i would like to know 31 for the olt gang 👀
ask game
oh boy, all six, huh? cracks knuckles
(take a shot every time i say “but” here, oh my god i was getting tired of my own crutch sentence construction)
How easily do they forgive themselves after making a mistake and how easily do they forgive others?
FORGIVING THEMSELVES
cas: so first of all, cas hates himself and most other people, so jot that down. he also lives full time as an outlaw on the ocean, and neither of those are forgiving positions to be in, so he can’t really afford to be too lenient with himself. or so he thinks, anyway. his mindset around this was actually really tricky to articulate so thanks for giving me this puzzle, lol.
cas doesn’t forgive himself for anything, but he also hates to show weakness and/or any emotions really other than “anger” and “contempt.” he is also very good at compartmentalizing. this means that for the most part he isn’t the type to really punish himself or do negative self-talk or anything like that; his self-hatred gets projected outwards onto the people and things around him. in the days after cas screws up, he looks for control and to make sure it never happens again, which leads to him being stricter with his crew and meticulous about details, and sometimes to ill-thought out missions as though he has something to prove. some unhealthy behavior can get woven into this like missed sleep or meals, or a lack of self-preservation, but cas isn’t great at self-care at a baseline so it’s not very noticeable. once he feels satisfied with that, he’ll chill out and put the shame and self-hatred in a box again.
but the box doesn’t work forever. every so often cas hits a crisis moment—we’ll see one in the story, where he truly believes he’s alone in the world and has nothing left to be stoic for, but it can also happen when he fucks up really bad (getting people killed that he wanted to protect) or when he repeats a major mistake. that is when you’ll really see cas bring out the negative self-talk and stop taking care of himself to an extreme degree. other characters allude to cassian having a hollowness inside him; these moments are when it swallows him whole.
ollie: not very forgiving of themself. ollie has a tendency to beat themself up inside over lots of things, as well as a lot of avoidance and denial. however, they very much outwardly present as cas’s opposite: happy, friendly, and smart but shallow. they’re better at masking than cas; where he shuts everything down, they’re more able to project a specific persona, and that persona rolls with the punches and doesn’t feel intense guilt or shame.
internally, though, ollie has some intense self-deprecation going on. they get very anxious about their mistakes and fixate on them, but also avoid anything to do with them externally. it’s very common to not see them around for a few days if they’ve majorly fucked up with you, long enough that they feel like the issue has blown over and they can pick up where they left off. with sufficiently big issues, they may just never come back.
inari: surprisingly, pretty forgiving. inari is confident and self-compassionate, but like cas she grew up in an volatile world and understands the gravity mistakes can carry. i feel like her anger with herself is explosive but short; she’ll berate herself and isolate in the immediate aftermath, but give it a little time to process and she’ll have accepted it. she usually does her best to make up with people, as well, and while her apologies can be stilted they are genuine.
there are a few things inari has never forgiven herself for, though, and ironically they tend to be the things the most outside of her control.
daci: my beloved daci is pretty practical, and this is no exception. of course she’s not perfect, but generally she is good at identifying what is an actual problem she needs to care about and what is an honest mistake she can apologize for and move on. what bugs her, endlessly, are situations where it’s ambiguous or things are unresolved. misunderstandings with strangers, missions where it’s impossible to know what exactly went wrong, etc. daci likes answers, likes things neatly ordered, and it’s hard for her to let go of something if she can’t get closure, even if it’s not a huge deal.
eira: oh, very unforgiving of small things, pretty forgiving of larger issues, ironically. growing up with a father who micromanaged her life, eira is used to fixating on the small stuff. it was her father’s belief that all large problems started somewhere small, and that ignoring tiny mistakes could lead to massive ones later on.
eira internalized this as a subconscious belief that small mistakes were the end of the world and serious issues, as long as she could see all her little ducks in a row, must in some way not really be her fault. if the events of the story hadn’t happened i imagine this would have been a pretty big disaster for her. she’s very ambitious and naive, set to get boosted into a leadership position with no real hands-on experience to guide her.
tyrian: in order to forgive himself tyrian would first need to accept he’s ever done anything wrong :3. no yeah that’s it that’s the tweet. tyrian is extremely defensive and great at justifying his actions so he never really has to do a lot of introspection. at least….at the start of the story. perhaps he will evolve!
