thoughts on On A Sunbeam by Tillie Walden
I'm going to make a list, in no particular order, because there is no other possible way for me to even organize my thoughts on this book. (Spoiler alert if you'd like to read it in the future)
First thing's first... my friend lent me this book and expected me to live?? They expected it to not put a spear straight through my heart??
Okay okay here's an actual bullet point: Let's start with the worldbuilding. I feel like that can be a more difficult thing to do in a graphic novel, as you can't go on rambling sentences about world backstory - but Tillie Walden fucking nailed it. She made it feel realistic; she wrote real high-school characters and made a boarding school in space feel like an Earth school. She made it feel outlandish; she dove us into a world of koi-like spaceships, floating building complexes, the far reaches of the galaxy, a world full of life and death where no one leaves and no one enters. It's so very unique and I truly think it's genius, and it still feels so human even though it's very futuristic
The way she writes queer people... there are no men in the book as far as I know, first of all, which leaves room for So Many Lesbians and such varied gender presentations among them... I am absolutely In Love. And the way she wrote Elliot, and their friends defending their identity and pronouns to Jo, and otherwise having a nonbinary character be such a casual aspect of the story - a nonbinary character with depth, mind you - means so much to me. (The way queerness is integrated into this book feels a lot like Gideon the Ninth by Tamsyn Muir but I'll talk about that another time perhaps)
More on Elliot. Having a nonverbal character made my heart feel so goddamn good, and again the fact that their friends adamantly defended them - I LOVE IT I FUCKING LOVE IT. Ell has my whole heart. They're a tech wizard, a badass fighter, and a loving friend, and again I finally have a nonbinary character with deep meaning to the story, which is incredibly rare (cough cough, I can't even think of a single other instance of that, actually).
Mia and Grace. Oh my god. This book made me cry. This book made me HOLD IN MY TEARS WHILE I SAT IN SOMEBODY ELSE'S LIVING ROOM. It had a romance that I could finally find meaning in from the perspective of someone with a difficult relationship with romance - Mia and Grace, and Alma and Char. In relation to Mia and Grace - their relationship made sense, and it was so WARM I cried and then they held on to each other in the school anti-gravity chamber or whatever that was and... AHHHHHHWHSEIWUWHSBNAQJQKQK
Grace leaving and Mia not getting to say goodbye holy SHIT there's the SPEAR there goes the spear through my heart
Alma and Char also felt like such a good portrayal of an adult relationship and I cannot explain why they made me feel so good but they did
Char is amazingly smart and cool-headed, and exactly the type of character I get emotionally attached to. (Which is also why I got attached to Grace.) When Char got suspended and had to leave the ship I was so sad Alexa play Despacito
All the characters on the Aktis had their strengths. Alma: natural leader, assertive, organized. Char: cool-headed under pressure, smart, compassionate. Jules: funny, light-hearted, cheerful, ability to connect with ancient Eldritch fox beings (lol). Ell: calm, intelligent, strategic, kind. Mia: quick learner, friendly, also compassionate, willing to help. This is the best found family I've ever fucking read, period. Especially once Grace got added to the bunch. They were all so different, and in depth, and their backstories connected and made sense and they all just clicked. I would die for them.
Can I talk about the worldbuilding again just for a moment? How empty (complimentary) it made me feel? How lost in space it left me? The majority of the graphic panels had black as the most space-filling color. I don't know how to describe this, but it gave the story itself almost a black background, and it added to the effect of... something that was nearly horror, or at least abject loneliness. Everything in the novel felt spacially far apart because everything was so far apart. It took months to travel from place to place. And the places themselves were mostly desolate - the old religious building in the beginning, and then The Staircase. It's my favorite type of worldbuilding: it hollows you out and leaves you yearning to see every corner of the world the author has created, knowing that if you were in the book itself, you could never even come close to seeing or understanding everything. It's my favorite type of scariness and it's exactly why I love Gideon the Ninth and Harrow the Ninth, and therefore this book as well.
And can I talk about the color scheme thing? How everything that was happening in the "present", with Alma and everyone on the ship, was colored mainly in purple / warm colors, and then all the boarding school flashback scenes were mainly blue / cool colors? And how they MIXED AT THE END WHEN THEY WENT TO FIND GRACE AND THEREFORE UNITED THE TWO TIMELINES???? THATS FUCKING GENIUS. there i talked about the color scheme thing
The Staircase... god that was so cool. Shit. It had a cowboy feel and yet there also an ANCIENT FOX within it (which also terrified me) and I just - yeah I will not shut the fuck up about the worldbuilding it is SO DAMN COOL
I'm tired and I think I could say more but I want to fall asleep now. One last thing: no i do not feel much romantic attraction yes this book makes me want a girlfriend
Okay that's all, I HIGHLY HIGHLY recommend this book to anyone who may happen to see this post, I swear it just changed my worldview a tiny bit in the span of 2 hours
Oh and here's a sample frame of art from it:
