a cozy fire to keep you warm
a contribution to @zutaramonth, quarantine edition, day 11: secrets. view my other works for zutara month (quarantine edition) here.
a story about love found.
She was always there, at the corner of his (good) eye.
When he was chasing the Avatar to the ends of the world, she was there, standing guard.
When he nearly keeled over with regret and shame in the Western Air Temple, she was there, seething with disgust and contempt.
When he was nearing the end of his world, close to transcending the earth beneath him, she was there, saving him.
Her prayers came in waves, crashing broken and scattered on the shore. “Please,” she begged through her tears, “Don’t– Agni, please, you can’t– don’t leave me– she can’t– she can’t take him away this time.”
Azula once took you from me before, she thought. When you left me in the among the crystals.
You came back, goddammit. You can do it again.
Behind his eyes, colors fluctuated from the crimson of the comet to the burgundy walls of the palace gardens. His sister’s agonizing screams and Katara’s desperate prayers were nothing but white noise to him; all he could see was a little turtleduck – you were mine, weren’t you? – and a lone, lean figure standing by the fire lilies.
Katara was still there; he saw her at the corner of his good eye, glowing crimson and blue. “No, no, no, you can’t die. Agni, please– Yue, anyone, please– Agni, he’s slipping–”
The garden began to blur. The figure walked towards him; as it was coming closer, its features came into focus. He was a boy, no older than 18, with unmistakeable golden eyes and a stature only found in Fire Nation royalty; but his face was kind and his gaze was soft, much like Iroh’s. The boy’s warmth flooded him.
Somewhere in his periphery, Katara started to fade.
“Lu–” he began, but Lu Ten grabbed him by his shirt.
“Not today, Little Zukey.”
What the hell? Before he could could ask, he was shoved backwards with a force and a searing pain that knocked the air out of his lungs; he realizes too late that his spirit has found his body again.
He opened his eyes for the first time since Azula chased after Katara – blue against blue – and all he could see was crimson —
— and the sharp blue in his periphery.
She was there; after all the pain, all her pain, she was still there. You told me no one else has to get hurt, she thought. No one ever told me someone was supposed to die.
She almost jumped at the feel of his heartbeat coming back to life. “Zuko,” she whispered.
“Hey,” he said weakly. His nerves were numb, his vision was swimming, and any movement felt like streams of fire raging through his body; so he settled for looking at her, gold eyes meeting blue.
“Thank you, Katara.”
You idiot, she thought. You damn near died for me –
“No,” she said. “I think I’m the one who should be the one thanking you.”
No, dammit, he wanted to say. Not after everything I’ve put you through, but the streams of fire shot through his body and instead of a retaliation, an agonizing groan escaped his mouth.
His body convulsed against the pain, only settling when Katara wrapped his injury with glowing water. Her tears were beginning to pool again and holding them in took all the strength she had left. “You nearly died because of me, Zuko,” she said weakly. “Goddammit, I could’ve lost you a second time, and I couldn’t let that happen. Not ag– not again, goddammit, you hear me?”
When he began to feel his nerves again, he reached for her hand. “I hear you,” he said. He squeezed it with all the strength he could offer. I’m here, I’m alive, and it’s thanks to you. “Thank you.”
“Stop thanking me,” she whispered, as if it were an afterthought. All that mattered to her was that he was breathing, he was– they were okay.
—
to give your heart a song to sing
—
She didn’t know how it started.
She was desperately praying to every god she knew – there wasn’t much, if she was being honest – and before she could stop herself, she said, “I love him, Agni, please–”
Her hands stopped healing for a second when she realized what she had just sworn to the gods. She checked to see if he heard her, and to her (sick) relief, he was quiet. She resumed her healing before he could slip away.
Even after they dragged Azula to her cell and Zuko took his place as the Fire Lord regent, the shock of her words still tingled in her mouth. It stayed and persisted through the days since they’ve won.
The first time he was putting on his new robes – only to be worn by the Fire Lord, said his sages – Katara was the one who helped him. Zuko didn’t allow anyone else to do so.
The tingle prickled her lips. I love you, she wanted to say, I don’t know how or why but I know I do, but the fear of rejection keeps it from rolling off her tongue. After all, behind the warrior is a little girl. “It’s real,” she whispered instead. “You’re really Fire Lord now.”
