#reefs angst

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after hoo, percy is sitting in his room on the argo 2, annabeth is outside his door

annabeth: percy?

percy: …

percy: i scared you

annabeth: …

annabeth: you did…

percy:

annabeth: but i thought i was gonna lose you. i thought i was gonna lose you like-

annabeth: we were in hell. neither of us were doing ok, mentally or physically, we had to push ourselves to the brink-

percy: that wasnt as far as i could go

annabeth: .!…

percy: i couldve done worse,,, i wanted to do worse… and that,

percy: and that hasnt left

percy: i still want her dead

percy: i still want her choking on her own blood, her own tears, her own poison, her own domain

percy: that… annabeth that part of me isnt going anywhere…

percy: its a part of me

percy: its a part of me that i cant get rid of

percy: it.. it is me,,,

annabeth: …

annabeth: then let me get to know you?

percy:

annabeth: let me get to know who you really are

annabeth: not who the gods want you to be, not know poseidon hopes youll be, not who sally thinks you are, you.

annabeth: i want to know who my boyfriend really is

annabeth: what he likes,,, what he needs,,, what he thinks and does,,,

annabeth: i want to know my boyfriend, all the good and bad parts

annabeth: i want to know the flaws of my boyfriend, the same boyfriend that accepted all my flaws

annabeth: i want to know you from you percy, not who you think you are or should be

annabeth: can i?

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headcanon!!

percy was looking for bianca for 14 hrs straight. everyone else gave up looking for here after around 3-ish hrs. they had to physically drag percy away from the wreck. when they finally did manage to get percy away from the wreck he passed out 30 seconds later. percys hands were also completely shredded and ripped. you could see the bones and muscles. there was blood all over them. he had bandages on his hands for at least three months afterwards. he does not remember any of this. he remembers looking for bianca longer than the others and he remembers his hands getting at least a bit injured. he does not know the extremes of either. his hand is covered in scars and stitches because of this.

zoe’s the one who stitched him up.

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there are very few things i remember clearly from the pjo books as its been a while since i fully read through them (working on a reread now) but one thing i remember reading in the sea of monsters of all books is percy saying that camp half blood was his favorite place in the world.

camp half blood.

where he watched his mom get crushed by the minotraur. where he was betrayed by someone he thought was his friend. where his entire life was turned upside down. where he was bullied and outcasted for being his fathers son. where he learned he will be in danger constantly simply because of whos kid he is. where he was sent on a dangerous quest because of something he didnt even do.

that camp?

honestly thats depressing

like. im fully aware he did have good moments after his quest in tlt, but like. we do know in the books that he was mostly still an outcast, people were constantly weary of him. hes a forbidden child, a kid whos not supposed to exist.

even in the one place that was said to be able to keep him safe, he was still harmed and looked down on.

and it was his favorite place on earth.

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camp and chiron and the gods causing percy actual harm by not teaching him how to use his powers or being too scared to and not letting him make storms n shit because its 'scary' or 'dangerous' the same with earthquakes and the longer this goes on the more percy feels like theres a strain on something inside him and then he tortures akhyls and suddenly that strain is gone and he feels so much lighter and its terrifying and after the second war he quietly goes to his dad asking for help and questions and poseidon says that percy needs destruction, not only because its in his blood but because names have power and perseus has always meant destroyer and percy needs to make and cause those scary storms n shit because it literally hurts him if he doesnt

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after thinking over all the books and what happens in them in percy jackson and the olympians, ive come to the conculsion on what percys best and least traumatic yeears/time of his life was.

im just gonna say off the bat, it is not anytime before he finds out he was a demigod. he had a horrific, abusive past, that still, canonically, haunts him to date. (tartarus, literal hell, smelling like gabe. it smells like your worst memory.)

im taking this mostly from one line in som (that i mentioned in a post a few days ago) where percy said that chb was his favorite place on earth

with that one line, and knowing in the next book/year that bianca dies, the time between tlt (after he got back from his quest) and before ttc (before. yaknow. shit went down.) was probably the best time of percys life.

