I’m running sort of late in my timezone, but here is a little something for day 3 of @rfaromance‘s Holiday Event!
How do you describe the relationship that has grown between these five strangers, all initially brought together just to throw parties? From the outside, it’s easy to write off their relationships as superficial, but look a little deeper and you’ll find that the RFA has formed a family of its own in the years they’ve been together.
Over her years of working as his assistant, Jaehee has come to know Jumin very well. Yes, he is the cause of much irritation, and doesn’t seem to understand standard work hours, but she wouldn’t consider him a bad boss. She, more than anyone else, can tell when he is distracted or distressed and has learned the best workarounds.
Zen keeps an eye on Yoosung, offers an escape and his support when everything in life becomes too much. He does his best to be the brother he never had (and secretly relishes having someone to take care of). In return, Yoosung cooks them meals that are better than what Zen has eaten in a week. They keep each other balanced.
Seven goes missing for days at a time, and despite whatever they might tell him, they’re not sure how to fill the uncomfortable silence he leaves behind in the chat. They can’t do anything but hope he’ll return to them sooner rather than later. When inevitably he does, they pretend to tolerate his dramatic stories recounting his adventures (and all the while breathe a sigh of relief).
They don’t see each other often enough. Jumin organizes meetings so he can see them in person and make sure that everything is alright and that nobody has gotten lost along the way (though it’s been getting worryingly close once or twice). He isn’t sure how to reach them all and tell them how much he worries about them, so instead he tells them to make sure they sleep and eat enough.
Yoosung visits Seven’s house often. His excuse is that he wants to play games, but he really just wants to see Seven’s face. It’s easy to pretend to be energetic and happy behind a screen, but in real life, Seven has deep dark circles and smiles without much conviction. He cooks for him too, and takes note of how his fridge is almost always empty. He leaves only when he’s sure that Seven is looking somewhat better. In return, Seven helps him with difficult coursework, and always offers a place to run when his little dorm room gets too suffocating.
Jumin and Zen have a difficult time understanding each other, but don’t mistake it for hate (no matter what Zen says). They don’t see eye to eye, but they try to bridge the gap in their own ways. When Jumin isn’t offering money or opportunities to Zen, he’s asking questions about he industry and listening intently. Zen’s world is so different to his own, and it fascinates him. He admires Zen for being able to navigate a place like that. He can relate to being pursued for what he has to offer people and not for the person he is. Zen would hate to admit it, but he’s impressed by everything Jumin has on his plate. He knows that if something goes wrong, he can rely on him for support.
Zen and Jaehee compare schedules every week to try and find a slot to meet up for coffee. It doesn’t often happen, but when it does, they can easily spend a whole afternoon catching up. He encourages her to vent about working under Jumin, and she enjoys geeking out about the latest show he’s starring in. He reserves whatever merch he can for her and makes sure the family tickets he’s allowed are given to her. Seeing her face smiling up at him from the audience makes him feel proud. If he can make someone as put-together and professional as her so happy, he must be doing something right.
Sure, they all started off as strangers. Sure, they have their differences (they’d be the first ones to tell you that). But they are now so much more than that. They are a family who will always be rooting for each other.
"You know, I couldn't take him outside when we were younger if it was cold like this. There was only so much the donated clothes from the cathedral could do. It didn't matter how much I tried to layer him up, there was always a chance that he would get sick. I don't know what I would have done if he would have gotten sick and our mother wouldn't have let me buy him medication," Saeyoung said, his eyes never leaving his brother for a second, as always.
"He always wanted to touch the snow, though. There was one time when I would describe to him what it felt like and I knew it wasn't enough. He had a smile on his face because he felt like he could live vicariously through me. I hated telling him... no. It made me feel like such a terrible brother. I know I can be overprotective and overwhelming. But I was always looking out for his best interest. I always wanted to do the right thing for him."
He was cautious about it these days.
Of course, it would make sense at this point. After all, he almost lost his brother to an explosion. That wasn't easy. Now he was even more worried about something going wrong whether he wanted to admit it or not. He was in therapy to work on that. Some days were better than others, though. This was a good day, though. However, his mind couldn't help but wander to those years when they had been young boys.
The sound of childish laughter escaped Lucy, V's daughter, as she playfully hit Ray with a fresh ball of snow. Ray didn't seem to mind it. He laughed, quiet as can be, whispering something to her before she'd dart off into the snowy hills to hide from her family.
She was like their little sister, no, she was their little sister. Ray and Saeyoung didn't mind babysitting a little sister. She was cute, sweet, and spoke to her heart without hesitation. Of course, that was tough for her parents, namely V, who always seemed so flabbergasted when a child could sass back at him with such glee.
They were all playing out there. V, his partner, Ray, and Lucy. Of course, the odds were in the favor of the younger pair. Nobody would let snowball fights end without letting the child win, after all. Whereas, you and Saeyoung had taking a small break just to appreciate the scenery. It was wonderful. It was a perfect day. There was light snowfall and you could hear the sounds of footsteps in the distance. It was quiet but not in an ominous way.
It was almost an welcoming embrace.
You were happy to be a part of this little family. As Saeyoung's partner, you were swept into this right before your eyes. You knew how much it meant to him to have people this close to his family and what it meant to be trusted with this. To be trusted to be this close to the people that matter the most. Even if you were still getting to know everything about him, you were grateful that he was willing to open his heart this much. You were glad to see the snow falling from the sky, kissing his reddened cheeks as if to make him glow.
