Pairing: Jensen x Reader
Word Count: 2,249
Warnings: angsty teens, mentions of death, mentions of a dead parent, mentions of a dead spouse
A/N: I’M BACK BITCHES!!!! I haven’t posted writing on this blog in exactly two years and seven months. I’m happy to be back and to be back writing Jensen. Writing Jensen (and Dean) always seems to come easiest to me so it makes sense that this was the way to go. If you’d like to be tagged let me know, in an ask (it’s the best way for me to keep track)! Hope you guys like it! Anyway, feedback for this is crucial seeing as I’m just stepping back in! :)
Jensen leaned against the back of his SUV and let out a sigh as he stared at his front door. He knew he was going to have a hard time getting his teenagers to agree to going on this trip so close to Christmas, especially when the option to spend Christmas with their grandparents was still open, but he wasn’t expecting it to be quite this hard. He knew he could have taken the easy road, not pick the fight, and just let them go to their grandparents but he wanted them to find some way back to a semblance of normal.
In the two years since his wife passed away he’d been having more than a hard time keeping things normal. Sure, he’d taken as much time off work as he could, and tried every coping mechanism in the book but the one thing he couldn’t figure out how to navigate was raising two teenagers on his own. His parents helped out a lot, especially when he was away filming, but he knew they were a poor substitute for the mother his children lost. So he tried to pull it together whenever he was home, especially during the holidays, and he knew that this Christmas needed to be better than the last.
That first Christmas was a rough one, Jensen could hardly get out of bed. She’d only been gone three months and he was having a hard time coping and his kids had suffered because of it. His parents did a good job of making it as happy of a Christmas as they could but his kids wanted their father and sure Jensen was there physically but mentally he was totally checked out. Which was why he was determined to make this Christmas better than the last.
“Alright, that’s it,” Jensen mumbled to himself as he pushed away from the truck and went back into the house.
He could hear the music blaring from his son’s room and it was so loud it almost drowned out the sound of the blow dryer coming from his daughter’s bathroom.
“Jordan!” he called out as he made his way up the stairs, knowing full well his son couldn’t hear him.
Figuring his daughter would be more likely to listen to him he changed course and headed toward her bedroom. He pounded on the door so she could hear him over the noise that was taking over the second floor of his house and waited for her to come to the door. It only took a minute before she opened the door.
“What, Dad?”
“Lizzie, I told you over an hour ago to be packed and ready to go by now,” he sighed. “If we don’t leave in the next five minutes we’ll be late checking into the hotel for tonight.”
“I’ll only be like two more minutes, I promise. My bags are already packed,” she said gesturing to the two large duffle bags seated on her bed.
Without another word she turned and made her way back to the bathroom. Jensen sighed for what felt like the thousandth time that morning and went to grab her bags before dropping them at the top of the stairs and going toward his son’s room. He pounded on the door but the music just got louder. At that moment he wondered if he had ever been this disrespectful to his parents at sixteen. He knew he’d been difficult on the occasion but he hoped he hadn’t been this bad.
“Jordan! It’s time to go!” Jensen called through the door and the music finally shut off. “We’ve gotta be out of here in five minutes, you better be packed.”
“Of course I’m packed,” Jordan said, yanking his bedroom door open. “I packed this morning when it became obvious that this stupid trip wasn’t a joke.”
This time Jensen opted not to pick this fight, knowing full well he didn’t have the energy to get into a screaming match with his son.
“Just grab your bags and bring them down to the car, please.”
“Whatever,” Jordan groaned and grabbed the bag off his bed and pushed past his father toward the stairs, grabbing his sister’s bags as he went.
Jensen was grateful that at least he was still willing to help his sister even if he wanted nothing to do with his father. Jensen wiped a hand down his face and ran his fingers through his hair and was about to try and rush his daughter out of the bathroom again just as Lizzie was coming out of her room, pulling her winter jacket on.
“Is Jordan outside already?” she asked and Jensen nodded as she pushed past him to join her older brother down by the car.
With yet another sigh Jensen followed his daughter out of the house and toward the car, it was going to be a long couple of days on the drive up to the B&B in Maine – even with a stop at a hotel for a good night sleep along the way – and he was hoping against all hope that maybe his kids would come around during the trip and they could find a way to be a normal family again.
The entire drive to the hotel that marked the halfway point of their drive was spent in almost complete silence with both Jordan and Lizzie spending a majority of the time with their headphones in, only pulling them out to have whispered conversations with each other. Needless to say, Jensen didn’t have high hopes for the second half of their drive. They were about an hour away from the B&B when his son had fallen asleep. He thought Lizzie was asleep too until she spoke.
“Why’d you pick Maine for Christmas, Dad?” she asked. “We could have just gone to Grandma and Grandpa’s or even to Uncle Jared and Aunt Gen’s.”
“I know that, Half Pint, but I figured we could go away for the week. Spend some time just the three of us. As a family. That and I thought some snow for Christmas wouldn’t be so bad.”
“Don’t let him fool you, Liz,” Jordan piped up from next to her, clearly having woken up from his nap. “We’re not a family, we haven’t been since mom died and we never will be.”
“Hey! Watch it!” Jensen said, eyeing him in the rearview mirror.
“What? It’s the truth!” Jordan shouted.
“Jordan –” Lizzie cautioned her brother.
Jensen took a deep breath, ready to lecture his son, but decided against it when Jordan turned toward the window and crossed his arms over his chest.
“Whatever,” Jordan mumbled, shoving his headphones back into his ears.
Lizzie, too, sat back in her seat and put her headphones back in her ears. Jensen let out a sigh and turned his own radio up, more than ready to get to the B&B and get checked in.
Prepping for new arrivals always had you stressed, no matter how often you had them. This one was particularly stressful as the family had booked the only adjoining rooms your B&B had to offer, which meant a little extra prep. It stressed you out but that didn’t mean that you didn’t enjoy your job. You loved being able to have people experience your small town by staying at the B&B, especially this time of year. The town, and by extension the B&B, seemed to come alive during Christmastime and the large evergreen tree farm spanning the back couple of acres of your land didn’t hurt that holiday magic.
You were putting the finishing touches on the smaller of the two rooms when you saw the headlights pulling up the drive. You didn’t have any other patrons booked for an arrival that day and everyone else was already halfway through dessert in the large living room which meant that your newest patrons had arrived right on time. Taking a deep breath, you gave the room one more look to make sure everything was in order, and made your way back downstairs to wait behind the front desk.
Jensen pulled into the small parking lot of the Evergreen Forest Bed and Breakfast with just enough time to get the car unloaded before their check-in time. He parked the SUV, climbed out and stretched before opening up the trunk and pulling out bags.
“Alright you two, I need help with all the bags. Out of the car, please,” Jensen said from the trunk.
The groans of protest didn’t go unnoticed as Jordan and Lizzie got out of the car, slamming the doors behind them, and came around to meet their father by the trunk. Jordan practically snatched his bag from Jensen’s hand as Lizzie reached into the trunk to grab the two bags of her own. Jensen grabbed his bags and shut the trunk of the car, hitting the lock button on his keys, before leading the way up to the front of the B&B – his kids all the while complaining about their shoes getting caked in the snow that was covering the ground.
The building was larger than it looked in the photos on the website and it sat on a pretty large piece of land. In the distance Jensen could see the large tree farm and seated slightly off to the side, in between the tree farm and the large house in front of him, was a smaller house which he assumed is where the owner lived. Figuring he could always get a lay of the land when it was light out the next day he led his children up the front porch steps and stomped the snow off his shoes before he opened the front door of the B&B.
The bell above the front door chimed and you looked up from the computer to see a tall man and his two teenagers walk through the door, the man reminding his kids to wipe the snow from their feet.
“Welcome to the Evergreen Forest,” you greeted. “You must be the Ackles family.”
“That we are,” the man smiled, approaching the desk. “I’m Jensen and these are my kids, Jordan and Lizzie.”
It took you a second to get your bearings when his brilliant green eyes met yours. You composed yourself quickly, hoping no one noticed your momentary loss of the ability to speak. You couldn’t remember the last time a man had been so handsome that he rendered you speechless – something that was difficult to do since you normally couldn’t shut up – but you shoved the thoughts from your mind and reminded yourself that he was one of your guests.
“It’s nice to meet you all, my name is Y/N. I am the owner and manager and basically everything but the cook,” you chuckled. “Now, let’s get you checked in.”
You went through the check-in process and grabbed the keys to the adjoining rooms from the hooks on the wall behind you and motioned for the family to follow you. When you reached the two rooms you handed the keys over.
“The room to the left has the two twin beds,” you said, handing Lizzie the key before turning toward Jensen and handing him the other key. “And the room to the right is the master. If you need anything at all my number is next to the phone on the end table. I live in a small house on the property so I’m not far in case of an emergency. We do breakfast at seven and I have to say our chef is one of the best on the east coast so even though I know it’s kind of early you won’t want to miss it. Dinner is usually around six every night followed by dessert in the living room. I’m afraid that leaves you all on your own for lunch but the town has some great restaurants and tons of stuff to do. I hope you all enjoy your stay and like I said, if you need anything, I’m just a call away.”
“Thanks, Y/N,” Jensen said with a smile.
“Anytime, Mr. Ackles,” you replied.
“Call me Jensen, please,” he said.
“Ok, Jensen,” you smiled. “Have a goodnight.”
You gave them all another smile and headed back downstairs to help clean up from dessert and get the house back in order before lights out.
As you walked away Jensen couldn’t help but watch you. He was so sure that he would never look at another woman again when Laura had died but somehow he knew that you would be the one to change that. He shook his head and went to unlock his door.
“Get yourselves settled and then maybe we can watch a movie together before bed?” Jensen asked his kids.
Jordan and Lizzie shared a look, both clearly fully aware of how their father was looking at you.
“Rain check,” Lizzie said, “we’re both kind of tired from the drive.”
“Oh,” Jensen said, clearly disappointed though not entirely sure why he was expecting a different answer. “Ok, sure, yeah. You guys get some sleep then. We should get up early for breakfast.”
Jordan and Lizzie agreed that they would be up in time for breakfast and Jensen waited until his kids were in their room safely with the door shut behind them before heading into his own room, all the while trying to figure out why he felt such a strong connection to you.
Summary: It's been years since Jensen has visited you in your tiny hometown and you wanted it to be a special visit. However, your boyfriend didn't make it feel very special.
Pairing: female reader x Jensen Ackles
Word count: 15k
Warnings: language and a cussy nickname, fighting, talk of shady dealings, mentions of past abuse
a/n: please remember, this is fiction and not intended to be disrespectful to any real-life people
It had been quite a while since Jensen had visited your tiny town and you wanted to make sure everything was perfect in your apartment before he arrived. He was getting to be a big-shot, in your eyes, and you wanted things to look nice for him, like you assumed he was accustomed.
“Who are you trying to impress? I thought this guy is just a friend?” your boyfriend of several years asked.
“He doesn’t come here very often. I want to give him a nice welcome.”
“Or you could just keep it nice like this all of the time.”
“Or you could not trash my place every time you come over. You know, clean up after yourself, like adults do,” you frisbee threw a game case of his at him.
“Doesn’t your ‘boyfriend’ play video games?” he almost sneered.
“That has nothing to do with anything, Grant. I don’t mind your playing video games. I mind that when you’re here that’s all you do,” you countered.
Grant went to where you kept his games in the tv stand and pulled out a few more, then went back to the door to put on his shoes, saying nothing the whole time.
“What are you doing?” you asked.
“I am going to play my video games somewhere else.”
“You’re not going to stay to meet Jay?”
“Nah, I’d just mess it up, right?”
Grant reached for the door but it was already opening. Jensen stood on the other side, looking his typical handsome self so effortlessly. Gray shorts, black band t-shirt, backwards hat, tennis shoes and a ridiculously small suitcase.
“Hey, how ya doin’?” he stuck out his hand, “Jay.”
Grant just looked him up and down before walking away without another word.
“Charming,” he said to you. “Who was that guy?”
“My boyfriend,” you moved so he could step inside. He smelled of your favorite cologne of his.
“Seems like a real winner,” he closed the door.
“Don’t start,” you warned.
“Y|N, I’m not even here 5 minutes and I already don’t like the guy. Why was he talking to you like that?”
“Eavesdropping, really?”
“When I hear a shitty tone…”
You sighed heavily. “I guess he didn’t like me calling him out on how he’s messy when he’s here.”
“So he takes advantage of you?”
“Can we not talk about Grant, please?”
He patted his chest, “C’mere. I haven’t gotten my hug yet.”
You gladly took the hug from Jensen. He wrapped you in a cocoon of his affection and melted away your stress. As always, it had been too long since you’d seen him last and you felt like you had a lot of catching up to do, though you often wrote to one another.
He released you from his bone-crushing embrace and you felt a lot better.
“How was your trip? Did everything go okay? Did you drive from the airport?”
“It’s hard as hell to get here,” he said.
“It’s not a cakewalk to see you either,” you smiled.
“No shit. I’m still surprised you come to so many conventions. I need to come here more. The trip was like all the rest. And yeah, I drove here from the airport. Wait til you see the car.”
“Ooo! What’d you get?”
“I said, ‘wait.’ You need to show me around again. You’ve changed things since I was here last,” he said.
He only knew the obvious, but you were holding onto a secret to surprise him. You did the basic tour of the living, dining and kitchen since they were all one room. New windows and planter boxes with fake plants, because you have a brown thumb. Refinished wood floors throughout. Down the hall to the guest bath which had new fixtures and tile.
You opened the guest room door, “Your room sir.” You stepped into the room and bowed with a flourish.
You waited and watched as he tried to figure out why it was so bright in the room. He scanned the corners before finally looking up.
“Whoa, that’s cool. I’m surprised the landlord let you do that,” he said.
“Well, kinda been keeping a secret from you,” you showed him to your room where he could see two more skylights, “I own the building.”
He looked very confused. “And? What else? How did you save that much money? I know you negotiate the shit out of everything and even if you cut a smokin’ deal on this building…”
“Which I did.”
“...Buildings like this don’t go for under a hundred fifty grand,” he paused, waiting for your response. “Spillit, what’d you do?”
“I wrote a book and sent it to a bunch of publishers hoping someone would publish it and make some money and one publisher did and not only did people buy it, a whole shitload of people bout it and now I’m kinda well off but not filthy rich yet,” you gasped after saying all of that in one breath. “Oh my god, it feels so good to finally tell you that. I’ve been holding onto that since the last time I saw you, but I didn’t want to say anything unless it fell through or the book was a flop, but it wasn’t.”
The gears in Jensen’s head were spinning at max RPM.
“What book?”
You took his arm and pulled him around the corner inside your bedroom to where you had your desk set up…and a big goddamned poster hung on the wall.
“That’s my first ever cover art. It hung outside a Barnes & Noble in New York City for two months.”
Jensen studied the enormous poster, “You’ve gotta be shitting me. I’ll be damned.”
“What? Why?!”
“Don’t panic. No shame in the game sweetheart,” he said.
“You sounded like Dean just then.”
“Funny you should say that,” he turned to face you and pointed sideways at the poster. “There were people, that means guys too, who were reading that book on set for a couple months, at least. If I had known it was you, I would have read it, too. Not to mention, I would have had serious cool points.”
“No. God. I’m glad you didn’t read it.”
“Why?”
“It’s basically FULL smut and I would never be able to look anyone in the eye again if I knew they read it,” you felt very hot all of a sudden.
“Oh, you dirty, dirty girl,” he crooned. “Now I really want to know all the shameful things you wrote about.” He spotted a copy on the shelf and reached for it.
“Don’t you dare! I will die right here and you’ll have to resuscitate me.”
“You’d like that, wouldn’t you?” he teased.
“I had onions with lunch.”
“Sinner.”
“Promise me you will never read anything I write with a romance cover.” He just looked at you. “I mean it, promise me,” you poked his chest.
“Ow! Meanie,” he rubbed his chest.
“I need you to say the words, Jay.”
“I promise,” he said.
You poked his chest again.
“Ah-ha-howww! Okay, bony fingers,” he took a step back, “I promise I won’t read any of your filthy smut, money-making books.”
“Thank you,” you said.
“I’ll just buy the audio book,” he teased, narrowly dodging another bony-finger jab. “Who was your inspiration? Anyone I know?”
“I can’t with you. I’ll be in the living room when you get control of yourself,” you said.
“Sounds like something dom would say.”
“What?”
“What?” Y|N turned back around to walk out and he snickered. “Seriously though, is that supposed to be me?”
“Gerard Butler!” she said and flipped him off.
“Ach, a fine Scottish lad,” he said to himself as he looked around her desk and room. A stack of notebooks. Cup full of pens. Pictures of random things pinned to a cork board. On another wall she had her ridiculous number of convention photos with him and his friends. She had him do funny stuff, but Jared…he might have to have a talk with him.
The picture that really made him sit down and take notice was the one she had on her bedside table. It was a picture of the two of them when they were kids. He’d come up with his family to visit and they’d gone to a little resort town not far from where Y|N lived and rented a cabin for a week. He’d had the best time. They went out in the lake a lot, either swimming or on jet skis. They rode on a paddle boat, went to a little amusement park, rode bikes all over. Mackenzie and Josh were old enough to not need him or Y|N to look after them and Y|N’s brother was older than both of them, so they could do almost anything they wanted.
The picture was of them on the deck that overlooked the lake, sitting on the deck swing together. By the look of the picture, it was nighttime and Y|N was leaning on him to get in close for the picture. They both looked a little sunburnt and a lot happy.
“I always loved that picture. Great summer vacation,” she said from a few steps inside the doorway.
“Yeah, it was,” he agreed. “And you keep it next to the bed where your boyfriend can see it?” She nodded with a shrug. “You savage.”
“I barely know him in comparison to you,” she said, flopping down on the bed, staring up through the skylight.
Jensen laid down, too, so he could look, with her.
“Fuckface doesn’t know about the book and your money, right?” he asked.
She snorted, “No. I told him I really liked it and bought the poster. Told him the books were an oops. He doesn’t even know I own this building. He just knows I can afford things, so he doesn’t ask questions.”
You both laid there for a minute, watching the clouds float by.
“I bet it looks cool at night,” he said.
