↪️ [”...With his eyes closed, he could see little Hugh and little Simon holding each other’s hands and throwing themselves into the world, a little less sad, and angry, and scared than before...”]
SO, my entry for the event is a collaboration with the amazing @obsidianfr3sk 💖💖💖!!! This is a comic of their beautiful fic, True Colors!!! So go and read it bc seriously, it sparks such a wholesome and heartwarming feeling I had these images pretty clear in my mind since the very first moment I read it ✨💖✨
Humanity loses faith in times like that. With no one to look up to, no one to believe in, we all became rats scrounging in the sewers. Maybe Ace really was a villain. Or maybe he was a visionary. Maybe there’s not much of a difference.
This is my first event so idk if I’m even doing this right but um here’s my Nodrian fanart! I like their enemies to lovers trope so I wanted to show that. Hope you guys like it! :D
↪Hello! This is a fanfic inspired by rae/@lackade's hc fanart about Hugh being asexual. Honestly have been working on this for a month bc I didnt really know how to properly describe asexuality and I didn't wanna offend anyone or anything. I didn't really know how to end it so the ending is very cheesy but 😁. I hope you like it!!
Story under cut:
Hugh loved Simon. Undoubtedly. He was the breath in his lungs, the reason his heart beat day to day.
Surprisingly, a large number of people doubted that. Now, it wasn't a secret, people knew, just how they knew he was gay. They also knew how much he loved his husband. When the learned from Hugh himself that he was asexual, people thought he didn't love his Simon enough to enjoy their love-making. They often doubted Simon's abilities in bed. They guessed hearing it from Hugh's mouth was different for them. It was sad, really.
It wasn't just when they were alone. Bastards had the audacity to question either Hugh's affection or Simon's performance in front of the other partner. It was usually the ladder and Simon always stayed strong. He always put that person in their place, usually ending with an "I can do a whole do better than so and so's partner on a bad day" or other golden witty remarks. It was horrible that they had to get used to it, because at the end of the day, when the cameras were turned off and people stopped staring, the couple hurt.
Hurt that people could hate so much, when they didn't understand.
Ignorant people immediately thought that because Hugh was a big, strong, powerful white man, him not liking all that touchy-feely stuff was Simon's fault.
And days like those were not uncommon.
He ignored questions about Simon when he wasn't around. It wasn't nobody's business what happened in their bed, and Simon had his right to privacy.
But everyone that doubted his love was very, very wrong.
Hugh had to remind many people that sex wasn't everything in a relationship for many couples, that just because he didn't chose sexual touching as his go to when showing his love, didn't mean that he loved his husband any less than a non-asexual person loved their significant other, and that being asexual didn't mean he hated having sex. Hugh didn't hate sex. It was nice, with Simon it was always a sensual and loving experience. It's just the touching wasn't a big part of his life and he didn't crave sex as he saw other men crave it.
___________
He didn't know that he was ace until after he and Simon had been dating for some time.
He didn't understand why a part of him wanted to cuddle and watch movies instead of getting undressed with boyfriend.
He tried to keep those thoughts to himself for as long as he could, but Simon started catching on. With permission, he would test Hugh's boundaries and they both saw how it took some time for Hugh to get it up and want to participate in sexual activities, and even then a part of him was still held back.
They didn't know. It seemed unnatural that he didn't want it. Hugh had been taught that the most powerful way to show love as a man was sex. Not everyone is in the mood for those activities all the time, but never? It was odd, and that's when Simon's anxiety presented itself in full. If it wasn't Hugh it could be him. Simon started to believe that he wasn't doing it right. That his body was good enough.
That he wasn't good enough.
For a while, they both hurt. Hugh wanted so badly to express his love the way other men would. To show Simon that he was more than good enough. To just man up and make love to his boyfriend like he was supposed too.
But he couldn't. No, he could.
He just didn't want to. But he did.
But not.
____________
They went to healers. Nothing was wrong with Hugh physically. Not that there even could be. They expected that. It was worth a shot.
They shot. And missed. Terribly.
________________
Others started to notice.
How Hugh always looked conflicted.
How Simon always looked sad.
Georgia, sweet, observant, Georgia couldn't stand to see her friends like that. Not when she could possibly do something to lighten them up. She tried movie and game nights but nothing stuck when the moment ended.
"What's wrong, Hugh?"
"Nothing."
"I can tell something's up with you and Simon. Did you fight?"
The couple did in fact fight. A few times.