Not with a fever, no, with a glow of life unlike anything you had ever seen. His light was one you couldn't imagine going out. It was almost a miracle within itself that he had been able to keep going with such faith and passion in what he believed in. There was nothing that could put him out. After a lifetime of going through things that you couldn't even imagine, he still stood his ground. If anything, it spoke to your faith and the belief that it instilled into you. Even if things became ugly and there were those that tried to snuff out your light, as long as you believed deep down inside of your heart in all the good you knew, nothing could destroy it.
You pressed your hand atop his. "You'll never have to go back to those days. Now you and your brother can go outside anytime you want to. Even if you get sick because you stayed out all night long, there's nothing stopping you from getting the medication. The world's at your fingertips. I can't imagine what that must feel like. But I do know one thing, I know that your faith in goodness paid off. You wanted a world like this for him... and for you, and now you have it, Saeyoung."
He smiled. You knew that he understood that. He had freedom that he never had before. His brother had the freedom that he never had before. Things were ultimately going to get better the more time he had to heal. You couldn't wait to see them get better in front of your very eyes.
His fingers intertwined with yours. "This snow is the first of many I hope to share with you. That's what I want. It's my new dream."
Graphic design obviously is NOT my passion, but this has "Seven MC/Rika kinnie given free reign with picsart" energy, so it works!
We have 8 days of Hannukah, and 7 main routes + 2 side characters very popular among fandom! Why not spread some holiday cheer for all your faves (or the same fave 8 times)?
I tried to make the prompts generic enough, but they were all made with Hannukah in mind since it is an 8-day list. These are also the 8 nights of Hannukah, in case you were wondering! It happens to coincide with Christmas this year.
Writing, art, edits, anything creative will do! Please, have fun with it. And there's no pressure to do all the days. It's a busy time of year. Tag with #RFAholiday2022 so I can find it!
Was originally written for @rfaromance holiday event, but, uhhh, honestly not sure if this fits the theme much cause I'm a big dumb-dumb who thought that the theme was 'light' not 'lights', and noticed my mistake only in the middle of writing this piece 💀 not to mention it's not holiday related like at all
But hey, I had fun working on this so why not post it anyways! I'll probably make this a series of their own, because there's still a lot to explore with this scenario, and I have a general idea of where the story will go.
Ch. 1 (you are here), Ch. 2
The lights of the hospital were only growing more and more unbearable to look at as time slowly drifted by.
Three agonizingly long days have somehow passed since the harrowing defeat of Mint Eye was finally achieved. And yet, these last three days felt like years to Natasha. Time seemed to stop all together as if the world by itself has decided to hold its breath in fearsome anticipation of what was to come next.
To say that the RFA was in disarray is to say nothing at all. And while she felt guilty for refusing to meet up with them properly after talking with them through the chatroom for days, she just couldn't bear the thought of facing any of them right now. Not while both Jihyun and Ray were stuck in this hospital, all because of her. At least... It felt like it was because of her.
Of course, she was so incredibly grateful for the sudden burst of pure recklessness she somehow managed to find within herself to go and disobey Seven's orders for her to stay put in that cabin. Who knows what would've happen if she didn't take that car and drove all the way back to the very same building she worked so hard to escape from. She got there barely in time to find Ray still breathing, albeit barely, underneath the charred remains of their former false paradise. Really, it all felt like a miracle. Not only that, but also her hastily deciding to turn back after her brief conversation with Jihyun about everything that has transpired, only to find his bloodied and unconscious body on the ground, much to her horror.
She saw way too much blood in that one day.
Still... All of this felt like a happy coincidence, nothing more. While yes, she was so very glad that they're both okay, no doubt about that, but... in reality, nothing was okay. All of this was her fault. She should have been kinder to Ray, instead of wallowing in her own self-pity and pushing him away as a result of that. She should have persuaded Rika more insistently, instead of giving up on her so quickly just because of her own frustrations with her behavior.
She should have been better.
It's all her fault that everyone got hurt in the end.
Moreover, Natasha felt like she failed everyone, not just Ray and Jihyun. Even her initial euphoria of saving Ray just in time was painfully short-lived. Mere hours after successfully getting him admitted to the hospital, yet another tragedy exploded right in her face before she could even breathe a single sigh of relief and change out of her charred and bloodied clothes.
Who could have predicted that Ray was, in fact, Seven's younger brother?
These three days passed in a complete chaotic daze. She tried her best to keep the atmosphere calm between everyone, but it was practically impossible when she had to explain to Seven that his brother will not be happy to see him in the slightest once he wakes up. She couldn't blame him for getting angry with her at first. He was obviously hurting deeply - no - he was on the verge of breaking down completely. Gone was the calm and collected Luciel she spent her days in the cabin with. The pure and honest anguish in his golden eyes was too much for her to bear. In truth, she knew almost as much information as he did, which is nothing at all. Their knowledge was heavily limited, and only Rika and Jihyun had the scattered pieces to this harrowing puzzle that they both were now desperate to solve, both for their own reasons.
Still, she did her best to cheer him up, however she could. Luciel was her friend... and she couldn't see him suffering all alone like this.
Even if he pushed her away right now.
