tim: i got you a present
jason: *eyes narrowing* is it my birthday?? did you kill someone? break something of mine??? are you dying???
tim: no its not anyone's birthd--wait, wouldn't you know if it was your birthday?
jason: dude i don't even know what month it is
tim: . . . moving on, if I killed someone, YOU would be giving ME a present, and if I broke something of yours I would be fleeing the country rn, not five feet away.
jason: true
Tim:
Jason:
tim: anyway. here. this is a kindle. it's like an entire library on one device. has a lot of free books, but it's hooked up to bruce's account so you can buy whatever the fuck you want and it doesn't matter
jason: hmm. *takes the kindle and raises a brow* but the question is, does it smell like a book? what about that, huh? *sniffs kindle*
tim: *shit-eating grin*
Jason:
jason: bro why the fuck does this smell like a book
tim:
jason: how
disclaimer : ive never written in the 2nd person pov before. there might be some grammatical mistakes. apologies in advance. jason might be ooc :)) this is my first ever jason fic, pls don't cancel me.
summary : red hood breaks into a bookstore in the middle of the night to get the sequel to the book he'd just finished reading. too bad you've got a late night shift and the mind of a freak.
why you should read this : english isn't my first language
no, but jason todd breaks into a bookstore past closing time because he got way too invested in the book and needs the sequel ASAP. could he read it on his phone and put the physical copy on his shelf anytime later? Duh. But that man is ocd about his reading habits and does not play around.
you had a shift past closing time that evening. a shipment had arrived of one of the newest, most anticipated books of the year. sucks for you, the bookstore is understaffed and you're to organize and shelve them. sucks for the general audience though, because you are in the fandom and you're totally gonna be snatching up an early copy before leaving.
you're in the storageroom, organizing the books into piles on top of the table, that's when you hear a loud bang, like a shelf dropping in the main area. you knew right then that you'd be the first to die in a horror movie because instead of calling the gcpd, you reach for the handgun in one of the lockers and head out cautiously to see what the hell is going on. of course you have a gun and your employer is okay with it, it's gotham.
you weren't really worried about it being one of batman's toxic lovers. though you had already decided in your head that by any miniscule chance if it was joker out there you'd bring the gun straight to your own head and pull the trigger. you were delusional enough to believe that you could pull aaron warner and jude duarte at the same damn time, but you were not surviving the joker-
but really, it might just be one of those crime alley lowlifes. special edition of books cost hundreds, and way more on an etsy resell afterall.
so when you do make it to the front, running all sorts of possibilities through your head, you are rather flabbergasted to see red hood obsessively browsing through one of the shelves. you don't lower your gun though, you really do not get this vigilante and whatever moral code he may be living by.
"hi?" you call, your voice filled with unease, "mr red hood? which side of the bipolar spectrum are we on today?"
he freezes and slowly turns, despite his massive built and red helmet, he appears sheepish. it's kind of endearing. no, it is not. he'd very clearly broken in. and you have a fucked up type in fictional people. you internally snap, 'be still my beating vagina. we're not getting railed tonight'
"woah, there," he speaks, noticing you aiming the gun at him, and you blush right there.
oh, fuck no, you've been listening to way too many audiobooks during work lately. it's the fucking voice modulator on him. you have to smack a palm over your mouth to shove back that growing grin on your face. fuck lights out and josh hammond ; the last book you'd listened to.
he tilts his head to the side, "you're very weird."
"i swear i go to therapy." you blurt out, almost squeaking.
"doesn' seem to be helping much. " he says dryly.
"no," you admit, "but wayne foundation made it free for everyone that got trapped at that mall shootout back in January. i'm all for eating the rich and using their money." you announce, you don't even know why you're talking. you should stop talking.
he barks out a laugh, hunching over, and your cheeks rise into a huge grin. jesus fuck. you probably look like a hyperventilating psychopath. damn him for having an attractive built and a good fucking voice and the orgasmic kind of laugh.
"why are you looking at me like that?" he asks suspiciously, standing straight again. alert.
"i've questionable hear me outs. please feel free to get a restraining order and ignore me." you put the gun away and turn around to leave. wait. no. what the fuck. you turn back around, "what are you doing here?"
he silently watches you for a moment. or at least you assume he does from under the helmet. your cheeks heat up. eventually he says, "i'm lookin' for a book."
"are you here to steal it? cause then i'd be required to shoot you." you inform him.
he huffs a laugh, good god gracious, "i'll pay."
"how moral of you." you mock cheerily, "and you couldn't do that in the morning? during open hours? how the fuck did you even get in?"
"crushed the padlock." he shrugs.
you feel the need to book an appointment with your therapist asap, that was the hottest thing you had ever heard. you were clearly not right in the head. your mouth totally drops open as you gawk at him. you were so masturbating after getting home tonight.
"well, you're paying for a replacement lock, too." you say to him, "give me the name of the book. i'll find it for you."
red hood says the title and then looks back at the gothic horror section, "S'not here."
you roll your eyes, "yeah, duh, it's in the romantasy section."
he physically recoils with disgust looking at you, "that's fucking diabolical."
"i'll get the book, you get your wallet." you shake your head, walking over to the romantasy section.
but then you hear and feel his heavy footsteps follow you and your body seizes up with cold dread. you turn so quick, the gun's barrel presses against his hard chest.
"back up," you order, looking up at him.
"your safety's on," he barely looks at you and you cuss. he's actually looking past you, at the romantasy section and the regency era romance section beside it, "this is a fucking crime scene. the fuck." the repulsion and distress in his tone is almost comical, "these are shelved all wrong."
that's how you end up spending hours reshelving books with the red hood obsessively passing you books and ordering you about.
