Farewell ~ToG
I started writing this over a month ago and didn’t touch it until today. The timing was unfortunate, but wanted to share. This will be just a one chapter thing and it doesn’t link into any of my other fics at the moment (maybe I’ll make it a bonus chapter when I finish Only You... we’ll see). Anyway, enjoy!
Wordcount: 3,030
Since Aelin had been old enough to fully understand what it meant to be immortal she had tried not to let her thoughts be consumed by the inevitable truth that plagued her. One day her family and her friends would die, and she would be left in the world alone. The things that she once knew and loved would be gone and she would watch as the world shifted around her while she remained unchanged.
She was lucky in so much that she had found Rowan. Her parents and friends may not be immortal, but she savoured the knowledge that he would be there with her through the grief that was coming.
She sat by her fathers bed; his hair long gone grey, his face older, but still familiar. She held her fathers favourite book in her hands, reading the pages slowly as he drifted in and out of sleep. In those brief moments of consciousness he would hold her hand and they would talk about the lives they’d had, he told her stories of his childhood, of his love with her mother. Aelin would only listen, trying to savour the sound of his voice, praying that even when she was hundreds of years old, she would still remember it.
It had been a few hours since he last woke, the time between them getting longer with each passing minute. Still she would not leave his side.
“Aelin.”
She turned to her mate who was loitering in the doorway, a cup of steaming tea in his hand. He moved closer, placing the tea on the table next to her.
“How is he?” He placed his hands on her shoulders, gently massaging the knots that had formed. His thumb brushing her skin.
“Getting worse.” Her voice cracked. “They informed me it wouldn’t be long.”
Rowan didn’t say a thing as he pulled a chair up next to her, his hand finding hers. She let a few tears fall, the drops hitting the open pages of the book.
It had not been long since she had been sat by her mothers bedside, holding her hands and hearing her mothers words of encouragement, her greatest wishes and her regrets— not that there had been many regrets. Aelin had been by her side, her father sat with her too, both crying as they said their goodbyes. The loss of her mother was a pain she would feel for a long time still. Only two years had passed and she missed her with such ferocity that it took her by surprise sometimes.
She was thankful for the time she had been given, her parents had lived long lives and she would be eternally grateful for that time. But despite their long lives, Aelin had many more things she wished they could have seen, could experience. They would never meet their grandchildren— something that had torn Aelin apart. She had cursed the fae bloodline, unfair that it was so difficult to conceive, unfair that despite trying for years there had been no success.
It will happen for us.
She turned to Rowan, who was already looking at her.
“I just wanted them to meet their grandchildren.” She whispered, more tears threatening to spill.
Her father stirred, his eyes fluttering open. He managed a small smile as he looked upon the two fo them.
“Do you not have more important things to do?” Her fathers voice was quiet as he spoke, his words coming out croaky. Rowan huffed out a laugh.
“There is nothing more important than me being here Papa.”
She gripped her fathers hand tight, his own grip weak— so different from the man he used to be. She held on tight as her father closed his eyes again, his head falling slightly to the side. Aelin tried to hold back the sob that threatened to come out. Rowan’s hand was on her back, rubbing soothing circles.
She didn’t know how long she sat there. The day had turned to night, healers had been in once more, lighting candles on their way, bathing the room in a soft glow. They never approached Aelin nor did they engage in any conversation; they knew she was mourning, so they gave her space. Rowan had retreated to their own rooms a while ago, letting her have these last moments alone with her father.
When the candles had burned themselves out and the room had finally plunged into darkness, the only light from the moon through the window, she stood from her fathers side. She placed a kiss on his forehead, whispering, “I love you.”
She didn’t expect a response, but her fathers voice whispered out his response. “I love you too, Fireheart.”
Aelin couldn’t help the tears this time, letting them fall as she tried to comprehend what was happening.
“Why do you cry?”
“I don’t want you to leave.” She managed to get the words out between her sobs. “I have tried to be strong for you and for everyone else around me… but—” she hiccupped. “What will I do without you?”
“You are the strongest, most brave woman I know, Aelin.” He took a deep breath, his lungs wheezing. “And even though I am leaving, it doesn’t mean I won’t be right by your side. Your mother and I will be with you for eternity; until we meet again in the afterlife.”
“Pappa…”
“We are—“ another deep breath. “We are so proud of you, of what you have become.”
She felt her soul being crushed as he said those words. Her father patted the space beside him, and she didn’t hesitate to crawl beside him and curl into him.
