Alone
tw: fighting, mention of teen alcoholism/death in the family/blood/near death experience mention, ask to tag
I wrote this in one hour
*****
Age 8
Remus hated school. He never wanted to go back, escape his stupid town and not look back. Such a mentality from such a young kid is worrisome, and one would make sure he went to get help. While his adoptive mother believed in such thing, his adoptive father didn't and he was the one who ‘ruled’ the house. His word was order.
“I don’t want to go! I hate it!” Remus screams at his mother and kicks at her when she picks him up. “No!”
“Remus, sweetie please,” She pleads and takes him out to the car, “You have to go.”
“I hate it! They’re stupid!” Remus shakes his head and keeps trying to escape from her hold, almost doing so until he was buckled in.
“Remus, dear,” She says in a soft tone, a tone Remus would calm down to, but not this morning. No. He wanted to stay home.
Remus shakes his head and kicks at her seat once the door was shut with a sigh, screaming the whole ride. His sweet mother, instead of snapping like any parent would, instead kept calm and listened to his frustrations. She listens to what frustrates Remus, to how he wanted to escape and find his place somewhere else.
“I know everything! School is stupid!” He yells at her and kicks at her seat once more, crossing his arms across his chest.
“I know,” She whispers and looks at her rear view mirror, seeing the pout he had and how tears were rolling down his cheek, “How about we go get breakfast? I can let you have some coffee if you’d like, but only very little.”
“Really?” Remus sniffles, looking at her, now lightly kicking her seat.
“Yeah. Besides, you’re smart, right?” She smiles and focuses on the road, “You’re my smart boy. I know you’ll catch up soon.”
“Thank you, mom.”
“It’s no problem, my boy.”
And so they had breakfast. Remus was now much more calmer as he munched on his apple slices, smiling at how his mother made silly stories out of the food he ate. He lets out a much happier giggle, making him feel more light that his mother didn’t push away his frustrations. It made his mother smile when he smiles, so she would do anything to see that bright smile everyday. He arrived to school an hour late, a fake excuse made and Remus was on his way. As he took his seat near the window, he stares out it and watches the clouds slowly roll through.
After school, it was supposed to be the usual, but it wasn’t. Instead of his mother picking him up, his father did and it soured his day. He hated being near his father, being alone with him. He always tried to make Remus do things he hated, things he had little to no interest. It made Remus furious how he would be belittled when it came to sports, being smaller than the average kid his age, and being slightly slower than those his age. It made Remus cry out of frustration again, wanting to yell and thrown the ball at his father’s mouth to shut him up, wanting to make Remus run towards his mother.
“Man up! I don’t have time for my son to be crying!”
“Get a new son! I hate this! I hate it and I hate you!”
With that, Remus stomped away, his wall slowly building up and a cloud hang over him.
Age 15
When did he start drinking? When did he start smoking? He can’t remember really. It must’ve been when his mother passed away, when the only person who understood him left him all alone. Alone. That’s all he was today.
At first it was to cope with the death of his mother, to escape reality, to escape his bastard father. It worked, and he continued. Why? He would have to say it’s because he started hanging with the wrong crowd. Those who skip school, who drink and smoke almost all day, no respect for authority. To be honest? Remus never had respect for authority whatsoever.
He also had no respect for the people he called ‘friends.’
He only stayed with them as they were another way to escape reality. He could escape from his so-called family, school, society, his mind, his grief, and so much more. Remus needed an escape, and this was the only way to do so. Healthy? No. But he had no one to stop him.
Remus was someone the school hated. They wanted to expel him since his first fist fight that ended with the other needing to go to the hospital. Yet, they didn’t. He had good grades after all, the best in the run down school and it would help get more funding if needed. Why would a rebel have such good grades?
He did it for his mother. While Remus didn’t want to continue higher education, he promised her near her bedside that he would continue getting the best grades for her. She was his rock, his peace, his safe space. All that was gone now.
It didn’t take him until a near death experience to make him wake up. It made Remus mad that it took him that experience to snap him back, but it worked and he would thank it everyday. Getting stabbed and left alone to die would change some, him being one of them.
Remus polished himself up, one step at a time. He got himself to rehab, wanting to end his alcohol addiction and smoking habits. He thought of going cold turkey, but he was sure he would kill someone. It was hard, he wanted to quit, he wanted to punch someone (that being his father), he wanted to tear down everything. Yet, he didn’t. No, he wrote his feelings down in a notebook. He would tap that pencil against his desk, making a beat, and slowly, made music. With that music, the memories of his mother’s stories and sweet voice, and his life, he wrote music. He taught himself the guitar once out of rehab, a small smile appearing on his face once more.