And so, she found herself sitting next to Ray's bedside once more, gently holding onto his hand and waiting for him to wake up at last. This wouldn't be the first time he'd open his eyes... except, the last time didn't go so well, to say the least. The only other person besides himself in his ward at the moment was Luciel, which is why this first meeting went horribly wrong from the get-go. In the end, Seven had to be hurriedly escorted away so as to not put any more stress on the patient, all while some sedatives had to be administered to prevent further harm Ray could cause to himself. This is why, once he finally started to stir again, Seven merely put down his laptop with a heavy and pained sigh falling from his lips. Quickly flashing a last wistful glance at his younger brother, he quickly left the room, leaving the two of them to their privacy, although he was clearly going against his own wishes, which was quite obvious to take note of, judging by the way he clenched his fists so tightly, she was afraid that he'd break the skin of his palms with his fingernails.
Natasha did feel incredibly guilty watching him leave. Still, she couldn't find the words within herself to reassure him. It didn't seem right to leave him out the door when Ray was so obviously important to him. She didn't deserve to be the one seeing him like this after everything that's happened. And yet... the bitter truth was that Ray viewed Luciel as an enemy that would harm him on sight. She just hoped she could somehow persuade her former boss to talk to Seven in one way or another.
The young woman sighed as a deep frown settled on her features. Ugh... Just what could have happened between them? She had an idea to try and contact Jihyun once he's stable enough, but... Something told her that this would be a very long conversation, for which she did not have the mental strength right now. She felt guilty enough for not telling Seven anything earlier, even if her knowledge didn't consist of anything useful.
He looked so depressed... Even with her not knowing anything useful about the situation, she could see that Ray was someone incredibly precious to him.
What in the world happened...?
𓈒 ﹒ ☆ 𓂂 ˚ ☆ ꙳ * ࣭ ࣭𓈒 ﹒ ☆ 𓂂
This time, the white-haired boy's mind was even hazier than before due to the drugs still remaining in his system. With a quiet pained groan, he forced himself to slowly open his eyes, only to quickly realize that only one of them has successfully listened to his efforts. Soon, he could also take notice of the same painfully bright white ceiling above him he saw before, which made him shut his eyes again almost immediately.
He wanted to escape the darkness so badly, and yet, these lights were even more horrifying to look at.
No matter how hard he silently begged his own mind for the peaceful void of unconsciousness to take hold of him once more, the fear has only gotten stronger, making his heart start to beat faster and faster inside his chest, pumping blood and oxygen through his system and not letting him relax. Wherever he was... He was not supposed to be here. If it's not Magenta, he will not survive. He didn't want anyone to control him or tie him up. He didn't want to be hurt again.
Once he tried to speak, he realized that his speech was slurred, while his voice sounded so incredibly hoarse and quiet that he could hardly make out the individual words he mumbled out himself. Or, maybe it's because of the slight ringing inside of his ears that just wouldn't go away. He didn't know. All he did know is that everything terrified him and he wanted to leave, whatever that even meant at this point.
"Don't... Please, don't. Let me go..."
Everything was so confusing and so suffocating to him. He did not understand at all what this place was, why he was in so much pain, and why his body felt so horribly heavy as if there was a mountain of bricks placed onto his chest. "Please... Please don't..."
𓈒 ﹒ ☆ 𓂂 ˚ ☆ ꙳ * ࣭ ࣭𓈒 ﹒ ☆ 𓂂
Natasha twitched slightly upon feeling the sudden movement from his side.
She didn't hear what he was saying exactly, so she had to carefully lean over him in order to catch bits and pieces of the broken phrases falling from his pale lips. He sounded so weak... so helpless. It was heartbreaking for her to see and hear. She sighed heavily as she slowly sat back down and hesitantly ran both of her thumbs over the skin of his healthy hand, carefully resting her chin on the bedsheets next to his side.
It's best not to get emotional right now, she told herself. He needed reassurance at this very moment more than ever. She has to keep herself together, not just for Ray's sake, but for Seven's as well. She has to be the pillar of strength they all need in this dire time.
Everyone is counting on her.
So, she tried to comfort him the best way she could, gently coaxing him awake with her voice, but not pushing him into opening his eyes quite yet.
"Shh... It's okay. No one will hurt you. I promise. You're okay."
𓈒 ﹒ ☆ 𓂂 ˚ ☆ ꙳ * ࣭ ࣭𓈒 ﹒ ☆ 𓂂
Ray's breath hitched in his throat.
This voice... Is he just... hearing things again? It certainly won't be the first time this would happen. He didn't want to get his hopes up.
'Why would she want to be with you? She doesn't need you. She doesn't need us. She left a long time ago.'
Indeed, he believed in these words as much as his other half did, however... For some reason, he still tried opened his eyes just one more time, not knowing what is it exactly, that he was hoping to see. This is probably just another one of his dreams. He just... wants to see Natasha again. To know that someone is there when he's so incredibly scared and alone, even if it's not real. And yet... when a familiar saddened face slowly appeared before his bleary vision, he really didn't know what to say.
This time, the lights were almost blinding to look at. And yet, he couldn't look away, even if he wanted to.
His mind went completely blank for a couple of seconds, leaving him just staring at the same face that he longed to see again for days on end, basking in bright lights from above. Even if it was only a fragment of his lonely imagination, he missed her… so, so much.
She looked like a real angel.
Before he even realized what he was doing, Ray instinctively tried to get at least a tiny bit closer to her, fighting against the searing pain in his heavy limbs, as if it wasn't even there. A ragged breath escaped past his lips, along with her name being repeated over and over again like a mantra of sorts. And that's when he remembered his final decision that lead him to where he was now.
