hey are we still posting queer narnia headcanons. these have been floating in my notes half-finished for ages; I figured now was as good a day to post them as any
when the Pevensies are ruling in LWW "these two Kings and two Queens governed Narnia well…And they made good laws and kept the peace…and generally stopped busybodies and interferers and encouraged ordinary people who wanted to live and let live" (ch 17, emphasis mine). Add to this that Narnia is a very natural land, and nature is diverse af. Like. I'm thinking about how many plants aren't split by gender and thinking about bigender and intersex dryads. Agender naiads because what gender does water have? Genderqueer stars. Those fish that change gender sometimes and the possibilities of trans and genderfluid merfolk. All sorts of queer talking animal relationships. Basically Narnia is so full of different orientations and genderfuckery and letting people live their own lives that no one bats an eye if a satyr is ace or a naiad decides they want a gender.
the pevensies are a bit shocked by it all when they first arrive, the older ones more so, but is it really so much stranger—or any less wondrous—than talking animals or trees? They're busy running a kingdom (and only ~8-13; they're not thinking about romance much yet); they've got more important things to worry about than that boy dwarf wearing dresses. Between the tunics and robes and cotes and surcotes, they're all basically wearing dresses themselves. Mr. Tumnus and the Beavers aren't wearing anything. Yeah, those two lady-fauns kissing would be unheard of back home (and is making Susan's stomach feel funny), but can someone tell them the proper form of address for this letter they're writing? Is a Tisroc an excellency or a majesty or something else? How do you even spell Tisroc?
the pevensies grow up surrounded by variety (helped by their memories of England fading), and learning about themselves along the way. soon they don't think queer relationships or genders are any stranger than the narnians do
Peter
pan. He'll fall for anyone and he'll fall hard. He's very friendly and open, and probably the most prone to flirting at festivals and the like, but I think he'd have relatively few serious relationships. He's High King, and a small part of him always wonders if this person is interested in him, or just his status. Also he flirts easily but is hilariously shy about taking a relationship from flirting to actually dating because he's worried about accidentally pressuring someone with his power. His type is someone who can match him, intellectually and/or physically and isn't put off by his status, but he's a Soft Boy underneath all his charm, and he gets adorably flustered when someone is seriously courting him.
secretly assumes he will be the one to marry for politics. He'd prefer not, and he's aware that, as High King, his marriage is a powerful tool not to be treated lightly, but if Narnia ever has to have a political marriage for some reason, he's not going to let any of his siblings be forced into anything. (I don't headcanon this ever actually happening. But Peter would have done it)
Susan
bisexual and demiromantic. She feels attraction, sure, but nothing like the fireworks and butterflies her siblings describe. Partly because of this, and partly because she's a queen and she's Susan, she's always had a rather practical idea of marriage. A potential spouse is someone she can imagine building a good long term relationship and life with, with obvious bonus points if she finds them physically attractive. Also assumes she is The Sibling Who Will Have a Political Marriage (no she and Peter have not discussed this with each other)
this is part of why Rabadash threw her for such a loop. He was handsome? He seemed charming? Maybe this is what falling for someone feels like? She wanted it to be what falling for someone felt like; it would be a good alliance. And then she saw him without all his fake charm and he was awful. It took a long time for Susan to trust her ideas of attraction to people again
years after Liliandil has come to stay in Cair Paravel, Susan is thrown for a loop again when she realizes her feelings for this one friend out of all her friends are…intense? Different? She doesn't know? She throws herself into work and internally panics and feels sick to her stomach and eventually confides in Lucy. And Lucy tells her "Susan, I think you're in love." (Susan: ???)
Edmund
baby bi bi bi
careful with his heart, though (hello, Jadis-related trust and self-esteem issues :3 ) Good at being friendly and teasing and bantering riiight on the line of "this could be flirting, if you were interested. (and if you're not then nope nope nothing to see here)". He nearly drives Caspian insane in the period between Caspian realizing he fancies Edmund and them getting together
but once Edmund's in, he's all in. Flirting lines (his crown is silver and so is his tongue), showing off when sparring/in tourneys, leaving gifts in Caspian's room when he's out or slipping them into his pockets and then denying any knowledge (no he can't just give them to Caspian; he needs to be a little mischevious and also a little shy about it. black cat energy)
Lucy
lesbian. In the Golden Age she was always running around in the woods and streams with nymphs and naiads and dryads and the lines between friendship and romance and romantic friendship got very blurred sometimes
"what about post Golden Age?" congrats you've activated my trap card it's rare pair time
(I say as if I didn't just casually drop in Susandil)
in the VDT book Lucy does a spell to see what your friends really think about you from Coriakin's book, and eavesdrops on a conversation between two girls from Lucy's school. Anne Featherstone asks if Marjorie Preston is "still going to be all taken up with Lucy Pevensie", as Marjorie was "crazy about her last term". Marjorie denies it and acts like Lucy is nobody to her and honestly a bit tiresome. Lucy, who "did all sorts of things for her last term, and…stuck to her when not many other girls would", gets so upset she yells at the book before remembering it's just a book and Marjorie can't actually hear her, and also cries a bit. Later Aslan shows up and tells Lucy "you have misjudged your friend. She is weak, but she loves you. She was afraid of the older girl and said what she does not mean."
