#randomthoughtsfromkaitorodrigeuz

[randomthoughtsfromkaitorodrigeuz]

Chat, I stopped playing Obey Me! for a while because I got busy

Guys, what's going on?!!?!? I haven't even finished the first game and I hop on here and suddenly I don't know half the characters.

I'm just laughing at myself trying to read anything because I'm so far behind

[randomthoughtsfromkaitorodrigeuz]

Bruh i feel like there's something actually special to be considered one of the girls but still a guy y'know?

I've had plenty of female friends growing up, but for a while, I felt more comfortable with males. Fast forward past me realizing that being trans existed and i could just be a guy and neither at the same time, i still had some of the same female friends for a while

It took some time, but i learned, thanks to my male friends with female friends, that being one of the girls didn't make me less of a guy

I learned more about being a girl after I figured out that I wasn't one, and honestly, it's really funny how I interact with my friends because of it

So first off, I'm an older sibling type of person. I'm very protective of people in general, especially if I know you and you're on my good side. Second, the way I joke around with my female vs my male vs my other friends is very different.

No kidding, I was on call with some friends one time, and I don't remember exactly what he said, but it led to the girl in the group telling her little sister to tell me she loves me (my friend loves to glaze people ngl). Obviously, I reply that I love her too, normal behavior for us, and the guy friend who had said something before repeated what I said (being funny, the three of them have known each other for a while), and I immediately just call his name and tell him to shut up.

I'm still protective of the guy, but I'm a lot meaner to him compared to my girl friends. My other friends just get hit with either any mood I'm in, or whichever interaction suits them better.

I'm assuming I'm not the only one, but i feel like I didn't let myself be like this until i truly started accepting myself

[randomthoughtsfromkaitorodrigeuz]

Yall being a trans guy is so funny sometimes bc growing up with really only some of your close (queer and ally) friends knowing ends up with things like

Friend: "You're not a man!"

Me: :(

Friend: "Uh-i mean, you don't have a pensis!"

Me: 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

(friend in context is genderfluid)

Friend that I barely talk to: "I know what you are..."

(sidenote my friends didn't know that he knew so that was honestly funnier when they tried to keep my secret)

I've got this gay guy friend who would randomly greet me with "Hello homosexual man" when I'm being depressed and it's awesome

And one of my friends mom is actually really supportive because my friend came out to her and then my friend told her about me and after that she was really careful not to say "girls" when im in the group(it's a mainly girls friend group with one gay guy, a closested gay trans guy, and a primarily presenting female genderfluid) and I thought it was so sweet

^the guy joined after me and the gender fluid didn't mind being called a girl

[randomthoughtsfromkaitorodrigeuz]

Gaydar

Okay so I'm trans(ftm) and gay with zero gaydar so i kinda just assume everyones straight

Its werid since all my friends have it(even the straight ones) and then I'm over here like *no thoughts just anime*

Genuinely i feel like they're shitting with me sometimes when they point out some rando whos apparently queer and im the only one who didn't know

Like is there some social cue that I'm missing?

Or a vibe?

Like I can spot a fellow true sports addict but like that's it

Like to me that has a vibe, but I don't get anything else

[randomthoughtsfromkaitorodrigeuz]

Gifted kid burnout

Below is my personal experience of being a gifted kid burnout and how my childhood basically messed up a lot about me now. This is my experience and won't match many others word for word.

When I was young, my parents got divorced

I was about 8, my brother was about 4

For me, I consider this young because I forced myself to mature so much the following years

By the time I was 12, my comprehension and awareness were much higher than it had any business being

I was often called an adult in a kids body, and as the title of this suggests, a gifted kid

I was extroverted, very naturally intelligent, and could pick up new tricks scary fast

This was originally helped by my effort, but eventually it felt like there was no more point in trying

Luckily, when I was 13 I figured out that not everything would come easy, and slacking off wasn't a good habit to build

I got myself back on track, and I'm doing much better in that department

But still, I'm a gifted kid burnout

I didn't lose that talent i had as a kid, going as far as to constantly overturn claims my teachers set(my science teacher when I was 13 was the one who made me realize this, mainly bc he started by telling us in all of his years teaching, no one got a 100 in his class. I figured I'd by pass that without trying, but forgetting to mark a single unit on an assignment brought my 100 to a 98.86 or something like that, rounding up to a 99. That snapped me out of this lack of effort, and I kept scoring 100 straight for the rest of the year)

My problem was my lack of effort in pursuing things I wanted despite having that as a little kid(before 8 basically)

My emotional intelligence personally isn't where it should be, even now that I'm older. I understand how it should work, but I'm very detached from everything.

Nowadays, i end up listening to a lot of ASMR where I can pretend to give up control and just obey

I've found some comfort in being called puppy and good boy, genuinely I break down inside hearing bits of affection because my family couldn't understand that I wasn't meant to be a girl

Before anyone asks, I've tried therapy multiple times and it has yet to do anything but make me spiral more

Basically the mix of the trauma dump i was for people throughout my childhood(my friends suicidal thoughts and self hate, my parents after divorce) and developing that lack of motivation from always being called gifted messed me up

Overall, it greatly influenced my personality as a grownup, even if I had tried building better habits

It is insane that what seemed like so little spiraled into so much that I couldn't shake, and personally I blame this on being called a gifted kid

I lost my motivation, and i very much lost a lot of myself

[randomthoughtsfromkaitorodrigeuz]

(Related to my post about my cat from earlier)

Another thing, my cats play fetch.

My dogs literally refuse to play fetch(except for when we throw a certain buoy or a certain pair of tennis balls, which only one out of four return) so this is the funniest thing ever.

I've sent my cats flying through the house chasing a random bracelet that was lying on the ground.

Like, c'mon, how could anyone hate them?

They're more social than my dogs too

[randomthoughtsfromkaitorodrigeuz]

I swear my cat is so fucking weird, like

I have four dogs and they refuse to be anywhere near each other, so they're in the living room while my cat goes between my room and the bathroom.

I watched him lapping at the barely leaking faucet while he had a fucking FULL BOWL OF FREASH WATER!!

HE ISN"T THE ONLY ONE TOO

MY OTHER CATS DO THIS!

THESE ARE THE ANIMALS SUPPOSED TO BE THE VILLAINS?!?!

[randomthoughtsfromkaitorodrigeuz]

I found out one of my friends hasn't listened to so many musicals I like and so we started listening to Hadestown

We simplified how Orpheus meets Eurydice

Orpheus: Mr. Hermes! I want to talk to her!

Hermes: Alright but don't come on too strong

Orpheus: I'm the man who's gonna marry you!

Eurydice: Is he always like this?

Hermes: Yes

We only got to 29/40 and so far have 2 maybe 3 other musicals

Wish him luck lol