So I totally missed the first day of Felix July 2020. So I hope you all enjoy my medieval robin hood-esque AU for Felix Month Prompt 2: Thief.
Stealing Valuables
The bark of the tree was rough enough that Felix could feel it through his threadbare gloves. But the tree wasn’t chosen for the quality of its bark – it was sturdy, easily able to bear not just his weight but the weight of several others. One day, he was sure it would build a fine house but today – it was
He brandishes his sword.
“Stand and deliver!”
He was outnumbered, but of course he was – the valuables in the carriage warranted such a retinue. Or rather, all the guards were all under that impression. They halt at the sight of him. His eyes darted from face to face. None of them looked to be particularly intelligent. So perhaps –
“You.” He snaps his fingers to get the first guard’s attention. “Do you know what this carriage contains?”
The guard, stone-faced, says nothing and tightens his grip on his own sword.
“Mm, alright. Not a talker then,” Felix says casually and turns to the next man, “How about you? Know what’s in the carriage?”
The man turns his head to look at the coverings that obscure the window. “Weren’t our job to know,” he says gruffly shrugging one shoulder.
“Interesting.” Felix looked at the last two men. “And you two? Never curious?”
These men look at each other in a silent debate. The taller of the two speaks up, “The Queen said –”
Felix sneers and cuts him off.
“T-the Qu-qu-queen said?” He mimics mockingly. “What. That you were to protect the carriage? How can you even properly protect the carriage when you don’t know what’s inside?”
He gestures without flourish to the grand carriage, “Anything could be in there.”
“Enough,” the guard with the gruff voice says, “The way I see it. It don’t matter that the Queen didn’t tell us.” He walks over and thumps the door with the flat of his hand. “Easy enough to guess it’s full of gold, like.”
He makes his way back to point and levels his sword at Felix, “And you’re getting none of it.”
A tense moment passes where Felix stares down the length of the fine metal nearly touching the tip of his nose. Internally, he smiles to himself, thinking gleefully ahead to how that angry face will transform when he discovers just who he is. A bird caws loudly some distance off. The guard takes advantage of Felix’s momentary distraction to swing the sword high.
Felix dodges and the whistling blade swings into empty space. “Gold?” He questions, sounding amused. “You think its gold in there?” He laughs, “No, no, friend, it’s something much more valuable than that.”
“Getting sick of you,” the second guard grumbles before advancing to assist his friend.
Felix spins. Metal clangs against metal. Felix successfully fends off one blow after another. Careful, he thinks to himself and reminds himself that he doesn’t want a real fight. If the other two guards engage, then that would mean his capture. Which would likely mean an audience with the Queen. And he certainly doesn’t want that. Not yet. So out loud he says, almost playfully, “I rather think you should take a peep into that carriage.”
Felix leaps backwards and ducks the second guard’s sloppy thrust.
“I promise,” Felix says with a grin, “It’s seriously worth your wile.”
Guard one tries to catch him unaware but it’s no use, Felix has the sturdy tree at his back so, when he ducks, the guard’s sword lodges itself deep into the trunk.
Felix uses his opponents struggle to dislodge his sword as an opportunity to land a solid kick to his chest, winding him enough to allow him space to wriggle past and fight in the open again.
“What are you two just standing there for?” Guard two yelled as he attempts to charge Felix, “Come and help your fellow man!”
Felix, in response, sticks out his leg to overbalance the second guard and smashes the hilt of his own sword into the back of guard two’s head, sending him sprawling.
The last two men, who have been watching the fight unfold, ignore their fellow soldier. Both men have found that they have no desire to join. Why would they? Their opponent is outclassing the two best fighters in the group – what chance do they have? So instead they stand a safe distance away and plot.
“So.” whispers the shorter guard to the taller, “What’d you reckon’s in there?”
“Dunno.” Says the taller to the shorter, “Not gold.”
“What. You believe this scamp?”
“Peace, Archibald,” the taller guard said holding up a hand. “Not saying that. It’s just – he’s awful confident innit he?”
“Suppose. Say Roberts,” Archibald said before wincing as he watchs his brothers-in-arms collide with one another while the bandit laughs from his perch in the tree. He cuts his eyes upward to meet his companion. “If it isn’t gold, then maybe it’s something else. Perhaps… something that could be put in our pockets and not be missed?”