“You’ll get to see it from your room just fine,” you didn’t move.
“Don’t marry that guy, Nova,” he said softly.
“Hadn’t planned on it,” you realized.
“He’s not mister right.”
“He’s Mr. Right Now.”
He twisted his head and neck to meet your gaze. “Someday, I’ll settle down with someone, but not him. He has weird feet,” you said. “I don’t want any potential children to get his weird feet.”
He laughed, “I’m glad you have standards.”
“How’s Dee?” you didn’t want to ask.
“Hmm,” he should have seen that coming, “She’s good.”
Please don’t fall for her and marry her, you thought.
“Are you guys getting serious?” you asked.
He thought for a moment, unsure of what to tell Y|N.
“Yeah, it kind of is… it is. We worked on a movie… I got to know her really well. I really like her, Nova, can you just try to like her, too?”
“For you, I will try.”
After bullshitting and catching up, you were getting hungry and went into the kitchen to get dinner going. The last time you got groceries, there was only one thing you specifically wanted to make for Jensen and had bought the needed ingredients. You pulled out a bowl, cutting board, colander, pot and two knives. Jensen came out of the bathroom and found you making all of the noise in the kitchen.
“Ey, what’re we doin’?” he asked, coming around the corner.
“Making you a home-cooked meal,” you said. Jensen went to one of the stools at the island. “Don’t sit there, you’re helping.”
“Just checking the stability of the stool,” he wiggled it a little. “You should fix that. What do you need me to do?”
“Anyone ever buy your bullshit?”
“All the time.”
“I bet,” you rolled your eyes.
“The trick is, you gotta believe your own bullshit. Really sell it,” he made a fist and slowly pumped it.
“Get out the tomatoes, green onions and garlic,” you told him, shaking your head.
He did as he was told and laid them out on the island.
“Grab the salt, pepper, olive oil, balsamic vinegar and parsley.
You were rinsing off the onions one by one because they always had a little dirt still on them and you were pulling off any wilted pieces. You had the whole process down to a science but you absolutely hated cutting the tomatoes. “You start cleaning the tomatoes.” You put the pot on the stove and used the pot filler to get it to the level you needed and threw some salt in the water. Once the water was heating, you went back to Jensen and the vegetables.
“Start seeding and dicing the tomatoes,” you said.
Jensen just looked at you.
“Seriously? How did Donna let you get away with not helping in the kitchen?” you wanted to know.
“I’m a guest!”
“Guests don’t have a key to my apartment, Jay. If you don’t help, I’m not making this for you again.”
“Pretty confident,” he picked up a knife and tomato.
“Damn right. I guarantee you’ll want me to make this again.”
He shook his head. “Whatever. Do you have any meat to go with this?”
“I don’t eat red meat,” you said.
“You eat hamburgers and meat sauce…”
“Yes, and that is browned. I can’t do it if it’s pink or red.”
It was his turn to look at you in shock. “All the times we’ve eaten together… I never noticed. I don’t know what to think about this.”
“You act like I’m a criminal,” you chopped the onions.
“I’m not sure I even know you.”
“Oh shut up, get on those tomatoes,” you laughed. “I figured we could go to the butcher tomorrow. George doesn’t work in the afternoons.”
“Gotta love small towns,” he was making quick work of the tomatoes. “How do you know the butcher by name if you don’t eat red meat?”
You grinned, “It’s a small town and I’ve lived here all my life. And George is a butcher, that means all meat. Besides, I gotta get my ground beef somewhere.”
For a few moments, you were both quiet while you made dinner. Finally the water came to a boil and you could add the noodles. While you combined the ingredients into a separate bowl, you told Jensen to go to your stereo and put on some music. He chose one of your vinyl albums. The speakers hissed and crackled a moment before it went quiet, then the music began… with a familiar heartbeat. Huey Lewis & the News started with The Heart of Rock & Roll.
Jensen turned to face you, tapping his hand on his chest along with the heartbeat in the song. Ever the showman, Jensen was about to perform for you while you stirred the noodles. He danced around your apartment, singing along the whole time. He flopped down on your couch just as the song ended, only slightly winded.
Finally finished, you drained and cooled the noodles, then put them in the fridge to cool longer. Heart and Soul was already playing.
“Still not ready?” he asked.
“Good lord… are you going to waste away waiting ten minutes longer?”
“I’m hungry.”
“Tough shit, whiner.” You started dancing to show how much you did not give a fuck. You waved your hands for him to get up and dance with you. One thing about being with Jensen was that neither of you ever got embarrassed around the other and you both could be as dorky as you wanted.
Bad is Bad began and the whole vibe changed. He took your hands and did slower movements with you to match the song tempo and danced in an early 60s dance style. You didn’t remember the song having such a sultry feel to it, but dancing with Jensen, and to that song, had you feeling a certain kind of way.
The song wound down and he pulled you close. Your heart was racing and you thought he might kiss you.
“Well! Looks like I got home in time for dinner and a show!” Grant said from the door. “What in the hell is going on here?”
Jensen let go of you and put himself between you and Grant.
“Nothing, man. Just dancing with my friend,” Jensen explained.
“Is that what it was? Because it looked like a scene from Dirty Dancing in here,” Grant’s voice was filled with accusation.
“Have you ever danced with her?” Jensen briefly waited, already knowing the answer. “You should, she’s got good moves.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Grant shoved the taller Jensen.
“She’s a good dancer. I don’t want to have to put you down, pal,” Jensen raised his hands, showing he didn’t want to fight.
“Damnit, Grant, back off!” you told him. “You’re making something out of nothing.”
“Yeah, I don’t think I am,” Grant said, voice dripping with poison. “And to think I was going to apologize for before. How long have you been after Y|N? Have you been fucking her on all of her ‘business trips’? Is that what you did while I was gone today?”
“Grant!”
“You got a lot of nerve, pal,” Jensen tried to keep calm.
“Yeah. I walk into my own apartment and see some guy putting the moves on my girlfriend, but I’ve got a lot of nerve?”
“Dude, she’s not your girlfriend. She’s more like your mom cleaning up after you and allowing you to be in her presence. How much have you mooched off of her? Do you contribute anything to the relationship? You worthless piece of shit.” Jensen was ready.
You moved to the other side of the island as Jensen got the response he was hoping for when Grant threw the first punch. Jensen easily dodged the attempted blow and deflected Grant’s momentum. What Jensen hadn’t anticipated was how scrappy Grant was and he came back at Jensen full force with a tackle, tumbling them both to the floor with a loud thud.
The sounds of fists meeting flesh reached your ears from your side of the island and two of the bar stools toppled in the fray. You turned on the water to cold and aimed the sink sprayer at the floor and opened fire, dousing them both with the icy water.
“That’s enough!” you shouted, banging on the empty pot with your plastic Pampered Chef spoon. Jensen hopped up quickly but Grant couldn’t help getting in one more cheap shot and sucker punched him in the gut.
“I should press charges!” Grant shouted.
“No you fucking won’t,” you snarled. “Give me your key.”
“What? Why?” Grant was utterly clueless.
“You are no longer welcome in my house.” you said as calmly as you could muster.
“Are you breaking up with me?”
“Give her the key, fuckface,” Jensen said in a tone that warned not to make him ask again.
“Hand it over, or I can have the cops take it from you,” you said.
“We’re done,” Grant said and put the key on the island.
You rolled your eyes. “I thought I already made that clear. Your face had better not darken my doorway again. Don’t call me. Don’t text me. Don’t look in my general direction. You’re dead to me as soon as you walk out the door.”
“Yeah, okay, you talk a big game. You fuck with me, I’ll fuck with you back,” Grant threatened and wiped at the blood on his face.
“Maybe I do talk a big game, but… am I? You have no idea if the rumors about my family are true, do you?” you asked. Seeing the appropriate reaction on his face, you opened the door. “Don’t threaten me. Just get the fuck out.”
Behind you, you could feel Jensen wound tight as a spring waiting for Grant to try something else. You stood out on the landing watching to make sure Grant left the building. When you heard the door latch click into place, you went back inside your apartment.
Jensen had set both of the stools back on their feet and was at the record player when you went back inside. You were just in time to see him flip the vinyl in his hands and carefully place the needle. He surprised you with his choice since it wasn’t the flipside of Huey Lewis.
“Bob Seger, nice choice,” you said, flipping the deadbolt and security latch on the door.
“Let me look at you,” you said, noticing Grant might have landed a blow after all.
You had him sit on one of the barstools where you proceeded to manhandle his face under the pendant light at the island.
“Is it bad?” he asked, hissing when you hit a tender spot.
“No, not really. Looks like a scuff, but we should clean it up so you don’t get cooties from him,” you said.
“Are you going to come at me with a wire brush, or will you be gentle?” he asked.
“Whichever one you want me to do, …opposite.”
He sighed loudly, “Bring the pain, I guess.”
“My brave boy,” you patted his shoulder. “C’mon, I don’t want to haul out the first aid kit out here. And don’t you dare try to make a break for it.”
He followed you to the bathroom and sat on the closed toilet lid. You pulled out the kit from the medicine cabinet and set it on the small counter next to the sink. You pulled out the items you needed and got out a washcloth. Once it was wet you put a lot of liquid soap on the washcloth and held it to Jensen’s cheek.
“What rumors?” he asked.
It took a moment to remember what you’d said earlier to Grant. “Oh, well, my grandpa had a large family and ran a construction business with some of my uncles. So heavy equipment for grading, welding and cutting torches, et cetera. Some not nice guys got into a bad situation and, allegedly, my uncles made the situation go away.”
Jensen looked up at you with eyes wide, “Allegedly?”
“Nothing was proven. Not even enough to arrest anyone.”
His eyes darted around the small room, processing. “Was Sir part of it?”
You snort laughed, “Jensen, you can stop calling my dad ‘Sir’ I think you’ve gotten past that part.”
You took the washcloth from him and rinsed the wound, gently wiping away Grant cooties.
“Answer the question.”
Trying not to actually laugh in his face, you answered, “No, my dad was not part of it. In his family, he’s one of the 3 youngest kids and was about 12 when that ‘situation’ happened. It was an allegation directed at my older uncles.”
“Sure am finding out a lot about you tonight,” he mused. “How come you never told me this before?”
“It’s not something one really goes around talking about, ya know? Sometimes secrets need to stay secrets. And it’s not about me, it’s about my uncles. It’s handy to have that particular card in your back pocket in case an asshole starts throwing punches at my friends.”
He seemed to accept this answer.
“Do you tell your friends about me?” you asked him.
He shook his head slightly, “No, not really. They know about you. They know I’m here visiting you and know you’re important to me, but that’s about it. I only ever tell them about ‘Nova’. They didn’t even put it together about your book. Hell, I didn’t even connect it.” He thought a moment, “I kind of want to keep you protected. Do you tell your friends about me?”
“I’d like to, but… I don’t know… I kinda like to keep you to myself. You’re like the ultimate hidden gem. Even if I did, they wouldn’t believe me. I’ve gone to three conventions now and they just think I’m obsessed with the show. Told ‘em I wanted to see my friend Jensen and they’re just like ‘mhm, okay’ and roll their eyes.” The wound was looking better, it wasn’t deep at all. “This is going to sting.” You didn’t give him a chance to react before you put your hand over his eye and sprayed a couple shots of rubbing alcohol on the wound.
“Mmmmmmotherfucker!” he growled.
“I’m sorry, honey,” you said, and without thinking you leaned down and kissed his forehead.
Awkward silence followed as you cleaned up the first aid kit and rinsed out the washcloth.
“Why do you even have the kit?” he asked.
“Believe it or not, I’m a klutz, or so I’ve been told. …and sometimes Grant needed it.” you explained.
“That’s not comforting.”
You didn’t say anything further about Grant. “The noodles are probably perfect now.”
Being so close to Jensen tended to overwhelm the senses. Even after knowing him so long, you still hadn’t become desensitized. You got out the pasta and ingredients bowl from the fridge. You needed to get yourself together. You only just kicked out Grant, and Jensen was still very much involved with Dee. You didn’t want to do anything stupid that would be the cause of any unhappiness in Jensen’s life, or yours. You dished up the noodles and Jensen joined you from the bathroom. You pushed the pasta bowl at him.
You got your bowl ready then went to the stereo to load up the CD player tray with music you knew you would both like. Your usual favorites were hand and it only took a moment to be happy with your selections. You put the Bob Seger album away then told the CD player to shuffle before returning to the kitchen to pour yourself a drink of your favorite soda.
When Jensen was ready, you had him follow you to your room and the fire escape then led him up to the roof where you had a deck built with a pergola, sun shades, lighting, speakers and a fan. It was your little oasis and it was a great place to watch any weather come in, too. So far, it was breezy, but not windy. By the look of the clouds, you thought it might rain after dark.
“This is great,” Jensen said.
“Yeah, you can see everything up here.”
“So, what’s the plan?”
“Tonight, we’re chillin’ like villains,” you turned on the power to the pergola.
“Dude.”
“I know,” you grinned. You turned on the fan and the speakers which played the music from your CD player. Tomorrow we’ll go to the butcher. We’ll need to stop by The Liquor Store and Sportsman’s to visit my grandma. At some point, we’re having dinner with my parents. Friday is the first full day of the fair, so we can go to the park and check out all of the stuff there. They’ll have a lot of vendors selling all kinds of stuff, there’s a car show, games. Saturday has the parade, more stuff at the park, lots of animals, fair food, crowning of the county princess. The fair itself has at least 3 big rides and one of those potato sack ride things, huuuuuge Ferris Wheel… I’m sure there’s more, but I can’t think of it all right now. You’ll be begging to go back to work to get a break from it all.”
“Gotta love small towns,” he said again, then took a bite of the pasta.
You watched for his reaction.
He looked over at you.
“Go on, say it. I know you want to,” you smirked, taking a bite.
“Alright,” he took another bite, “This is really good.”
“And?”
He rolled his eyes. “I want the recipe,” he grumbled.
“Thank you.”
The music from the CD player came through the speakers you’d had wired and was a nice background sound for you and Jensen to chat. Though it was after 7 PM, it was still hot as hell and not cooling off at all. You hoped the cold front would come through sooner than later. You bumped up the fan speed and tried to ignore the trickle of sweat running down your back.
It didn’t take long for either of you to finish what you’d put in your dishes.
“How do you not eat everything you made in one sitting?” he rested a hand on his happy belly.
You laughed, “Sometimes I do. Usually I just make enough for me, though. Wanna go for a drive, or are you too beat? We can get ice cream.”
“You had me at ‘go for a drive’.” he said getting up from the adirondack chair your dad had made. He turned to help you up from yours.
“Nice chairs,” he noted.
“Thanks, my dad made them for me.”
“No shit? Nice work.”
You both started walking back toward the fire escape.
“And how is Sir doing?” he asked.
Ever since Jensen first met your dad, he’d had an abundance of terrified respect for him and always referred to him as “Sir.” It may have been due to the fact that your dad was even taller than Jensen and intimidating as hell.
“Are you ever going to use his actual name?”
“Maybe when he doesn’t scare the shit out of me,” he said, reaching the stairs. “Is this his handiwork, too?” he indicated the metal fire escape.
You nodded. “He didn’t make it, but it’s his design,” you answered. “The last set was pretty old and rusting away.”
“You and your family have quite the skill sets,” he mused.
You didn’t know if he was referring to your uncles’ side-business, or your immediate family. “What do you mean?” you followed him inside the window and to the kitchen.
“Your mom does interior design, crafts all kinds of stuff, and has made some amazing flower arrangements. Your brother is an artist, publishes a comic, and does some crazy hand-lettering. Your dad is a self-taught engineer, woodworker, hella smart, hella scary…”
“...not sure that’s a skill…”
“And you… you seem to have all of those skills and you write novels, best-selling novels…”
…it’s only one…”
“But I know you. I saw your board. You’re writing another.”
“True, I am… why are you telling me this? You and your family are pretty awesome, too. You can memorize scripts so easily and can do pretty much anything you want… Are we just saying we’re impressed with each other?”
“And you’re athletic,” he nodded.
“You’re athletic. Just because I can do things that resemble sports doesn’t mean I like to sweat. You do that shit for fun, not this girl.”
Jensen snickered then started humming Sweat by Inner Circle before eventually softly singing the lyrics. You went to close the window in your bedroom so fuckface wouldn’t try to get in that way, assuming he could get past your dad’s security method he built into the ladder design. You knew the lyrics to Sweat quite well and you didn’t know what to think of Jensen, who was in a “pretty serious” relationship, humming that for you. You had just broken up with Grant.
“Get it together, Y|N,” you told yourself. “He’s not a rebound guy and he’s not hitting on you.”
Once you cleared your head, you met Jensen by the door, which he held open for you, allowing you to pass by him. The two of you went down the stairs and to the back of the building to where Jensen had parked his rental car. It was going to take you forever to get that damn song out of your head…and the meaning…but you made a mental note to use it in your novel.
Outside, you were greeted by a sleek, black Range Rover.
“Holy shit,” you said, gaping at the car. “This was at the airport?!”
“Yeah, I was shocked, too. Hop in,” he hit the unlock button and opened the door for you.
You were quite impressed with the vehicle. Nice interior, quiet ride and very posh. You told Jensen how to get to the place that sold the ice cream and he pointed the car in that direction. You both got the establishment’s version of a Blizzard. Jensen got Reece’s Pieces, and you got your favorite flavor. Ice cream in hand, you had Jensen cruise the main streets, of which, there were three.
Jensen felt the need to walk off the ice cream, so after driving through the park, he stopped at the parking lot outside of the park and near the walking trail.
“I see why you like it here so much,” he said, walking by the river with you. “It’s just…nice.”
“Yeah, it’s really small, but everything I need is within driving distance. Then I can come back here where it’s nice and quiet.”
“Ever think I could tempt you away?”
That’s a loaded question, you thought. “Depends. I’d need a good reason to leave all this,” you waved your hand around. You could hear the irony in your own voice. “Not opposed to it. What’d you have in mind?”
He shrugged. “Just wish you were closer to Texas or LA or Vancouver.”
“Oh, yeah, that would be nice, but I’m good here,” you said. And I don’t want to be tempted by being too close to you.
“Maybe someday,” he said.