A single tear rolled down his uncovered cheek as the hand she kept holding on to shakily squeezed her fingers in return. His heart fluttered in his chest at the contact, making him temporarily forget about the fear raging in his confused mind. But even this warm feeling of faint hope that embraced him in a promise of safety had a bitter aftertaste to it that quickly made itself known in an urgent hiss.
'What are you getting emotional for? She's probably just here to get something out of you. She's on the traitor's side.'
"I-I didn't... It worked, didn't it? Then- Why am I here? And why are you here... I don't understand..." Ray sniffed softly, licking over his dry lips and only now realizing, just how incredibly thirsty he was. "You hate me... You can't be here. Then what... What does that mean? Why does everything hurt so much?"
It was so hard for him to speak and to say anything coherent, both because of his physical condition and the raging hurricane of conflicting emotions taking hold of his already overwhelmed mind. His words were sluggish and hard to make out. And still, despite it all, he tried to snuggle up to Natasha as close as possible, fighting against the desperate protests of his exhausted body and the enraged hiss inside his own head. He sincerely believed that her image would just fade away into the blinding lights if he let her out of his sight even for a second.
There was so much left unsaid between them... so much he wanted for her to know. So much he forgot to say the last time they spoke. He couldn't even say goodbye to her properly before he did what he did.
"I'm... so sorry. I'm so weak. I didn't want to say goodbye to you. But, now I know that I'm a terrible person that never deserved your light in the first place. I'm so sorry that I let you down."
𓈒 ﹒ ☆ 𓂂 ˚ ☆ ꙳ * ࣭ ࣭𓈒 ﹒ ☆ 𓂂
Natasha had to focus all of her mental strength on not acting out too emotionally right now.
God... She replayed so many variations of this very moment in her head plenty of times during these last three days of her stay in the hospital, but, even so, a suffocating wave of differing feelings swept over her seemingly in an instant, making it extremely difficult for her to contain the inner chaos twisting and turning her stomach in response to what was happening right before her. The joy of finally seeing him conscious and hearing his voice again, the deep sorrow from his distressed words, the pain of witnessing him in such a fragile state, both physically and mentally.
And... guilt. An overwhelming sense of guilt eating her up from the inside out.
All she wanted to do was to cry out that he got it all wrong, that she never thought of him as a terrible person, that he shouldn't even think about something like that. But, that would only frighten him further. Which is why, she tried her best to contain this influx of emotions in one way or another, not wanting to accidentally scare him any more than he already was with an explosive reaction coming from her. Instead, she exhaled shakily, attempting to comfort the boy clinging to her so desperately one more time. "Shh, you didn't let anyone down, it's okay. Don't apologize."
Still, unable to restrain herself, Natasha allowed herself to get just a tiny bit greedy for once and express a certain amount of her feelings by carefully squeezing his hand between both of her palms a bit tighter before lowering herself just enough to leave a light kiss on the back of his hand. Thinking about it again, this gesture could easily just confuse him even further, for which she internally chastised herself, but, at this moment, she was simply too glad to see her friend safe. Or... well, relatively safe.
She lifted her head up again, smiling faintly at him.
"I'm so glad you're okay, Ray. I promise I won't leave you again, I'm sorry..."
Succumbing to the huge lump of guilt stuck in her throat, her gaze darted down at the floor, before she managed to pull herself together with a bit of effort. Only one quiet sniffle escaped as she stealthily wiped at her eyes and returned to her original position, carefully running her thumbs over his palm.
No use crying now.
As she spoke, she laid her chin on the bedsheets, fixing her gaze on his face. "You're in the hospital... I took you out of there. After the explosion. I sat here with you all this time because I knew how scary it would be for you to wake up all alone in here, but, in the end, you woke up when I wasn't here. You got really stressed, and that can be harmful to you right now, so you were given some sedatives to help you calm down... And I was waiting for you to wake up again ever since."
She clenched her jaw, mumbling softly.
"I understand that you are in pain right now... You were badly injured in the explosion... I think you will be given painkillers until you recover enough, but I don't know for sure."
𓈒 ﹒ ☆ 𓂂 ˚ ☆ ꙳ * ࣭ ࣭𓈒 ﹒ ☆ 𓂂
Ray stared blankly at Natasha - no - rather... he looked absolutely shocked.
For what seemed like the first time in forever, a hopeful light returned to his glossy eyes. Those words were so warm, so... kind. How could anyone care for him so much...
Really, how?
"W-what...? So this is..."
'Are you that stupid?'
Bitterness filled his chest once more as the light faded out just as quickly as it sprang to life. "But why...?"
The bomb should have been enough to destroy the entire building completely. How can this be real?
"All... this time...? You won't leave me...? Why?"
The light coming from her words was so warm, but he... Ray stubbornly refused to trust that any of this could be real. It just couldn't be! How can Natasha kiss him and say such nice things? And in order to find him and bring him here... she had to go after him in the first place, right? She would have to come back to Magenta on her own. But... she always refused him whenever he begged for her to do so. She even turned down their Savior's invitation. So... How could this be?
"If... If this is a joke, I... N-no... I lied to you, I hurt you, I hurt your friends, you got angry with me, you hated me. You can't... say things like that so easily. It hurts too much..." His eyes filled with bitter tears once again. No matter how hard he tried to understand, it all seemed so ridiculously unreal and fictional. Like it's some kind of cruel joke, or another nightmare of his, or even vice versa: a good dream, exploiting his stupid daydreams just to break his heart into a million pieces once he gives in to this sweet facade. He was afraid to trust this warmth again because it seemed... even laughable. His dreams were just that: laughable, unachievable, and cloyingly sweet as if he was just a stupid child, unable to think rationally and see reality for what it is. So, he forced himself to reject it all, even if his heart longed for him to grasp at her and never let her go...