there wasnt much going on, sure the quest in som was hard and he thought someone died, but tyson didnt die. in fact, because of his help, someone was actually brought back to life. all things considered and compared, the sea of monsters was the least worrying and stressful time of percys life, demigod and mortal life.

it was the first summer and full year he didnt have to worry about gabe, he went to his favorite place on earth, he literally saved a girls life by bringing her back to life, he got to see his best friend in a wedding dress, it was the least stressful quest of his life, and its very clear!

not even just in universe, but in the real world thats obvious. not much happens in the sea of monsters, and if something interesting does happen there are other way more unique things in other books that completley overshadow those!

literally the only like. big thing i can remember from som is the siren scene and thalia coming back

the sea of monsters is the weakest book because that quest is the calmest quest percys had.

it was without a doubt the best percys felt in his entire life.

and the reason im not saying post toa percy is at the happiest point in his life is because he is healing from a lot more trauma. percy in som was still healing from gabe, but we dont see much mention of that and he seems relativley fine. in cottg percy seems like hes on the brink of death. hes tired. hes worn out. hes done- he wants to be done- but he isnt. and theres also healing from tartarus, and with it smelling like gabe + percy getting all his memories about gabe back in a flash after getting his memories back, it couldve set him back in his healing process

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random songs i've connected to percy jackson characters/relationships but im not explaining myself

devil doesnt bargain alex benjamin percy with sally and percy with annabeth

the 30th billie eilish percy and sally

back to the ground crane wives percy jackson

shower day the amazing devil sally and poseidon

black hole fantasy crane wives sally and poseidon

why derivakat percy and luke

numb linkin park percy and poseidon

welly boots the amazing devil percy and poseidon

favorite crime olivia rodrigo annabeth and luke

allies or enemies crane wives thalia and luke

ocean eyes billie eilish percabeth

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happy birthday percy jackson!!

for your 32nd birthday, im giving you more trauma!

annabeth didnt stop him. maybe she shouldve, but she didnt. akhylys' corpse laid in front of them. her screaming stopped minutes, maybe hours, ago before percy turned to annabeth, he walked over calmly and held his hand out to her, only saying 'we need to go.' before taking off again

as the reach the doors of death, percy watches as bob gets overrun by monsters, dying before he can press the button to get percy and annabeth out of tartarus he cant let annabeth die down here. she can do so much good. better than him. so he pushes her through, apologizing for not staying by her side, and keeps the button down as she gets to the surface

once shes up he runs. he runs and he runs and he doesnt stop because its not monsters chasing him anymore, its tartarus himself, showing his true form as much as he can without melting percys mind. its not only the being thats chasing percy, the ground around him opening its mouth, trying to swallow him whole.

its not just tartarus chasing him that makes fear course through him, its how he sounds. its piercing screeches that makes his ears bleed. its sallys scream as the minotaur kills him. its gabes threats. its the sound of beer bottles breaking. its talos falling and crashing. its nico yelling at him. its the princess andromeda blowing up. its water overtaking all his senses.

there are visions too. gabe when he almost killed percy. annabeth getting dragged off a cliff. nico running away. even visions he should know didnt happen gabe hurting sally. grover getting eaten by polyphemus. annabeth getting crushed by the sky. thalia getting struck by zeus' lightning.

monsters are still after him. he has no time to stop, no time to rest.

he can barely breathe, his lungs are throat are raw and dried and ruined from the air, he can barely hear, the screeching and the screams wont leave him alone, he can barely see, his tears stain his vision and the toxic air is poisoning him, he can barely walk or stand let alone run, nearly al his bones are broken, it hurts to move but he has to. he cant die down here.

kronos is closer. his body wasnt destroyed, and now hes closer to percy than ever before. his voice is in his head, as clear as day and as sharp as a blade.

he doesnt even get a chance to rest once hes out.

as soon as hes out, hes on the battlefield. no time for a break, right back into fighting.

uhhh i think i had more ideas for this but i forgot anyway happy birthday percy! just know youre mine and the narratives favorite! (threat)