things I did for my mental health in the last one year
Let myself be petty and selfish and impolite. Not in a lasting way that makes me a horrible person. But in situations that absolutely called for it for I was dealing with petty, selfish and impolite people. An eye for an eye may make the world blind, but I'm done offering my other cheek when they have already slapped the first one.
Not made art an imposition. Did I set the number of books I want to read in 2019 to 50 on Goodreads? Yes. Am I pushing myself to do that or hating myself for not doing that? Hell no. Did I download the Inktober 2019 prompt list and buy myself a sketch journal for it? Yes! And I am illustrating but not every day because art is not supposed to be a task on my to-do list. It's supposed to be a window away from my chaotic life. And it's okay to keep that window shut if it's only going add more chaos. We can open and close it as many times as we want. It's hinges are strong, it won't break or complain. It will always only welcome you.
you must forgive him. you must forget him. you must think of him as a monster. you must find him one day and slap him across his face. You shouldn't breathe a about what happened. You should tell everyone what he did. you shouldn’t smile when you think of your time together. Let myself feel what I feel. Those memories are a part of your life and if one day you think about the day you kissed for the first time and smile because you were such a cute teenager with the kind of thoughts and feelings you had, that’s completely fucking okay. If you remember your bright green sneakers with the white laces that you didn’t know how to tie until you were 16 and smile because it reminds you of all the things you should have known by 22 - like driving - and it calms you because you realise, sometimes you’re just a late bloomer. you will feel whatever you will feel. And yes, while sometimes it’s extremely essential to monitor that - like when you’re indulging in negative self talk - other times? don’t stop yourself.
Understood that while mental health and physical health are two different things, you cannot ignore the fact that they are linked. Getting out of your bed and going out for a walk will not solve all your problems or kiss your fears and anxiety away. But it will let the sun shine on your skin, it will let your hair feel the breeze and if you’re lucky enough to live near the sea or catch the sky at a glorious time, you will be reminded that the universe is SO MUCH BIGGER and your room/home and all the problems that lace it.
the cover of ‘touch’ by Sleeping At Last will always make you feel sad but that’s okay because the HIMYM cover of ‘la vie en rose’ will always make you feel hopeful. these feelings never stay but always recur. That's just how humans exist. That's okay.
Learning that when someone consistently behaves in a shitty, bitchy, annoying or stupid manner, it’s actually a good thing. they are actually being consistent with their behaviour. it’s no surprise, it’s so very predictable and you can’t be mad at someone for being true to their personality. Am I right?
Not followed through with plans. And stopped replying to texts. I used to put all this pressure on myself to be a person of my words and well, I am. But when that guy from your previous work place keeps asking you out on a date in the most indirect but persistent way, it's okay to ignore him after you've been patiently polite for quite sometime. And when that friend doesn't reply to your texts for days because they don't want to hear about negative things and expect you to pretend like you're not stressed or in pain and talk about happy things with them, you have the pass to say fuck you to them in your head and ignore their existence for a while before you feel like talking to them again.
Being okay with not having everyone at work be friendly with me. I'm kind and smart and warm and cheerful but that doesn't mean that everyone will like me. Maybe for these very reasons many won't like me. Also, I can be shy and have a resting bitch face because my shyness is accompanied with confidence and not nervousness which may make people uncomfortable. What I'm trying to say is that I'm learning to be okay with having some people who will ignore my existence and not reciprocate my positive vibes.