It all seemed like a cruel mockery.
"I-If... this is your punishment for me, then please stop. I know, I know that I've done so many terrible things to you and that I don't deserve such kindness. I know that. I destroyed the last good thing left in my life, and I hurt you so much. I believed I was doing the right thing, I was so selfish."
The tears were now freely running down his cheeks, dripping onto the sheets, as his breathing got more and more panicked. "I know that I was selfish, and that's why everyone left me in the end... I really know that. I'm sorry that I was such a burden to you. I'm really sorry for all the pain I've caused you, just please don't punish me like this!"
He shakily pulled his hand out of her grasp against his own desires, only to press it up against his head, digging his fingers deep into his hair and ignoring the searing pain in response to his careless movements. He pulled at his hair as if he was trying to distract himself from his mental distress with a physical sensation, however unpleasant it may be.
𓈒 ﹒ ☆ 𓂂 ˚ ☆ ꙳ * ࣭ ࣭𓈒 ﹒ ☆ 𓂂
Natasha gently reached back after his hand, trying to slowly ease him into letting go of his own hair and stop hurting himself. She attempted to keep her tone of voice quiet and soft, not wanting to cause him any more stress than he was already experiencing.
"Ray... I'm sorry. Please don't apologize and don't hurt yourself like this... I never hated you. You need to rest now. We can talk about everything that happened between us... later."
She had to look away for a couple of seconds before continuing, slightly furrowing her brows. "-But just know that I'm not angry with you, and I'm not trying to... punish you... I'm really glad that you're okay. I have no desire to hurt you..."
She sighed as she stood up from her seat to gently wipe the tears from his face, barely holding back the urge to wince when the boy reacted as if she was about to hit him. She tilted her head.
"I'll prove to you that I'm telling the truth. I'm not going to leave you or mock you for anything you've done. I'll be with you in this very room until you get better, if you want me to stay. So if you're too scared to believe me now... I hope that you can trust me with time. Just... please don't cry... I won't hurt you. I just want you to get better."
𓈒 ﹒ ☆ 𓂂 ˚ ☆ ꙳ * ࣭ ࣭𓈒 ﹒ ☆ 𓂂
He felt lost all over again. He wanted to believe that all of this was true so much. The fact that Natasha really appreciated him so sincerely, that he meant so much to her... But he did not understand at all how she could possibly want to take care of him after everything that happened. "I... thought you left forever when you ran away with V. You left me. I thought you hated me... No... You should hate me. You said that I hurt you and that you don't want to come back to our paradise..."
Despite all this... He was still so very scared. Thinking about the fact that Natasha will really leave him and he will remain here all alone... Ray squeezed her hand with his trembling fingers once again. What can he do? The Savior left him, he didn't have anyone and he is as helpless and useless as can be. He is a nobody. He is not even capable of living in this world on his own. Even if she hurts him eventually... How bad will it hurt to be without her? If it's true... If she's really here, even if he does not understand anything at all and does not know what she really wants from him... She is the last remaining light in his life. If, by some stupid mistake, he's still alive, and if he can stay close to her, maybe one day he will be able to earn real kindness from her, and maybe she will let him stay...
Natasha swallowed nervously, carefully reciprocating his fearful touch, which only made him choke up even more. Her voice sounded so sweet... He wished he could listen to it forever.
"Shh... I really don't hate you, I promise. It's going to be okay... You don't have to think about any of that right now. Just know that I'm not trying to hurt you. I'll be here."
Before he knew it, his internal fight had come to its end, as he found himself clinging to her hand as tightly as he could with desperation seeping into his words. "Don't... Don't leave me, don't leave me, don't leave me. I beg you, Natasha... Don't leave me here. You can do whatever you want with me, just don't leave. I can't be alone in here. I'll try to be better, I promise."
For him, love was... to devote yourself to someone. It was something you need to prove, something you need to deserve to receive. To be appreciated, he first needed to prove himself as worth appreciating. And if this is a devotion for Natasha, he... would agree to it without a second thought. Although his words now completely contradicted one another, he seems to be simply clinging to the most vivid thoughts filling his hazy and fragile mind.
"I-I don't want to be here... My Savior said that people like me would simply be locked up. They'll hurt me when they figure out who I am. I can't be here... Please."
𓈒 ﹒ ☆ 𓂂 ˚ ☆ ꙳ * ࣭ ࣭𓈒 ﹒ ☆ 𓂂
She hesitantly reached out with her other hand to gently stroke his dried-out hair, being careful not to touch any of the bandages. "I know you're scared... I understand why you feel this way, trust me. But you need to get better, Ray... I'll be here with you all the time. You won't be alone, I promise. But you'll have to stay here until... you get well, okay?"
She tried to choose her next words carefully, hoping desperately to reassure him that everything will indeed be alright. She ran her thumb along the back of his hand in a soothing motion.
