Terrorform (pt. 1) | Arnold Rimmer
MASTERLIST | AO3
PART 1, PART 2
Note: A lot of this fic borrows dialogue from a scene from the episode Terrorform, though I have added plenty of my own writing- as you will undoubtedly will be able to tell- to the scene as well. Regardless, credit to Rob Grant and Doug Naylor.
Relationship(s): Arnold Rimmer x gn!reader (romantic)
Summary: In order to escape from the psimoon that has been shaped by Rimmer's self-hating psyche, the rest of the Red Dwarf crew must make him feel better about himself. Lister, Kryten and Cat must pretend to like Rimmer, but you don't have to pretend.
Warnings: None! (Let me know if I need to add any)
Word count: 3.1k
(A/N: I started watching Red Dwarf less than a month ago. In this short space of time, Arnold Rimmer has become one of my top 10 favourite characters of all-time, and the show is already amongst my all-time favourites. This isn't the first Rimmer fic I started working on- the one I've posted a fair bit about- but after watching the episode 'Terrorform' I fell in love with this idea to the point that I never lost motivation for working on it. The only thing that slowed progress on it is that I've been working a lot in the past week so my time and energy has been limited. Given those factors, I'm proud of myself for getting what I think is a high-quality fic done in an uncharacteristically short space of time- just a week. For reference, the past couple of fics I've posted took me a year to get around to finishing. Anyway, this certainly won't be my last Rimmer fic. I've got three more in the works, one of which is a sequel to this one. I'm always nervous when writing for a fandom for the first time, so please let me know what you think! Even if no one ends up liking this fic or me, I'm looking forward to contributing to this fandom via reader-insert fics and I hope that my presence in this fandom and what I write for it is at the very least tolerable.)
You knitted your brows as Kryten steered you, Lister and Cat into the cockpit, leaving Rimmer alone. The door behind you slid shut, and the four of you stood, practically huddled, in front of it.
“I think I have it,” the mechanoid announced. “The real enemy is not out there. It is in Starbug with us. The real enemy is inside Mr. Rimmer's head.”
“Nice plan. So we remove his head and everything's cool, right?”
You rolled your eyes at Cat’s suggestion, which was ignored by Lister.
“No, wait a minute. That's gone right up my flagpole, that has, Kryten. I'm saluting that one.”
Cat’s face screwed up in confusion.
“What?”
“When we first drove back the beast in the cavern, it wasn't the bazookoid fire that forced him into the pit. It was when you-” Lister gestured to Kryten. “told Rimmer we wouldn't desert him.”
“Precisely,” Kryten agreed.
This whole day had already made you feel awful for Rimmer- knowing you were inside a manifestation of his mind that displayed his many points of insecurity- but Lister’s observation made it really dawn on you. When Kryten had berated Rimmer just a minute ago, calling him a ‘glob of tuberculotic sputum’ and a ‘cruddy little scud ball with all the innate lovability of an itchy verruca’, Starbug had shuddered, as though it was caught in some kind of reaction to the insults. Even when Kryten had excluded Rimmer from this group meeting, the ship had jittered. You bit your bottom lip at the implication that Rimmer really did feel every little jibe sent his way, that he noticed every moment where he wasn’t included, and the rare occasion when he was. Of course, before this whole psimoon disaster, you already knew that Rimmer deeply hated himself, but seeing it like this- experiencing it in real-time- was heartbreaking.
“So,” Lister went on. “If we can make Rimmer feel wanted, feel cared about-”
“If we can make him feel good about himself, somehow restore his self-esteem and his pride, that would automatically vanquish the self-loathing beast, or at least debilitate it long enough for us to break free of this quicksand and get off this God-forsaken psimoon.”
“How do we make him feel good?” Cat asked. “What is there about him to feel good about?”
“We've got to tell him we love him.”
Lister’s revelation caused a pit to form in your stomach, one large enough for Starbug to sink in. Thankfully, no one had picked up on your silence, nor the poorly disguised dread etched into your features. Cat wasn’t married to this idea either, but for a completely different reason to you.
“Argh, you're sick! I want no part in this depravity!”
“And, he must not suspect we are insincere,” Kryten warned. “Our lives depend on it. Ready?”
“I'll never be ready.”