It wasn't a fight against each other, though. They fought an unknown force. Deep down, they knew that, they just didn't know how to fight back, so they traded words that he, and was sure Simon, regretted the moment they left his mouth.
They didn't know the answer wasn't something that couldn't be found by anyone other than Hugh.
They just didn't know that.
So Hugh thought Georgia might.
Georgia loved to fix things. It was in her nature. When a friend, a friend who was basically family, needed her she was going to help fix their problem, no questions asked.
Georgia listened to Hugh. What had been going on for a while now.
Hugh never related to Simon's or descriptions of other men's lustful experiences.
Georgia continued to listen. Not speaking unless asked too or to clarify something.
"So you don't feel any sexual need for Simon?" She questioned.
"NO!" Hugh exclaimed, he looked like he was holding back tears, "and I- my- I just-" Georgia interrupted, "Hey, hey, hey, it's ok." Hugh groaned, putting his head in his hands.
"Well figure this out ok, slow down." She spoke softly, she didn't want to stress him out even more. He took in a ragged breath, " I mean, I love Simon's body and when we do... " he gestures to his lap. "But I don't feel like doing it a lot of the time. It confusing, I like the feeling but I don't feel it the same way it described and- and-"
"Breath, Hugh. You're getting worked up again."
He took a deep breath, and another, and another.
" I can't stand the feeling of Si thinking something is wrong with him. That hurts almost as much as me being confused about all this." Hugh laid his head on Georgia's shoulder and continued to breath, he didn't want to get worked up a third time.
Georgia stayed with Hugh. She didn't speak. It wasn't her time to talk yet. Hugh was the only man right now who could tell her when they were ready to talk.
So they sat and breathed.
They stayed for possibly an hour.
The silence was broken when they heard their front door being opened and Simon and Evander could be heard coming back from their shift on patrols.
Hugh and Kasumi would go out next. He only had a few minutes before we had to leave. He wouldn't get to talk to Georgia today, and that was ok. He wasn't in the mood to talk anymore, anyway. Georgia understood that, he didn't know how, but she always did. It was like a sixth sense, like how he knew Simon anxiety was worse than usual just by knowing him.
Like right now.
They made eye contact as Hugh went to meet Kasumi at the front door. They both stopped and just looked at each other for a second.
Words were said before he left this morning. But none of those words were even close to an "I'm sorry."
Simon put a hand on Hugh's shoulder and leaned up to nuzzle his cheek.
He remembered.
Hugh followed suit and held his love close. He still didn't understand his lack of feeling during passionate or quick kisses and sex. Not yet anyway.
The small action meant the world to Hugh, it was an I love you and an I'm sorry in one. They didn't have much time today. They would make time, though. Always for each other.
He couldn't show his love in the way Simon or society wanted, but he could do it the way they both needed.
And in quick time, they both became perfectly ok with that.
_________
No one would understand until about a year later.
The Librarian left behind a few books when he ran from Renegades for what seemed the millionth time. He got away, unfortunately, and they collected the forgotten books. Literature before the Age of Anarchy was scarce nowadays. They would do their best to make sure any different works didn't get forgotten. Not on the Renegade watch.
It wasn't until Georgia found a big book containing every sexuality. It was ultimately made for children but Georgia explored the book, feeling amazed at everything in it. There were flags and definitions with helpful examples. A lot of them she already knew, but she enjoyed learning about sexualities she's never heard about.
A·sex·u·al
Adj.
Not involving sexual activity, feelings, or associations; nonsexual.
-A black, gray, white and purple striped flag-
Then they knew.
There was nothing wrong with Hugh or Simon.
There never was.
-
Hugh loved Simon. Undoubtedly. He was the sun on his stormy days and one of the reasons he got up in the morning. He showed it everyday through hugs, cuddles and gifts. When they had nice, quiet walks while holding hands. Again, with tickle attacks and unfunny dad jokes.
Hugh didn't want sexual activities like many of his male friends did.
It was the way his body worked.
There was nothing wrong with that.
It was his choice.
Simon loved him for it. He no longer doubted his own worth either. He put people in their place when they doubted their love. No one had the right to assume something was wrong with them.
They could doubt his love for Simon.
They could doubt Simon's body.
Sometimes it hurts. Sometimes it didn't.
It didn't matter.
Hugh as asexual. Yet he loved his husband all that same. It didn't matter if people doubted it as long as they didn't doubt each other.
Because they finally knew that there was nothing wrong in wanting something different, to want to love someone differently.
In the end, love made in bed or made with laughter was all the same.