"In... Magenta... There were also doctors, right...? Someone brought you medicine for a headache... These people do the same thing. And I'll be there to help if something bad happens... If it weren't for their hard work, you'd-"
Unable to contain her own anxiety for a brief moment, she quickly lowered her gaze to the floor, closing her eyes tightly and exhaling shakily, trying her hardest to throw out the suffocating memory of him laying there, barely breathing and bloodied as she rushed him to the hospital. A sight that haunted her dreams ever since. Or, rather nightmares. Once she managed to regain her composure again, she continued, attempting to keep her voice from shaking too much. "-N-no, I'm sorry, there's no need for you to hear about that right now. What I wanted to say is: doctors are good people, Ray... They just help those who need treatment, nothing more."
Visible shame filled her dull green eyes as she pursed her lips into a thin line, chewing on the inside of her cheek.
"I... hope that in time, you will be able to trust me again. I'm sorry for hurting you too... We both made some mistakes. I should have been more understanding of your circumstances."
𓈒 ﹒ ☆ 𓂂 ˚ ☆ ꙳ * ࣭ ࣭𓈒 ﹒ ☆ 𓂂
Ray paused.
Her words sounded... wrong. Like Natasha was apologizing... Should she be apologizing? An answer popped up in his head almost immediately. Of course not. She feels bad? Because of... him? The thought confused him.
Still, he didn't want her to feel bad. Ray knew that sad look of hers so well... It's something he vowed to get rid of the day she joined Magenta.
He weakly squeezed her fingers in his own in a pathetic attempt at comforting her. He wished he could do more... But, his body refused to listen. "Are you okay...? I'm the one that should be sorry... For putting you through all of this. If I really made you worry about me... I'm sorry."
He looked around the room slowly, which was quite difficult when his vision seemed unwilling to focus. And again... No matter how much he wanted to rely on her, this place... It was terrifying. All the tubes attached to his skin, the meaning of which he did not understand, the disgusting chemical smell filling his nostrils, painfully loud beeping in the background making his ears throb... He was frightened even by the mere fact that they could put him to sleep at any moment.
Just like... when he got 'stressed'? That same fragment resurfaced in his memory and he felt a cold shiver run down his spine in an instant.
"Who... else knows about me?"
He wasn't that scared around Natasha, but there was still real fear present in his gaze. Maybe it was just... a hallucination of his?
Natasha hesitated, quickly dropping her gaze to the floor - a telltale sign of her feeling guilty, as he quickly learned through their shared time together. He could feel her fingers twitching in his grasp, probably as a result of her resisting the urge to hide her hands in her pockets. She was always a terrible liar... One of the many reasons why he chose to take her under his wing all these many days ago.
𓈒 ﹒ ☆ 𓂂 ˚ ☆ ꙳ * ࣭ ࣭𓈒 ﹒ ☆ 𓂂
"Well- Um... If I'm being honest-" She forced herself to stop thrashing about, instead deciding to take a deep breath and calm down. She bit her lower lip as she looked up at him.
"Everyone... in the RFA? You're staying here with V, after... Rika... wounded him."
'Stabbed him' would sound too hostile.
“And Jumin provides funds for your treatment…”
Things at the RFA were... downcast to say the least.
The truth about herself, Rika, V, and everything in-between shook every single member of the group to their core. Everyone... coped in their own way.
Ugh... Just how many secrets are there?
Her honesty did not help much with Ray's anxiety, though. "So... So Luciel... He knows about me too, right? He was... here? What I saw was true? Where is he now?"
It seems that once the topic was brought up, he began to look more and more frightened by the second, which could not help but alert Natasha.
She shifted her gaze to him, slightly shaking her head.
"He's... in the hallway. I know how you feel about him, so we decided that it'd be better for him to leave the room the next time you wake up."
She ran her thumb over his hand, probably trying to calm him down at least a little bit. "I don't know what happened between you two, but he... was really worried about you, you know? I'm guessing it'll take a long time for you two to resolve this conflict, whatever it may be. I will not force you to communicate with him or forgive him... This is your business. And I will try to respect your choices, whatever they may be. But... just know that he's very concerned for you. It's obvious that he cares for you deeply and sincerely. Just... think about it, okay?"
Natasha tried to put on a soft smile in an attempt to reassure him.
"If you're not ready today, there's nothing to worry about, I promise. You just woke up... You've learned a lot. If meeting him now is too much for you, then that's perfectly fine. I won't force you. We can just sit here and relax. What do you say?"
𓈒 ﹒ ☆ 𓂂 ˚ ☆ ꙳ * ࣭ ࣭𓈒 ﹒ ☆ 𓂂
His gaze narrowed. "H-He's worried? He can't be. This... This is a lie. He's lying to you, Natasha. He will deceive you and hurt you. He is a liar and a traitor! He is a bad person, the worst kind."
Ray involuntary shuddered at the thought. Luciel... He couldn't do anything good. Even the mere fact of him knowing where he was staying was terrifying to think about. It seems that he was afraid of the redhead even more than of this horrid place. He could harm him or Natasha. He could do anything! And he doesn't even have the strength to defend himself.
She let out a soft sigh as she pressed her lips together tightly with a slight frown making its way onto her face again. Still, she did not object to him as she did before, which surprised him quite a bit.
"Okay, then today you'll just rest, how about that? I won't force you, especially on your first day after... everything. You deserve to relax." She quickly replaced her frown with a small but sincere smile as she reassuringly squeezed his hand in her own. "So, don't worry. But... I'm sorry, I think he'll see you anyway. Don't get me wrong, I know exactly how you feel about... him."
He could see her leg moving up and down as she tapped her foot in a quick rhythm, an obvious giveaway of her true nervousness, in spite of her strong front.