With that, the door opened to reveal the pitiful image of Rimmer hunched over on a crate. You, Kryten, Cat and Lister awkwardly stepped out of the cockpit.
You didn’t want to offer Rimmer lukewarm platitudes that would give him enough of a temporary ego boost to let Starbug escape. It seemed cruel and manipulative, as though you didn’t actually care about the irreparable self-loathing that was causing the ship to sink. But, equally, the atmosphere in Starbug was too high-pressure for you to trust that you wouldn’t let all of your true feelings about him gracelessly bubble to the surface. Not only would you humiliate yourself but you would waste valuable time. You were panicked enough as it was by the prospect of potentially being dead in mere minutes, and adding the risk of confessing your genuine feelings to Rimmer in front of your friends only doubled the overwhelming stress that would make it near-impossible for you to construct a sentence that would be useful in the situation. So, the plan- as far as you were concerned- was to stay silent and let Lister and Kryten do the talking. After all, Lister had a knack for it, and Kryten was getting better at it with each passing day.
You could have a sincere chat with Rimmer about his inner turmoil later on, when you didn’t have a ten minute time limit and this many lives at stake. It would take longer than the ten minutes you had at your disposal to tackle his decades-worth of self-hatred in any meaningful way- you knew that. To your chagrin, you had to accept that the focus in this narrow window of time- which was quickly shutting- was to escape, and that Lister, Kryten and Cat would have to embellish their affection for Rimmer to achieve that end. It’s not like Rimmer did himself any favours with how he conducted himself. No one had to mean what they said; they just had to convince him that they meant it. This was slapping a plaster on a festering gunshot wound. You had to push aside how saddened you were by the fact that their false affirmations would mean so much to Rimmer. At the end of the day, your lives were more important than his feelings.
Lister, as you had expected, was the first to speak. Rimmer turned his head to look at the four of you.
“Listen, we've been talking and the four of us have decided to stay with you and face the danger. All for one and that, you know?”
Rimmer seemed surprised.
“Really?”
You braced yourself as Kryten went to speak.
“Sir, I'd just like to take this opportunity to say that you are a very beautiful person.”
Rimmer, understandably, appeared caught off guard by Kryten’s statement. Lister swooped back in.
“What he means is that we're all facing certain death here and I think it's about time we let each other know exactly how we feel about each other.”
You scratched your neck, a deep sense of discomfort settling in your gut. The idea of telling Rimmer how you felt about him made death seem the more appealing fate. Rimmer looked between you all incredulously. He didn’t seem suspicious of Lister and Kryten, but nevertheless he seemed unsettled by the uncharacteristic warmth he was being met with.
“You think that's a good idea?”
As Kryten and Lister took a seat either side of Rimmer, you took Cat’s lead- for once in your life- and hung back. Seeing as Lister and Kryten had this under control, there wasn’t any need for you to chime in. Thank God.
“It’s just that guys generally aren't terrific at... you know…” Lister began.
“Expressing their feelings,” Kryten cut in.
“Yeah. They kid around and insult each other and stuff,” Lister continued. “And what they really mean is... Well, they can't tell you the stuff they really mean.”
“What are you trying to tell me?” Rimmer said.
“I’m just trying to say that whatever happens here, I want you to know I really care about you.”
You thought what he’d said was nice enough and, most importantly, convincing. However, it seemed a tad much when he placed his hand on Rimmer’s knee. Rimmer looked down at Lister’s hand with surprise and confusion.
“We all do, sir,” Kryten added.
Kryten rested his hand on Rimmer’s other knee, and this time Kryten was met with a look of mild disgust. You pinched the bridge of your nose, thinking they had blown this by going overboard. But, to your surprise, Rimmer didn't protest. If anything, you took his silence to mean he was touched- literally and figuratively- by the gesture. Gestures. You breathed a quiet sigh of relief.
“It's true,” Cat said finally. “They really do care about you.”
Rimmer looked at Lister.
“Only this morning you referred to me as a cancerous polyp on the anus of humanity.”
“In an affectionate way. In a kidding around, joking, friendly, affectionate way.”
Now it was Kryten’s turn to save the day.
“Sir, what he's trying to say is that we may never get another opportunity to articulate our feelings and I, for one, would just like to take this opportunity to say that you're a splendid man, and a much respected colleague, and a- gosh darn it- damn good friend.”