Jason: *laughs from his room*
dick: *pokes head in* what’s up?
Jason: my humor. Here, take a look at this *tosses dick an old-looking book*
dick: *glances at pages. First words he sees are “the days have become long and tiresome. I fear I shall not maintain the ability to withstand this much longer, unless reprive is granted. I am dependent on my fucking curse words. I can’t fucking take this bullshit any more, and yet I cannot stand to be depleted of funds, for cold hard cash is precious in this godforsaken world of materialistic lust.”*
dick:
Jason: *still laughing*
dick: what the fuck is this??? Some kind of book?
Jason: it was 12 year old me the first time Alfred implemented the swear jar
dick:
dick: bro you’ve got problems
Jason: and eloquence has never been one of them
I am never letting go of the “English teacher Jason” headcanon/AU. It’s the best thing ever, I don’t give a shit what you might say. “He didn’t have a lengthy education” so what? This is an AU. He gets a better education. “He’s not good with kids” SAYS WHO. “He’s too busy with his vigilante life” IF TIM CAN RUN A COMPANY THEN JASON CAN BE A TEACHER.
specifically here are the reasons this headcanon/AU slaps:
jason: here's the homework for tonight, guys. bring it back in the morning. unless you have extenuating circumstances. I'm aware a lot of roads are closed and some of you might be hopped up on any number of air pollutants tomorrow because of the recent joker gas outbreak. just . . . i don't know, send me an email.
His students: . . . the homework is literally to read a book
jason: oh yeah. then . . . read. i guess. don't do anything else. also, don't go out. the bat's working on the gas problem.
jason: here's the book for this week's paper. It's one of my personal favorites! so disrespect it and I fail you.
his students: . . . this is a janme austen novel
jason: *built like a brick, wearing glasses that do not hidde his perpetual glower, has bruised knuckles* yes?
his students: *internally* thank god none of us have insulted jane austen before
his students: nothing, teach
Tim: hey, do you have time to join me on patrol tonight?
jason: sorry, no. i ghotta read and edit like four papers, and one of them is Jimmy's. it's gonna be a wine night.
tim:
tim: my first instinct is to ask why you're reading and editing papers but I really honestly just want to know what the fuck jimmy did
his students: *falling asleep*
jason: OMG IS THAT RED ROBIN
his students: *snap up to look out the window*
jason: *bangs hand on desk* WHY WOULD YOU CARE MORE ABOUT RED ROBIN THAN JOHN MUIR. ONE'S LITERALLY A KNOCKOFF ROBIN WITH A BURGER FRANCHISE COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT FOR A NAME
his students: *conversing in the hallway* yeah he's like . . . super ripped. i wonder if he . . . what if he's a superhero???
jason, wlaking past: *deadpan voice* ah, yes. i confess . . . *rips off glasses* I am superman
one brave soul: we were thinking more like . . batman
jason: what? ew, no.
If Jason was a 2000s kid during his time of Robin, he would’ve read Percy Jackson, and I feel like he would’ve died before finishing the books because the last one of Percy Jackson and the Olympian’s hadn’t come out yet, not even the third one. And when he came back he found out Percy had a white streak of hair when he came back he found out he looked a bit like Percy because of that same strand of hair that’s white
Oh my fucking god I think I just teared up what the actual fuck did I do to you to deserve this??? What was it??????? What groveling must I do to apologize for my sins???????????
I love Percy Jackson. I can very easily imagine Jason in my place, identifying with the characters and growing up alongside them. It means so much to me now, hoenstly, I might never be able to forget this headcanon
I can just imagine him walking into the store—he planned to grab something simple for dinner, cheap and quick—but the book section drew him in. He walked through half-isle the tiny, run-down Gotham store had. He didn’t recognize most of the titles one more thing he had missed, one more thing he might never regain until he saw Percy Jackson. It was a kids book, he knew. He was an adult now. But was he really? He picked it up, told himself it didn’t matter, that reading it wouldn’t change anything and a connection to the boy he’d once been wouldn’t be as damaging as ghe League had said.
that night, he read it. He didn’t put it down once he wasn’t sure he breathed because that was him. That was him, walking through those pages, carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders, him with the gray hair and battle-weary fists and nightmares he woke up sobbing from.
he’d left Percy behind with Robin, and yet Percy followed him. And now they were both scarred, together, and Jason felt a little less alone
like maybe—just maybe—he could be a little more like Percy. Maybe he could someday have a family to lean on again. Someone to help hold up the world.
POV Jason teaches Cass to read and often let's her sit with him and his little bat-book club [ members consisting of alfred, tim, himself and steph ]
i like jay and cass a lil too much if you can't tell :[
(jesus fuck i'm sorry for how late this response is, you've probably forgotten all about this XD. so many apologies)
😂😂 oh I can definitely tell. Same, tho. Same. they're just wonderful
Jason teaching Cass to read is something I have never considered but oMG is it ADORABLE. He would be so patient with her. He would go all in with it, buy books on how to teach it and make it all kinds of fun with interesting books and activities. Cass would worry at first that he thought she was a child, and that was the reason for all the color-coded notes and fun, happy books, but when she asks Tim, he just smiles and says, "You haven't noticed? That's just Jason."
he never once recommends her a book that might make her upset or remind her of her past, always sure of any potential triggers in it (though he was already doing that for the entire book club even before she joined) and he bakes treats for the book club.