“Maybe,” you said. On the surface, your friend asked if you would ever move to Texas, or wherever, to be closer to him. Jensen could ask questions with such subtle nuance that he made you wonder if things were as “good” as he made them seem, with Dee, as he let on. You had other guy friends and none of them talked to you the way Jensen did. The two of you would dance around the line in your relationship, but you were never quite sure where the line was. You supposed the line may be in a different spot for each of you. No matter where the lines laid for either of you, you knew you would not cross it, and if that meant telling Jensen ‘no’, then you would tell him so. He was involved with someone and you were not willing to put either of you in a situation that could get you embarrassed or hurt.
“We should probably head back now. It’s going to be dark soon and the park closes at ten,” you said, stopping.
Jensen reached to take your hand, but you wouldn’t let him take it.
“Jay, people might not know who you are here, but I don’t want to take any chances. There will always be people looking for smoke where there’s no fire.” And I need to protect my heart.
You wondered how it was that you felt like you had a more intimate relationship with Jensen than you had with Grant, and Grant had spent a lot more time with you. You’d only ever kissed Jensen that one time and it was over 9 years ago. ‘Cause he’s my sweet boy, one side of you answered. You’ve got to stop that, he’s with Dee, argued the other side. And the internal argument with yourself continued on like that until you got back to the car, where he went to your side and opened the door for you.
“I’m sorry, I made you uncomfortable,” he stood in your door while you got situated in your seat.
“I just broke up with fuckface…” you began.
“...rolls off the tongue, doesn’t it?”
“Kinda. Shut up. You’re with Dee and you’re serious, right? So if you’re serious, and exclusive with her, then you shouldn’t be trying to flirt with me.”
“Well…what about you? You can’t be doing that to me, either.”
“You’re right. You’re absolutely right.” Yet, during the whole walk, you could feel him checking you out and you didn’t hate it. You’d been doing the same thing to him all night. His unmistakable gait was hard not to notice. Nor were his cute little buttocks in his gray shorts, or how his t-shirt was just a tiny bit too small. Gently, he gently closed your door then went to his side and got in.
“Alright, if either of us is with someone, the other is off limits. Agreed?” he asked.
You nodded, “Agreed.”
“Why does it feel like we’re breaking up?” you asked.
“I don’t know.”
“I’m still going to write to you, okay? We can still be friends, right?”
“Yeah,” he breathed out like he’d been holding his breath.
Thankfully, your apartment wasn’t very far away and you were both back inside just a few minutes later.
“Do you think you can still stay ‘til Sunday?” you asked.
“I’m not going anywhere,” he answered. “Want to watch a movie? I’m still on Vancouver time.”
“I actually need to go do some work, but if you need anything I’ll keep my door open,” you stood by the hallway gauging his reaction. “I need to get stuff done before the storm.”
“Smell it on the air?”
“Yeah.”
“I thought I did, too. Okay.” he said and you thought maybe he was trying not to look at you and play it cool. You weren’t about to contradict him.
He watched her walk down the hall and disappear around the corner to her writing desk. Something dramatic had to happen as soon as he walked in the door earlier that day. That guy she’d called a boyfriend was something else. He didn’t like anything about him. Short. Dark hair and eyes. Beer belly. Didn’t seem too bright. Took advantage of Y|N.
He hit ‘play’ on a random movie from her collection. Her vinyl selection was top-notch and had been slightly impressed she even had any. She hadn’t mentioned it in her letters at all and they told each other almost everything. Kind of amazing that she had any secrets left.
Then again, she wrote a whole book and he’d had no clue. It had been pretty popular and there had been talk about making it into a movie. How had he never asked her if she ever thought about publishing? He knew she was always writing in her spare time. Had he asked her? She dabbled in fan-fiction, he knew, but no clue about the novel. Then he remembered that she said not to read any with the romance covers. Did that mean she was published in other genres and different pen-names? He wondered if she would, or had, used any of their adventures together in her books. Did she know how bad he wanted to say ‘fuck it’ and make it be their time? He almost had when they were dancing. She looked hot as hell in her green shorts and fitted, black, Rolling Stones shirt. She wasn’t dressed up, or did anything special, she just looked good like she always did. He wished he had kissed her… but Dee… what about Dee? While he was with Y|N he would have a good time. When he went back to Texas, he would see how things went with Dee. She deserved at least that from him.
He ended up not even really watching the movie and was still sitting there after the credits had run. It was the flash of lightning from outside that had snapped him out of the trance he’d been in. He cleaned up after himself, checked that the apartment door was locked and turned off the lights.
Not looking into Y|N’s room, he went into his room to change his clothes and grab his toiletry bag for the bathroom. Once his clothes were changed, teeth were brushed, and skincare routine were completed, he flung the toiletry bag at his open suitcase and flopped onto his bed.
“Holy shit, this is nice,” he whispered. He’d slept in a lot of hotel beds, but this was better by far. It hit his goldilocks zone perfectly. His mind was racing too fast to sleep though.
He got back out of bed and paced around her house. Eventually, he started to feel tired and stopped at her still open door, her light long-since turned out. He could see her lying in bed and fought the urge to go in and lie down with her. …it would be so easy. The only thing that stopped him was the thought of hurting Dee like that. With one last look, he went back to bed and watched the rain fall on the skylight as he drifted off to sleep.
Morning came with a quickness and the sun streamed in through the skylight. He laid there with his arm over his eyes, not quite ready to get up yet. If it weren’t for the smell of bacon and eggs wafting in, he might have laid there all day. Not wanting to miss out on a home-cooked meal, he drug himself out of bed and to the kitchen.
Y|N was standing on her counter with cupboard doors open. She looked cute with her bedhead. It didn’t hurt that he had a good view of her legs at all. Briefly he wondered what it would be like to have her legs wrapped around …
“Oh good, you’re up. I can’t find where I put the coffee maker,” she said.
“No big deal,” he said looking at her still standing on the counter hunched over. He looked away when he realized he was staring, “Isn’t there a bakery close by?”
“Yeah, but I can’t go there looking like this,” she said. “I’m a mess.”
“No, you’re not, you’re fine,” he assured her. She really had no idea how attractive she was. Fuck anyone who didn’t also think so. “I don’t need coffee that bad.”
She hopped down from the counter, “Okay, sorry. I’m sure I’ll find it as soon as you go back to work.”
“Oh no, we’re finding it before then, just not now,” he was eyeing the bacon and eggs. “I didn’t know you can cook.”
“I guess I’m full of surprises this weekend,” she said. “Gotta keep you on your toes.”
“You’d think after this long and about a million letters and phone calls that there wouldn’t be much left to learn.”
“Oh honey, you’ve barely scratched the surface,” she grinned and left the kitchen. He stuck his head around the corner in time to catch sight of her butt in the small shorts she was wearing. He then dished up his breakfast and wondered what else was below the surface that he didn’t know.
When you both finished breakfast and got cleaned up, Jensen finally found the coffee maker and felt a little more human. Then they walked a few blocks over to the butcher shop where Jensen purchased some New York strips that he liked the look of.
“Is it always like this?” he asked.
“Like what? You’re the meat eater, you tell me,” you said using the key to open the building door.
“Not the meat, the weirdly pleasant part,” he answered.
You hadn’t noticed anything unusual in your interactions that morning. “Yeah, I guess so? Aren’t people usually nice to you? I’d think they’d be fawning over you.”
He snorted, “It’s not all it’s cracked up to be, everyone knowing who you are. The sneaking pictures. Sometimes people are dicks just to get a rise out of you. It’s exhausting always being ‘on’ in public.”
You stopped at your apartment door to look back at him. Anytime you need to hang out, just let me know. Hell, you have a key, just show up. Or maybe you need a place to go that’s all your own… like build a place on that land you bought forever ago.”
You opened the door and Jensen followed you in flipping over the security latch when the door closed.
“What?” he saw you looking at him. He pointed at the latch, “That? Can’t be too careful.” He put his steaks in the refrigerator.
“I just appreciate you looking out for me,” you said.
“That’s what friends do,” he said, resting his hands on the island.
“Do friends challenge you to Mario Kart?” you asked.
“Yeah, but we might not be friends afterward,” he was already moving toward the TV.
“Oh really? Why’s that?”
“‘Cause I’m gonna kick your ass.”
“Mhm. Okay. We shall see.”
“Are you mad?” you smirked, walking down the stairs again with him.
He shook his head, “Nope.”
“‘Cause it seems like you’re mad.”
“I’m not mad. I should know better. Were you practicing?”
You laughed, “No, I hardly play it.”
“You have home-console advantage.”
“Wow. Okay. Are you gonna tell me that neither you nor Jared have a Wii in one or both of your trailers?”
He ignored the question. “I want a rematch.”
“So I can beat you again?” you teased.
“That was a fluke.”
“Jensen, you’re a sore loser,” you laughed. “C’mon,” you were walking with him to the Liquor Store and were just outside the door, “Let’s see if Gram is working.”
Inside the store there was a small checkout counter to the right with a swinging half door to the back part of the store. The entirety of the store included two very long rows of shelves that were fully stocked with all of the liquors you could ever want and lots of beer cases.
You had no idea what the building had been originally, but you thought maybe you’d heard it had been a law office and that, honestly, felt right. The floors were carpeted. The walls were lined with wood paneling. It had a drop ceiling that trapped the smell of every cigarette smoked inside its walls. Back behind the counter was the “office” which was just a desk with a video feed from the bar next door.
You started looking for your beverage of choice, while Jensen found his. When you were both happy with your choices, you took them to the register, but whoever was working, you assumed it was your grandmother, hadn’t appeared yet. You hit the bell on the counter and called out, “Loretta!”
“I’m coming!’ you heard her call from somewhere in the bowels of the building. When your grandma saw you at the counter, she said, “Oh, Y|N it’s you. Who is this with you?”
Her eyes were almost sparkling as she looked at Jensen. You gave him a quick knowing glance.
“Grandma, this is my very good friend, Jay Wayne. Jay, this is my gram, Loretta,” you introduced them.
“Very nice to meet you, Jay,” she practically cooed. “Did you two find what you wanted?”
“Yeah, these two things please,” you said. “Are you cooking today, too?”
“Yes, I am. Are you two kids going to have lunch here?” You nodded. “Come through here then. Don’t go back out in the heat. I’ll just add the drinks to your food bill. Do you know what you want so I can get fixing it?”
Your grandma pushed open the half-door that kept the customers out of the back open and led you and Jensen through the building to the door that opened into the bar that was attached to the Liquor Store.
“I think Jay needs to look at a menu, but…” you began.
“What do you recommend, Loretta?” he charmed her.
“Well, I make the chicken, coleslaw and potato salad here, so any of those I can guarantee they’ll be good,” your grandma answered.
“I’ll take some of all, if you don’t mind,” he grinned at her.
“Me, too, just no coleslaw,” you said, unsure if you existed at the moment.
Once she had the order, your grandma got to getting things ready and left you and Jensen to find a seat inside the bar. It was like any other bar you’d ever been in. It had a very long bar, a small stage, plenty of tables and booths. There was neon everywhere and racing memorabilia on all of the walls. Even the floor was in large black and white checkered tiles. You and Jensen found a booth and sat on opposite sides of the table.
“That was disturbing,” you said, pulling out a menu, though you’d looked at it hundreds of times.
“What?” Jensen was also looking at the same simple menu.
“Never once has she let me go through the store.” Jensen barely looked up before going back to the menu.
“So?” he said.
“I am her grandchild and she has never given me special treatment, but as soon as I have a hottie with me, she’s all sweet.”
“Are you jealous of your grandmother?”
“God no. What? No. Just letting you know about my family.”
“She know about your career?” You shook your head. “Why not?”
“‘Cause I don’t want any of them knowing. I don’t want anything to change because they know my secret. If they treat me like this without knowing… It just keeps me humble and I can still see their true colors, ya know?”
“I get that.”
“The thing is, you could be a total, abusive asshole to me, but if she thinks you’re cute, I must have done something to deserve it.”
Jensen put down the menu. “Who did it? Was it fuckface? Say the word and I can finish what he started.”
“It wasn’t Grant,” you said.
“Jim? Braeden? Steve? Doug? Who am I missing here? Andy?” You touched your nose. “Andy?! …that son of a bitch!”
“Jay!” you put your hand over his. “Do you see him here? Have I mentioned him in all of these years?” He was still livid. “It’s taken care of.”
“Like taken care of taken care of?” his voice was still raised.
You gave him a ‘stop it’ look but said, “I don’t know details. I just know my dad and brother were pissed that he’d been harassing me… and stalking me… and the other stuff. I just know Dad and Jarrod went looking for him and Andy never bothered me again.”
Jensen just stared at you for a moment. He knew both your dad and brother which definitely made him wonder what happened to Andy, especially considering the rumors about her uncles.
“Are you fucking with me?” he asked.
You smiled, “Only a little. He’s still alive, but he hasn’t come within 100 yards of me since then. I can only speculate what they did to scare the shit out of him.”
“I’ve only met your brother a couple times, but your dad still scares the shit outta me, so I’m sure Jarrod is equally terrifying,” he mused.
“That’s fair,” you said. “I know of other situations where Jarrod handled things very simply, if not painfully.”
“Alright,” Jensen seemed satisfied that the situation was handled with Andy.
“Are you still that scared of my dad?” you asked.
“What? No! …a little,” he admitted. “I just feel like he can read my mind.”
“Why would that be scary, Jensen? Tell me.” you rested your chin on your folded hands.
“Hi guys, sorry it took so long. ‘Retta just put your orders up a few minutes ago.” the server saved Jensen. “Hey Y|N, how are ya?”
“Hi Chels, we’re not in a big hurry. No worries. This is Jay.”
“Nice to meet you,” she placed napkins and cups of ice water on your table. To Jensen, “You look familiar, have we met?”
“No, I don’t think so,” he answered, taking a drink of the water.
“Don’t be modest, Jay.” Jensen shot you a viscious look. “He does stand-in and stunt work for TV and movies.”
“That must be it,” she said, frazzled. “Let me know if you need anything else.”
She was gone before you could say anything else to her.
“She’s cute,” he said.
You nodded, “Went to school with her. She’s cool as shit.”
“What’s the plan for the rest of the day?” he asked.
“Not much. We can go to the park for the vendors and car show.” you said the next part quietly, “Have dinner with my parents.” Then you went back to normal volume, “Maybe go to the races, or get that rematch of Mario Kart out of the way.”
When you were both finished with your food, Chelsea brought the bill and your bottles from the Liquor Store. Making eye contact with Chelsea, you tipped your head toward Jensen and without missing a beat, she laid the bill on Jensen’s side of the table and gave you a discreet wink as she departed.
Jensen happily paid for both of you and mentioned that your grandma made good potato salad and that he’d also enjoyed the juicy fried chicken. He left Chelsea a good tip, grabbed your liquor purchases and walked you back home.
You never got bored with Jensen. Maybe it was because you packed too much into your visits, but even when you weren’t on a tight timeline, you still just always enjoyed his company. If you ever did get bored, and you didn’t think you did, it was just better, easier, less drab. It was nice having him around. It might have been because you’d known him so long, but you knew it was only part of it because you genuinely loved him.
“Mario Kart has to wait,” you said, reveling in the A/C.
Jensen snorted, “You just don’t want to get beat. I’ll find my groove.”
“I wasn’t scared before and I’m not scared now, Ackles,” you said, confidently. “I will destroy you some other time. We can’t play tonight because my parents are coming over for dinner tonight.”
It still tickled you, to no end, to see the flash of terror in Jensen’s eyes, though fleeting, at the mention of your father.
“What a treat,” he blurted out.
“Man, you are good,” you marveled. “I almost didn’t see you flinch that time.” Jensen pretended like he didn’t know what you meant. “He’s not that scary.”
“Easy for you to say. You’re his baby girl.”
“I guarantee, if you get his steak just right, you’re in.”
Before the big event, you and Jensen went to the park to do some vendor shopping and went to the car show that was being put on. You’d gotten to see some really cool antiques, muscle cars (no Impala), and some modern muscle. It was quite a popular event and not a single person recognized Jensen, that you were aware of. You’d spent much of the afternoon walking around the fair festivities and were back at your apartment just in time to start getting food ready for dinner, because your parents would be over in an hour to eat.
An hour later, at six on the dot, your parents arrived and you breathed a sigh of relief when your dad offered his hand to Jensen in greeting. Everything was cordial as usual. Jensen was just about to go to the roof to start grilling, but he’d waited for your parents to arrive before going up. Surprisingly, your dad followed Jensen out.
Your mom sat on one of the island bar stools while you worked on the rest of the meal. She looked around your apartment.
She leaned forward and quietly asked, “Is Grant here?”
“No ma’am,” you answered, checking on the pasta.
She took a sip of her tea. “Oh, how come?”
You turned to look at her knowing full-well she already knew. “I told him to get the hell out and never darken my door again.”
“Oh, thank God. You know I never liked him.”
“I didn’t, actually, but it doesn’t matter.”
“When did this happen?” she was almost gleeful.
“Thursday. He was being a dick to Jay. They got into it right here,” you told her.
“So that’s why Jensen has that on his cheek?”
You nodded.
“And how was Grant?”
“No idea,” you shrugged. “Jay landed more than a few.”
“Good,” your mom said and you started the alfredo sauce. “When are you and Jensen going to get together?”
“Mother!”
“What? He adores you, and I’m pretty sure you feel the same way.”
It hurt being called out like that and it made your stomach tie up in knots. “I just broke up with Grant. Like him or not, we were together for four years. I’m gonna need a minute to put that away. Not to mention Jay has a girlfriend and they’re ‘pretty serious’, I guess, plus she’s in the business too and got close on a movie and I have my work and it’s just not something either of us wants right now. Can we talk about something else please?”
“Speaking of work… are you working on another book? Are you going to be traveling to Pennsylvania again? How was the the last shut down? I’m still not sure I like you doing that stuff, but at least you get to travel.”
“It’s not glamorous. I don’t get out much. Mostly I’m just working. The only thing that really changes is the location,” you stirred the alfredo. “I have ideas for a couple books. I’m actually almost done with the first draft for one still in research and plotting phase for the other.”
“Have a muse in mind?” your mother was being awfully cheeky.