Step by step, Remus improved himself for him. He made himself what he considered the better version of himself. Well, he knew he might have his moments, but he told himself he would work on that as the time passed by. He planned his escape also from this crooked old town, wanting to move into the city. First, he would have to graduate top of his class, use his inheritance money to buy a cheap apartment at the nearby city, and show off his talent.
Step by step, Remus did so, making him proud of himself.
Age 21
Remus walks down the street, guitar slung behind his back, smile on his face, headphones on and volume on high. It took him three years, and while it felt like a lot, he was lucky. It’s not easy getting recognized in Los Angeles, but playing his guitar and singing his soul out in the streets paid off. He was found by a music producer, always going to remember those dark mismatched eyes and curly hair that came up to him. From his excitement, he pretty much forgot the conversation. However, it seemed like faith had a hand in this also.
He met his biological twin brother. The conversation was...interesting, to say the least.
“Remus?”
Remus looks over as his name was said, frowning and tensed up. No one he knew was here in Los Angeles, and he wasn’t known by anyone. Who could’ve called his name?
“How do you know my name?”
“It’s me. Roman. Do-Dont you know me?” The voice says, honey eyes just like his, staring back at him.
Remus was sure he was looking in a mirror, except the reflection made him much cleaner and posh looking. Remus still couldn’t remember the name, having never heard of such person in his life. He looks back at those eyes, raising an eyebrow as he saw tears brimming.
“No man, I don’t know you,” Remus shrugs, seeing ‘Dee’ was still at his side, “Should I? You make yourself sound like an important person.”
“W-Well,” Roman gulps and rubs his hands together, shrugging, “I was hoping I would be. I’m your twin brother afterall.”
“Huh,” Remus huffs and chuckles, “So you must’ve been the one our biological parents kept. All I know is that I was adopted by age four, but I remember no twin brother.”
The room got cold at that comment, even Roman seems to have frozen up. Remus had a way to make someone feel guilty, and he only used it when upset or tired. Right now, it was a mix of both. Had Roman just left him alone, none of this would be happening.
“Remus-“
“No need to apologize, golden boy,” Remus waves him off and grins, “Besides, I always noticed how they gave you more attention. Give them my greetings, and oh,” Remus snaps his fingers and clicks his tongue, “Tell them thank you and to tell you the full truth. From your expression, you grew up in a lie.”
Remus turns around to walk away, hissing when his arm was grabbed and places a hand on the arm, turning around and was stopped from twisting the perpetrators arm. Roman just stared in horror, moving his hand away quickly.
“Don’t you dare touch me.”
“But I was hoping-“
“Listen, Roman, I’m not here to be all buddy-buddy with you. I’m here to make music and spread it to people, using my talent to help others who were in the same position as me. So get this in your skull,” He flicks Roman’s forehead, “I walk alone.”
Age 23
He was still a small artist, but he was okay with that. He never really did it for the fame, maybe for the money, but to help others. His lasted single Alone, was a pretty big hit for many. He’s gained followers, speaking to his small fan base and smiles as he remembers the first one.
Remus loves his new life, having better friends, a career he enjoyed, and away from his old shit town. He saw new joys in life, took in ever little moment, and reconciled with his brother. It was tough, as he started them off in a bad foot, but their relationship improved. They were coming up with a song together, and he was excited for it. He never forgave his biological parents, even after tears and pleads, he couldn’t.
“You’re not my parents, never will be. My real parents, who was both mother and father, is dead. She will always be my only parent.”
He couldn’t care if it hurt their feelings. Good. They get to know how he felt all these years inside.
But moving past that, Remus enjoys his new life. As he kept maturing, he wonders on what he missed out on. What were things he didn’t do as a child that he’s doing now? He can’t think of any, but he was sure Roman knew and that’s why he was being introduced to new things.
He sometimes wonders, if there was someone else in the same shoes he was in. He hoped not, but he wasn’t an optimist. He was sure someone was walking down the street, headphones on, a dark cloud hanging over them. It made Remus sigh as he walked down the street, the world seeming to go in slow motion suddenly. He looks to his left, seeing a young kid with his hands stuffed in his pockets, eyeshadow seemingly under his eyes, purple headphones on, a look of frustration on him. Remus stops in his tracks, looking back once more and sees he was gone through the crowd.
He knows how it feels to walk the world alone. He knows how it feels to not be alone.
Remus shakes his head and turns back, going to his destination, seeing the cafe and smiling as he saw his boyfriend, Dee, and Roman waiting for him.
He could only hope that no one else would walk the world alone.