so basically Marjorie shows up for like two pages, in a picture in a book and not even really there, and Lucy's entire relationship with her may be ruined now anyway, and none of this made it into the movie or bbc miniseries—but it's too late; i'm going down with this ship anyway. and by ship i mean the raft i cobbled together out of spare boards and bubblegum
Caspian
disaster bi. help everyone's hot. swoons over all the kings and queens of old to varying degrees, though he settles after spending more time with them and they become his friends/found family rather than legends
then somewhere along the way he realizes he's swooning over Edmund all over again
when he's down, he's down bad. Courtship and romance and chivalry to the MAX.
Eustace
gay
during VDT he is a tiny confused baby gay who does not yet realize he is a baby gay and in like five years he's going to have a crisis about it
Eustace, talking to Edmund about how glad he is to be himself again after changing back from a dragon: "You'd think me simply phony if I told you how I felt about my own arms. I know they've no muscle and are pretty mouldy compared with Caspian's, but I was so glad to see them." (VDT chapter 7)
Edmund, who has been a full adult and already gone through his gay crisis and watched his siblings going through theirs and fully clocked that comment about Caspian's arms: …yeah I think my baby cousin has gone through enough for one week. I'll gently bring up that he likes guys some other time.
Mr. Tumnus
I was reading over one of my wips, a flower-based soulmate au, and Mr. Tumnus has blooming flowers even though he's not with anyone, which I think would mean he's aromantic? I have no memory of writing that but sure, headcanon accepted?
actually, thinking about it a bit more, "Nymphs and Their Ways" does sound like the title of a book a poor confused aro would have on his bookshelf, trying to understand what all his friends are going on about. Also when the Pevensies start growing up and having feelings, or noticing others having feelings, they go to him for advice, and he thinks he gives such good advice and they do too and none of them know he has no clue what he's talking about. Please imagine Susan and Mr. Tumnus having tea together and trying to figure out why Peter is unable to think every time that new knight is in the room. (Peter doesn't know either. He's just 16 and confused and wildly horny.)
Misc
Liliandil's sexuality is [untranslatable] and her gender is [different untranslatable]. I have a folder in my head labeled "Lili's gender" and right now the only things in it are that pride flag made out of nasa pics and a meme of marge simpson holding a rock labeled "she/her pronouns" saying "I just think think they're neat". Also maybe some gifs of Janice from The Good Place (feminine but not in a female way. not a robot human, not a girl).
unsure about Jill but she's not straight and she and Eustace are wlw/mlm hostility
there's a line in MN about how Polly could never see anything especially beautiful about Jadis, even though she's constantly described as being stunningly gorgeous, so Polly may be our token straight. Or ace. I do lowkey ship her with Digory, though. Maybe seven-foot-tall sorceresses just aren't her type.
Reepicheep seems aroace to me. He'd die defending the honor of a lady but he doesn't wanna marry one. While we were being allosexual he was studying the blade
The "deathmatch between your current and childhood favorite characters" post has got me thinking about the inherent comedy that you could wring out of dropping Reepicheep into. basically any other fantasy setting as a detour on his way to Aslan's country. Here's what I've got so far for dropping him into Middle-earth:
Ideally he gets dropped somewhere random, wanders around for a while, and then winds up at Rivendell at the same time at the rest of the Fellowship
Reep might be vulnerable to the One Ring a la Boromir, but there's a chance his faith in Aslan would have some sort of mitigating effect on that
He would absolutely try to fight the Balrog though
Gandalf, trying to hold back a helldemon: "Fly, you fools!" / Reepicheep: Seen 2:41 pm ✔️
He would also try to fight Saruman, or at the bare minimum call him a coward from the foot of Orthanc
And possibly would challenge the Ents before realizing they were friendly
Wormtongue is definitely going to lose a foot or something
“Hinder me? Thou fool. No living man may hinder me!" "It is, then, my good fortune not to be a man!"