You put the spoon down and looked her dead in the eye, “George Clooney.”
Jensen was trying to be cool. Sir had followed him up to the roof and was sitting in the chairs he’d built for (Y/N). He sat there with his legs crossed, smoking in the shade while Jensen fired up the grill. As if the summer sun weren’t already hot enough, he felt himself beginning to sweat under the scrutiny Sir was laying on him. There was no avoiding it, he went to sit while the grill came to temperature.
Sir didn’t say anything but he extended a very weathered, but still massive, hand over, holding out his cigarettes to him.
“No, thank you, sir. Gave it up a few years back.”
“Jensen, you can call me…” tucking the pack into his breast pocket.
“No, sir, I can’t. I have the utmost respect for you and your family. Not to mention my mother would have my hide.”
“How are your folks?”
They chatted in small talk for a while letting the grill get nice and hot. When an adequate amount of time passed, Jensen got up to check the thermometer.
“Do you know how to grill a good steak?” (Y/N)’s dad asked, looking over Jensen’s shoulder.
“I like to think I do. How do you take yours, medium rare?”
(Y/N) had tipped him. Her dad nodded. “My specialty.” He used another tip she’d given him, “How are your Vikings lining up for next season?”
“Oh, well…” he began and the two b.s.’d until the steaks and chicken were both ready. Chicken went on first for the ladies.
“I still can’t get (Y/N) to try my steak. Says she doesn’t ‘do red meat’ but eats hamburgers and chicken for days though,” he shook his head.
“Her mother is the same way,” her dad chuckled.
Your parents stayed longer that night than they had in years. Dinner had gone well. Lots of talking going on and you felt a good time was had by all.
“You must have done a good job with the steak,” you said to Jensen, handing him one of the pots to rinse and dry.
“Gotta say, I feel like king shit right now.”
“I’m glad he didn’t throw you off the roof.”
“No shit. I legit had the same thought while I was up there with him.” He paused for a moment to dry another dish. “How bad did they hate fuckface?”
“Honestly, I didn’t know they did until tonight. My mom actually was giddy with relief.”
“I think you dodged a bullet.”
“Mmm. Probably.”
“You gonna work tonight?” he asked.
You nodded, “Yeah, I’ve gotta try to get as much out of my head as I can. It helps to keep me from spiraling.”
He turned his head to look at you. “Are you spiraling?”
“No, but I might.”
“Okay if I hang out in your room? Can you still work?”
You nodded. “It’s amazing what I can ignore. Your company is always welcome.”
Jensen was down for that. He cleaned up the kitchen with you. Then when that was done, you got all of your things together for your writing desk. Jensen looked at your writing supplies.
“You need a gallon of water…” he said.
“It’s thirty-two ounces.”
“900 pens.”
“I have a current favorite.”
“And just as many notebooks.”
“Yes. I may not use all of them but I need them close. It’s a process. Some have notes, references, character descriptions…”
“When do you use the computer?”
“When I’m ready to do my first edit. It helps for continuity, adding bits, deleting others. Fixing grammar, stuff like that.”
“Seems like a lot of work.”
“It is, but it’s what works for me. Writing on paper is cathartic and I get a good flow going this way.”
“So what are you doing tonight?”
“I am going to be writing down new ideas, words for one, transcribing and editing for the other.”
“You have more than one book going?”
“Yep.”
“And you can keep track of them all?”
“That’s what all of the notebooks are for, color coding and corkboard.”
He didn’t wait for an answer, he just immediately went to your closet and opened the door and started looking around.
“I’m gonna get rid of all of fuckface’s shit.”
“Go for it,” you sat down at your desk to get started. “If you make a mess, you will clean it up.”
He raised a hand to acknowledge he heard you and got right to going through everything. Grant’s clothes were landing in a heap outside the closet door.
“Not much in here,” he was still rifling through the clothes bar and your dresser.
“Hey, stay out of the top drawer.”
“Too late. Not even any lacy bits.”
“Okay. Keep comments like that to yourself, thank you.”
“If you got it, flaunt it.”
“I don’t have it.”
“Yes, you do,” he reached for a box up on the shelf.
You sat in stunned silence for a moment then completely dropped it as him just being nice. He dug through the box and, not finding anything, put it back on the shelf.
“I’m gonna get a garbage bag for this shit,” he said and went to the kitchen like he hadn’t just said what he said.
You thought maybe you should help go through things but you didn’t even want to look at any reminders. When he came back, with garbage bag in tow, he grabbed the clothes, and shoved them, unceremoniously inside.
Jensen saw you watching. “He’s lucky I don’t pour bleach in here.”
“I didn’t say anything,” you raised your hands in surrender. “And I see nothing.”
He tapped his temple then pointed at you. “Understood.”
Over the next hour, while you worked, Jensen went through every place Grant would have put anything and collected the found items. Along the way, things “accidentally” crashed to the floor, but the pieces all made it into the bag for Grant’s later collection. Occasionally, you would hear “oops” after something fell.
“Hey,” he stuck his head around the corner. “I need you.”
You followed him out to the living room. “Which of these games are yours?”
You looked at the Xbox games and sorted through them. There were a few movies you added to the bag, also. It felt good to purge them. Eventually you got back to work and Jensen went back to snooping and found your photo album. He took it to your bed, got comfy and began looking through the pages.
Some of the pictures were ones he’d never seen before. They were a chronicle of her life from when she was a baby, all the way up to the last time he saw her, last year, at the upfronts in New York. Cute baby too, he thought. He liked looking through the photos. It made him feel closer to her somehow. He flipped slowly through the pages and saw people he didn’t recognize in the older pictures. He wanted to ask her about them but she was typing away on her computer, and didn’t want to ruin her flow.
When he got to the middle of the thick album, that was when he got to the years when they first got to know one another. There were pictures from that first meeting in Texas, the one where she walked right into him and stole his heart. As much as he enjoyed that first meeting, it was the ones where they stayed at a cabin for summer vacations. He’d always told himself that they were just friends. There was a closeness between them that he couldn’t describe.
When your eyes started to give up on you, and the beginnings of a headache, you decided to call it a night. For half a second, you’d forgotten about Jensen. He’d been so quiet and now you understood why. Jensen was lying on your bed with your old photo album next to him. Crawling onto your bed, you grabbed the album and slid it to the edge of the bed with you. It was still open to the page that had pictures of the two of you at the cabin.
“My sweet boy,” you thought.
You closed the album and set it aside. Turning back to Jensen you briefly debated whether or not to wake him, or to go sleep in the spare room. Looking at the clock, you decided that it wasn’t worth trying to sleep in his room. After all, it was a king bed and you were both adults. If either of you couldn’t behave, there were bigger issues to deal with.
You turned off the lights and changed out of your clothes and into your night shirt in the dark. Jensen laid on his back and appeared to be sleeping soundly above the covers. Despite it being hot as hell outside, even at night, it was almost chilly in your apartment with the A/C running. You thought to look for a blanket for him and used the moonlight to navigate your room and grabbed a blanket you had made, hoping it would be long enough.
You carried the blanket to where he laid and unfolded it before laying it over him. After covering his feet, you moved your way up his body making sure he was covered. He surprised you when he stirred and said, “You’re beautiful” and rolled onto his side. Stunned, it took you a moment to realize he must have been dreaming of Dee and went to your side of the bed to go to sleep.
He laid there knowing he shouldn’t look, but it wasn’t every day that a woman got undressed in front of him; let alone one he cared about so deeply. His eyes were only open a slit and there were no lights on, but the bright moonlight did him a favor and let him see just enough to be dangerous. He did everything he could to remain calm until the nightshirt slipped over her nearly naked body. She went to the closet and he breathed a sigh of relief until she bent over and could see the perfect shape of her backside. (Y/N) came back with a blanket and tucked him in. When she got close to his chest, he pretended to still be sleeping and rolled onto his side telling her she’s beautiful.
He was so torn about what to do. He cared for Dee, he really did. They got along great, he liked her a lot. She was a really great friend and they had a lot of fun together. He knew he would be happy with her… he even bought a ring. Nova, though… she was his absolute solace. He was never less than his best self when he was with her.
She needed time to get back to her normal self after being with Grant. She wasn’t happy. He could tell in her letters that Grant was not right for her. He was dragging her down, dampening her spirit. She deserved someone who would lift her up; someone who could be devoted to her. As much as he may have wanted that to be himself, he also knew that he couldn’t just drop everything, not even for (Y/N).
When morning came, Jensen was still lying in bed with you, sleeping peacefully. His long lashes lying softly on his cheeks. Normally, you stayed on your side of the bed, even when Grant was with you. When you woke up, you were lying more towards the middle and Jensen was mere inches away. It would be nothing to reach out and touch him. Instead you rolled away to the side of the bed and opted for a cold shower.
Turning on the water, you went through the motions to get your body clean and think about what your next steps should be. Only, you realized, you’d been going through the motions for the last few years. The only thing you’d care about was writing your stories and the escape they gave you, which brought you to wonder why you needed the escape. Then you thought about all of the smutty romance you wrote about and wondered if you were just protecting your wants and desires into your books. Jensen gave you crap about the inspiration for those books, and you thought you were telling the truth about it being Gerard Butler, but you weren’t even sure of that either. When it came down to it, all you were actually sure of was that you liked writing. Not just the scenes themselves, but the whole process. Grant never really understood your need to create. He hadn’t even asked you about it. All he ever talked about was himself. As long as he was happy, that was all he cared about…
“Hey, you curing cancer in there?”
Jensen called through the door, grabbing your attention. Had you even washed your hair?
“Just searching for world peace.”
“Well hurry up and find it, I got breakfast waiting.”
Thankfully, with it being Saturday, it meant your day would be very busy and you wouldn’t be so overwhelmed with difficult emotions. The first activity of the day was the parade. Jensen was okay with going down to street level and be amongst the people. Your apartment overlooked Main Street and was a great vantage point. Instead, the two of you went down and met up with friends of yours.
“Who’s your friend?” Kim asked.
You looked at Jensen in his ball cap and sunglasses. He stood to your right and slightly behind you. He looked back at you and shrugged, game to see what would happen.
“This is famous TV actor, Jensen Ackles,” you told her, then turned to Jensen. “Jay, this is Kim. We went to high school together.”
“Hey, how’s it going? Jay Wayne.”
“Hi, nice to meet you, Jay.” Kim gave you a look that said to quit playing around. “What do you do for work and how did you meet (Y/N)?”
“I’m actually a stunt-double on TV and stand in. Met (Y/N) at summer camp years ago.”
“Oh, how cool.”
She was about to start asking more questions, but you cut her off. “Oh, I think my parents finally arrived. Talk to you later, Kim. C’mon, Jay.” You grabbed his arm and pulled him away and walked towards the corner and across the street to the pharmacy.
“You weren’t kidding. Right from the start, she didn’t buy it.”
“Dude, I know. And it’s not like I’m a chronic liar.”
“I know, you’re actually really bad at it.”
“Thank you?” you said with a chuckle.
“It’s a good thing. I always know where I stand with you. And, it makes it really easy to tell when you do lie.”
You and Jensen walked all over downtown and the park to check out all of the special vendors and deals that only came around once a year. After grabbing lunch from the VFW, you were ready for a break and went back to your apartment and laid down for a couple hours. You didn’t know what Jensen was doing but he wasn’t in the room with you, which you felt was for the best.
The alarm you’d set woke you up and you got up to brush out your hair in your bathroom. Jensen had found the acoustic you’d bought for Fuckface Grant and was strumming a familiar song. Reaching for the door knob of your bedroom, you paused recognizing the song as he began to sing.
“Saying ‘I love you’ is not the words I want to hear from you. It’s not that I want you, not to say but if you only knew… how easy, it would be to show me how you feel. More than words is all you have to do to make it real, then you wouldn’t have to say that you love me ‘cause I’d already know.”
Of all the songs he could have played… The lyrics hit you hard and your hand dropped away from the handle as you listened to each word he sang. Did he even know what he was doing to you? How could he? He was playing and singing softly. You put your back against the door, not wanting to let him see you fall to pieces as you slid to the floor. You clasped your hands over your mouth and tried not to cry out as the tears fell out of your eyes.
He moved on to other songs that also tore at your heart but they hadn’t stung nearly as bad. Whatever it was that had pulled the plug on your emotional dam, whether it was the lyrics, or Jensen’s voice, you weren’t quite sure, but it had released the flood and it took you a while to let it all out and compose yourself. Dragging yourself off the floor, you went back to your bathroom to splash cold water on your face in hopes of maybe calming down enough to go out in the living room where he was still softly playing songs. Of course, there was no hope of him not noticing.
“What happened?” he asked, putting the guitar down and getting up as soon as he saw you were not okay.
“I’m okay. I just needed a good cry, I guess.”
“C’mon, bring it in,” he said stepping toward you with arms out stretched.
You took a step back and held a hand up for him to stop. “No, I really don’t want to be touched right now.”
He looked at you in a way that made your heart hurt more.
“Is there anything I can do?”
“Just… I don’t know, just be gentle on me, okay? I’m feeling a little raw and just… raw.”
“Fair enough.”
“Just give me a few minutes then we can go down to the fair.”
“He doesn’t deserve you shedding a single tear over him, Nova.” He thought you were crying over Grant.
“I know, it’s just hard to let go.”
An hour later, you were sitting in the grandstands at their fairgrounds watching figure 8 races which led into the demolition derby. A few of your older cousins showed up and sat with you and Jensen. You introduced him as Jay, and as usual with your family, they grilled him and wanted to know everything about him. There was something in your dad’s family’s DNA that was determined to embarrass you at every turn. To his credit, Jensen took it like a champ and answered their questions without divulging too much of the truth.
After the races were done, you and Jensen left the grandstands and got some gumbo from one of the local vendors. You found a picnic table to sit at while you ate.
“Is your family always like that?” he asked.
You nodded, “Pretty much.”
“It makes a lot of sense now.”
“How so?”
“You don’t pull punches and almost always say what you’re thinking.”
“I suppose you’re right.”
“No. No ‘supposing’. You know I’m right,” he turned his hat backward to eat.
“And look what it got me,” you felt miserable. “You have a bruised cheek because I chose to be with someone who never chose to be with me.” You pointed two tables over to your right.
Jensen’s head turned to look for what had caught your attention. You couldn’t bring yourself to look that direction again and took a bite of the cornbread that you had been soaking in the gumbo. When Jensen started to rise, you put your hand on his to stop him. Slowly, he sat back down again. You could almost see the red rising in his skin.
“I love that you want to go over there, but don’t,” you said.
When Jensen turned back to you, the rage he felt showed in his eyes and you could see the white all the way around his now, very dark, green eyes.
“Jay…” you waited for the rage to settle, not letting go of his balled up fist. Eventually the tension released and you let go.
“He’s not worth getting mad over,” you said, calmly, surprising even yourself.
Jensen took a deep breath and let it out slowly before speaking again. “He’s disgusting,” he said of fuck face, “she can’t be more than 20.”
“Jay, he’s not my problem. Don’t even engage, he’ll just drag you down,” you stirred your gumbo, disappointed in the soupiness of it. Instead, you decided it was a good thing since you felt a little sick at the sight of fuckface with someone new already. Not to mention, they were behaving like teenagers with their overt PDA.
You rested your head on your right hand to block them out of your peripheral vision and dabbed the cornbread into the gumbo hoping the cornbread might help calm your stomach.
“You okay?”
You nodded. “Yeah, just not very hungry all of a sudden.”
“Wanna do something else?”
“Skeeball?”
He smirked, “Cuz you beat me at that game.”
You grinned, “You forgot to say ‘all the time’. I beat you at skeeball all the time.”
“I’m still not convinced you don’t cheat,” he grumbled.
“Is there something that would convince you, or is it only the ass-whooping I deal out the only thing?”
“Not even so much as a pity win for me,” he took a few bites.
You sipped your soda. “That would not be good sportsmanship.”
“Alright, I’m done,” he collected both of your dishes and disposed of them. “Let’s go find a game where I can whoop your ass.”
“Mhm. Okay. Let’s see,” you said. “Glutton for punishment.”
Jensen spent a lot of money on tickets for what turned out to be very little return… for him. Eventually, he found a shooting game he wanted to try and you backed out of to let him have his moment to shine. Not surprisingly, when you weren’t up against him he did really well and cleared all of the targets.
“So are you just always letting me win?” you asked as he gleefully handed over more money to keep playing.
“Hell no. I just do better with an audience,” he said, picking up the small air rifle. I just want to impress you, he thought.
When Jensen had shot enough targets, it was time to pick out a prize.
“Lady’s choice,” he deferred to you.
“I’ll take the tiger stuffie,” you said.
The carnival worker handed you the toy. “Got a few more credits left. Want anything from here?”
You looked where he indicated and selected a ring-pop in your favorite flavor. “I love these things. Thank you!”
The carnie wished you a good night and immediately began calling for more players.
“How’s your stomach?” he asked, looking at the Scrambler.
“Good enough,” you told him, but your anxiety kicked in when you got in the small line.
It was getting late and had gotten dark. Most of the people with little kids had left, but the fair was still bustling with people.
“What’s the matter?” he asked. “You have a look on your face.”
“I don’t want to crush you.”
It was his turn to give you a look. He had no idea what you meant.
“How would you do that?”
The emotional turmoil was threatening to bubble up again but it came in the form of tears and you could barely whisper, “Because I’m so big.”
He grasped your shoulders and leaned down to look you in the eyes. “I don’t know what, or who, made you feel that way, but you are not, you hear me? You are absolutely perfect just the way you are, no matter what. I swear, if that douche canoe made you feel like you aren’t the most beautiful person he’s ever been lucky enough to be with, say the word and I’ll go kill him now.”
He hadn’t, but you weren’t about to tell Jensen that. There were times, like this time, that Jensen was a lot like his character, Dean, and you knew, without a doubt, that he would follow through with his threat if you gave the okay. Truthfully, your body image issues had been with you even before you met Jensen.
“No, it’s not his fault. This is all me,” you whispered.
“Do you want to go?”
“No,” you shook your head. “Let’s ride, I don’t want to ruin the last night you’re here.”