“There were so many things I wanted to show you… to experience with you.” She found his hand again, holding tight. “I wanted to give you grandchildren and I wanted you to see the theatre we built for mamma.”
“You gave me everything I needed, Fireheart.”
It was silent a while, Aelin could still feel the rise and fall of his chest— a relief. She didn’t stir as a healer came in the room. She took one look at Aelin and her father and left just as quickly as they had arrived.
Aelin remained curled to her fathers side, sleep finding her soon enough. She dreamed of her mother mostly, of their lives together; of the happy memories they had shared. The dream was bright and lovely, full of laughter and love and pure joy, and moments before she woke, her father entered that dream too. His face no longer worn with age, but youthful, vibrant. Her parents smiled at her, their own hands clasped together as they waved to Aelin. She tried to hold on, hold on to that picture of them. But all too soon her eyes opened and she knew.
The morning had not yet come, the sky still speckled with stars. She did not move, her eyes staring out to the sky beyond— wishing she could rewind the night and say goodbye one last time. The soft rise and fall of her fathers chest had ceased, his light breaths no more.
Aelin summoned all the energy she had, sliding off the bed and standing. She did not face her father, who would be lying there, unmoving— gone. So she slipped out of the door to find the guards outside, standing to attention.
“I need you to fetch Rowan and a healer.”
Aelin did not know how she sounded so calm, her voice strong and commanding— not when she felt like she was falling apart. Both her parents lost to the inescapable doom of time. Although Aelin knew it was coming, that one day she would have to say goodbye to the ones she loved… still she did not feel prepared for when it. She never thought the last time would be the last time. The absence of them enveloping her.
“Your majesty.” The healer curtsied low as she halted in front of her.
“My father—“ She cleared her throat. “He is gone.”
The healer rose, nodded once and entered the room behind her.
Aelin remained in the hallway. The quietness that had been before was broken by the sounds of footsteps from all directions. More healers entered the room, all of them curtsying low as they took in Aelin. Two new guards arrived. But the person she wanted the most was nowhere to be seen.
“Your majesty?” A small voice from behind her. “This is for you.”
The small girl handed Aelin a piece of rolled parchment, her fathers messy scribbles visible on one side.
“Thank you.”
She waited outside the room.
“Fireheart?” At the sound of her mates voice she broke. Rowan caught her before she hit the ground, his muscled arms coming around her, an unyielding force. “It’s alright, I’m here.”
She sobbed, she let her cries fill the hallways, she unleashed the pain and utter heartbreak within. Her body shaking in the arms of her mate as he held her steady on the floor.
“Let it out. I’m here.” He kissed her head as she cried into his chest, her tears soaking the shirt.
“He’s gone.” Another sob. “They’re both gone.”
“I know, Fireheart. I know.” Rowan stroked her back as she clenched his shirt in her hands, her sobs easing slightly, the tears still running down her cheeks like rivers.
“Why?”
She looked to him, his pine green eyes already on her. He kissed her forehead and pulled her in closer, hugging her tight as he gave another soft kiss on her head.
“There is no explanation good enough to say why we lose the people we love.” He murmured.
Aelin sniffed, letting out a heaving sigh as she let the tears continue to fall. “I’m never— Gods.” She furiously wiped at her face. “It isn’t fair.” Her voice a whisper.
“They’ll always be with you. Wherever life takes you, they’ll be there.”
She wiped away the tears with her shaky hands. “I just want one more day with him, to hug him goodbye again, to tell him I love him.”
Rowan stroked her hair, kissing the top of her head, holding her closer as she cried.
They didn’t say anything for a while longer; Rowan holding her all the while. They ignored the comings and goings of the staff, Rowan making sure no one disturbed them.
Aelin did not know how long she stay there with Rowan. But the sun had fully risen in the sky, it’s rays shining through the large window, bathing the hallway in glorious warmth.
“Fireheart?”
She glanced up.
“It’s time, my love.”
She stood in time to see her father being carried out of the room. His body draped in white linen, a single white lily placed in the centre of his too still chest. It had been a tradition in Terrasen for hundreds of years to follow the dead to each of their resting places. The first being the healers wing— where they would be embalmed and priestesses would come to pray for their souls. The second place being the mourning room within the palace; where family and close friends would come to pay their respects. The final spot would be the burial. Her father would be buried next to her mother, their bodies laid to rest together— as they had always requested.
Rowan placed his hand on her back, his touch soothing and steady.
~
Aelin could not remain with the healers for long. Whilst they waited for the priestess to arrive she waited outside the door, letting them prepare her fathers body. Rowan remained by her side holding her hand, letting her cry when the grief overwhelmed her once more.