He punctuated the sentence by lightly punching Rimmer in the arm. Rimmer, whose face had scrunched up in confusion and disbelief once again, flinched at the contact.
“We're getting some lift,” Holly interrupted.
Rimmer rose to his feet, stepping away from Lister and Kryten. He was now dangerously close to you. As discreetly as possible, you took a step back.
“Wait a minute. I know why you're doing this.”
“Going down,” Holly said, a hint of disappointment in her voice.
“You're trying to make me feel guilty, aren't you? It's a transparent attempt to shame me into doing the honourable thing.”
Lister and Kryten protested in unison.
“Well, why is it then?”
Lister looked at Rimmer, and in doing so he finally noticed you standing off to the side, trying your hardest to remain unseen. You had been mindlessly rubbing your forehead with your index finger in an effort to hide your face, as though that would disguise your presence and the fact that you had contributed nothing to this whole endeavour. It was expected of Cat, but not of you. For one, you actually seemed to like Rimmer. At the very least, you didn’t dislike him as much as the rest of them. Lister shot you a pleading, unimpressed look. It caught Rimmer’s attention, and he glanced between you and Lister with a puzzled expression. Cat and Kryten were both looking at you now, too. At this point, you wouldn’t have minded sinking in the swamp. It might have been a nicer alternative, really. But, Rimmer’s gaze finally settled on you, like the rest of the crew, only his was marginally softer because he wasn’t screaming at you with his eyes like they were. It meant you had to speak. Your lives depended on it.
“I- uh…” you stammered out, heat rising to your cheeks.
So much for speaking. Maintaining eye contact with Rimmer in that moment was like having a staring contest with the sun.
“Go on,” Lister prompted. You could tell he was tense no matter how he tried to play it off. “You can say what you want. There’s no judgement here. We’re all just… being honest.”
You didn’t know quite what Lister expected you to say. You doubted he knew how you felt about Rimmer- not the full extent of it anyway. He’d have relentlessly teased you about it by now. Unfortunately, you weren’t a skilled liar or talker like him, even without the pressure you were under. So, it was tricky coming up with something that wasn’t along the lines of ‘I’m madly in love with you’ but sufficient in offering him that short-term validation that he needed- that you all needed in order to escape.
“Well, um…”
Lister looked about ready to burst, whilst you looked like you were going to be sick. He made a gesture of frustration with his hands. You just had to say something. Anything would do. So, slightly panicked and entirely clueless on how to be as direct as Lister and Kryten without making a fool of yourself, you settled on blurting out the first thing you could think of- the thing that made you realise just how attracted you were to Rimmer in the first place. It was something you hoped would give him enough validation to get you all out of here, and seeing as it was sincere you hoped he would believe it. Just, you couldn’t keep looking him in the eye if you were going to say it.
“You know, back when we had that Pleasure GELF on the ship, when I looked at her, I saw… you.”
Rimmer’s brows furrowed.
“What?”
“You were what I saw, when I saw the Pleasure GELF.”
“Really? But, that would mean… And, you said you saw-”
“Well, you didn’t see me when you looked at her and I didn’t understand why I saw you, so I thought it’d be for the best if I lied and ignored it. But, since we’ll probably die within the next ten minutes anyway, you might as well know. You deserve to die… again… knowing you’re not some loathsome, repulsive, utterly unlovable blister on the heel of humanity, or whatever Kryten said earlier.”
Rimmer was quiet for a moment before speaking again.
“I believe his exact words were-”
The ship rattled, interrupting him. You grabbed onto his arms to steady yourself. It took a few seconds for you to register that you were holding him, touching him, something you’d never thought you’d be able to do given he’d been a hologram the entire time you’d known him. You looked into his eyes, his thoughts unreadable. Conversely, it seemed obvious that you were cherishing the feeling of his solid form beneath your touch. On instinct, your gaze flickered down to his lips. It gave you an idea, one you thought through for all of two seconds.
“Can I kiss you?” you asked.
You weren’t quite sure why you had asked him that, hence the mortification that soon took over your features. Part of you was keen to justify it as a tactical move. Lister had said to make Rimmer feel wanted, and letting him know that you wanted to kiss him seemed like a surefire way to do that. He seemingly hadn’t believed the GELF anecdote, not fully, so maybe this would be enough to convince him that you weren’t lying about it- that you wanted him.