“Not possible,” he said, matter of fact. “Any day with you is a good day, and don’t you forget it.” And if I die because of your body on top of mine, then I would die a happy man. An image of her nearly naked silhouette flashed into his mind and his imagination placed her in several very pleasing positions. He could see everything perfectly as…
“Jay, you coming?”
He looked up suddenly and snapped back to reality. He followed her to their car. They ended up riding the Scrambler and Tilt-a-Whirl several times and Jensen had loved every second of it. You were getting tired again. You’d stopped the rides for a while to watch the live band.
“We have to ride the Ferris Wheel before we go,” you insisted.
“Yeah, we do. Been eyeing it all night.” Which was true, but only because he wasn’t sure if it was too high or not. He was okay with being up high, but if he looked down, that was another story.
For you, the Ferris Wheel was the best part of the rides at the fair. It was a little scary, but that was what made it great, too. When it was your turn, you eagerly took your spot on the seat. Jensen wedged himself into the corner of the seat.
“Do I smell bad?” you teased. He didn’t look scared, but he wasn’t excited like you were either. The lap bar locked into place and you slid over next to Jensen and snaked your arm through his. “Just wait til you see the view.”
Eventually, the wheel paused with the car at the top and she elbowed his side to get his attention.
“Look,” she whispered.
He was looking, but not at the view.
“The lights on the water and look at the houses,” she said, looking at her hometown with wonder.
“Yeah,” he noticed the curve of her ear and the way she tucked her hair behind it, her hair sweeping against her neck. He thought he could just use his finger to brush it aside and kiss her neck… “The view is pretty amazing,” he eventually said, turning his admiring gaze away from her.
The Ferris Wheel started and they took several rotations before it began to slow down to let off riders. The fair had an unofficial shut down time and you and Jensen were lucky enough to be on the last ride. You made sure you had your tiger stuffie and you walked with Jensen back to his car and went home.
“Nova?” he said stepping inside your apartment with you.
“Hmmm?”
“Promise me something?”
“What?”
“Don’t live your whole life here. I know you travel, and that’s great but you deserve more than what this town offers.”
“I thought you like it here?”
“I do, I just… want more for you.”
“Maybe this is all I need. Maybe what I need is to be exactly where I am. This is who I am. I don’t need a spotlight shone on me.”
“Well, I thought you wanted more.”
“If I am meant to have something, it will come to me. I just told my boyfriend of four years to fuck off and he already has a new piece. Maybe you’re right. Maybe what I need is to get as far a-fucking-way from here as possible.”
“Now you’re talking. Austin? Vancouver? L.A.?”
“Absolutely not.”
“Where then?”
“Australia.”
“Whoa, hold on now. You’re going to the extreme, aren’t you? Two seconds ago, you were fine with living here forever and now you’re leaving the hemisphere?”
“I’ve always wanted to go and I have the means. My life here is a fucking joke. I have no love-life, no life, and no prospects. Something has to change and this is the perfect solution! And, it will be great material for a book. How can I write effectively if I don’t have experiences?!” A brief, devastating, revelation had hit you like a freight train and you needed to act on it before it slipped away. You realized you’d only been living for the time you spent with Jensen and not for yourself and it needed to change immediately or you would be stuck, forever, in the same rut.
That hadn’t gone at all how he thought it would. All he wanted was for (Y/N) to get out of her town and experience life somewhere else, like Vancouver…
“My friend, Christie, lives in Sydney. I should call her…” you were eager to get going.
“Can we talk about this a little more? It seems a little drastic.”
“No.” You shut him down. “I don’t want you trying to talk me out of it. I do need a change, Jensen, and not one that revolves around you. I have two lives. The one where I’m with you and the one where I’m not. The one where I’m not, fucking sucks, so I’m going to fix it. It’s still not our time, Jay, so I’m not going to sit around and wait for it.”
Jensen looked angry, but you were ready to go toe to toe with him if you had to.
“I don’t want to fight with you,” he said.
“I don’t want to fight with you!”
“Good.”
“Good!”
“Alright! Now what?”
“I don’t fucking know!”
“We good?”
“Yeah? I kinda wanna punch you,” you said, “but, yeah.”
“Good, I don’t want to go back to work and have any bad blood between us.”
You thought you were good. You didn’t think either of you had done or said anything you couldn’t come back from.
“No. I think we’re good. Just don’t try to run my life, I already have a mother,” you gave him a pointed look.
“I’m sorry. I overstepped…. Do you want to stay up with me or are you going to bed?”
Your eyes went to the digital clock on the stove, 2:47. “What time do you need to go?”
“Airport opens at 5. I have, literally, the first flight out at 5:45. Figured I’d try to be there when it opens. Load up at 4? I still have to return the car.
“I’ll stay up,” you yawned.
He smirked. “Sure you will.”
“I will!”
“I believe that you want to,” he grinned, “execution tends to be lacking.”
“Not all of us can sleep at the drop of a hat.”
“It’s a gift,” he quipped. “You’d think you would be good at it, too.” He said moving towards the suede sectional in the living room. “Especially doing shift work.”
“Another great reason to get the hell out of dodge. I hate doing shift work. I should be a supervisor by now. I’m gonna have a lot of loose ends to tie up… Maybe I can get supervisor work overseas.”
“Definitely worth looking into.”
You sat on the couch facing each other, within arms reach. You rested your head on your hand that was on the back of the couch while you talked with Jensen.
(Y/N) was fading fast. Each blink of her eyes was a little slower than the last. He started humming a song and her head settled down onto her arm, fully asleep. He checked the clock and had just enough time to take a quick shower and get his things together before he needed to head out to the airport.
When he was showered and packed, he went back to the living room. (Y/N) was still sleeping, so he carefully picked her up and carried her to her bed.
“Oh no, I fell asleep,” she mumbled.
He chuckled, “It’s alright. I know you tried.” He laid her down and made sure everything was in place so she would find it. He covered her with a blanket because even in the middle of summer, her apartment was as cold as a meat locker. He leaned down, pushed back the hair on her forehead to kiss it.
“Until next time, best pen pal ever,” he said softly.
“I love you, sweet boy,” she mumbled, still more asleep than awake.
When you woke a few hours later, a pang of deep sadness hit you because Jensen was gone again. However, the excitement of a new adventure helped you not dive head first into the depression pool. You rolled over in your bed and were going to pull the pillow he’d used, only there was a crystal star sitting on top of it, including a note he’d written.
Setting aside the Swarovski star, you opened the folded piece of paper addressed to you.
“(Y/N), I want nothing but the best for you and I hope you find it. If you get lost along the way, I will always be here to help you find your way.” – Jensen. P.S. You better write me from your new address as soon as you get settled.”
Summary: You and your best friend (Y/BF/N) go to a Supernatural convention. It was supposed to just be a fun day; nothing too crazy. That is…until he saw you.
Part 1
You looked in the mirror as you zipped up your fitted hoodie. Underneath was a v-neck t-shirt that just hinted at your full chest. The fitted jeans you wore were met with your favorite Converse sneakers and you ran your hands through your wavy curled hair.
Y/BF/N came out from the bathroom and smiled. “That took you all of five minutes and you look fucking adorable. We don’t really need the extras, do we?”
“I don’t know. I was going to get more dressed up, but...it just doesn’t feel like me, ya know?” You continued to fluff your hair to its appropriate state and then smacked your lips spreading your lip balm.
“You’re right.” Handing you the room key, your friend grinned. “Be yourself.”
“Well,” you sighed heavily. “If I come back in the next ten minutes, you’ll know how well ‘being me’ went.”
Y/BF/N gave you a loving tap to your ass pushing you toward the door. “Go! Have fun! Don’t keep him waiting.”
------
Your stomach did more than somersaults as you rode the elevator to the roof. It felt like you had been in that small box for an eternity as your anxiety built with every floor.
As you shifted on your feet, the doors opened to the rooftop of the hotel. It was a clear and beautiful night with more stars than you usually would see in that part of the city. The full moon gave a soft glow to everything along with the strings of lights hung for ambiance. It was quiet except for the soft music that played through the rooftops speakers.
You walked around the corner with your heart racing a mile a minute. “What if he doesn’t like me? What if he doesn’t even show? Or worse, what if he sees you and leaves?”
Across the rooftop, with no one else around, stood a tall familiar figure. Still, in the red flannel and jeans you saw him in at the convention, Jensen leaned on the railing as he enjoyed the view. You took a deep breath and headed in his direction.
With only a few feet separating you, your steps alerted him of your presence and Jensen turned toward you. Immediately, a genuine grin slowly grew on his face as he looked back at you. “Was wondering if you were gonna stand me up,” he said playfully.
You shrugged with a flirty look. “Eh, didn’t really have anything better to do.” He laughed and you joined him at the railing. Jensen studied you briefly and his tongue shot out over his lip. If only he knew what that did to you. “Well, at least now I’m not worried I’m too underdressed.”
“Nah,” he replied with a smile. When a stray hair fell in your face from the breeze, Jensen reached a soft hand toward you and brushed it back behind your ear. “You’re perfect.”
Butterflies; no...butterflies don’t make you lightheaded and forget your name.
Jensen nodded toward the bar. “Wanna grab a drink?”
“That’s why I’m here, isn’t it?” you asked coyly.
He nodded with a chuckle and a look that almost seemed like he was impressed with you. When you reached the bar, he leaned onto the countertop and glanced down at you. “Alright, got a preference?”
“Whiskey, neat.” You didn’t even think about your order before it came out like word vomit. It was your go-to drink of choice.“Oh, god,” you thought. “I’m gonna look like some fucking drunk. Always go for the fruity drinks, Y/N!”
Again, with that look of surprise, Jensen told the bartender, “actually, make that two.” When the man left to start your drinks, Jensen scoffed. “Wouldn’t have taken you for a whiskey girl.”
The drinks were ready and slid in front of you, so you picked yours up and smiled. “I’m full of surprises,” you told him as you sipped your drink with a smile on the glass. Your tone and confidence lit something in Jensen and he grew more intoxicated with you with every passing moment.
Making your way toward the quiet firepit, you found a comfortable spot and Jensen joined you. It was the perfect scene with no one else around. The two of you talked and laughed, enjoying every second of each other’s company.
Both of you told the other about your families and where you’re from; the standard small talk. You talked about work and how you hated your job; that it was never what you wanted for yourself.
“You’re not what I thought you would be,” Jensen added with a smirk as he sipped his drink again.
Nervously, you asked, “how so?”
“Well,” he leaned over to place his glass on the edge of the stoned firepit and turned to you. “For one, I think you’re the most down-to-earth woman I’ve met in a long time. Most people meet me and it feels...fake, ya know? But, you,” Jensen chuckled. “You’re the real deal aren’t you?”
How did this man make you feel like you were flying and falling at the exact same time? “Real as you, I guess.”
“I’ll take that as a compliment then.” The two of you scoffed through laughs and it grew quiet. Jensen’s unbelievable green eyes met yours and either your heart fluttered or completely stopped, but you felt the air leave your chest. He was actually lost in your eyes just as you were in his.
With no words spoken, the perfect moment went on as “Wild Horses” played through the speakers. Jensen smiled and stood up before reaching his hand out for yours. “Wanna be cheesy with me?” he asked.
You couldn’t help the smile that went from ear to ear. “I can do cheesy.” Taking his hand, you felt him softly squeeze yours to help you stand. He walked ahead, slowly keeping you in tow. Once you were in front of the fire, he turned to you. He took the hand he already had and guided it to go onto the back of his neck. Jensen locked into your eyes again as he gently took your waist and you brought your free hand to your other. The soft song had you swaying together under the twinkling strings of lights.
The way his large hands held your hips and the small of your back made your eyes shut briefly as you caught your breath.
“You good?” Jensen smirked.
You nodded and tried to steady your still shaky breath and smiled ridiculously. “Mm-hm. I’m good.” Absently, your fingers ran through the short hairs at the top of his neck and Jensen melted into it.
That Rolling Stones’ song was the last of the night as the bar shut down and went quiet. Though it didn’t seem to matter in the least as you and Jensen still danced in the silence of the night.
“I don’t think an hour was enough time,” he admitted gruffly.
Shaking your head, you agreed. “Definitely not.”
Leaning into you, Jensen’s forehead touched yours and you both were lost in the other. He smelt of the perfect mix of cologne, whiskey, and mint from the gum he had been chewing earlier. The feeling of his large shoulders under your small hands made knots in your stomach.
With eyes still closed and taking in everything you were, Jensen uttered, “I don’t wanna say goodnight.”
“Hmm,” you hummed almost laughing. “Me neither.”
Slowly, the two of you pulled apart, once again eye to eye. The lights twinkled in his eyes and mesmerized you. Whatever Jensen was selling, you were about to buy out the whole store.
He cleared his throat softly. “Can I walk you back to your room?”
“I don’t want this to be over,” you thought sadly. But you just nodded. “Yeah, sounds good.”
With his hand on the small of your back still, he guided you toward the elevator. You stepped in and he joined you. “What floor?”
“Uh--six.”
Jensen’s finger pushed the appropriate button and your floor lit up. As you both leaned against the back of the elevator, your hands on a metal bar, you felt one of his large fingers brush against yours. Without looking down, you shared the gentle sentiment just barely touching his. The tension between you was building and in that small elevator, you both could practically drown in it.
The elevator dinged as the doors opened. Jensen made sure to walk as slowly as possible, trying to get every moment with you that he could.
“Thanks for the drink,” you said.
Jensen smiled. “I’d be happy to join you for one anytime.”
As you neared your room, you stopped and your heart sank. You wished the night would never end. “So...this is me…”
He looked at you so tenderly and spoke with a low voice. “I’m really glad I met you, Y/N.” That same strand of hair fell from your face and he chuckled under his breath as he fixed it once more.
Butterflies again. No...elephants. “Me too, Jensen.” When neither of you said anything else, you took it as a sign and pulled out your room key.
As you went to open the door, he stole back your attention. “Hey, uh--” Jensen ran a nervous palm down his face. “I’m heading back to Vancouver tomorrow…”
“Oh…” you replied, trying not to sound too heartbroken.
“Can I see you before I go?”
You could feel the girlish squeal that wanted to crawl up your throat. But you stuffed it down as hard as you could and just smirked. “Sure. What time?”
“Well, I usually sneak out of these places after conventions to avoid all the crazy...so, meet me by the back door of the lobby? Say, 12:00?”
Without thinking, you bit your lip and Jensen’s jaw clenched at the sight of it. “I’ll be there.”
“Promise?” he asked sweetly.
There was no controlling the smile on your face. “Promise.”
“Okay, then.” Jensen shared your expression; both of you looking like your faces would hurt tomorrow with how much you grinned that night. “Goodnight, Y/N.”
“Goodnight, Jensen.” And with that, you turned to leave and closed the door slowly so you could see him intently watching your every move. With the door finally shut, your back leaned against the one thing standing between you and the man of your dreams and you sighed.
Y/BF/N was on the edge of her bed and hopped up when she saw you; her eyes twice their size. “Well?! How’d it go?”
At that moment, your phone chimed and you pulled it from your pocket to see Jensen had texted you. When you opened it, it read: “I’ll see you tomorrow. ‘Wild Horses couldn’t drag me away.’ :)”
You chuckled with pure joy as you held the phone tightly in your hands. There was no saving you at that point; you were already falling for him. Jensen was like a dream, and it was one you never wanted to wake from.
------
At 11:58, as punctual as you could be without seeming desperate, you hurried to the back door of the hotel lobby. You hadn’t slept a wink since you had last seen Jensen, but with the high you were riding, it didn’t seem like you needed it.
When you reared the corner, there he stood with his bodyguard, Clif, at his side. The large man with tattoos, a bald head and salt and pepper goatee flexed at your presence ready to tell you to leave.
Reacting to Clif, Jensen turned to see you and practically beamed. “Hey!”
“Hi!” You hoped that didn’t sound to pathetically eager and excited.
“I’m glad you made it.”
“I promised, didn’t I?” you smiled to one side.
“Jensen...we gotta go,” Clif told him in a deep husky voice.
Never breaking eye contact with you, Jensen replied, “I’ll--gimme a minute, I’ll be right out.” Clif wasn’t going to go far. He stepped outside the glass door and folded his arms as he waited. “I’m sorry. I thought I’d have more time.”
With sad eyes that you couldn’t help, you gently frowned. “You gotta go, huh?”
“Yeah.”
“I understand.”
The thought of saying goodbye to you wasn’t one that Jensen was about to be okay with. So, without thinking it through, he took your hands and blurted out, “come with me.”
You almost had to do a doubletake with how taken aback you were. “What?”
“Come with me. You can visit the set for the week while we shoot. I can introduce you to everyone, show you around...your friend can come too, of course.”
“Oh, I dunno, Jensen...” your voice soft and disappointed. “I just don’t have the money to do that right now.
“Don’t worry about it. All you have to do is come.” His eager eyes waited for an answer as you bit your lip in thought. “Say you’ll come...”
Just then, your phone chimed with a message. You apologized to Jensen before peering down at it and seeing a text from your best friend:
“I’m around the corner and I’ve been listening. You can call me a stalker later. If you don’t say yes to this man I’m gonna kick your ass!”
You chuckled to yourself before tucking your phone into your back pocket and smiling at Jensen. “Alright.”
“Alright? Alright, as in ‘alright you’re coming’?”
“Yes,” you laughed.
Jensen lit up like a kid on Christmas at your response and licked his lip again. “I’ll text you everything you need. Just let me know when you wanna head out.” He pulled you in for a tight hug and kissed the top of your head. When he pulled away, Jensen looked down at you. “I’ll see you soon.” As soon as Clif opened the door, Jensen ran toward the car waiting for him.
You stepped outside and called out for him to hear you. “Promise?” you asked referencing him from the night before.
Before he got to the car, he spun to see you and smiled. “Promise!”
A/N: This takes place within 1 week of the initial drug overdose. Beta’d by @deanssweetheart23 and @spnskinnyballs
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Anon Requested: For stpb timestamps could you maybe dive more into the readers family? Like her parents and siblings and stuff? It always kinda stuck out to me that when all of this was going on her family never really got involved.
“Y/N, I heard you had a bit of a rough night.” You sat tucked into the corner of the couch in Dr. Katz’s office, staring at your shoes, picking your cuticles. Your knuckles still wore the bruises and blood stains from the night before. All you could do was nod, not making eye contact. “Jensen emailed me early this morning. He said you were quite intoxicated last night.”