When the priestess finally arrived they followed her into the room, candles were dotted around the room basking it in a soft glow. Her father was covered in clean linens a deep shade of green to represent the colours of Terrasen. Traditional flowers had been arranged around him. She hated seeing him like this— she had hated it with her mother too. She hated how he was so still, another solid reminder that he was gone and would not be coming back. He would not sit up and make a joke or gently snore like he used to when he would fall asleep in the armchair in the library.
“Would you like to say any words, your majesty?” The priestess looked upon Aelin, her brown eyes sparkling in the candlelight.
Aelin shook her head. The time for words would come later. Right now she wanted to have this over with so she could go back to her rooms and cry until she fell asleep.
The priestess bowed her head and began her prayers. She started in the old language, most of which Aelin did not understand. Prayer after prayer she would say until she began her final blessing— in their own language this time. It was a traditional blessing, one that all people who had passed would have. A blessing to heal their souls, to send them on their way to the afterlife safely. The blessing was short but the words still made Aelin weep.
The priestess lit one final candle which would burn until his official funeral, then when his body was laid to rest it would be extinguished.
The priestess finished with a final amen, curtsying low as she disappeared out of the room. Rowan squeezed her hand as they exited the room not too soon after.
Rowan and Aelin walked in silence, her tears silently falling as they made their way to their room.
“I think you should eat. It’s been a long time since your last proper meal.”
“I’m not hungry.” She entered the room, everything left how it had been before her father had passed. Rowan’s desk scattered with papers, her own desk the same. Piles of books lay there, the candles burnt out, wax dripped down the sides of the gold holders.
She turned her eyes to the paper on her bedside. The note her father had given her.
Rowan followed her gaze. She had not opened it. She had given it to Rowan who had placed it there, knowing that perhaps she would want to read it sooner rather than later. But she had not had the courage to do so. The folded note taunting her.
“You should read it.”
She shook her head. Looking back to Rowan. “I don’t want to.”
He brushed a strand of her hair aside. “Think about it whilst I get some food for us, okay?” He kissed her forehead, lingering, before pulling away and heading back out of the bedroom.
She suddenly felt exhausted, the weight of the day hitting her. Aelin moved slowly to the washroom, her every movement heavy. She stared at her reflection in the mirror and cringed at the woman she beheld. Her hair had come loose from the braid she had hurriedly done that morning, dark circles beneath her red eyes. Perhaps on a normal day she would be mortified of her appearance but today she did not care. She forwent washing her face and brushing her hair; instead she undressed and found Rowan’s shirt that was strewn across the wooden chair.
She padded back to the bedroom, sliding into the soft sheets of the bed, pulling them up around her. As she lay there she stared to the note. She wanted more than anything to read it, to see her fathers words, to lay her eyes upon his handwriting, to have a last moment of closeness to him.
She knew he would want her to look at it, to read it. He would want her to know the words he had written, to find comfort in them.
So Aelin took a shaky breath and reached for the parchment, and slowly unrolled it.
My dear Fireheart,
The time has finally come for me to say goodbye to you. I have rewritten this letter more times than I wish to admit— but I have so much to say and I am finding it hard to find the right words.
I know that my death will be hard on you, for many reasons. But I want you to know that I will always be by your side, wherever you go, whatever you do, I will be there with you. You may not see me anymore or hear me but I will be there supporting you for all eternity.
I do not wish for you to mourn me too long— for I want you to be happy, to thrive and not dwell on these mortal things. You are so much stronger than you could ever imagine and I believe in your strength to overcome. I know happiness seems so far away, but remember to laugh and enjoy the beauty in this world, to smile and treasure every moment.
I’ve given you a lot of advice over your life, some good and some bad and I wish I had more wisdom to to give but I think you probably have more to give to me. Despite my shortcomings, I hope you know that everything I have done has been because I love you and I only wanted you to be the best version of yourself— and when I look at who you are now, I can see that you are.
I know you wished for more time with us. You wanted to give us so much— not just grandchildren, but a new Orynth, a better world— but what you did not realise was that there was nothing you needed to give us, there was nothing we wanted you to give; because having you as a daughter has been everything I have ever needed or wanted. You are my pride and joy and I love you with everything that I am.
The greatest honour of my life has been being your father; and when the time comes, your mother and I will be waiting for you in the afterlife.
Do not cry for what you have lost, but rejoice for the times to come.
I love you more than you will ever know.
Until we meet again,
Pappa