But, who were you kidding?
Lister, Kryten and Cat exchanged wide-eyed stares. They also seemed to question why on earth you had asked him to kiss you. Lister was beginning to regret calling on you to say anything. Rimmer merely shook his head, having not yet processed what you had said.
“No, I don’t think he said-”
At last, it dawned on him. His face flushed. Your cheeks were so hot that it almost hurt, as though the humiliation of asking Rimmer to kiss you wasn’t bad enough. Realising you were still clinging to him, you let go of him, not wanting to make this any more uncomfortable than it already was.
“Hang on. You… you want to kiss me?”
“Yeah. With you being a hologram and me not being one, and us maybe being about to die, this might be the only chance I’ll get. So, can I kiss you, Arnie?”
You weren’t expecting him to grant your request, as much as you hoped he would.
“I-I don’t see why not.”
He didn’t seem enthusiastic. Perhaps he was caught off guard by the question, but you decided instinctively that he didn’t want to kiss you. At least when you replayed this memory in your head over and over before going to sleep, you could tell yourself you were doing it to boost Rimmer’s self-esteem.
“You don’t have to. I just thought I’d ask-”
“You can kiss me.”
“Are you sure? I don’t want you to feel like-”
“Yes- I’m sure.”
Your breath hitched in your throat. This was really going to happen- the moment you had daydreamed about, a fantasy you had practically tortured yourself with. You nodded.
“Right. Alright.”
You stepped closer to him, so that there wasn’t much of a gap between you at all. You wouldn’t have been surprised if you were close enough that he could feel your heart beating, rapid and pounding as though it was trying to break free from your chest and touch him for itself. A small smile tugged at the corners of your lips. Taking in a deep, trembling breath, you cupped his cheeks and pulled him in for a kiss. It took a few seconds before he decided what to do with his hands. He settled on resting them on your waist, which he lightly squeezed. You moved your lips against his almost hungrily, and Rimmer couldn’t help but do the same.
The fervour with which you kissed him baffled your crewmates, who were torn between their morbid curiosity and their disgust at seeing Rimmer kissing someone. They winced and cringed and wondered why you had gone this far. Hugging him probably would have sufficed. And, to think you had considered it overkill for Lister and Kryten to hold his knees like that.
“Going up,” Holly announced, surprised.
Her voice startled you into pausing, but neither of you completely pulled away. Within milliseconds, you resumed. You slipped a hand onto the back of Rimmer’s head, combing your fingers through his hair. He decided to place his hands on your cheeks, running his thumbs back and forth against your cheekbones in a slow, gentle motion, as though he was relishing the feel of your skin beneath his fingertips. He had a similar impulse to you and raked his fingers through your hair. His grip on you was tight yet not too rough.
Lister, Kryten and Cat continued to stand around awkwardly and impatiently. As grateful as they were that you had managed to help the situation, now they were the ones who, on some level, wished that the ship would just sink to put an end to… this.
When you finally pulled away, you held his face in your hands and gazed into his wide eyes. He was still clinging to you, holding onto you as if for dear life. You offered him a smile, one he was too dazed to return.
The moment was interrupted by Holly yet again.
“Quick, get into the cockpit,” she urged. “There's something very strange happening out there.”
You patted his shoulder and followed the others into the cockpit. Before you knew it, you were able to take off. Relief settled over everyone; you assumed Lister, Kryten and Cat were as glad to be alive as they were that they wouldn’t have to pretend to like Rimmer anymore. And, of course, they were delighted that the pair of you had stopped kissing, even if the image- in all of its horrifying glory- had been burned into their retinas.
“So, was all of that just a means of escaping?” Rimmer said, his tone indicating a level of confidence and contentment. You assumed that it came from the fact that he must have been at least semi-convinced by everyone’s efforts, particularly yours. “You didn’t really mean any of it, did you?”
The question was for everyone, but his gaze lingered on you. Lister, Kryten and Cat exchanged a glance.
“No,” they agreed in unison.
Rimmer appeared indignant. After a moment of deliberation, you spoke.
“Well, I think you’re alright… Rimmer.”
Lister grinned.
“We all know what you think.”