“Yeah.”
“So you remember, then?”
“I do,” you sniffled and found another interesting spot in the carpeting to look at, not wanting to make any kind of eye contact at all.
“What happened to your knuckles? Did you fight with him?” Dr. Katz was so patient and kind with you, the sort of patience and kindness you absolutely didn’t deserve with all your relapses and fuckups. “I can’t imagine you’d get violent with him even in an altered state, and he didn’t mention -”
“No! No.” You shook your head, finally making eye contact. “The wall bore the brunt of it. Then Jensen’s boxing pads. I was already high and super drunk by the time he got home.” You hesitated, not sure if you wanted to relive yesterday or not, but you knew you had to. “Something happened and I handled it badly. Again.”
Dr. Katz furrowed his brows with concern. “With Eli and the case or -”
“No, I wish,” you laughed humorlessly.
Your scenes had finished early in the day, you’d been filming from 4am to 4pm. Jensen on the other hand had night scenes to shoot. You wanted to stay, to drive home together when he was done, but he wouldn’t hear of it. “Go back to the apartment, get some food, try to get some sleep,” he murmured from behind you, his arms wrapped around your middle, kissing right under your ear.
“Jay, I can’t sleep withou -”
“Try. For me? You didn’t sleep well last night either and I know you’re exhausted. Just...take a shower or a bath. Crawl in bed. Read. Watch TV. Listen to music. I’ll be home as soon as I can.”
You reluctantly agreed, allowing Clif to drop you off at home. You decided on a shower, some food, then you made yourself comfortable on the couch with a pile of unopened fan mail to read. It was something you always liked to do, even before all the drama in your life unfolded. But now it was even more cathartic. So many people sent well wishes, cards, gifts, or just offered up stories of their own. Taking the time to sit down and read through them all did genuinely seem to help, at least a little.
By the time you made it to the middle of the stack, you’d worked up a good rhythm. You weren’t really looking at the envelopes as you tore into them, if you had, you never would’ve opened this one.
You knew the perfectly crafted cursive as soon as you unfolded the paper, but it was too late to stop yourself from reading. “Dad…” you murmured, scanning the page.
Y/N,
A few reporters have stopped by recently wanting to know how I feel about you being attacked and your problems with drugs. I tell them they’re mistaken. I don’t have a daughter. I never did.
I can’t help but say I’m not surprised. You’ve always flaunted yourself like a slut. What happened, Y/N? A man finally took interest and you turned him down? Played hard to get and he didn’t like your games so he beat you half to death? So now you’re a drug addict to make yourself look like a victim? But that’s you isn’t it? Always a victim.
That Justin or Jason guy is only with you for a good lay and to make himself look good for his career. You know it, too. What could possibly look better than taking such good care of the fragile, broken little girl in times like these? He’ll be a hero.
I hope the next I hear about you is that you OD’d again and they’re planning your funeral. I’ll show up to that. Just to make sure.
Y/D/N
You watched as Dr. Katz read the crumpled up letter from your father. His face contorted in ways that often looked as though he may cry. “This is horrific, Y/N, there’s no denying that. I understand how it would’ve triggered you.”
You swallowed hard and nodded. “After that...it was like...I wasn’t in the driver’s seat of my own body, ya know?” Dr. Katz nodded, gesturing for you to continue. “I could see what I was doing but it was like...I wasn’t the one doing it. I lost control completely. I lost chunks of time. I don’t remember taking any kind of control back until Jensen got home and by then...I was too far gone.”
Jensen walked in quietly, not wanting to disturb you if by some miracle you had been sleeping peacefully. As soon as he walked in he knew everything was terribly wrong. From the drug residue and empty whiskey bottle next to a letter on the table, to the banging and shrieking coming from the bedroom. He ran to the note first, assuming it was from Eli, but once he read it his heart clenched in his chest.
“Jesus Christ,” he murmured to himself, running to the bedroom to find you with glassy, bloodshot eyes, completely drunk and high, a total wreck, punching the wall as hard as you could over and over with both fists. Your knuckles had already split, blood starting to trickle down your hands.
He ran to you, pulling you away from the wall to stop you from rebreaking your arm. “Stop. Y/N, look at me! Focus on me.” He spun you around in his arms and you squirmed, breaking free and slammed your fist back into the wall.
You heard him rustling around while you continued to pour out every bit of frustration onto the wall, until finally he started yelling to get your attention. “You wanna hit something, huh?” Jensen yelled. “Come on, hit me!”
You turned in shock, only to find him standing there holding up his boxing pads. “Come on, baby. Get it out!” You took a messy swing, in your state you had zero aim. He compensated for you, moving the pads up to meet your fists. You kept swinging, faster and faster, harder and harder, until you couldn’t anymore. You sank to your hands and knees, covered in sweat and tears, completely spent.
Jensen tossed the pads across the room, kneeling down on the ground in front of you, taking you in his arms and pulling you into his lap, your face resting in the crook of his neck while he held you. “You know none of what he said is true, right? I’m not here for publicity or any of that shit. I’m here because I fucking love you.”
Every fiber of your being wanted to believe him, but your father had planted seeds of doubt. Just like he’d done your entire life. All you did was let out a pathetic whimper into Jensen’s neck, letting more tears stream from your eyes, soaking his skin.
“You wanna talk about it? I know you don’t talk about your family at all and I’m not forcing you to. Just...if you want to…” A violent head shake from you was all the answer Jensen needed to scoop you up and slide up into the bed, resting his back against the headboard and just holding you there while you cried yourself to sleep. Your warm breaths tickling his neck giving him reassurance you hadn’t overdosed, that he’d made it home in time to stop this crisis. He still couldn’t help but wonder what could’ve gone so terribly wrong in your life to make your own father treat you so badly, and if you’d ever have enough trust in him to tell him.
“Y/N, I know you don’t want to, but I think we need to discuss your family if you want to truly start healing.” Dr. Katz said and you swallowed hard, balling your hands into fists. “Now, before we do that, I want to tell you one thing. Jensen is here. He wants to be a part of this if you want him to be. If you don’t then he’ll stay in the waiting room or leave, whatever you want. It’s about you.”
“Jensen’s here?”
“He is.” Dr. Katz nodded. “He wants you to feel safe but he wants to know what happened in your life. He wants to know you better and he says you always run from the subject so if you’d rather tell him here with me then he’ll do that.”
You sat in silence for several minutes, chewing your lip and staring at the floor, picking at your cuticles. You finally got up and walked to the door. Dr. Katz didn’t make a move, waiting to see what you were about to do. “Jensen.” You said it so quietly Jensen barely heard you but turned his head in surprise. “Come on.” You invited him in, holding the door open while he walked in and took a seat. You took your usual seat and Jensen scooted closer, gauging your reaction. He moved even closer when you reached a hand out, lacing it with his and squeezing.
“My parents were...by my dad’s account...super in love,” you started, looking at the hole in your jeans, moving your free hand to play with the threads. “My mom wanted kids so badly. My dad didn’t. He said kids are burdens, leeches, all kinds of things. But for her, he’d have a kid. Me.” Jensen squeezed your hand a little tighter as you spoke, your voice breaking as you continued. “She died 3 days after I was born. Pulmonary embolism. They said it was caused from labor and delivery so...my fault. I killed her. At least that’s what I’ve been told my whole life.” A tear rolled down your cheek and Jensen wiped it away.
“You didn’t kill her, Y/N,” Dr. Katz interjected, “you do realize that, don’t you? There was nothing you could have done. Sometimes these things just happen.”
“Logically, yes. Emotionally, not always,” you sighed, letting all that weight off your chest. “My mom didn’t really have family so I got bounced around from place to place. Sometimes my dad kept me, sometimes he sent me to live in group homes or wherever. He used to throw me into homes for violent and emotionally unstable youth when I wasn’t really either one, so I used to get beat up a lot…”
“Y/N…” Jensen started and froze, swallowing thickly. “Did he ever...I don’t know how to ask you this…”
“Sell me?” You questioned and Jensen nodded. “No, shockingly he didn’t.” You heard the sigh of relief from Jensen immediately after you answered. “He said I wasn’t good enough to sell. Wouldn’t go for high enough.” Jensen tensed at that, if you’d been looking at him you could imagine his jaw clenching at your words. If he ever saw your father you were certain he’d try to kill him.
“You managed to leave.” Dr. Katz cut in. “Tell me about that.”
“I filed for emancipation at 16 and I won. I graduated early, got my passport and I came to Vancouver. Never looked back.” You finally looked up, still not making eye contact with Jensen but looking at Dr. Katz instead.
“That took strength.” Dr. Katz smiled softly. “I know you don’t think or realize that but not a lot of young people in that position could have taken those steps on their own. To get to where you are, become who you’ve become despite your circumstances, that’s no small accomplishment.”
“I - I understand,” you stuttered. You wanted nothing more than to make it through this session. You couldn’t break down in front of Jensen. Not again. You had to get through this so you could make it home to let all the tears flow like you wanted. “I normally have no contact. He doesn’t have any of my contact information. The only one he has is my fan mail address because it’s public and of course my social media accounts if he chose to use the internet. He was never too tech savvy so I doubt he does. I normally recognize his writing and throw out the letters he sends but I was in a zone and I ripped it open and I never should’ve read it and I fucked everything up -” You started to talk faster and faster, your breathing picked up speed, you were spiraling, blaming yourself. Not here, Y/N. Not now.
“Y/N. Focus.” Dr. Katz was calm, reassuring. Jensen squeezed your hand tight, an attempt to ground you to something solid and real, but he stayed silent, not wanting to interrupt your therapist. Dr. Katz watched as Jensen calmed you without a single word. A squeeze of his hand, a lingering kiss to your temple and the panic started to subside. “You handled a bad situation in an unhealthy way. That doesn’t make you a bad person. That makes you human. What I think we should do is focus on things you can do if and when situations like this arise that will help you cope.”
“Like what?” You raised an eyebrow, not able to think of anything else. Every time you got like this everything was a blank and you lost control. Turning to drugs just seemed so easy.
“Journaling, meditation, listening to music, going for a run…” Dr. Katz started listing suggestions and you let out a deep sigh.
“I do...all that. None of it works.”
“What about kickboxing?” Jensen interjected. “Bri takes a class she’d probably love to have the company.”
“Kickboxing?” You scoffed. “I mean...I’m not a boxer, J, I have fight training for the show but that’s - “
“That’s the point.” Jensen chuckled. “You get so mad you wanna hit something, like last night. Kickboxing gives you something to beat up. Plus, you’ll learn self defense so you won’t be so scared when you’re alone. You’ll be able to protect yourself.”
“I think he may be onto something.” Dr. Katz smiled. “What do you think, Y/N?”
“I think I’m gonna call Bri as soon as I get home and ask her if I can tag along one day. See if I like it.” Jensen and Dr. Katz both smiled at you, clearly happy with your decision.
“Well, I think that’s enough for today. I appreciate your honesty today, Y/N. I know how hard this was for you.” Dr. Katz stood up, embracing you in a small side hug. “I’ll see you in a few days.”
The walk to the parking lot with Jensen was silent until you got in his truck. Jensen put the key in the ignition and paused, looking at you. “You don’t need to do that with me, you know.”
“What?” You still could barely make eye contact, staring at his lips instead of his eyes.
“Hold back.” Jensen answered softly. “You’ve been about to burst since you started talking about your dad and you keep pushing it back for my sake. You don’t need to do that. Please just trust me enough to let me catch you when you fall.”
“I do trust you,” you whispered, voice breaking. “I don’t want to burden you with every problem, Jensen. It’s not fair. If I need to cry over the fact that daddy never loved me I can do it alone. I always have.”
“Not anymore. Not ever again.” The dam broke then and the tears started flowing in waves down your face.
“Why didn’t he want me?” You sobbed, your entire body convulsing. “Why didn’t anyone want me?” Jensen hurried to pull you into his chest, rubbing up and down your back, resting his chin on top of your head. “The only person who ever wanted me left me!”
“They’re all idiots.” Jensen spoke softly, rocking you back and forth. “You’re beautiful, funny, intelligent, caring, so loving. Everything I’ve ever wanted. I’m not leaving. I’m never leaving. I promise.”
It was in that moment that you finally believed him. That moment when the mess from your crying had soaked his neck and his shirt and he didn’t bat an eye. That moment when he was crying with you, letting his tears fall freely on you. That moment tangled together in the front of a truck when you realized you could put all of your trust into Jensen. That he was the one person in your life who would never ever hurt you, and you were completely and utterly devoted to spending the rest of your life with him.
Pairing: Jensen Ackles x Reader (with sort of x Jared)
Word Count: 2,409
Warnings: Talk of suicide, depression, slight immaturity in reader
Summary: Reader is getting ready to marry the man she loves, but his best man may be the real love of her life.
A/N: Nothing much to say, hope ya’ll like this! Love you! Tell me what you think!!!
FEEDBACK IS MY SUSTENANCE!!!!
Credit to @amanda-teaches for all her help. And @katymacsupernatural for helping convince me this wasn’t a bad idea.
It was never what you would have expected, being engaged to such a wonderful man like this, your wedding fast approaching and your heart beating even faster.
This wasn’t exactly what you’d envisioned for your life, you really just figured you would be a crazy cat lady or something. It just seemed easier than opening your heart to someone when it could potentially be broken so easily.
You had always been more of a loner, preferred it to crowds. If you trusted someone, got close to someone, you could get hurt, and you refused to allow that. You tried to play the role of strong young lady with a feisty spirit.
But inside you’d been dying, your heart wasn’t the kind that could take much pain, though you suppose no one had that magic ability of not really being bothered by things. Most people were either not human, or hid it much better.
Yet here you were, your heart had been opened to this man more than a year ago, and you’d not been betrayed or disappointed like you had learned to expect from life. On the contrary, you were going to be married next week, you could see your life coming together in front of you.
Now you thought of moving into a house, having kids, finally doing something important with your life.
Sure being in the public eye was never ideal, but you could use it to your advantage. You had gained millions of followers over a couple days just for knowing Jensen Ackles, but your marriage engagement to Jared had changed things for you forever.
You’d known Jensen since you were a kid, he’d been your closest friend, like a brother.
For a while you bobbed in and out of friendship, while you were in high school studying how to say ‘good day’ in french and taking calculus Jensen was out doing things with his life already.
You’d gone through moments where you had been furious at him for leaving, believing he was a bad friend, but you always knew how wrong that way, in truth he was the best friend you could ever hope for, he had his own life to live, and you had always been the one to encourage him to live it.
After high school you went on to college, Jensen’s career took off, and you couldn’t have been more proud of him, but aside from phone calls and the occasional text message, he was out of your life. You’d told him you didn’t want to be involved in that, any of it. You knew he’d be big, he was what you’d call a heartthrob.
You never liked the idea of being well known, you liked the darkness, it was easier to hide away and not be known. If you made a mistake, it was barely noticed, but if Jensen did something, it would last forever.
You didn’t want to be part of that life, where strangers knew your name and you could have people hate you just for knowing or caring about someone the way they wanted to care about someone. You’d seen crazy fans throw fits about their favorite celeb being besties with someone that wasn’t them, or someone they didn’t deem worthy.
As much as it hurt, Jensen understood, and for a while, you two went your separate ways. Jensen did more jobs, got more popular, a couple teen magazines and boom, your best friend was the big deal you knew he would be, and you were left in the darkness, just like you’d wanted.
It wasn’t until a year or so after college that you two met up again. You’d been in a bad place, college was harder than you expected, you were studious, but you had to work night and day just to get a C, you wanted to do better than that, but you never did. School, it was just harder for you.
You’d spent so long calling yourself stupid and an idiot. You had barely graduated, even with tutoring and special help, you didn’t see school turning out like that.
Long story short, you got real low, and you tried to kill yourself. Obviously it didn’t work out that way and your family called the only person they knew who could lift your spirits. Jensen flew out in the middle of shooting an episode of his show, even though you’d gone separate ways, you both still cared about each other, and you never would have admitted it, but he was still your best friend.
Jensen travelled back and forth for a while, he called you every day, you woke every morning to a random text message, a quote from the episode he was in the middle of shooting, a smiley face, or just three words that reminded you there was a reason to live.
Finally Jensen had the brilliant idea getting you a job on the show, and just dragging you around to stay with him.
You did love to travel, and so without hesitation you agreed.
It didn’t take long to prepare. Jensen explained most of it, and although it all confused you, you didn’t care. You weren’t thinking about the other workers, the rest of the cast. You would finally be with your best friend again. You probably wouldn’t even remotely be noticed either, you were sure of it.
Before you knew it you were in your new job. You were a cameraman. Well, camerawoman technically. The job was enjoyable, and the people you worked with were amazing, but Jared.
Jared was like Jensen’s guy version of you. It was incredible, you both hit it off immediately, you got along so well, and it didn’t take long for him to ask you out.
You weren’t exactly the best when it came to relationships, as Jensen could attest to. You just hated opening yourself up to someone, it scared the hell out of you, but he was sweet, and you liked him. So you said yes.
Long story short, it worked out, and now here you were, sitting in a diner with Jensen eating lunch like you do every Saturday.
“No, I saw you first, you should be my maid of honor, I really believe you would look stunning in lavender.” You said to him,
“I’m not wearing a dress.” Was his only response.
“Who said anything about a dress? I was just thinking color. It could be like a leisure suit situation or something.” You suggested, Jensen nearly choking as he took a sip of his drink.
You smirked at him, trying not to laugh.
“I think I’ll stick to a regular black suit, as Jared’s best man.” He said to you, earning a pout
“C’mon! That’s not fair, Jared has other friends, and family. I don’t have anyone other than you.”
“You have plenty of people, just ask someone on set.” Jensen suggested
“This is supposed to be a very important thing, I can’t just ask some random coworker to be my maid of honor.” You argued
“Well unless they change is to manservant or butler of honor, I can’t help you.”
You groaned at the man and ran your fingers through your hair.
“I’m friendless, you know I typically don’t get along with females.” You said to Jensen
“I know you always start a cat fight because you have serious temper management issues.”
“I do not,” You argued
“You do too.” He stated
“I do not!”