"But... You haven't seen the state he was in throughout these last 3 days. I did. Trust me when I say that even the best of actors can't play their part that well. I don't know what happened between you, and I'm not trying to excuse him when I don't even know the situation, but the fact that he cares about you is undeniable. But, I understand if you can't accept that. After all... You really haven't seen him during all this time. It's just... I don't think you can avoid him." She shifted awkwardly in her seat. "He really wants to see you... He didn't say anything bad to me... He just mourned the way people do when they've lost or nearly lost a loved one. You can't act that convincingly."
A deep scowl replaced all other signs of his worry as he pressed his head to his chest as if he was trying to physically get away from this clearly unpleasant conversation.
"Nothing will come out of it no matter what he wants... But I still ask you to please be careful around him. I know how he may seem to you, but he doesn't care about anyone around him. He only cares for himself and he can take advantage of your kindness. I know you have a gentle heart... I don't want you to get hurt because of him. Not you."
He avoided her gaze, but still squeezed her hand a little tighter in his grasp, serving as a silent reminder that he was okay with her being here and that his anger was not directed at her. "I... want to protect you, please trust me, Natasha."
𓈒 ﹒ ☆ 𓂂 ˚ ☆ ꙳ * ࣭ ࣭𓈒 ﹒ ☆ 𓂂
She hummed, confused by some of his words, but decided to give a tentative nod anyway, carefully placing her other hand over his palm.
"Okay, Ray."
She gave him a soft smile, trying to relax him once again. "I'll be careful around him, I promise. Thank you for caring about me."
This was... a new approach to him. Back then, in the hideout, she only ever said exactly what was on her mind, and, as a result, felt disappointed whenever he seemed to refuse to see any reason in her words, no matter how hard she tried, instead only continuing to talk about their eternal paradise and Mint Eye's twisted ideology. Perhaps... If she is to choose a softer approach this time... If she'll be more understanding and sensitive to his needs, everything will be better. Instead of insisting on her own point of view, she will instead focus on the fact that he cares about her, despite their disagreements. She... wanted to believe that this would help their already more than complicated situation.
Still, they cared for one another, and it's best to focus on that for now. He was her closest friend... even if he wronged her in one way or another, she knew that she didn't want to leave him. They'll make it work. Somehow.
𓈒 ﹒ ☆ 𓂂 ˚ ☆ ꙳ * ࣭ ࣭𓈒 ﹒ ☆ 𓂂
He hesitantly turned his gaze to her once more.
"I... I don't know..."
If he was being honest, he did not want to see him whatsoever, no matter what she said.
"I-I don't want him to touch me... And I don't want him to come too close either. I don't know why he wants to see me and I don't understand it. He... he just left years ago, he broke all his promises and... He left. He said that he would never leave me and just disappeared at the first opportunity to do so. I don’t want to see him next to me anymore, I just want him to disappear from my life forever. " He winced at the memory. Even after all this time has long passed, it was still so painful to remember, and just the thought of what he had to go through made him shake with frustration as bitter tears filled his eyes. Luciel is what he associated with the agonizing pain of betrayal, that horrible moment when he would stop being useful. Although he's an adult, that same frightened child still lives within him, a child that is trying desperately to just survive to see another day, and this heavy feeling of powerlessness is so horribly familiar to him, that it made it hard to breathe.
"I would have died there if it wasn't for my Savior... He knew it, and he didn't care about me anyway! What difference does it make to him now? In all this time, he has never once been interested in me."
Ray buried his nose into the pillow as if he was trying to hide, like a total coward. If he was being honest, he did not even know if he had the strength to continue this conversation right now. These news about the redhead alone had exhausted him enough. No... All of these emotions were draining. Fear, anger, guilt, confusion. It's too much for his fragile condition, both physically and mentally. He used to struggle with falling asleep but now he felt completely helpless against the pull of it. Ray sighed softly, slowly closing his eyes and whimpering under his breath as he felt the world around him blur and fade into darkness.
The lights have started to fade out.
𓈒 ﹒ ☆ 𓂂 ˚ ☆ ꙳ * ࣭ ࣭𓈒 ﹒ ☆ 𓂂
Natasha exhaled, realizing that he was already at his limit. Well... There was no point to keep on trying to pressure him to talk about things he clearly didn't want to talk about, not to mention the fact that it's clearly a sensitive topic for him... That would simply be unfair to him.
The former assistant smiled faintly as she reached out with her other hand and gently stroked his head in an attempt to soothe his worries, at least a tiny bit.
"Okay... I can see that you're tired, don't worry. We'll have plenty of time to discuss the rest. Just relax. I'll be right here when you wake up, promise." She rested her head on the sheets, quietly watching him and continuing to gently stroke his hair like she always did whenever he felt anxious, occasionally running her thumb over the back of his hand that was still resting securely in her other palm.
Well... Something quite tragic definitely happened between these two brothers. But, this is also clearly a deeply personal conflict, which is why she did not want to get involved in it. She didn't deserve to dictate what was right and what was wrong on such a delicate subject. Ugh... Her head started to hurt again from all these complicated thoughts. And she still knows practically nothing useful that she could possibly relay to Luciel that was counting on her. What Ray just said only created more questions rather than answers.
Seven is one thing, but she had no idea how Ray will handle his future interactions with his doctors, which is quite concerning, considering that he will have to see them often with his condition. This whole situation is just a big mess from all around.
After making sure that he fell asleep, Natasha finally got up from her seat and, with an exhausted sigh falling from her lips, left the room, letting the lights fade out completely with one quick flip of a switch.