“Fire Lord regent,” he corrected. “I’ve yet to be crowned.”
“Same difference.”
They smiled, years of hurt and anger and tears and hugs and healing and love coming to this moment.
He gazes at her with barely-masked awe, wondering when the girl bloomed into a woman – when a child turned into a warrior. His partner-in-crime, his confidant, his best friend, the woman he trusts, the woman he grew to love. I love you, you know, he wanted to say.
Maybe it was after we set sail in the sky, when you learned how to forgive. Maybe it was when you held my hand before I begged for forgiveness from the man I knew as father.
Or maybe it was the moments in between, when you held up a painting of my father and thought it was me; maybe it was when I saw you and knew that there was no one I’d rather see my sister with.
Katara squeezed his arm, smiling through her bright eyes. Her gaze skimmed upwards, along his bandaged torso, until it reached his scar.
Maybe it was when you agreed to an Agni Kai, seeing you glow against blue, when I knew I couldn’t lose you, she thought. Maybe that was when I knew.
—
i wish you shelter from the storm
—
She wished the two boys good luck before they prepared to face the new world. Her friends followed shortly after, crushing her in a sandwich of hugs and tears.
“We’ll see you on the other side, you stupid armadillo-bunnies!” Toph hollered. Sokka gave them a salute, and Suki held them tight one more time before she made her way to the Kyoshi Warriors.
“I’m proud of you,” Katara said, gripping the arms of the two boys. “You already know that.”
Aang and Zuko smile at her; one lopsided and goofy, the other warm – but tight and contained, like Pandora’s box. Some secrets are meant to be locked away, he thought.
Maybe it’s what’s best for everyone, she told herself.
This is our duty. This is what we owe the world.
It took all her strength to hide the pain that gripped her heart when she saw Mai approach Zuko. She held onto Aang’s arm with a vice grip, the only thing keeping her from stumbling into a mess of tears.
“Hey,” Zuko said, an arm outstretched to welcome his (supposed) girlfriend. He greeted her with a kiss to her forehead; but he kept his eyes wide open, forcibly reminding himself that this girl had hazel eyes – not ones of ocean blue.
When he saw her again, she was with her tribe. Unlike the men around her, she wore no headgear, held no weapons – just a simple tunic; the armor that she wore to war.
She gazed at him – there they are again, her bright blue eyes – and nodded his way. She pointed to the crown of her head and smiled. It’s real.
He cocked his head to the side and sent her a subtle, puzzled look that disappeared as soon as it came. Same difference.
She smiled. Amidst the raucous cheer, she closed her eyes and prayed, keep him safe, hold him close.
Please, Yue, do it for me.
—
but most of all, when snowflakes fall,
—
Time heals all wounds; so when he sees her again, five years later, the ache in his heart no longer feels like broadswords through his chest. When he sees her in her powder blue wedding dress, the pain becomes nothing more than slow throbs.
Aang and Katara marry in the winter, just shy of the solstice. The ceremony is private, meant only for the couple’s family and closest friends; it took months of convincing and countless threats of walking out on the wedding to convince Aang to keep it to ten friends only, or there will be no ceremony.
Time isn’t enough, however, to quell his aching heart when he sees their first kiss as husband and wife – so he closes his eyes. Visions of powder blue in his garden flood his mind, with her laughter filling his ears, and the ache he’s fought so hard suppress resurges like a wave. His wife grips his arm.
“Zuko,” Mai whispers. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” he says through gritted teeth. “I’m just not used to the cold anymore. Just warming myself up.”
Mai shoots him a suspicious look before clapping for the couple in front of them. This is our duty. This is what we owed the world.
But the world is cruel and unfair.
He first meets Katara’s gaze when his eyes open. She gives him a distant smile and waved hello from where she stood. I’m sorry, she thought. I’m sorry we couldn’t be.
He nods and claps with his friends, his sense of duty overtaking the throes of his heart.
—
He leads the toast, standing tall and proud as he congratulates the happy couple,
because the world is cruel and unforgiving.
“I didn’t have much prepared, if I’m gonna be honest,” he says. “But the Ember Island Players were wrong.”
Hefty laughter followed. He forces a smile when he says, “Congratulations, you two. Cheers!”
“Cheers!”
He looks at Katara and raises his glass to her. She smiles, tipping hers to him.
I wish you love.