“You do t-”
“I don’t like you!” You huffed,
“I’m not surprised, you rarely like being argued with.” Jensen took another sip of his drink as you grumbled under your breath how mean he was being to you.
“Jay I’m serious! I just… c’mon I don’t have any girlfriends. Other women just annoy me.” You huffed
Jensen softened and gave you a sad look,
“That’s because you have a thing against allowing people to care about you.” He stated
“Did you miss the fact that I’m getting married to someone I’ve barely known a year?” You questioned
“No, did you miss the fact this is someone I had to promise you every night was a good guy who you could trust? When you first met him you were like a scared little kid, you hid behind me like he was the scariest monster ever.” Jensen pointed out
“Okay, it’s not my fault I was intimidated, he’s a large man, and so are you so it’s easy to hide behind you.”
“How about your old college roommate? Uh,.. Tabitha?” Jensen suggested
“What, the girl who stole my car? No thank you.” You muttered
“You got it back,” He pointed out
“Yeah, and it came with the free scent of her spilled perfume and questionable stains on my back seat.” You said
“She was acquitted of those murder charges.” Jensen joked
“Not funny Jensen.”
Jensen put his hands up in surrender, “I’m sorry, look I know you have other friends, you’re just too afraid to admit that they’re friends. What about Gen? Or Sarah? Or half the crew?”
“I haven’t seen Gen in more than a year, and Sarah, I don’t think she’s be interested.” You sighed, “Maybe we should just go to the courthouse and not worry about a wedding.”
“Just because you can’t find a maid of honor?” Jensen asked “Months of planning and you wanna call it off for that?” He gave you a skeptical look as you sighed softly, shaking your head.
“I was kidding, I’m not that childish.” you said to him “Even though I’m surrounded by you strangely loving idiots I still feel so lonely sometimes. I mean, I hate doing girly stuff and yet I find myself wanting to go shopping, get my nails done. Girl stuff.”
“You realize there are plenty of girls that you know that would love to do that with you. Hell I bet Jared would do girl stuff with you, he has the hair for it.” Jensen chuckled
You just rolled your eyes at him as you finished your drink, your food all gone, plate practically licked clean.
“Can we just go now please? I kinda just wanna take a shower and go to bed.” You said softly,
“No.” Jensen stated.
You had no idea how much you really meant to Jensen, he had seen you like this before, just tired, always in a slump, never really wanting to be out yet always wanting to be out. It used to confuse the hell outta him, but he came to understand it.
“What do you mean no?” You demanded
“I mean no, if I take you home you’ll take a shower and go straight to bed. It’s One in the afternoon Y/N, you already slept in. I know how you are when you get like this, I am not giving you a chance to get back in that slump.” Jensen stated
“Maybe I’m just tired.” You argued as he stood up, you following him
“Yeah, and you’re tired because you’re depressed. Are you taking your medicine?”
You licked your lips as you followed him out the door, not answering his question and looking away from him.
“Y/N!” Jensen sighed, knowing what the silence meant, “You’re supposed to take that medicine for a reason. It’s supposed to help you, you need to take it.”
“All that stuff does is make me sad, I can’t get real low but I can’t feel really happy either, I hate that.” You muttered
“It’s a hell of a lot better than getting real low don’t you think!?” the large man said as he climbed into the driver’s seat of the car.
“No I don’t! I hate just feeling… mediocre. It’s a miserable feeling, I wanna at least have the possibility of being happy and having a great day. Like yesterday, that picnic, I never would have had such a good time if I’d been on that damn medicine.”
“That’s not true,” Jensen argued
“Actually it is true, don’t pretend to know Jensen, you have no idea what this feels like, how terrible it is to feel the way I feel half the time!” You said to him
“I don’t need to know! I’ve seen the result in both of my best friends. I’ve seen the lowest on you and I will not let that happen again.”
Jensen’s voice was low, he was clearly holding back emotion and trying to remain calm. Jensen had been so affected by what happened when you tried to kill yourself, you had no idea how much it really tore him apart.
He felt responsible for everything. He’d claimed to be your best friend, to love and care about you, but all he did was abandon you, and leave you to go through life alone. He knew what a hard time you had opening yourself to people, he knew why he was your only friend.
He remembered when your parents called him, when they told him you had tried to commit suicide. He’d spent months hating himself for it, blaming himself. That was a little less than three years ago now, and he still couldn’t forgive himself for leaving you alone.
How you looked when he’d gotten to that hospital room, you were so small, and so frail. It broke his heart. Even though he hadn’t spoken to you in a while, not a day went by that he didn’t think about you.
He felt like he’d failed you, and even still, you’d opened your eyes and smiled at him. You had just tried to take your own life, and the man who let you down walked into the room and it made you smile.
He didn’t understand it, especially when you immediately started crying after, but all he could do was try and be gentle as he held onto you, hugging you for dear life.
That whole ordeal was past you both now, but he still remembered it, and it broke his heart every time.
He did everything he could to take care of you, he tried to make sure you took care of yourself, took your meds, ate and all that typical stuff that kept you sane and alive. You still had bad days, everyone does, but for the most part you were okay.
Jensen, however, was not. You were better, and that made him happy, but you were also about to marry his best friend,
A/N – This is my submission for three challenges. 1St – for @roxyspearing who graciously gave me an extension with this #roxy’s spn quote challenge with the quote ‘You’re my brother, and I love you, but you are a great big bag of dicks.’ 2nd is for @queen-of-deans-booty #Jordan’s 2K Fluff Challenge with the prompt wrapping gifts. 3rd is for @imaginesforthose-wholovefandoms #karissa’sgiffollowerchallenge which is the gif below the cut
You knew this was a bad idea! You should have known what he was going to do but you still let him come on this shopping trip with you!
All your life you had known that he was a little shit.
Even when you shared your mother's womb, he would kick the living daylights out of you.
And of course he had to kick you so he could get out first, something he'd brag about still.
Spinning on your heel, you caught him doing the exact same thing you told him not to do a few moments ago.
He was a fucking pain in the ass.
‘Would you fucking stop!’ Exasperated, you punched him as hard as you could in the shoulder.
‘I don't know what your talking about.’ Jensen said, a smug grin on his face. He knew exactly what you were talking about.
Groaning, you threw your head back and looked to the ceiling of the supermarket.
‘Jensen, you’re my brother, and I love you, but you are a great big bag of dicks.’ Pointing a finger at him, you told him that this was not the day to get on your nerves even more. You were already stress that it was December now and you still hadn't bought a present for your mom and dad.
‘Oh lighten up, Y/N/N. I'm just having some fun.’ He tried to reason but it still wasn't working with you. You were pissed and he wasn't making things better.
‘It's all fun and games for you but this is serious for me. This is the only time where I don't have to go into work and spending the day with you guys because my boss is an add. I don't need to add you to that list too.’
You just needed him to stop throwing unnecessary items into your shopping cart. God he was an ass.
You loved him but he was an ass and pushed you to the absolute limit, it didn't help that you were already behind schedule on buying and wrapping gifts.
You knew exactly what to get. Your father had been moaning and groaning about his watch being ‘a stupid, non working piece of metal.’ Your mother, on the other hand, was one that you could make. She usually complains about all of her children, and grandchildren, not being with her all the time. The scrapbook you hoped to make her would help her see that she was an amazing woman and that although her children weren't in the same room at the same time, they would always love her and be there with her, be there for her. You had all the images cut out and ready for her scrapbook, you just needed to find the perfect one for her. Your brother definitely wasn't making it easier, throwing every other food item and artsy stuff into the cart you were pushing.
You were stressed and pissed. Not a good combination when you want Christmas to be perfect.
Was it to much to ask?
Finally, Jensen got the hint; a nose flare and scowl later.
He took the items, that weren't on your list, out of the cart and apologised profusely, seeing that you were close to a breakdown enough to bring you to tears.
At first it was funny, you had to hand it to him but continuously doing it drove you insane.
‘What's next on the list, Sis.’
You scoured the list, all consisting in your scribbles and crossed out items that you had thrown in there already.
‘Um, we still gotta get the veggies, the turkey, the um- the five bird roast that me, you, Pops and Birdie love.’ You pointed a finger to the ceiling before pointing it at your twin brother. ‘Oh that reminds me what do I get for Dani - do you guys need more baby clothes or can I just offer my assistance as the cool aunt slash babysitter.’
Smiling, you hoped that it was enough but were willing to do anything to make your sister in law happy.
He waggled his own finger at you, a lopsided grin, ‘uh uh uh, you’re not getting out of it that easily. You’ll babysit whether you like it or not, Y/N/N. She has been eyeing a dress for quite some time. I would have got it but I’m planning on gifting her another thing. This way you have a present to give her and she’ll think you’re a mind reader but you’ll know that I’m a great husband and listener.’
‘Didn’t I have to tell you three times to stop being a pain in the ass? You’re not that great of a listener.’ You laughed at him as he looked as if he had been punched in the gut.
One week later
A knock at your bedroom door sounded and you rushed up from the floor, watching your step, to make it to the door.
‘Wait!’ The door handle began to open. ‘You’re not allowed to come in. There is a sign on the door!’
‘You don’t even know who it is.’ The voice sounded and you rolled your eyes.
‘You idiot, I do now and I’m wrapping presents, yours included, Jay.’
You knew you should have locked the door the moment he wiggled it again.
‘Jay, I swear to god would you please just stop. I’m trying to do something nice for you and if you ruin it, I will kick you where it hurts most, I will hack your twitter, I will reveal secrets not even mom knows. Do not test me!’
‘You promised me you wouldn’t, we twin shook on it.’ He whined through the door, you could literally see the pout on his face now.
‘Yes I did. But if you try to open this door, mom will know what happened when we were seven and you won’t get any of the gifts I have got for you.’
He was silent and you were sure that Jensen was thinking about what you had said, he was only a few seconds away from giving you an answer.
You knew him well enough, you hoped.
‘Can you at least give me a clue? Then I’ll go.’
‘Nope but you’ll love it.’
‘Fine.’
You quickly opened the door and pressed a kiss to his cheek. ‘Thank you,’ you squealed before shutting the door again, effectively shutting him and the rest of your family out of your room.
Terrible, you were terrible at wrapping gifts, no matter how many times you had tried, it never worked out well for you. The triple rolled and poorly taped gifts would have to do for now. You just hoped that your family would appreciated your hard work.
Christmas Morning
Grunting awake, you lurched upwards, a heavy weight on your stomach.
‘Aunt Y/N/N. Aunt Y/N/N. Wake up! It’s CHRISTMAS!’ Your enthusiastic niece, JJ, squealed in your face.
‘Justice,’ you whined with an exaggerated pout, tucking her dirty blonde hair behind her little pixie ears, ‘please, my sweet girl, five more minutes.’
She huffed, her big brown eyes, which she inherited from her mother, growing even wider. Dammit, why did she have to be so cute? ‘But Y/N, when you say five minutes you don’t mean it. You want longer and daddy said I could have candy if I woke you up.’
‘Jay, did daddy put you up to this?’
Her eyes quickly averted and buried her face in your neck, ‘no.’
‘Uh huh. Tell you what...’
‘What?’ She slightly lifted her head so that you knew she was listening.
Shaking your head at her, you reached over your bedside table and grabbed your phone. ‘How about I lay with my best girl for another ten minutes, huh? We hardly ever get to do this anymore, please Justice.’
‘’kay.’ Thank god it was that simple. ‘Just ten more minutes.’
Setting the timer – to twenty minutes but she shall never know – you put it back on your nightstand and fell back onto the bed, your arm now thrown over the little girl as you snuggled against each other and got just a little more sleep.
A mere five seconds after you closed your eyes, the alarm on your phone went off, you had no excuse for the little Jaybird now.
After silencing the phone, you turned your head to see brown eyes and a smile already wide and greeting you. ‘That took forever.’
You deflated a little. ‘Did you not wanna spend time with Aunt Y/N/N?’
‘I did! But Santa came last night.’ She was bouncing now, on her knees and tapping your palms against your stomach. ‘Can we please go wake the others and open them? Please?’
‘I don’t know,’ your voice a little high as you sung. ‘Do you love me?’
She giggled, gripping your pajama top in her little fists and nodding excitingly. ‘Yeah!’
You tapped your cheek, ‘gotta give me some lovin’, Jay.’
As quickly as you had said it, she wrapped her arms around your neck and kissed your cheek then moved to the other side to repeat the action. ‘Love you.’
Finally, you both got out of bed but she refused to let you go so you carried her to the family room where the rest of your large family were.
‘Hey, look who’s finally up!’ Your twin teased, munching on his cookie, a traditional christmas morning cookie and by the looks of the almost empty plate and the crumbs that coated the corners of his mouth, something was telling you that it wasn’t his first one.
‘Shut up.’ You said to him before you took two cookies. Bouncing JJ on your hip, you handed her a cookie and tapped them together in a ‘cheers’ action. ‘You wanna see what Santa got for you?’
‘Duh!’ She giggled and you immediately looked at her father.
‘Oh yeah, totally your kid.’
JJ wiggled out of your hold, sitting cross legged next to the tree, offering various poses – a range of cute smiles and smirks just like her daddy – at the phone Danneel pointed at her. You went to go sit on the fossil grey armchair, tucking your legs under yourself, resting the cerulean blue cushion in your lap.
‘Dani, gimme the phone and you and Jay can get in the picture too.’
You had the perfect angle from where you were sat, from top to tip the decorated tree fit in the frame, the family of three – soon to be four – picture perfect smiles on their faces.
Jared, Gen, Tom and Shep came over to the house not to long after. Finally, all the children were able to open their presents along with the rest of the adults. You just hoped that everyone liked what you got or made for them.
Even you were excited to open your gifts. Your mom knitted you a thick, warm scarf. Your dad brought you two leather bound journals, The Princess Bride DVD and tickets behind the dugouts to see the Dallas Cowboys. You thanked them both, kissing your mom on the cheek and high fiving your dad.
Danneel loved the dress you got for her, you told her in the card you wrote that it was Jensen’s idea. I wasn’t her only present though, you picked up three of the same sized packages handing them to Jensen, Danneel and JJ, telling them to open them all at the same time.
You smiled in anticipation as they opened their gifts, the colour of the decoration the same sky blue with speckles of gold splattered on them.
‘What is it?’
‘They’re sound waves. Forever ago, I asked all three of you if I could record your voices. I told you all to say I love you. Jensen’s necklace has Dani’s and Jaybird’s, Dani’s has Jay’s and Jaybird’s and JJ’s has her mommy and daddy’s.’ You scratched at the back of your neck. ‘It’s not much but I just hoped that it would-’
Jensen interrupted you, smothering you with a big ole bear hug, one of your favourite hugs.
‘They are perfect, thank you.’
The mug he got you customised with his face on it could never compare to the thought you had put into the gift that you had got for his little family.
He thought your reaction was priceless enough to throw his head back, his action a whole body laugh that turned into a giggle.
It was a good job Jensen and the rest of Jared’s family had pitched in to getting you a fancy camera and those fairy lights so that you could hang it in your bedroom back at home. The piece of thread you had hanging from your walls a little bare. Jensen would just have to make sure that there was enough memories made to fill the strings.
Summary: You’re a brand new actor and guest star on Supernatural, and filming a scene with Jensen has more complications than what was scripted.
Characters: Reader, Jensen Ackles, Jared Padalecki, various other SPN crew members
Word Count: 2949
Warnings: Detailed description of a panic attack, some angst, mock torture, talk of past physical abuse (not graphic), fluffy Jared and fluffy Jensen.
A/N: I was spitballing an RPF like this, where the reader gets scared by how good Jensen is at playing Dean and it shaped into this. This is my first RPF, and as always I would love feedback! This was beta’d by the lovely @queen-of-deans-booty. Thanks, lovey!
“Oh, sorry, hun. You okay?” Robin asked you, reacting to the grunt you let slip from your lips as she tightened the ropes around your wrists.
“Yeah, I’m good. Just not used to being tied to a chair,” you smiled shyly and giggled. Robin patted your arm and offered a reassuring smile before returning to the props table.
Kinky implications of being tied up aside, this was only your third acting gig since you moved to Vancouver, and the nerves still had not worn off. When you auditioned to play the part of Clara, a young and newly turned vampire that kidnapped children, you didn’t have high hopes. The thought of working with Jared and Jensen was a dream, and when you were called and told you got the part, you screamed in delight…sending your cat skittering from the room in fear.
A few short weeks passed and now here you were, tied to a chair on a set on Stage 3, waiting for Jared and Jensen to arrive to begin the scene. In this scene, Dean and Sam had kidnapped Clara and were torturing her to get the location of where the kids were being held. You were nervously biting at your lip, thinking of how you were going to get yourself into the headspace of reacting to being tortured when you heard that familiar warm giggle of Jared’s come into your earshot.
He was all dressed up in his Sam flannel and jeans and was chatting with a few of the crew members as he slowly made his way over to the set where you were. You could feel your heart beat speeding up as you laid eyes on him. His eyes met yours and you instantly gasped for the breath you didn’t know you were holding and looked down to stare at your lap.
“Y/N, right? I’m Jared,” he said. You slowly lifted your gaze from your lap to the chestnut haired giant standing about a foot away from you. Good Lord, the pictures and videos of this man did not give him justice. He was gorgeous. Genevieve was a very lucky woman.
“That’s me! I would shake your hand but, uhhh,” you wiggled your wrists against the ropes tying you to the chair, “I’m a bit tied up at the moment.”
He threw his head back and laughed heartily, causing a huge smile to break out on your face. You were practically shaking from your nerves, but Jared’s laugh calmed you enough for you to relax a little. Jared stopped laughing and smiled down at you before crouching next to you.
“I can tell you’re nervous and that’s okay. I will say though, jokes like that? You’ll feel right at home with our work family,” Jared smiled warmly at you and you could feel the nerves melting away.
“Thanks Jared. I always heard you guys talking about the crew and how much of a family you are and I really can tell now. This is amazing, everyone has been so nice to me,” you smiled back at him.
“We care about everyone that comes on the show, no matter how big or small their part is,” Jared’s face became a little more serious. “I know this scene is going to be intense with the torture and stuff, so you let me and Jensen know if you need anything from us to get you ready, okay?”