FORGIVING OTHERS
cas: unlike the above, cas is actually somewhat forgiving of other people. he has very little patience and a lot of anger, and he feels a certain pressure to keep up appearances as the local monster, but he also understands that if you manage to make it through a disaster, getting stuck on it helps no one long-term. a small boat is a very bad place to be holding grudges, and it’s cas’s safe space—he is not a fan of having more hostile energy around than necessary.
so cas can be intense about confronting and punishing people, and he absolutely does not apologize, but he won’t rehash old shit unless it becomes a pattern. at present, he doesn’t discriminate between people who are being malicious or careless and people making genuine mistakes, but in his head that’s because the outcome is the same regardless. as i was writing this i remembered that in my heart future!cas is pretty emotionally intelligent and a good mentor figure, but….i think he would still have this problem, lol. maybe if he’s not so hypervigilant all the time his reactions in general would be less severe, but i don’t think he’s ever really going to take intent into account over impact.
ollie: so forgiving of others that it’s concerning. can’t hold a grudge to save their life. i would say this is the main reason they can tolerate cas, but tbh ollie is so far gone on cas they could be the begrudgingest person around and they would still let him do basically anything. but yeah. ollie has a hard time getting angry at people in the first place, and even if they do, any half-baked apology is usually enough to satisfy them.
the one exception is anyone that hurts cas. ollie is very very good at holding grudges for their captain.
inari: varies pretty widely. inari grew up in an isolated rural community, spent her early teens being a feral loner in the woods, and her late teens bouncing between isolated communities of magic folk and various ships. she comes from an environment where social ostracism can kill and there is a baseline expectation of helping one’s neighbors, but she’s also been in groups where being soft is a death sentence.
as a result, inari has perfected the art of cooperating with people she doesn’t like. she’ll hold grudges forever, especially over her personal safety, but if you’re part of her in-group she’ll give you the shirt off her back when the situation calls for it. if you’re not part of her in-group….kinda get fucked, lol??
she does have a huge soft spot for kids, though. anyone under the age of fifteen pretty much gets a free pass while ari’s around.
daci: while daci is, again, a pretty practical person, she does lean more toward the grudge-holding side. i imagine this is something she tries not to think about, because she does like the idea of herself as someone who is very level-headed, so she’s kind of in denial about it and will come up with silly reasons the grudge is valid. it’s not consistent either, and ironically is probably more likely to happen over smaller things. tried to kill us and now you wanna be friends? sure! people change! made a mean comment about my friend once? cold shoulder for a month lowkey. she won’t bring it up again, but She Has Not Forgotten.
eira: doesn’t currently really believe she has the agency to forgive or not forgive people. people kind of just do stuff to her and she has to go with it. right now this might look like being very forgiving, but i think it will be fun to weave into her overall journey to try to build some self-confidence and agency. i think she will turn out to be a bit grudgier than expected.
tyrian: oh tyrian can be soooo bitter. the flip side of never doing anything wrong is that most of the time other people have to be wrong, and by forgiving them he runs the risk of exposing himself to criticism (fun fact tyr, more than one person can be in the wrong at once!). very occasionally his shield of can-do-no-wrong extends to other people, such as eira or his sister, but for anyone else? tyrian is always ready to snap and rage and hate forever. and he is absolutely petty as well, the type to drop snide little comments so everyone knows he’s mad. it’s almost like tyrian craves a fight and goes looking for things to hold over people’s heads. almost like he has something to prove….