The taller man smiles, showcasing his uneven teeth, “Perhaps.”
“Then let us away.” Archibald said with a short flourished bow.
They edged closed to the carriage, careful to stay out of the main fight. Not that it was much of a fight to begin with. Though outmatched, the mystery man had clearly been trained well. Roberts squints at the blond – who had just tripped their leader – and thinks that there was something eerily familiar about him. Briefly a memory superimposes itself over the bandit. But what he sees would be impossible. He blinks hard and turns back towards Archibald, who is busily picking the lock.
“Why even bother with that?” Roberts complains.
A sudden thump startles both men. “Yes, why are you bothering with that?” Felix asks, standing on the carriage roof. His sword glints menacingly in the sunlight. Roberts gulps. And the lock snicks open quietly. Now, with the thief in dispatching range neither men move to open the door.
“Well?” Felix asks impatiently, crouching down. He fights the urge to roll his eyes. “Are you going to open the door or not? How about I do it for you?”
Both Roberts and Archibald flinch backwards at the man’s sudden movement. But the door simply swings open to reveal its contents to the world.
“I –”
“But –”
They say confusedly, overlapping one another. The point-guard leader approaches, angrily wiping away mud from his face. “You two…” He begins to growl but stops short at the sight of the open carriage beyond their shoulders. His eyes widen in shock. “What. On Earth. Is. That?”
“Why – its rocks!” The fourth companion gapes uselessly after having finally cleared the spots from his vision from the last unfortunate collision.
It was true. From floor to seat were rocks of every size.
“I told you – you were transporting something valuable.” Felix sheaths his sword, “What’s more valuable than a lie?”
~
A heavy silence hangs over the group for a second. Wind rustles through the trees. A bird caws.
The pointe-guard recovers from his shock first. “Who are you?”
“None other than Felix Graham de Vanily,” Felix smiles. He bows low, executing a ridiculous flourish that wouldn’t quite be out of place in court.
“No, you can’t be,” the guard says, shaking his head from side to side, “His Majesty died two years ago.”
Felix laughs loudly and deeply. “Ah, yes – my favourite lie. As you can see,” he gestures to himself. The guards all follow his hands, as they take in his care-worn, and possibly once fine, clothing. “I’m still here. Tell me, how is my dear wife Lila?”
The pointe-guard stiffens at the insult to his Queen and grasps the hilt of his sword. How dare a common thief refer to her majesty with such irreverence. “You blackguard!”
“Peace, David,” Roberts says wearily, laying a hand on his shoulder. “You’ve cannot beat him.” Suddenly, his earlier thought seems less impossible but still he hesitates before adding, “I do believe the man speaks the truth.”
“Look.” Roberts swallows down the rest of his doubts and points at the sword, “Is that not too fine a blade to belong to a common thief?”
“He could have stolen it off of the very body of the king he claims to be!” David blusters, hand still on his hilt.
“Aye, he could’ve” Archibald nods sagely before joining in, giving Roberts a wink of support, “But did he not fight finer than you and Lysander combined?”
“He’s skilled, I’ll give him that but –”
“But nothing,” Roberts cuts in. “He was trained and trained well. Why would he go to such lengths to show us a deception only to deceive us himself?”
David, for all of his bluster, deflates immediately and sits down hard as the implications become clear to him. Roberts stills for a moment as a thought occurrs to him. Why would someone go to such lengths in the first place?
“Good sir?” Roberts calls up, “Why would you go to such lengths to reveal this to us in the first place?”
Felix, for his part, had already made himself comfortable on the roof of the carriage and swings his feet through the open door. He hums, pleased that his initial assessment of their intelligence was incorrect. “Why?” He repeats back. “Lila and her scheming guardian’s deceptions have gone on too long. I need men, good men, if I want to take back my kingdom.”
Roberts nods, “Aye, so you disguise yourself as a thief in the woods so she would suspect nothing. Clever.”
Felix chuckles, “Oh, but I am a thief – after all, I’m stealing an army.”
~~~~~~~~~
I hope everyone had fun reading! Does it surprise anyone that Lila is a usurper? Gosh, she’s gonna be annoyed that the hit she put out on her husband wasn’t successful.