You nodded and swallowed hard, knowing that your character was terrified, crying, and screaming in this scene. You already knew the mindset you were going to get into, but you felt a lot more calm now that you knew Jared and Jensen would help you any way they could.
“Hey, Jare, did I leave my phone in your trailer?” Jensen’s voice cut through the soft murmurs of the crew working.
“Probably,” Jared said as he stood up from his position next to you and walked over to where Jensen was making his way onto the set.
Jensen looked at you, his eyes moving up and down your tied up form, and he smiled quickly at you before turning his attention back to Jared. “I’ll look for it after this scene, Dani wants to get together with Gen for a girl’s day when we’re down this weekend.”
Jared nodded and was about to reply when Robin came back over with a pair of machetes and an angel blade. She handed each of them a machete and gave Jensen the angel blade, which he twirled around in the palm of his hand a few times before Robin playfully scolded him and told him not to drop it.
You saw Phil Sgriccia make his way onto the set and give a few directions to Jared and Jensen, most of which you missed because of how quiet he was talking. You were secretly relieved when you saw Phil was going to be directing this episode, happy that someone who has been on the show since the first season would be giving you the feedback you so desperately needed as a new actor.
“And Y/N, the first scene is going to be Dean and Sam talking before you interrupt them,” Phil’s voice snapped you out of your thoughts.
“Got it!” You cheerfully replied. He smiled at you and returned to his chair in video village, slipping on a pair of headphones.
Jared and Jensen both got to their marks, laughing at an inside joke you didn’t understand. They almost immediately switched their demeanors to Dean and Sam after the scene was slated. You heard Phil yell they were rolling sound, and you switched to your Clara persona. You were angry, straining against your restraints, wanting to escape from the Winchesters.
“Are you sure you wanna do this? We don’t know if she even knows anything,” Sam said, glancing at you.
“We don’t have a choice, Sam. She’s been snatching kids from playgrounds and schools. She knows something,” Dean replied, shooting you an angry glare.
You smirked at the glare he shot you. Dean immediately began to walk toward you, but Sam stopped him by grabbing his arm.
“Dean, relax. We’re not going to get anything from her if you’re this pissed off,” Sam said, trying to calm his brother.
Dean shook his arm free from Sam’s grasp and scoffed. “She’s been taking kids and using them as mobile feeding bags. How am I not supposed to be pissed off?! She’ll get what’s coming to her.”
“You guys do realize that I’m right here. Like…exactly right here. I can hear everything you’re saying,” you almost laughed before Sam and Dean both shot you angry looks.
“Cut!” Phil yelled from behind the row of monitors. “That was great, moving on!”
The next scene was when the torture started. Dean would be the one doing the majority of it using the angel blade. The cuts themselves would be done in post-production and make-up, and the angel blade they had given Jensen had a secret reservoir of fake blood built into it so it looked like you were bleeding when he pulled it across your skin. Fake or not, you knew that you needed to act terrified and cry, which was no small feat.
“Alright, scene 18. Take one! Places, everyone!” One of the assistant directors yelled as Jensen stepped closer to you to his mark mere inches from you on your right side. Jared offered you a smile and you returned it, before closing your eyes and thinking about everything that had ever terrified you as a child and growing up.
You opened your eyes as they slated the scene, only to be face to face with Jensen…or rather…Dean. All happiness that was in his eyes before was gone and replaced by anger and rage. Your breath caught in your throat as your eyes began to well up with tears, trying to remind yourself that this wasn’t real. This was just a scene on a TV show.
“Action!”
“Tell me where they are!” Dean screamed in your face as you wiggled back away from him in your seat, straining against the restraints.
“Go to hell, Winchester,” you spat. Dean’s eyes darkened and he smirked, moving to mere inches from your right ear.
“I’ve been…and what I’m going to do to you won’t even come close to what I did down there,” Dean whispered as the first drag of the angel blade sliced across your chest. You screamed out in pain, pulling against the ropes tying you down.
“Tell me…where…they are!” Dean punctuated each pause with another slice to your chest, causing you to close your eyes and feely let the tears to stream down your cheeks before opening them again and looking down. Your shirt was coated in blood and practically sliced almost all the way open at the top.
“I don’t…I don’t know! She…she doesn’t tell me,” you stuttered between sobs. Your whole body was unintentionally shaking in fear as you closed your eyes.
“I don’t believe you,” Dean said, calmly. So calmly that it scared you. Not Clara. You. You opened your eyes and felt like you were actually in the scene. The crew had been reduced to a blur in the background due to your tears, and all you could see was the stone cold look of Dean’s eyes piercing through you. Your breath hitched in your throat as another sob escaped.
“I j-just hand the kids off to…another person from the nest. P-please…don’t kill me,” you begged, unable to contain your emotions anymore. Your body was shaking more vigorously and you were pulling against the ropes around your wrists harder than you were supposed to.
“Cut!” Phil yelled once again from his chair, but you couldn’t hear him.
Your heart was beating so fast and all you could hear was the thumping of your blood flowing in your ears. You felt a hand on your shoulder and involuntarily pulled back and squeaked as the sobs didn’t stop coming. You were desperately trying to gasp for breath between each one, trying to blink away the tears.
You were finally able to make out Jared’s face and his body squatting in front of you, his eyes wide in concern. “Y/N?! Are you okay?”
All you could do was shake your head no, as you kept trying to will your body to stop shaking.
“Robin! Brad! Someone, cut her free, we need to get her out of here to calm down. Something’s wrong,” Jared’s voice came through as a hollow murmur as you desperately kept trying to catch your breath.
“Y/N, you need to stop breathing that fast, you’re going to pass out. Slow deep breaths. Look at me,” Jared placed his hand on your knee and you looked up at him. He maintained eye contact and began breathing deep but slow, his chest rising and falling every five or so seconds. You followed how he was breathing with your shaky breath, but tears were still streaming down your face.
Robin appeared next to you and cut your wrists free from the ropes. You stood up and immediately your knees buckled and you began to fall. Jared caught you under his arm and slowly stood you back upright.
“Come on, sweetheart. We need to get you to your trailer,” Jared walked with you off the set and you heard Phil tell everyone to take a thirty-minute break.
Once Jared had walked you to your trailer and sat you down on the couch, your breathing had finally evened out and only a few tears were falling down your cheeks. He grabbed a cold bottle of water out of the mini-fridge and popped the cap off before handing it to you.
“Slow sips. How are you feeling?” Jared said as he crouched down in front of you again. You nodded a thanks and smiled at him. As you drank from the bottle of water.
“Better. I don’t know what happened…everything was fine until I looked up at Jensen…er…Dean I guess…and just the look he gave me. It made me freak out. I’m sorry,” you hung your head as your cheeks began to flush red from embarrassment. They had to halt production so you could calm down, and in the film industry as an actor, that’s something you don’t do.
“Don’t be sorry. We all care about your safety…physical and mental. You were on the verge of a panic attack. I could see it and I had Phil cut the scene when I saw you how badly you were shaking,” Jared slid up and sat next to you, resting his hands on his knees.
“I didn’t realize how well Jensen can get into that mindset of torture master. The look in his eyes…it scared me. It scared me because of what I was thinking about when I was trying to get myself into my headspace…something from my childhood. It was the same look my father had in his eyes when he would hit me,” a quiet sob escaped you again as you felt your eyes welling with tears again.
“Oh, I’m so sorry, Y/N. Everyone knows you’re a new actor, so don’t worry, okay? A thirty-minute break isn’t going to cause any production delays and I, we, want to make sure you’re comfortable. Drawing on something that emotional is probably what caused the panic attack to start,” Jared’s train of thought was interrupted by a knock on the door.
“Hey, you guys in here? Can I come in?” Jensen’s voice through the door made you tense up, but Jared wrapped a strong arm around your shoulder. You looked up at him and he tilted his head, asking your permission without saying a word. You nodded and breathed out, nervously picking at the label on the water bottle.
“Yeah, Jay. Come on in,” Jared said, momentarily tightening his squeeze around your shoulder to reassure you.
Jensen opened the door and climbed up the steps. He shut the door behind him and froze when he saw how distraught you looked.
“Oh, wow. Y/N, are you okay? Did you get hurt during the scene?” His voice was full of nervousness and concern, but you shook your head.
“No, the only thing hurt was my pride,” you managed a small smile. “I was thinking about something from my childhood to get me in the mindset of my character…and I didn’t realize how scary you could be when you play Dean.”
His eyes softened as he looked at you. “I’m sorry, sweetheart. Sorry you had to go through whatever it was when you were a kid. Are you feeling better now? I swear I’m not anything like Dean, I just know who he is so well that it’s easy for me to tap into that side of him.”
You smiled at him and nodded, “I know that. It’s my fault anyways, I should have known better than to use something that emotional to get me to cry and be scared. Rookie mistake.”
“Hey, you’ve watched the show before, right?” Jensen asked, crouching in front of you.
“Oh course, I’m a huge fan. I almost crapped myself when I saw the Men of Letters bunker set,” you chuckled and wiped a stray tear from your cheek.
“Well, when Dean was telling Sam about Hell, I had the same thing happen to me. I was thinking of something and I was crying so hard and shaking that I had to actually walk it off. They had to hold production so I could calm down. It doesn’t matter whether you’re new or not…it happens to everyone,” Jensen smiled at you.
“Even me. In ‘Croatoan’, I was crying pretty hard in once scene that didn’t require me to be that emotional. I had to take a break to calm down,” Jared nudged you with his arm causing you to look up at him. “Don’t worry, Y/N. If you ever feel uncomfortable during the scene, just please let us know. We’ll stop and wait until you’re ready.”
“Thank you so much, guys. I guess I really understand now what people meant when they told me you will feel like family on this set,” you smiled at both Jared and Jensen and breathed in a deep breath of relief.
You stood up and Jensen immediately pulled you in for a hug, causing you to giggle with how fast he moved. You hugged him tight and smiled. You had calmed down and you were ready to get back on set to continue filming. Jared gave you a hug as well before all three of you emerged from your trailer and began walking back to set.
“Do you need to stop at make-up to have them touch you up?” Jared asked as you were walking.
“Nah, waterproof mascara is a necessity when you’re being tortured by Dean Winchester,” you playfully bumped Jensen’s arm with your shoulder causing him to laugh.
Jared ran off ahead of you to let Phil know what happened, while Jensen stopped you a few feet away from the chair you were sitting in on the set.
“Don’t be afraid to tell me to stop if you need a moment during the scene, okay? Nobody will get mad at you nor will anyone blame you. We all want you to be comfortable and safe,” Jensen spoke with compassion.
“I will. Thank you, Jensen,” you smiled at him before you sat down in the chair and waited for Robin to come tie you up again.
“Call me Jay,” Jensen said before he playfully ruffled your hair, causing you to laugh and swat at his hand.
He walked away and you smiled to yourself. They really did feel like a family.
Tagging some friends! @just-another-busy-fangirl @katymacsupernatural @revwinchester @sofreddie
A/N: This is for my Darling friend Kari’s ( AKA @thing-you-do-with-that-thing) birthday! Despite what you say, you ARE an older sis to me, and I love you more than I can put into words. Thank you for adopting me and for sticking by me in my thick and thin. I hope you like this ;)
beta’d by the super sweet and talented @deanssweetheart23. Thank you so much babe! I owe you one!
"So where are we going?" You asked, tugging at the blindfold. Sure, you loved birthday surprises, but the guy in the driver's seat had been taking it to the other freaking end. He had been at it for days now.
Jensen would turn up late for dates, wouldn't stay over anymore, and every time you asked him, he'd sweat bullets and change the topic. If you didn't know your boyfriend better, you'd have jumped to the worse conclusions. You would have assumed the very worst and started panicking about it. But you knew Jensen. He was as big a dork as you when it came to little things, but if it was something serious, he was enough of a gentleman to come clean about it.
So you turned to the next best option available, and ended up at Jared's house at an ungodly hour. This was easier than worrying about what was wrong with Jensen. Jared's annoyed expression immediately softened when he saw you at the door, before turning into a worried one.
"Y/N?" He rubbed at his eyes, 'What's wrong?"
"I need you to tell me what's wrong with Jensen," you asked, point blank.
"What's wrong with him?" He was looking more and more confused by the minute. Which would have been adorable if you hadn't been hyperventilating with worry.
"Something is," you threw your hands up in the air, barging into the living room. "I know there is something wrong with the guy because he is avoiding me like the fucking plague. He's never home anymore. Doesn't even stay back to walk Santo these days. And he loves doing that. So don't you tell me there is nothing wrong with him!"
You watched as obvious understanding dawned on Jared's face, before he ran a hand through his hair, looking equal parts guilty and nervous.
"I know you know something, you giant moose," you narrowed your eyes at him, wiggling a finger. "You better tell me what it is."
Jared shifted his weight from one leg to another. He knew you were stubborn to the last cell of your body. One way or another, you would find out.
He sighed. "I swear to God Y/N, if you breathe a word about this to him…"
"Just spit it out already!" You all but yelled.
"Fine," he gave in. You had never seen him look guiltier, and this was including the time he had decided that it was funny to let the air out of your tires, making you late for work. "He is planning a birthday surprise for you."
"Oh…" It was all you could say. You had been so worried about something being so inexcusably wrong with him, that the thought of a birthday present for you hadn't even crossed your mind.
"He is planning a birthday present for me, by ignoring me?" You thought out loud, tilting your head to a side.
"These things take time, Y/N," Jared said sagely, and you narrowed your eyes at him again.
"What do you mean by these things?"
"Nothing! I already told you enough to land me in lifetime's worth of trouble. I'm not saying another word," he said, shaking his head.
He promptly banished you from his house after that, muttering about lifetime of trust issues, broken bro code and such.
That had been two weeks ago, and even though patience was not exactly your best quality, you decided to take things at Jensen's pace and be nice about it.
However, you still loved making Jensen uncomfortable once in a while as you fake whined about how little time he was spending with you. Now that you knew there was nothing to worry about, it was almost easier to watch him go, when he untangled himself out of your arms on Saturday nights. Almost.
"Are we there yet?" You whined from the passenger's seat. You had been counting the time. It hadn't been more than half an hour. After a while even the turns he had been taking became harder to remember. Left, right, left, left again…left… or was it right? Uhhggg…Where was he taking you?
You would be lying if you said that you hadn't been giving "the surprise" any thought. In fact, on lonely nights, it was all you could think about. What was this present that was keeping him away from you? Was he taking you out to a lunch? Was he planning the perfect date? The poor guy barely got weekends off from all the flying and hectic shooting schedules. You hated to think that he was putting unnecessary efforts into the gift and tiring himself.
"Almost there," he said lightly, but you could hear the smile in his voice.
"You're such a tease," you giggled.
"Yeah, you love it," he told you.
"Not so much right now."
The car slowed down and gradually came to a halt.
"We're here," he announced.
"Fucking finally," you muttered, as he helped you out of the passenger seat, gently guiding you over what felt like smooth asphalt.
You tried to tap at the floor with your foot to try and gauge where you were, but you gave it up in no time, because you could barely think of anything that wasn't Jensen the moment his hands touched your bare shoulder. A tingle went up your spine. You shook your head at the effect the man had on you.
He guided you up a couple of steps and you couldn't help but tug at the blindfold.
"Hey, you can't remove it yet," Jensen chided you. "Only a couple of minutes now.”
"Okay," you acquiesced, drawing both your hands behind your back, playing the good girl. It earned you a chuckle from Jensen. It was the most beautiful sound you had ever heard.
You heard him fumble with keys, and then a lock click.
"Where are we?" You couldn't help but ask. He only chuckled in response, drawing you closer, as he closed the door behind the two of you.
God you wanted to jump his bones right then and there as the door hit the frame and the lock clicked. But there was no telling whether or not you were alone, so you pulled your bottom lip between your teeth and behaved yourself. Jensen led you through seemingly familiar turns inside the space until you were treading another set of stairs, but this time you were stepping down, into cool grass.
You could feel Jensen's plump lips against your forehead as he kissed you chastely.
"I'm gonna open the blindfolds now," he murmured against your skin. You knew him well enough to sense the nervousness in his voice.
His hands fumbled a little as he undid the knot, and you opened your eyes. It wasn't what you had expected, yet your heart took off at a sprint.
You were standing in the backyard of Jensen's water facing property. At first you didn't realise what was different, and then you saw it.
It was a kennel. Small and very woodsy. It wasn't very decorative, but it was neat and well made. What made it special was that it was the exact color of your house. The roof had shingles of the exact shade of brown and the wooden walls were painted the same pastel hue. That and the fact that the small board above it read "Santo."
Your eyes immediately filled up as you grasped the meaning behind his gesture, and you turned back to see him staring at your nervously, his hands scratching the back of his neck.
"It's very small, and I really didn't know what I was doing at first, but I think it's come out okay. The backside is a little dented because Jared sat on it at some point and we didn't have time to get more planks. And I know Santo doesn't sleep outside, he sleeps on the bed with you, but I just thought it would be nice to…"
You cut his nervous rambling off as you captured his lips in yours, conveying your obvious answer. You could feel him loosening into your touch, as all the tension left his body. His arms enveloped around you, and he pulled you closer, deepening the kiss. When you finally broke off, the two of you were out of breath.
"It's beautiful," you told him. "But you didn't have to do all that to ask me to move in with you, dumbass!"
"Who told you I was asking you to move in?" He winked, leaning in for another kiss. "I only want Santo."
You giggled at that, hitting him playfully in the chest. "You idiot!"
He pulled you against his chest, and you sighed contentedly. "I love you, Y/N. I know it's only been a couple of months, but it's stupid to wait when you know you've found the perfect person. Happy birthday, Y/N/N."
You knew you didn't have to say it back to him, because he understood. So you only burrowed deeper in his hold, tightening your arms around him. The thought of waking up to him every morning and sharing your life with him was so overwhelming that you weren't sure you could manage to speak without your voice breaking just yet.
But Jensen understood, you knew he did.
All you wanted to do was pull him back into the house and drag him into the bed with you. Which was exactly what you did. Santo could manage to stay out of the bed for one night ;)
This is my first time writing RPF out of blurbs. PLEASE tell me if I sucked?
Tagging the Jensen tag team that never expected to be tagged (Surprise bitches!):
