it’s not real”

I may not understand how nonbinary lesbians work, and at certain points I didn’t understand how masks worked, but I knew that they were real. I know the the enby community has it’s own reasoning for how their terms work and that’s all that matters, even if I don’t know those reasons. I didn’t know how masks protected me but the info came from scientists so I listened.

I’m going to be real, this post was inspired by the fundamental misunderstanding of qprs. Aros have to constantly defend them because the hets cannot wrap their heads around the concept of a non-friend, non-romantic relationship. It would be a lot easier on everyone if they just admitted, “we don’t know what this is, but other people do, and it has meaning to them, and that’s all that matters”

Feel free to apply this principle to other subjects.

[a-quiet-stag]

I feel like I just went through a breakup but with a friend

[seandarling]

An Unpopular Opinion, from me, I guess.

Allo people can be in qprs. Allo people can, in fact, understand queerplatonic attraction. It isn't just aromantic people who can be in a queerplatonic relationship. I say this as someone in a qpr. I say this as someone who is both asexual and not aromantic. I say this as someone who has been in this qpr for a while. I say this as someone who is happily in a qpr. I know multiple people who are also allo who are happily in qprs.

Yes, this is in response to someone. No, I will not tag them. I debated responding to them directly. Decided it would be best not to.

I just want people to know.

Queerplatonic attraction and queerplatonic relationships are not exclusive to aromantic people.

Please stop trying to gatekeep the LGBT community. You know who you are, although I doubt you'll see this.

Sincerely, someone who's really fucking tired of people telling me what I do and do not understand and what I can and cannot talk about without ever even trying to see if I do, in fact, know anything about anything.

[arovaricious]

Ppl who aren't in qprs: I'm going to explain why this label is redundant

Me: wow look at that my romance repulsion is magically gone and I've finally realized what I feel for my partner is ~true love~ and what I'm not even aromantic anymore /SARCASM

[aroace-people-are-lgtbq]

Tbh, you have to be a special level of asshole to hear/see someone try to describe their experiences to you only for you to continuously tell them, "that just sounds like friendship," even when they have explicitly said that is not the same thing and given you multiple examples of how they differ from each other

Like I get, this kind of relationship is beyond your understanding, but would it kill you to listen to people who do have this relationship? Or at the very least respect their terminology and language?

[rihanna-discourse]

How do you feel about "queerplatonic partners/relationships" ???

i’m personally not for them at all, i find it kind of ridiculous to put such a weird label on friendship but hey if that’s how you work

just call it quasiplatonic tho. if you’re gonna but a special label on friendship don’t use a slur, esp for the cishet aros (because i heard it’s an aro label? i think)