Still, once she looked back one last time, she could see soft lights from the street lamps painting beautiful patterns on the bleak walls of the ward. Against the exhaustion laying heavy on her shoulders, she found herself smiling faintly at the sight.
Maybe... There's still hope for her to make things right.
The young woman's nose twitched at the question, but she managed to keep her voice level as she replied, "What do you mean by that, Rika?"
She knew that Rika couldn't see the way she was fighting to keep a smile on her face, given that she had clapped her hands over the blonde's eyes as she led her through the small house, but nonetheless she didn't want to let her mood slip. Part of being an idol meant being prepared for anything to happen at a live show, and this situation was no different.
"I mean, do you like the sun, Hinata? Or do you dislike it? Is it important to you?"
Hinata had to bite her lip in order to keep her frustrated thoughts from flowing out. "It's fine, I suppose," she answered at last. She shook a stray pink lock of hair from her face as she continued. "It gives us life, and that's important. But--"
"The sun is the source and sustenance of our life," Rika agreed, murmuring thoughtfully. "We would not last without that warmth. Humans cannot live without warmth and light."
Hinata stopped walking, forcing Rika to stop as well, blocked by the tiny, pale hands that were clamped over her face from behind. "I wanted to be like the sun, once," Hinata confessed. "Radiant, bright, essential. I wanted my debut to be the dawn of Earth's own personal star." She chuckled bitterly. "But fate had other plans."
Rika hummed softly, reaching up to carefully place her hand on top of Hinata's. "Do you mean to say, you no longer care for the sun?" she murmured. Her inquiring tone was eerily gentle, as if it were the calm before the storm.
"I wouldn't say that," Hinata declared, shaking her head. Normally that gesture would have sent her twintails flapping around her, but today her signature pink tresses were hanging loosely down her back, much like the way Rika wore her own hair. "Rather... I found something that I think is even more inspiring and beautiful."
Counting to three under her breath, Hinata slowly peeled her hands away from Rika's eyes. Rika's eyes, in turn, clamped over her mouth, which had fallen agape in... shock? Awe? Wonder? Hinata couldn't be sure.
"I think the lights that still manage to twinkle in the darkness are the most amazing ones," she concluded. Her amused gaze scanned over the glistening light bulbs that she had used to decorate the entryway of their home. Pink lights around the windows, white lights around the door, and golden star-shaped lanterns scattered on tables and counters. "The lights that help you when all seems lost. The lights that, in the fear and sorrow and loneliness of night... lead you home."
Yoosung had been fretting for weeks about the holidays. This was the first Christmas where he would have a girlfriend, and he wanted to ensure he prepared the best possible gift for her. He wasn't always good at expressing his feelings, and new as he was to romance, he tended to fumble over his words or make mistakes along the way.
He couldn't recall the last time he'd spent so much time strategizing, planning, and analyzing options, or making contingency plans, for something that was not related to LOLOL. If his girlfriend saw his mess of notes and spreadsheets, she would probably admonish him for not putting this same effort into his studies. (Not that he minded when she tugged on his ear a bit.)
He was ready for anything, or so he thought.
Until she actually came to him with a personal Christmas request.
"That's... what you want? More than anything else?"
Sae-eun pouted slightly, and Yoosung could feel his cheeks flushing just at the sight of her protruded lower lip. He also felt warm with embarrassment at the thought of accidentally offending her. "O-of course!" he stammered. "It's fine! I can! We can! I just..." He began to fiddle with the ends of his sleeves.
"You just can't believe I've never, ever had fried chicken?" she finished.
"I'm more surprised by how much you want to try it."
The brunette sighed and took a step back, folding her arms over her chest. "My father never allowed such food in our houses," she began. Yoosung tried to ignore the fact that she had said houses, plural, and kept listening intently. "He always wanted our minds and bodies to be healthy, or so he said. There are a lot of snacks and candies I've never eaten, unless I ate them at a friend's place. No doughnuts. No French fries. No fried chicken!" She sighed and dropped her arms by her side, looking exhausted. "No matter how much I tried to beg our chefs, they were adamant about following his orders. I guess that's what happens when you work for the prime minister...."
Sae-eun continued to mumble and mutter under her breath, and Yoosung couldn't make out most of her words. Not wanting to lose track of the conversation, he spoke up. "I'm happy to try a recipe with you," he assured her. "I love cooking new things! But... why fried chicken, and why now?"
Sae-eun's attention snapped to her boyfriend at once. "It's in so many anime! Tons of video games!" She began bouncing excitedly on her toes. "Characters having fried chicken on Christmas! Limited holiday bonus item of fried chicken that restores all your health! I was curious about why, so I researched the history of the tradition of KFC in Japan, and no matter how much I try to plead for a Christmas exception to my father's strict dietary rules, the only leeway I get is chocolate milk and cookies!"
Perhaps that was the true difference between someone like Prime Minister Choi and someone like Yoosung. He couldn't resist Sae-eun's pleading face and watery eyes, while Saejoong Choi had been denying his daughter of a simple request for her entire life.
"Let's get to the store, then!" Yoosung declared. "Wait, let's get a recipe first. We will try and try and try until we get it right!"
~~~
By the time Yoosung was finished cooking, he didn't have an appetite for all of the fried chicken he'd whipped up. But he still got a taste of his culinary creation, as Sae-eun held a sprig of parsley over his head and gave him a quick taste on his lips.
